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I guess I miss spoke yesterday, doesn't change much I just forgot the initial day I posted and said I am done. Today makes day 6 instead of yesterday. Still happy though!
To not drink and probably chainsaw some trees honestly lol
Not a problem. I apologize too. I've gotta be a little more respectful. Plus, I didn't even make it clear initially how much previous AA I had done. In that context everything you said made more sense. Sorry!
I definitely want to spread the word of what worked for me. You're just doing the same. No harm in people having two options! Plus, Naltrexone should probably always be accompanied by AA, at least at first. I think everyone, even those who hate it, can learn a lot, especially early on.
I have a drink problem. I don't consider myself an alcoholic but I am a binge drinker, and 90% of the time I have a few drinks, I end up drinking until the morning and getting blackout drunk.
When I was younger I didn't think it was a problem because I only ever drink socially, never alone, I don't enjoy being drunk by myself. Binge drinking wasn't just socially acceptable here (London), it was the cultural norm.
While I was drinking very heavily I had a high tolerance and would rarely be sloppy drunk, no falling over or vomiting or fighting or anything. Memory loss and hangovers were about the worst effects of my drinking.
But as I've got older, and drink a little less frequently, my tolerance has disappeared but I'm still drinking way too much in an average session. The blackouts are getting worse, i'm repeating myself, forgetting large swathes of my night.
Last week I got so drunk that I fell over, hurt my hand and don't remember how I got home, and i'm worried I'm going to get myself into trouble.
I decided I wouldn't drink this weekend, but got handed a beer at work at the end of the day and persuaded to go to a bar.
Ended up getting home at 7.30am covered in mud with a grazed knee and my brand new phone's screen smashed. I don't even remember falling over.
My hangovers last for days now and I feel shit about the productivity I am losing out on. I'm putting on weight, it's draining my finances, and of course it's incredibly bad for my health.
I really wish I could control my drinking but it's clear that I can't.
I've abstained from drinking before, the longest was for ten weeks, to prove to myself I could do it. But that was during Jan/Feb when very little is happening, and it was a boring ten weeks if i'm honest.
I'm socially dependent on alcohol. I feel incredibly socially awkward when i'm sober.
I find it incredibly difficult to speak to new people if i'm sober, and I even feel a little awkward around my closest friends which is sad. I would probably see a lot less of my friends if I didn't drink. When I see my friends it is almost always to go for a drink, I can't imagine ever meeting a male friend for dinner or coffee or whatever.
I love going to the pub, I love beer, and I really don't want to have to stop drinking altogether, the thought scares me.
I like the person I become after 2-3 drinks, I feel happy and confident, more sociable, I feel like the best version of myself.
I just hate the person I become after 10+ drinks.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I need to stop drinking but I just don't know if I can.
When I was younger I didn't think it was a problem because I only ever drink socially, never alone, I don't enjoy being drunk by myself. Binge drinking wasn't just socially acceptable here (London), it was the cultural norm.
While I was drinking very heavily I had a high tolerance and would rarely be sloppy drunk, no falling over or vomiting or fighting or anything. Memory loss and hangovers were about the worst effects of my drinking.
But as I've got older, and drink a little less frequently, my tolerance has disappeared but I'm still drinking way too much in an average session. The blackouts are getting worse, i'm repeating myself, forgetting large swathes of my night.
Last week I got so drunk that I fell over, hurt my hand and don't remember how I got home, and i'm worried I'm going to get myself into trouble.
I decided I wouldn't drink this weekend, but got handed a beer at work at the end of the day and persuaded to go to a bar.
Ended up getting home at 7.30am covered in mud with a grazed knee and my brand new phone's screen smashed. I don't even remember falling over.
My hangovers last for days now and I feel shit about the productivity I am losing out on. I'm putting on weight, it's draining my finances, and of course it's incredibly bad for my health.
I really wish I could control my drinking but it's clear that I can't.
I've abstained from drinking before, the longest was for ten weeks, to prove to myself I could do it. But that was during Jan/Feb when very little is happening, and it was a boring ten weeks if i'm honest.
I'm socially dependent on alcohol. I feel incredibly socially awkward when i'm sober.
I find it incredibly difficult to speak to new people if i'm sober, and I even feel a little awkward around my closest friends which is sad. I would probably see a lot less of my friends if I didn't drink. When I see my friends it is almost always to go for a drink, I can't imagine ever meeting a male friend for dinner or coffee or whatever.
I love going to the pub, I love beer, and I really don't want to have to stop drinking altogether, the thought scares me.
I like the person I become after 2-3 drinks, I feel happy and confident, more sociable, I feel like the best version of myself.
I just hate the person I become after 10+ drinks.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I need to stop drinking but I just don't know if I can.
22 days sober. I've never had a drinking problem and have definitely had longer intervals than this without drinking. But this gaps feels especially potent because I'm realizing just how little I actually enjoy drinking in any way shape or form.
Use whatever you did before you discovered alcohol and drugs. Unlearning our destructive behaviors is very important.
Fright Zone I'd strongly challenge your idea that the best version of yourself is after a few drinks. If you believe that then I'd work on your self esteem. Sobriety is an inside job as much as it is stopping drinking.
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I don't think the socialising techniques I used as a child would be applicable to my current adult life.
It doesn't sound like your current ways are serving you too well, so maybe try a different way of living.
Easier said than done.
How do you raise your self esteem? I honestly have no idea.
I write for a career and for a hobby, and I know there's a cliché about writing and alcohol, but I've found it true. At some point, I began to associate "good" work with the ideas I'd form and the sentences I'd write after roughly three beers.
Eventually that number became four. Then five. Then six, where it sits today. But I recognize that soon it will be seven. And the quality of the writing is, of course, worse than when sober and worse than when the number of drinks was three.
It's an unhealthy association that I will need to break sooner rather than later, but I'm not sure it's alcoholism. I would say it isn't, actually. It's more of a psychological behavior that was originally reinforced by a few flukes where the stuff I wrote while drinking was very good.
Of course, I can't compare it to what I would have written if I had been sober on those days, so it's all bullshit. But I can't seem to coach myself into not buying it. Which is logically moronic, but just where I am.
Eventually that number became four. Then five. Then six, where it sits today. But I recognize that soon it will be seven. And the quality of the writing is, of course, worse than when sober and worse than when the number of drinks was three.
It's an unhealthy association that I will need to break sooner rather than later, but I'm not sure it's alcoholism. I would say it isn't, actually. It's more of a psychological behavior that was originally reinforced by a few flukes where the stuff I wrote while drinking was very good.
Of course, I can't compare it to what I would have written if I had been sober on those days, so it's all bullshit. But I can't seem to coach myself into not buying it. Which is logically moronic, but just where I am.
Been smoking pot off and on for three decades and I finally ditched it for good - threw my pipes, herb, bong and grinder away last week. I can now put that cash towards paying off my mortgage earlier.
I started drinking just before dating seriously and it got bad 3 years after, and I stopped another 2 years later. Once I built up sobriety over time my endorphins kicked in and I'm my goofy self. All of the conversations still happened and I'm easier to start conversations. If you're an alcoholic your alcoholic brain will come up with all sorts of rationalizations about how booze is a useful tool.
LOL before alcohol I was a teen athlete with a clown persona to mask my unhappiness. Maybe I should start working out and making people laugh again with my wit.
Honestly, I don't even know if this will help you but what got me through the hump was weed and not having much of a social life (less nights out meant less social pressure). Weed helped with alcohol withdrawal symptoms and I would pop an edible during nights out instead of drinking. After several months I feel like my biological relationship with alcohol just changed. I don't think about alcohol as much as I used to, I'm not tempted to drink while out at all, and it's overall taking up much less of my mental thoughts. I've gone 8 months without it and am doing fine.
As for self esteem, seek a therapist to help with your underlying issues and pay attention to your mood. You think 2-3 drinks is your best self probably because you're in a feel good mood then. Try to start a workout regimen while you're at it. When I was in better shape, after a tough workout my mood for the day would be at a nice enough point where I wouldn't necesarily need to drink to socialize. Your journey is going to be tough and you will have friends that will undermine your effort to drink less.
How long did it take your endorphins to kick in?
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I mean, that's basically alcoholism in a nut shell. I have no interest in labeling though. But those connections in the brain, getting positive reinforcement through the action of drinking to the point where the association is so hard to break that it causes issues, is a core of alcoholism and addiction in general.
It's why I love naltrexone/the Sinclair method. Allows you to reset those connections, undoing the addiction and returning the brain to a pre-addiction state.
No self help, no cult, just science.
Like, there's an effective medical treatment for alcoholism and problems with alcohol, it's just not widely known or used (accepting Finland, I believe). And is, traditionally, inexplicably hard for some to attain, given its efficacy and safety. After attaining, the psychological barrier for "starting your recovery" is non-existent. Just take a pill an hour before you drink. Your issues with regards to alcohol will improve immediately and drastically.
It can also be used for what Sinclair called "pharmalogical extinction", which here means the process of ending a behavior that has repeatedly been rewarded. Think ringing Pavlov's bell, without giving food. Eventually that pupper stops salivating.
78% learn to control their drinking on naltrexone, 28% extinction rate. Where AA requires a desire to stop drinking, naltrexone requires a desire to control drinking (could be 1 social drink when out, could be extinction). Making it a way better early choice for people who have barriers with quitting, and for those earlier on who maybe haven't totally screwed up their life with booze yet (a very hard group to sell on something like AA, which typically only gets used after some form of rock bottom.)
Naltrexone is easy, and should be used preventatively. Unfortunately, it usually requires finding a doc willing to listen and be educated about a treatment method most of them have never heard of and that flies in the face of typical addiction treatments. (Speaking with the US in mind, here. It's over the counter in some countries.)
Dont worry about the label though, its irrelevant. Worry about the impact it has on your life, and any difficulty breaking/changing the connection. If you need/want to write every day, a 6 beer muse is not really sustainable or healthy, I can say that much! Good luck!
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Honestly, this is good advice y'all. I was very nervous about an annual social function I attend and I've never gone there without drinking. I think going all year without drinking has generally helped my anxiety a lot. My social anxiety during the night out was manageable and I didn't need my social lubricant at all.
A year ago I couldn't have predicted this. Now it's time to do the hard work and find the old me.
hi, I was hungover all weekend, I still feel like garbage, I need to be clean
it really sucks because I basically mostly drink alone so I can't even play video games or remember a lot of the shows i watch. it keeps me from making the most of my personal time. I binged the whole second season of Mindhunter and I couldn't tell you what happened at all. crazy thing is this drinking doesn't interfere with my work or my social life at all. it's like just when I'm alone I'm punishing myself
I need to be clean. I have health goals and personal athletic goals this is keeping me from. I want to be able to read a book
it really sucks because I basically mostly drink alone so I can't even play video games or remember a lot of the shows i watch. it keeps me from making the most of my personal time. I binged the whole second season of Mindhunter and I couldn't tell you what happened at all. crazy thing is this drinking doesn't interfere with my work or my social life at all. it's like just when I'm alone I'm punishing myself
I need to be clean. I have health goals and personal athletic goals this is keeping me from. I want to be able to read a book
It took hundreds of tries before I finally did it. I remember one of the times I "quit" drinking, it had been years since I tried and I had been on a 2-3 month long run. It was the longest I'd been sober in years. I decided to rent the new Mad Max, really the first time I'd watched a movie sober in years. It was a crisp, cool winter day, I had the windows open, sun was shining, birds were chirping, I had the day off, it was a perfect day and the movie was amazing!!! I didn't have drunk double vision going on, I didn't have to rewind parts because I couldn't understand what was happening and most importantly, I remembered it!
I started drinking again a month later (I think that was around March 2015) and tried a hundred more times before I finally got sober in July of 2018. One of the things that helped me finally commit to getting sober was thinking about all those beautiful days I was missing out on doing things like watching movies, playing video games, coffee and a good book in the morning, going to the beach, kayaking, working out, going for a jog or a bike, going to the arcade with my niece and nephew, visiting my parents, practicing music, going out on a date.... I was missing so much.
I missed having those things in my life so hard that it would make me cry, and at the end of the day, I was absolutely miserable.
I never know if my words are going to help anyone, I'm trying to do exactly that but I never know. But maybe you could try focusing on the opportunities sobriety will offer. Focus on making the sacrifices of the short term comfort of alcohol for the long term gains and beautiful days of being sober.
Drinking just isn't worth it. It sucks. It's lonely and empty and unfulfilling. It'll never be enough. It will never make your heart feel as full as all of the things you truly enjoy doing. So give it up and take your life back.
After I quit drinking I got all those things back and everyday since then has been lovely. You can do it! Good luck!
Great post, and let me post an inverse example.
I remember the day I started drinking again after the first time I really "quit" (3 months). It was my birthday. I woke up that day feeling so refreshed. I could see the sun dancing in my apartment, I had a short day at work that day, and I had talked to my parents on Skype that morning, who had wished me a happy birthday. I had plans for dinner and a movie with friends that night. I spent my half day off enjoying the weather, playing Castlevania, and really, really noticing how much more perceptive and aware I was of everything. No blackouts to worry about in months, total control of my life, no residual guilt and no consequences to deal with. I felt free, and like my drinking days were just a weird nightmare.
That night I had a glass of wine at dinner. Three weeks later I was right back where I was before I quit. All that clarity, lost. Blackouts again. Doing embarrassing things while drunk. Gaining weight and feeling physically and mentally worse.
It is a night and day difference between being an alcoholic and being sober. You laid it out really well. I guess what I'm saying is that you should always strive for a better life, and never get too confident just because you've put some distance between you and your demons.
Best of luck to everyone trying to stay sober.
I should have been more clear that I choose not to write under the influence 90% of the time. Once every few weeks for a deadline or bad writer's block, I'll slip up and con myself. That's the portion that puts me on the fence. But I'm admittedly ignorant of what alcoholism looks like in a practical sense.
And you're right - simply having the belief puts me on a slippery slope. As does generations of alcoholism, rampant throughout my extended family on both sides. Thanks for the reply. Very well put, and I have a lot to think about.
You sound a lot like me, you can do it I promise. Really I would have been on the road of keeping this up if my side didn't start hurting. It was a night and day decision for me, its been a little over 2 weeks now and I am feeling a hell of a lot better.
Beautiful post.
You hit the nail on the head. When you stop drinking, everything opens up. I've told my fiance since I've stopped drinking I feel "free".
- I don't need to worry about if the place we're going out to has alcohol.
- I don't need to feel stressed and rushed when my daughter won't go to bed early so I can continue to drink in the evening.
- I don't need to skip meals or chug water all day in anticipation of the 6 IPAs I would be crushing that night.
I can focus on myself, my family and my health/weight loss. That sounds just fine to me.
You sound very much like me. I seem to be naturally getting just fed up of it now and the late nights have been eradicated. I'm going off the taste of beer as well.
I'm not sure if I should continue cutting down like this till it's at an acceptable level or if I should do something more extreme. I think an acceptable level for me would be no more than 3/4 units 1-2 nights a week.
nah man, every addict says that about them self and we're always wrong. you're never a failure until you give up trying completely. as long as you're making an attempt, no matter how many time you start over, you're winning.
how are thing going? come back and say what's up
How's the sobriety and exercise/diet/career going?
how are things? still strength training?
yo! love reading these old posts, everything still going alright for you? keep comin back we'd love to hear from you
Wow. How did you know I needed to be asked this today? I am doing ok on the career side but could always be better. But I have been off track on the food aspect the past two weeks and I feel it, and see it on the scale. I missed my check-in in the weight loss thread but will be back today. I have not smoked pot since I posted the message that you quoted here, but I did attempt to drink a beer last night after not having any for a week and you know what? Couldnt finish it. Turned me way off. So pot and alchohol Ive made good progress on kicking out, and I am sitting here illustrating as I read your quote so career wise I am focused, but the food thing has a strangle hold on me. I keep sabotaging myself. I have erased all the weight loss progress Ive made this year. But today, is a new day, and I am eating healthy today. I really want to be done with food sabotage, but that one has been a burden for my whole life, not a relatively recent one as pot and alchohol.
At any rate I really appreciate the reply. Feels good that my post actually garnered a reply and makes me feel like we really do have a supoort network here. I really appreciate it and needed to hear from someone.
Awesome Kev do you do a formal recovery program or did you get all this perspective just by being sober? Kudos to you - you have a lot of gratitude and really give back to others.
absolutely! the universe just works out nicely like that sometimes :)
and it is a great support group, it certainly helped me get to over a year sober now. no weed, no alcohol, no coke, no pills, nothin but sugar and caffeine (and i cut back on that too).
i gotta be honest, it sounds like you're doing great! not everyday is going to be perfect, i stopped and started and stopped and started literally hundreds of times before i got to where i am now. the key was to always, always, always keep trying, no matter how many tries it took.
you can do it. in your case, you're so far ahead of where you used to be, that you're already on better footing to pick yourself up and keep on truckin.
as for health/exercise, here's what i looked like after years of destroying my body with drugs and alcohol
i started and stopped a hundred more times after those pics were taken, but i kept going no matter how any times i betrayed myself. the picture in my avatar was taken about a year ago, and i'm not gonna lie, i don't look like that right now. i'm getting outta shape again, but i know i'm going to get back on that wagon because the actions i've taken in my past have proven that i can do it. it's just like you said, everyday is a new day, a new opportunity to get out there and take control.
you're doing great, keep up the hard work, and keep comin back. hearing these kind of success stories really helps all of us continue on our sobriety journeys.
just by being sober and posting here! and yeah man that's what it's all about. it really helps me to offer my words to others, because i know that's what this thread did for me. maybe i would have benefited from a more formal recovery program, but i'm such an introvert this was much more attractive to me. plus, i spent way too much fuckin time on Era to begin so might as well, lol.
thanks! i know you ad Cybit also contribute monstrously here and i know it has helped me get sober and i'm sure countless others, so thank you!
absolutely! the universe just works out nicely like that sometimes :)
and it is a great support group, it certainly helped me get to over a year sober now. no weed, no alcohol, no coke, no pills, nothin but sugar and caffeine (and i cut back on that too).
i gotta be honest, it sounds like you're doing great! not everyday is going to be perfect, i stopped and started and stopped and started literally hundreds of times before i got to where i am now. the key was to always, always, always keep trying, no matter how many tries it took.
you can do it. in your case, you're so far ahead of where you used to be, that you're already on better footing to pick yourself up and keep on truckin.
as for health/exercise, here's what i looked like after years of destroying my body with drugs and alcohol
i started and stopped a hundred more times after those pics were taken, but i kept going no matter how any times i betrayed myself. the picture in my avatar was taken about a year ago, and i'm not gonna lie, i don't look like that right now. i'm getting outta shape again, but i know i'm going to get back on that wagon because the actions i've taken in my past have proven that i can do it. it's just like you said, everyday is a new day, a new opportunity to get out there and take control.
you're doing great, keep up the hard work, and keep comin back. hearing these kind of success stories really helps all of us continue on our sobriety journeys.
Dude for real you gonna make me cry. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. And yeah, Im gonna keep coming to this thread. Cant tell you how much it means to me to have the support you and others have offered and to know I share my struggle. Have a great and productive week!
The acknowledgement and acceptance that "I can't do this alone" was a huge step for me finding some happiness.
Some of the guru spiritual types say "the opposite of addiction is connection"... I sometimes buy it.
Keep using this thread for support but I recommend keeping your mind open to other kinds of help too as they come your way.
Thanks man. Things are going ok. Been sober about a week. Still trying. I'm able to stay in a few weekends and then I get pulled into getting drunk at a wedding or a birthday or something and end up getting plastered and spending 100s of dollars. But I have been killing in the gym and training super hard lately and thats been helping me want to stay away from it more. I just cant wait for summer to be over. Plan on not drinking this long weekend. My FOMO hasn't been so bad since I stopped using Facebook and Instagram but I still get sent messages to my phone of friends out drinking at the beach or bar with a bunch of women and thats usually what gets me. But I am in save money/get healthy mode right now.
anyone else get a lot of acne after quitting? Its been about a month since I quit, and I never had acne before this, but now I seem to be getting a ton of tiny ones on my forehead.
Aside from that, is your diet okay? When I'm not drinking I find myself eating a lot of really shitty stuff that definitely doesn't help my skin.
I drink water like its my job, like at LEAST a gallon a day, and my diet is plant based. I have added sparkling water to things I drink now, never used to drink anything soda related. But its the Aldi brand that has 2 ingredients, carbonated water, flavoring. Other than that I can't really think of much that has changed other than the obvious quitting alcohol? Can it be stress related maybe? I don't really feel that stressed lately, but I also used to go home and wash away my emotions with alcohol instead of deal with them before.
Hey all. Yesterday was a hard day for me. Still reeling and the worst part is being unable to really regulate my mental state after a bad binge. Compensated this morning by having a lot of coffee now I'm jittering. Getting ready for a weekend trip with my girlfriend and I just wanna be good
Hit my 1 year yesterday. My wife got me a fancy 1 year medallion. Certainly means a lot coming from her and all the crap I used to put her through.
6 and a half weeks and I feel like a different person. I can think so clearly. I experienced this last time, too, but it's crazy without the peer pressure to drink that I had at my old job/old city. I don't feel the need to drink, I don't spend all day looking forward to it, and being sober isn't even the focus of my life. I'm not fighting off any demons - I'm just living my life again.
I will say, I am extraordinarily bored sometimes, and there is nothing to get me through bouts of existential dread or depression anymore. I'm playing a lot of video games and watching a lot of TV, which I guess is better than getting plastered.
Got a new job, maybe that will help with that. I hate working, too, but that's a different story.
I will say, I am extraordinarily bored sometimes, and there is nothing to get me through bouts of existential dread or depression anymore. I'm playing a lot of video games and watching a lot of TV, which I guess is better than getting plastered.
Got a new job, maybe that will help with that. I hate working, too, but that's a different story.
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time, but today is a new day! forget about the weekend and only focus on today, that is what always helps me
That is awesome! I just hit my one month and my wife made me a sweet little paper coin drawing, it was really nice of her.
I wish I had better suggestions for passing time, I personally do about the same as you, tv, games, draw some, work in the yard. Basically I just try to find things to fill my time instead.
It was recommended to me and I suggest to socialize (in person, not internet), reach out, talk to others when bored. Focusing on or thinking about someone other than myself makes it easier. Admittedly this is my last instinct, but it always helps. The isolation is what gets us.
Hell, maybe just get out of where you're relaxing and do it in a public place or a coffee shop so you're amongst people.
Monster Hunter World and FFXIV definitely have gotten me through some boring times in my sobriety lol.
Welp - for the first time in a couple years, I am just over a week with no alcohol. It's been easier than I thought as I've just thrown myself into gym, work, and other video games, while avoiding FFXIV. FFXIV was my game I'd come home and just settle into and drink along with.
Biggest thing I've noticed is my Fitbit's reading of my resting heart rate. It's dropped substantially in a week alone. Visible and immediate health effects are pretty fricken' motivating to me.
Biggest thing I've noticed is my Fitbit's reading of my resting heart rate. It's dropped substantially in a week alone. Visible and immediate health effects are pretty fricken' motivating to me.
Welp - for the first time in a couple years, I am just over a week with no alcohol. It's been easier than I thought as I've just thrown myself into gym, work, and other video games, while avoiding FFXIV. FFXIV was my game I'd come home and just settle into and drink along with.
Biggest thing I've noticed is my Fitbit's reading of my resting heart rate. It's dropped substantially in a week alone. Visible and immediate health effects are pretty fricken' motivating to me.
You may just want to stop at a grocery story that has one of those blood pressure machines and get that checked out. Mine was dangerously high when I quit but improved quickly. Diastolic too.
I'm just on the high side currently, been keeping an eye on it about once a week keeping a log in case it ever went bad to go to a doctor over.
I work in the medical field, they make sure you know your numbers, haha.
That's really responsible of you.
Congrats on the week! It just keeps getting better from here.
7 days in!! It was pretty rad to not wake up with a hangover at all this weekend. My partner is still currently drinking, but they've been very considerate about my needs.
Instead I enjoyed Welch's sparking juice, just to have something a bit different than water for when I would normally drink. Which was pretty much EVERY Friday and Saturday night and sometimes way more days.
I'm a little worried about when I have a bad day after this. But I have lots of hobbies to hopefully distract myself with. So thankfully feeling confident!
Instead I enjoyed Welch's sparking juice, just to have something a bit different than water for when I would normally drink. Which was pretty much EVERY Friday and Saturday night and sometimes way more days.
I'm a little worried about when I have a bad day after this. But I have lots of hobbies to hopefully distract myself with. So thankfully feeling confident!
That's awesome! great job! I also drink sparkling water as a replacement for myself, personally went with Aldi's brand since its bare minimum ingredients