Please excuse my ignorance. It's important for me to state up front that I have no issue with Sonicfox stating that he's gay. This post has less to do with the obvious upset this has inexplicably caused and more to do with the "lactose intolerant" statement. There's inevitably going to be a connection drawn, but I don't intend it that way.
That being said, it would annoy the hell out of me if in every interaction we have together you stated, "I'm lactose intolerant." It's the "We get it, you vape" meme.
The clear difference in this case being that lactose intolerant people and folks who vape aren't oppressed by years of negativity. I just don't think your analogy works the same, is all.
But hey, maybe there's a more obvious way these things go together that I'm not seeing.
This is an interesting topic. Thanks for all the insightful posts, all.
I think the "we get it you vape" meme is inherently flawed. It exists because you want to dislike people who vape because they are different (they vape), because it challenges the way you yourself act (you smoke regular cigarettes/you don't smoke). Because you dislike this difference between you and them, you (your memory) remember better the occurences during which the topic was brought.
Thaat's what the tweet in the OP is about.
That is to say, with the milk example: your friend is lactose intolerant.
And somehow, almost every time milk is brought up in a conversation (or allergies, or diets), this friend speaks about how he is lactose intolerant (because someone present doesn't know, or because it is actualy relevant to the conversation). And you remember this more easily, because it makes you think about the way you eat, or the way you cook (if you are hosting your friend for example). And so, every time you think about your friend, the fact he is lactose intolerant is among the first thing you think about. Somehow, you now believe he never stops talking about this. Because the regular conversations you have with him, well, they are that, regular conversations. You don't necessarily remember them, or the topics brought up, but lactose intolerance is not one of those.
And now, every time your friend brings lactose intolerance to the table, you'll get annoyed because you (your memory) will think you always talk about it when you are with him. So, not "every interaction" you have together are about lactose intolerance, but your brain surely remembers it as if.
Now if you replace "lactose intolerance" with "I'm gay". Let's say you get annoyed by it, is it homophobia ? I think it might be in a way. Your brain remembers this particular sentence more than others because it stands out to
you. Why does it stand out ?
Because you are not confortable with someone being open with their sexuality ? In that case, that would not be homophobia, but it's still something to work on, imo.
Because you are not confortable with homosexuality being brought up ? Then I really can't see this as anything other than homophobia: you are okay with the sentence "I'm straight", but not okay with "I'm gay".
Think to yourself, you say you would be annoyed by the lactose intolerant friend, would you be too if anytime you brings milk/diets/allergies in a conversation someone said "I'm NOT lactose intolerant"? If so, it just means you are not interested in the subject, and so you would like to stop talking about milk completely.
The "we get it you vape" meme is stupid because it's a rejection of something new. People who use it do not care if someone smokes, or doesn't smoke. But they care if they vape. Because it's new, unusual, and they think it looks stupid or something.
It's the same with homosexuality. Gay people weren't so open about it before. And so straight people might have "discovered" it was real. It was not just a thing of fiction, kept for other people: maybe one of their friend or family was actually gay all this time. And they did not like it, because people dislike the unkown. To them, it was like a cold shower: they do not live in their fantasied world where every one is somehow straight.
And so they need to change their entire conception of the world. And that is a scary thing to do: challenging what you have heard and been taught you entire life, when you already are a grown-up, (you know, the one that is supposed to be wise and knowledgeable) is a hard thing to do. That is why it took centuries for the flat earth theories to be challenged, because people wanted to live in what they thought was the truth. Becausestaying true to what you already knaw (or think you know) is easier than challenging your entire conception of the world.
Because if the entire world is
not how you thought it was, then what does that mean about you ? Maybe you are not who you think you are, maybe you are a bad person. And that thought is scary.
(Edit: also, I'm not sure if I'm clear enough here, but when I say "you", I'm not talking about you specifically, just a random guy who would be annoyed by all this)
So, imo, being annoyed by him saying "I'm gay" is a form of homophobia (or prudishness ?). You say you would be annoyed by the lactose intolerant guy. But that is in the case where indeed every time you speaks to him, no matter the topic, he brought it up. But that is unlikely, and that is not the case with Sonicfox.
Even if it was indeed the case. Even if your gay friend did bring the topic every times he opens his mouth. What does it say about him ? It's not just a call for attention or something, but maybe it is rather because he was bullied because of it and had to hide it, or his parents were being homophobic in front of him and so he couldn't talk about it to them. I don't know, some more psychological stuff. But the thing is, if he does talk about it with you, it's because he feels confortable enough to do so with you. And you shouldn't try to keep him shut. If he needs to talk about it, then let it be. It's never okay to keep things such as this inside one's self. So don't try to shut him up, or tell him that's the only thing he ever talks about. Be supportive, engage in the conversation, and maybe, with time, this will stop, because he doesn't feel the need to anymore.
