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Study of online dating: Dude, She’s (Exactly 25 Percent) Out of Your League

Thunder11

Thunder11

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,951
I read the article. I liked the point about no one messaging anyone less desirable than they are - probably true.

Also, as a guy, if you're not white, online dating sucks, unless you're in a big city or you're abnormally Attractive. Ive seen middling white guys dominate over very good looking non white guys of all races (height, success level being equal) - to the point where they get 3-4x the number of matches. (On an app like tinder)
 
sphagnum

sphagnum

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
16,058
"Your online-dating experience is not as bad as this poor woman's in New York.

"The most popular individual in our four cities, a 30-year-old woman living in New York, received 1504 messages during the period of observation," the study says. This is "equivalent to one message every 30 min, day and night, for the entire month." Yikes."

I really want to see this person's profile.
 
xbhaskarx

xbhaskarx

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
5,143
NorCal
Damn that sucks for women...

In the study, men's desirability peaks at age 50. But women's desirability starts high at age 18 and falls throughout their lifespan.

How Age Affects Online-Dating Desirability Among Heterosexual Men and Women
6de2f9376.png
 
Kieli

Kieli

Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 28, 2017
3,736
xbhaskarx said:
Damn that sucks for women...

In the study, men's desirability peaks at age 50. But women's desirability starts high at age 18 and falls throughout their lifespan.

How Age Affects Online-Dating Desirability Among Heterosexual Men and Women
6de2f9376.png
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Online dating is a woman's market. I wouldn't worry too much.
 
Sectorseven

Sectorseven

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,560
For years I remember people saying the most attractive women actually don't get asked out that often, because men are intimidated by them. Of course, with the interwebs it's a lot simpler to do.
 
Rhomega

Rhomega

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,656
Arizona
- Women's prospects dim not only as they age, but as they achieve the highest level of education.

Shame. A 40-something doctorate holder sounds hot to me.
 

SRG01

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,021
Kieli said:
Online dating is a woman's market. I wouldn't worry too much.
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I have to concur on this, based on the anecdotal evidence of my immediate friends. They have zero issues getting matches or people to talk to, but it's a matter of those people actually panning out.

It's like what the article says: almost everyone engages in aspirational dating. Even my ex and her peers, who trend on the younger side of 20s, all admitted that they had large checklists. Compare that to my 30-something peers, and our 'checklists' are often honesty, nice, genuine, and is reasonably attractive... but even that can be seen as aspirational.

cj_iwakura said:
If women really do get that many messages, it must take a razor sharp wit to get a reply. I feel marginally better.
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In the heyday of POF, I had one friend that received two hundred messages in one day. Now, she didn't say whether some were from the same person, but it's pretty unreal.

My other friend recently told me that women are just overwhelmed by online dating sites -- and men react badly when their messages are ignored. That's why apps like Tinder and Bumble are so popular; messages and matches are easily controlled.
 
Desi

Desi

Member
Oct 30, 2017
4,210
sphagnum said:
"The most popular individual in our four cities, a 30-year-old woman living in New York, received 1504 messages during the period of observation," the study says. This is "equivalent to one message every 30 min, day and night, for the entire month." Yikes."
.
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Yeah i would only message a girl if she was online because getting lost in the flood was too common for a 5'5 black guy.
 
Messofanego

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,245
UK
- Men did not find more success when they sent happy messages.

Across all four cities, men tended to use less positive language when messaging more desirable women. They may have stumbled upon this strategy through trial and error because "in all four cities, men experience slightly lower reply rates when they write more positively worded messages."​
Oh, didn't expect that but it makes sense cause being overly nice and showering with compliments is such an overused strategy.
 
lenovox1

lenovox1

Member
Oct 26, 2017
8,995
Messofanego said:
- Men did not find more success when they sent happy messages.

Across all four cities, men tended to use less positive language when messaging more desirable women. They may have stumbled upon this strategy through trial and error because "in all four cities, men experience slightly lower reply rates when they write more positively worded messages."​
Oh, didn't expect that but it makes sense cause being overly nice and showering with compliments is such an overused strategy.
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I'm sure this is very different for the gays and the men that like men, but I'm find that even I send guys I don't consider as attractive as I am, "Hi!", and guys that I'm considering flucking a "Hey," on Grindr.

I think "trial and error" explains it, but I also don't think it actually matters or makes sense. I personally usually only reply to messages if I "feel" like it on apps and I'm FAR more likely to reply myself if I see a positive message or compliment. It may be locally cultural. In the areas they chose, the people are always joked about having "cold" personalities.

(I'm in Vegas, where the dating market seems "cooler" and more transactional.)
 
Polioliolio

Polioliolio

Member
Nov 6, 2017
5,399
Messofanego said:
- Men did not find more success when they sent happy messages.

Across all four cities, men tended to use less positive language when messaging more desirable women. They may have stumbled upon this strategy through trial and error because "in all four cities, men experience slightly lower reply rates when they write more positively worded messages."​
Oh, didn't expect that but it makes sense cause being overly nice and showering with compliments is such an overused strategy.
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It's also a turn off, I'm sure, though unclear if one if those eggs was chickened by the other.
 

Bleepey

Banned
Nov 11, 2017
1,152
SRG01 said:
I have to concur on this, based on the anecdotal evidence of my immediate friends. They have zero issues getting matches or people to talk to, but it's a matter of those people actually panning out.

It's like what the article says: almost everyone engages in aspirational dating. Even my ex and her peers, who trend on the younger side of 20s, all admitted that they had large checklists. Compare that to my 30-something peers, and our 'checklists' are often honesty, nice, genuine, and is reasonably attractive... but even that can be seen as aspirational.



In the heyday of POF, I had one friend that received two hundred messages in one day. Now, she didn't say whether some were from the same person, but it's pretty unreal.

My other friend recently told me that women are just overwhelmed by online dating sites -- and men react badly when their messages are ignored. That's why apps like Tinder and Bumble are so popular; messages and matches are easily controlled.
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I met a Asian girl that was built like a pornstar. Gorgeous, huuuuge tits you name it. She had literally 1000s of unread messages.
 
Manmademan

Manmademan

Election Thread Watcher
Member
Aug 6, 2018
16,063
Thunder11 said:
I read the article. I liked the point about no one messaging anyone less desirable than they are - probably true.

Also, as a guy, if you're not white, online dating sucks, unless you're in a big city or you're abnormally Attractive. Ive seen middling white guys dominate over very good looking non white guys of all races (height, success level being equal) - to the point where they get 3-4x the number of matches. (On an app like tinder)
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I'm so old I've never had to do online dating, so never had this experience.

But offline? Never a problem. Phenomenally successful dating life across most ethnicities. And I'm a black guy that's 5'7 on a good day.

Even after I got married (5 years ago this year!) I still get propositions from women that straight up don't care. It's the most bizarre thing in the world.

I am in/near a fairly large city though so there's that.
 

AlsoZ

Member
Oct 29, 2017
3,003
komaruR said:
so are men like an aging liquor where it gets better as it age?
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Simple fact of the matter is that men can compensate declining looks with wealth, status and experience as they age - which doesn't work for women since men typically don't care much about those things.

Also, always remember two important facts about online dating:
- People will directly, linearly attribute better personalities to better looking people
- Women tend to rate most men as below average looking, while men's rating of women is a neat little normal distribution
 
Wrighteous86

Wrighteous86

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,145
Chicago
sphagnum said:
"Your online-dating experience is not as bad as this poor woman's in New York.

"The most popular individual in our four cities, a 30-year-old woman living in New York, received 1504 messages during the period of observation," the study says. This is "equivalent to one message every 30 min, day and night, for the entire month." Yikes."

I really want to see this person's profile.
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You and over 1504 other people.
 
Anthony Mooch

Anthony Mooch

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,791
I mean don't men swipe right on everyone and then just unmatch the uglies but women pick and choose who they want so because of this it balances out
 

Deleted member 35077

Self-requested ban
Banned
Dec 1, 2017
3,999
Sheesh, I thought dating sites were competitive but this is way more than I expected. Kinda shocking with the amount of messenges women get.
 

Avinash117

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,602
komaruR said:
so are men like an aging liquor where it gets better as it age?
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Not a new thing whatsoever, it has been like this for decades and decades, or perhaps centuries .

Basically, like what the other poster said. Men don't necessarily need the looks, but women are valued largely by their looks and not much by other attributes.

As the study has shown:
Women's prospects dim not only as they age, but as they achieve the highest level of education.

A more educated man is almost always more desirable, on average: Men with postgraduate degrees outperform men with bachelor's degrees; men with bachelor's degrees beat high-school graduates.

"But for women, an undergraduate degree is most desirable," the study says. "Postgraduate education is associated with decreased desirability among women."
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Men appears to not desire women with a higher level of education as much. It appears we still are holding on to decades old sensibilities when it comes to dating. The interesting thing is that women are becoming more educated than men and probably receive higher wages. It will definitely shake up the dating marketplace.


If you really think about a lot of these isn't that surprising it is really consistent with how men and women viewed and did romantic relationships for decades or centuries. Men typically value looks and young age for women and men tend to not get into relationships with women that are more educated than they are ( that's changing however). Men are usually the ones that purse relationships, so it makes complete sense that women get hundreds of messages, especially if a woman is considered very attractive.
 
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cj_iwakura

cj_iwakura

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,195
Coral Springs, FL
Avinash117 said:
Not a new thing whatsoever, it has been like this for decades and decades, or perhaps centuries .

Basically, like what the other poster said. Men don't necessarily need the looks, but women are valued largely by their looks and not much by other attributes.

As the study has shown:


Men appears to not desire women with a higher level of education as much. It appears we still are holding on to decades old sensibilities when it comes to dating. The interesting thing is that women are becoming more educated than men and probably receive higher wages. It will definitely shake up the dating marketplace.


If you really think about a lot of these isn't that surprising it is really consistent with how men and women viewed and did romantic relationships for decades or centuries. Men typically value looks and young age for women and men tend to not get into relationships with women that are more educated than they are ( that's changing however). Men are usually the ones that purse relationships, so it makes complete sense that women get hundreds of messages, especially if a woman is considered very attractive.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Personally it's a massive turnoff for me if a person seems uneducated, no matter how attractive they are.
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
22,187
As a male, I require a few things in my partner:

  1. Social
  2. Educated
  3. Financially stable
  4. Communicates
  5. Physically and mentally healthy
All that's needed. I've turned down people who have only had 4/5. Never compromise for your happiness.
 

SRG01

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,021
Anthony Mooch said:
I mean don't men swipe right on everyone and then just unmatch the uglies but women pick and choose who they want so because of this it balances out
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

I thought both Tinder and Bumble actively filter out the candidates they show? I've heard anecdotal evidence that swiping right on everyone actually decreases the quality of potential matches.

Even for me personally, I started getting way better people showing up (even without mutual matches) once I started swiping left more often.

Avinash117 said:
Not a new thing whatsoever, it has been like this for decades and decades, or perhaps centuries .

Basically, like what the other poster said. Men don't necessarily need the looks, but women are valued largely by their looks and not much by other attributes.

As the study has shown:

Men appears to not desire women with a higher level of education as much. It appears we still are holding on to decades old sensibilities when it comes to dating. The interesting thing is that women are becoming more educated than men and probably receive higher wages. It will definitely shake up the dating marketplace.

If you really think about a lot of these isn't that surprising it is really consistent with how men and women viewed and did romantic relationships for decades or centuries. Men typically value looks and young age for women and men tend to not get into relationships with women that are more educated than they are ( that's changing however). Men are usually the ones that purse relationships, so it makes complete sense that women get hundreds of messages, especially if a woman is considered very attractive.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

I personally do not find un-educated women particularly attractive, but I do know that I'm the exception to the norm.
 
cj_iwakura

cj_iwakura

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,195
Coral Springs, FL
SRG01 said:
I thought both Tinder and Bumble actively filter out the candidates they show? I've heard anecdotal evidence that swiping right on everyone actually decreases the quality of potential matches.

Even for me personally, I started getting way better people showing up (even without mutual matches) once I started swiping left more often.



I personally do not find un-educated women particularly attractive, but I do know that I'm the exception to the norm.
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I have a feeling that's a majority here, but a minority overall.
 
Yasuke

Yasuke

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
19,817
What is it about Asian women being held in such high esteem on dating apps/sites?

And that bit about the opposite proving true for black men/women; does that mean black is considered a masculine word?
 

Echelon079

Banned
Mar 26, 2018
63
I had my coworker start a tinder one day for the fuck of it... Within 3-5 minutes she had over 100 "likes". She spent about 30 seconds just swiping right on whomever and maybe about 28 matches, and within another 5 minutes about 19 messages. And 10 minutes after that she had had about 5 people somehow magically find her on Instagram. It was kinda creepy.
 
Nilou

Nilou

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,715
I should try online dating though the idea of it just seems intimidating.

Would be nice to not be alone and I have plenty low/non existent standards that it would be nice for someone to want to spend time/visit me because they want to and not have to sell my body essentially even when I'm not in the mood just to not be alone.
 

Avinash117

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,602
Yasuke said:
What is it about Asian women being held in such high esteem on dating apps/sites?

And that bit about the opposite proving true for black men/women; does that mean black is considered a masculine word?
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One part of it is that Asian women are considered very feminine and Black women are considered the most masculine of women. Generally, men prefer 'feminine' women, plus stereotypes.
 
Chirotera

Chirotera

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
4,278
It's good to know that I never get many matches not because I'm uninteresting, but because I'm unattractive physically (for now, ug, weight loss am I right?)
 
International Iron Man

International Iron Man

Banned
Nov 30, 2017
809
Well shit if I gotta wait until 40 to be seen as desirable then I'm never getting married, I'll just be the old guy that dates 20-somethings because no point of wasting my peak on women who weren't checking for me in my late 20s and 30s.
 
BlueTsunami

BlueTsunami

Member
Oct 29, 2017
8,512
subpar spatula said:
As a male, I require a few things in my partner:

  1. Social
  2. Educated
  3. Financially stable
  4. Communicates
  5. Physically and mentally healthy
All that's needed. I've turned down people who have only had 4/5. Never compromise for your happiness.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

You ever watch Pretty Woman? All that shit goes out the window with subtleties of chemistry. Richard Gere agrees. Checklists are why most people find online dating a miserable experience.
 
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