Really? Because most of what I see are still selfies. Usually all high-and-tight selfies, and sometimes very clearly just multiple shots with them facing one way or the other.
It's either that or a travel catalogue.
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The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse
- Thread starter Cow Mengde
- Start date
Really? Because most of what I see are still selfies. Usually all high-and-tight selfies, and sometimes very clearly just multiple shots with them facing one way or the other.
It's either that or a travel catalogue.
I've had four tinder matches this month and haven't managed to get any to go out so we can actually talk and get to know each other. It's just the occasional text, a tentative plan to meet up, and then a rescheduling. Pretty rough out there. My best luck historically has been reconnecting with old friends who are also single.
I didn't say impossible. I said nearly impossible. It's incredibly difficult to meet new people in your thirties unless you're rich and have a ton of disposable income to throw away on expensive group activities.
Like I spent most of my twenties in improv classes meeting people and that was great, I was constantly making new friends and running into people I was interested in, but I'm 34 now and nobody wants to be the 35-year-old hanging out in classrooms with people mostly in their early 20s looking for "the one". So that's out.
Sondheim wrote a whole musical about that.
Anecdotally, I can say that location is pretty important to dating success. I used to live in a wealthy suburb where almost all young 20-somethings were living with their parents; it was hell. Majority of the women who even matched with me wound up ghosting me, or we went on a date or two and then called it. The few times a date may have led to a hook-up were hellish to figure out. I hooked up with a girl in my car at a parking lot and it was just like... awful. We then managed to find a day where she could come over and we were going to hook up.... my mom took off from work that day LOL. So no dice.
Now I live on my own in Buffalo, which worked out very well for me from the get-go. It's a city so it's pretty densely populated, but it's not too large either so it's not too daunting a task to get a date. Within a week of moving to Buffalo I managed to get a few dates, one of which wound up resulting in a hook-up. Soon after I met my now-girlfriend of almost 2 years! :)
Obviously there are other factors at play, but environment is one of the big ones, imo.
Other factors that contribute to success though? Here's a few:
* Nice pictures. I'm sorry, but this is huge. Not only should you look good in your profile pictures, you should be engaged in interesting or conversation making activities. That being said:
* HONESTY. I can't stress this enough... don't be a snake-oil salesman, just be yourself. My Tinder pictures featured pictures of me hiking, playing around with the sword and shield from Zelda, etc., and my Tinder anthem was the fucking 8-bit Duck Tales theme.
* Swiftness of intent. If you're talking to a potential date on the app, be sure to be quick when gauging interest in them. Start a conversation with them, but don't hesitate to ask for their number after talking for a day.
Now I live on my own in Buffalo, which worked out very well for me from the get-go. It's a city so it's pretty densely populated, but it's not too large either so it's not too daunting a task to get a date. Within a week of moving to Buffalo I managed to get a few dates, one of which wound up resulting in a hook-up. Soon after I met my now-girlfriend of almost 2 years! :)
Obviously there are other factors at play, but environment is one of the big ones, imo.
Other factors that contribute to success though? Here's a few:
* Nice pictures. I'm sorry, but this is huge. Not only should you look good in your profile pictures, you should be engaged in interesting or conversation making activities. That being said:
* HONESTY. I can't stress this enough... don't be a snake-oil salesman, just be yourself. My Tinder pictures featured pictures of me hiking, playing around with the sword and shield from Zelda, etc., and my Tinder anthem was the fucking 8-bit Duck Tales theme.
* Swiftness of intent. If you're talking to a potential date on the app, be sure to be quick when gauging interest in them. Start a conversation with them, but don't hesitate to ask for their number after talking for a day.
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I got into a relationship like a year before the "Tinder Revolution" and I can't imagine how daunting it would be to rejoin the dating pool if I ever had to now. I imagine asking for someone's number and being laughed at as they write down their "Insta" instead.
Read this article this week, and it's a very indepth article about the commodification of dating, really worth reading in full to get the whole context. The "Dating Market" is in quotes because as a concept -- "the market" -- it's critical to the piece.
The article walks through the commercialization of dating, that modern dating from the 19th century up into the 20th and on moved courtship from a non-commercial sphere -- at home, at formal events with family, in small communities, and so on -- into the commercial sphere, and how, along with the shift from rural areas to urban, this all has progressively led to the perception of courtship romance and dating as an economic system, so it's impossible to think of dating on non-economic terms.
It's really a well written/argued piece and I didn't really consider how so much impression of "dating" that I have throughout history is informed by the modern concept of dating. It made me think of watching The Godfather, and how Michael walks through the grape vineyard with Appolonia, when he's in exile in Italy, and the family is all walking about 20 feet behind, and when Appolonia stumbles he catches her arm and all of the old women and children look at each other like "wooooo, look at that!" And it's literally two scenes after he first just saw her, ever, and 3 scenes after that it's their wedding and they're doing it. Watching that scene I always thought "Man it'd be so weird to go on 'a date' with someone and have both of our families 30 paces behind us watching our every move......" But, this article helped couched that in context about how what feels normal at the present time feels like it was *always* normal, but obviously it wasn't. I've always liked the Godfather for those scenes, not understanding why really, and this article helped couched it in some historical perspective.
And also back to the Godfather because, why not every thread should be a Godfather thread, those scenes of Michael and Appolonia courting each other are contrast with relationships in New York: Connie getting beaten up by her husband Carlo who in turn is sleeping around with his mistress, their relationship being the culmination of an Italian-American wedding... a lot of the same traditions as the old country, but slightly different: Michael and Appollonia serve their guests in Italy while guests are served by staff in America, the Italian wedding has a lot of guests who are there to see the couple, while the American wedding has many more guests who are there to asks favors of the Don on his daughter's wedding day, the American marriage is setup by their unholy mob connections (revealed in the final scene of Godfather II, ~8 hours of film after the first scene in the movie). And, of course, ultimately what happens between Connie and Carlo is why Michael has to return home, which is what accellerates the event that destroys Michael and Appolonia's relationship.
The article walks through the commercialization of dating, that modern dating from the 19th century up into the 20th and on moved courtship from a non-commercial sphere -- at home, at formal events with family, in small communities, and so on -- into the commercial sphere, and how, along with the shift from rural areas to urban, this all has progressively led to the perception of courtship romance and dating as an economic system, so it's impossible to think of dating on non-economic terms.
It's really a well written/argued piece and I didn't really consider how so much impression of "dating" that I have throughout history is informed by the modern concept of dating. It made me think of watching The Godfather, and how Michael walks through the grape vineyard with Appolonia, when he's in exile in Italy, and the family is all walking about 20 feet behind, and when Appolonia stumbles he catches her arm and all of the old women and children look at each other like "wooooo, look at that!" And it's literally two scenes after he first just saw her, ever, and 3 scenes after that it's their wedding and they're doing it. Watching that scene I always thought "Man it'd be so weird to go on 'a date' with someone and have both of our families 30 paces behind us watching our every move......" But, this article helped couched that in context about how what feels normal at the present time feels like it was *always* normal, but obviously it wasn't. I've always liked the Godfather for those scenes, not understanding why really, and this article helped couched it in some historical perspective.
And also back to the Godfather because, why not every thread should be a Godfather thread, those scenes of Michael and Appolonia courting each other are contrast with relationships in New York: Connie getting beaten up by her husband Carlo who in turn is sleeping around with his mistress, their relationship being the culmination of an Italian-American wedding... a lot of the same traditions as the old country, but slightly different: Michael and Appollonia serve their guests in Italy while guests are served by staff in America, the Italian wedding has a lot of guests who are there to see the couple, while the American wedding has many more guests who are there to asks favors of the Don on his daughter's wedding day, the American marriage is setup by their unholy mob connections (revealed in the final scene of Godfather II, ~8 hours of film after the first scene in the movie). And, of course, ultimately what happens between Connie and Carlo is why Michael has to return home, which is what accellerates the event that destroys Michael and Appolonia's relationship.
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Speaking of dating, has anybody tried Facebook dating? what are the success rates of that feature?
Nah, don't undermine the blatant misandry on that subreddit because it's genuinely problematic.
Nah, don't undermine the blatant misandry on that subreddit because it's genuinely problematic.
Back when I was single and using matching services I used them as a means to find women who were interested in similar things and ask them about it. If I got a reply and they seemed to actually enjoy talking with me I'd ask them if they were interested in meeting in person. If not I told them that it was nice chatting with them and move on.
But most of the time, if I got to that point, they wanted to meet me. I went on several dates, most of them were mediocre to bad, but eventually I found a keeper. We were inseparable from the moment we met. And within a few months she told her Mom (while I was out of town) that I was the one and she wanted to marry me.
So lesson learned DO NOT message people just because you are physically attracted to them. There needs to be something that the both of you have in common to break the ice. The fact that you're both single and looking to date does not count. There has to be more for it to be worth both their time and your time.
You also need to remember that women are often uncomfortable around men they don't know very well (some of them are good reasons and some not so good). So you need to do whatever you can to help them feel at ease.
But most of the time, if I got to that point, they wanted to meet me. I went on several dates, most of them were mediocre to bad, but eventually I found a keeper. We were inseparable from the moment we met. And within a few months she told her Mom (while I was out of town) that I was the one and she wanted to marry me.
So lesson learned DO NOT message people just because you are physically attracted to them. There needs to be something that the both of you have in common to break the ice. The fact that you're both single and looking to date does not count. There has to be more for it to be worth both their time and your time.
You also need to remember that women are often uncomfortable around men they don't know very well (some of them are good reasons and some not so good). So you need to do whatever you can to help them feel at ease.
I've had some good luck with it. The biggest problem is a lack of filters, especially compared to okc.
Having a vapid conversation about whatever is not difficult. The problem is that alone won't hold someone's attention. Being able to do that is not what actually works, it only seems to work due to other things working out for you. Personally, I don't think what you say on a dating app matters much if a person is into you unless you say something really inappropriate. I sincerely doubt what HotHamBoy is saying is what's not getting him dates.
When I talk about "min/maxing" I'm more talking about the type of advice you typically see on this subject. The "do this, that and the other thing but don't do too much of this, that and the other thing" kind of advice. From the perspective of male to female interactions on these apps, the common advice tends to revolve around the guy controlling the conversation and guiding the interaction to hold the girl's attention until they reach the goal of being able to ask her out. Because of that logic, it's always the guy's fault if she loses interest because he just didn't say the exact right thing he needed to say at that moment. I'm sure many guys have found themselves on that messaging precipice where they think "well if I ask her out now and it's too soon, I'll chase her off but also if I send another message without asking her out, she might lose interest because I've taken too long."
That's why I'm not really keen on this type of advice. It's built on what a guy must be doing wrong. Due to that every answer to the problem is to fine tune everything he's doing and if it still doesn't work, well he must not have executed it perfectly because some people have no problem getting dates on these apps, right?
I definitely agree that we shouldn't base our self worth on dating apps but it's a thing much easier said than done. You can't exactly tell a person "Hey, have more self esteem" and just expect them to flip a switch, you know? The way these apps are designed make them feel built to either boost one's ego or drive it deep into the dirt and there's no real warning for that so lots of guys go into them not expecting it to effect them the way it does. That's ignoring how a lot of these apps are manipulative and predatory to people with low self esteem who have gotten desperate for a connection.
The only reason I responded to you initial post is because I feel it ignored the inherent flaws of these dating apps. A lot of advice surrounding dating apps tends to assume the app is a flawless system and you're failings are strictly do to your mistakes and shortcomings. Every time we have a thread on this, people will say how successful they've been on it and how they don't understand how anyone could dislike it or not get the same results they get. I think that sends the message that if you are not successful on these apps there must be a problem with you. So it's no surprise these things damage peoples' self worth. I think the real answer is that these apps are designed by people to work for certain types of people depending on where you are and what you want. Just because you hop on Tinder and do all the "right" things doesn't mean things will work out for you. Sometimes a specific dating app or just dating apps in general are not for you. I think more people need to realize that.
I have tried not putting it into my bio but what happens is I usually end up matching with people looking for something casual. But I think you're right about not starting a conversation IRL because I'm demissexual, you'll never know who these people are until you talk to them. I guess I'm just making excuses to not get out of the comfort zone and strike a conversation. Will try to keep that in mind next time I go out.
Everytime I get out of a relationship and try dating again I have to remind myself that app dating (especially on tinder ) is pretty much a negative feedback loop which either eventually erodes yourself confidence or rewards you for using it as it was mearnt to be used and indulging in the popular standards of who is pretty and who isn't.
However my more recent foreray back into the app has felt worse.A majority of the girls I've talked to so far have shown far less enthusiasm when it comes to initiating conversations and generally showing interest.It feels more like they have already made an initial assessment and your job at that point is to prove to them that you actually are worth it compared to the dude who ticks all the boxes and matched with her yesterday. More and more I tend to see profiles which state "don't be boring" without actually offering anything resembling a personality and trying to engage with a person who's already made up their mind feels like trying to draw blood out of a rock.
Eventually I just learnt to limit my time to 4 months. If I don't have any luck in that time I simply delete all my apps and focus on myself and only meet people in real life. So far it's been great, I haven't met anyone but I do feel better. Cant wait to grind all this worth down to dust when I get tinder again.
However my more recent foreray back into the app has felt worse.A majority of the girls I've talked to so far have shown far less enthusiasm when it comes to initiating conversations and generally showing interest.It feels more like they have already made an initial assessment and your job at that point is to prove to them that you actually are worth it compared to the dude who ticks all the boxes and matched with her yesterday. More and more I tend to see profiles which state "don't be boring" without actually offering anything resembling a personality and trying to engage with a person who's already made up their mind feels like trying to draw blood out of a rock.
Eventually I just learnt to limit my time to 4 months. If I don't have any luck in that time I simply delete all my apps and focus on myself and only meet people in real life. So far it's been great, I haven't met anyone but I do feel better. Cant wait to grind all this worth down to dust when I get tinder again.
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Yeah, this is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. The app is perfect. Nothing wrong with it at all. If you aren't successful on a dating app, you must be thirsty, impatient and incapable of socializing with human beings.
Come on. People are certainly capable of sabotaging themselves on these apps and there is always room to improve your profile and how you interact with people but let's have some nuance here. Your post has a strange amount of vitriol towards people who get frustrated with these apps.
I really hate them, but i feel like people in the LGBT community kinda have to use them. Its pretty difficult trying to find gay men out in the wild, or maybe its just me lol
Making effort to socialise irl is always the easiest way to date someone. The people you approach usually feel more comfortable agreeing to a date with someone their friends already know and things you'd get brushed over for on a dating app (height for example) people are much more willing to look over in person.
Trick is to ask them out not long after meeting them. If you wait months or weeks to ask someone out that's how you get stuck in limbo.
Last girlfriend I had, met at party. Set up a date the same night, wasn't even a question of whether she was interested in me. Honestly had we been swiping on dating apps instead of being at this party neither I or her would have picked each other.
Trick is to ask them out not long after meeting them. If you wait months or weeks to ask someone out that's how you get stuck in limbo.
Last girlfriend I had, met at party. Set up a date the same night, wasn't even a question of whether she was interested in me. Honestly had we been swiping on dating apps instead of being at this party neither I or her would have picked each other.
I've been going on Tinder dates/hookups almost every weekend since December and I got to agree. I have zero interest in being in a serious relation because well, all I have to do it swipe for a few days and next thing you know I have a girl I can mess with till I'm bored. I'm 22 right now and I have so many other things to worry about than another long term relationship.
It's a pretty good life so long as you're honest with yourself and don't live like this because you feel like you have no other options.
I was gonna have a more comprehensive reply but I feel like my time is better spent just calling you a dick and leaving it at that.
After my divorce in 2011, online dating apps weren't really a thing quite yet (thankfully). I met my current wife in 2013 the old fashioned way which is awesome. I read all of these threads about the horrors of dating apps (and also stories from my single friends) and I am so glad I got out of the market before they became the be all and end all of dating. If something happened and I ended up being single again, I wouldn't even bother. I think I would just focus on my own happiness as a single person. That's really easy for me to say though as a 40 year-old with a daughter as I'm passed the point where so much of my own security is wrapped into relationships, sex appeal, etc. Nonetheless, the dating app world just doesn't seem worth it.
I'm glad I got introduced to my girlfriend by a mutual friend, if I had to use dating apps I would've probably killed myself or something.
Took one look at this sub, holy shit at the level of insane dehumanization, transphobia, and misandry going on there. This subreddit is likely full of female rapists. They sound like fucking incels.This subreddit explains why you are being ghosted:
r/FemaleDatingStrategy
r/FemaleDatingStrategy: Join the official website at www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com for more FDS content beyond Reddit. The only dating subreddit …www.reddit.com
You are not being viewed as a "HVM" or "High value man".
This is exactly what I am talking about. The only way to reach that conclusion if it I hit a nerve, or you are being hyper-sensitive about the topic or both.
Where did I say any app in perfect, or that anything in life is perfect? Where was the vitriol...was it were I said that no one is being forced to use these apps? Come on, this is what is wrong with dating, people can't be honest about how to even start a conversation with anyone.
I'm sorry but it's weird to act like these apps are the only way to date. If you don't like anything about them then why use them? Like, what is the draw to people like in this article using these apps for any more than a few days? Something is missing there.
But yes, I will say that people who are impatient, but need attention the most, tend to struggle the most on these apps...because otherwise they wouldn't use them and would just meet people IRL. Like come on, read that article...it's weird to say these apps are so terrible but you continue to use them. Why use these apps for weeks, months and years on end if they are ruining your life?
And I'll say it again...modern dating is the biggest meritocracy in society. Sorry if you don't like hearing that. But hey...all the people in this thread and in that article aren't the cause of their own dating issues...it's the evil people on the apps? Ok I'll play along.
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I've seen younger people that I know irl saying how they think that approaching people at bars/clubs now is considered creepy.
No, not joking. Soon "just go out and meet someone" will be a relic like the internal combustion engine cars.
Tinder came out when I was married.
Finalized my divorce early last year [her and I are best friends now, it's all gud], but holy fuck dating apps are complete shite.
If anything, Instagram is the best dating app.
A casual story response, turns into conversation, turns into a hang, turns into dating.
It's the only way.
Tinder has, at the least, confirmed for me I should definitely continue DMing particular people on Instagram ['cause we matched], but holding a conversation on there with all the pretext of a dating app just melts the human brain.
Just randomly approaching someone with no natural segue? That's always been creepy dude!
Having a great time at a fun party [this means rave / the bar], and your vibe happens to magnetically link up with a stranger's? Not creepy, and often very successful.
Finalized my divorce early last year [her and I are best friends now, it's all gud], but holy fuck dating apps are complete shite.
If anything, Instagram is the best dating app.
A casual story response, turns into conversation, turns into a hang, turns into dating.
It's the only way.
Tinder has, at the least, confirmed for me I should definitely continue DMing particular people on Instagram ['cause we matched], but holding a conversation on there with all the pretext of a dating app just melts the human brain.
Just randomly approaching someone with no natural segue? That's always been creepy dude!
Having a great time at a fun party [this means rave / the bar], and your vibe happens to magnetically link up with a stranger's? Not creepy, and often very successful.
I spent seven months using tinder, FB dating and Bumble in the first half of 2019 after leaving a long-term relationship.
so goddamn time-consuming, feels like grinding an MMO.
I met some amazing women, had some dates, some flings, some sex, got ghosted, had my ego bruised, all of it. All in all a net positive, but I recognize that my height definitely played a huge part in it
so goddamn time-consuming, feels like grinding an MMO.
I met some amazing women, had some dates, some flings, some sex, got ghosted, had my ego bruised, all of it. All in all a net positive, but I recognize that my height definitely played a huge part in it
You wanna talk about creepy when you're saying things like "vibes magnetically linking"? Give me a break. You might think you're "linking" when in reality you're not, and now guess what? You're creepy.
People use these apps for a number of reasons. They're work schedules might make going out nearly impossible so they need to use these to meet new people or they might not have a lot of options in their areas. Sometimes reality is just unkind and people need to explore every avenue including dating apps inorder to get dates.
The reason why pretty much everyone is ignoring you is because you keep repeating that those who teams to struggle in these apps tend to have a lot of negative traits. Which simply isn't true. There was a study released back in the day which showed that there was a definately racial bias against black men and women especially. Are they automatically desperate or thirsty , no ?then learn to show nuance in your arguments and statements.
There is an underlying and possibly harmful mentality that these apps encourage and discussing it and how it relates to personal expirience should never be discouraged or dismissed.
Met my Fiancé through OkCupud, but we both have talked at length about how much we disliked online dating. So I definitely see where this is coming from. In a lot of places, it just can be hard to meet people without it.
My man I can do literally nothing about my height and these apps enable a mindset of, "you don't fit my exacting criteria, so nope."
While this mindset certainly existed in the past, it's much harder to have a checklist of must-have criteria in real life, where you're exposed to multiple elements of a person in quick order. My height can be quickly mitigated by my conversational skills or any other thing that can't be captured in a single still image.
Furthermore, self-esteem doesn't spawn out of nowhere. It's very difficult to feel good about one's flaws—or even accept them—when they can act as something that keeps you off of someone's checklist and immediately kills your chances of starting something as basic as a conversation
Research goes on to say that these apps perpetuate a negative mental health cycle, creating feelings of human disposability (source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...10/are-dating-apps-damaging-our-mental-health).
The necessity of putting your "best self forward" to find success in these apps has led to eating disorders (source: https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/h...ween-use-of-dating-apps-and-eating-disorders/).
In short, while these apps aren't "evil", they enable some of the worst behaviors in humans when it comes to seeking partners. Regardless of whether or not you use these apps, they have a negative impact on society writ large. There are kids that think meeting people outside of these apps is "creepy". It's a norm that isn't going to go away if people like you keep waving away the impacts these things can have because "you don't need to use them".
This is the thing that made me delete all my apps. It's one thing to be rejected but people seeming interested then dropping you out of nowhere is extremely irritating
Sexism is definitely a two lane highway.This subreddit explains why you are being ghosted:
r/FemaleDatingStrategy
r/FemaleDatingStrategy: Join the official website at www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com for more FDS content beyond Reddit. The only dating subreddit …
You are not being viewed as a "HVM" or "High value man".
Met my gf/partner on Tinder back in 2014. Was using the service for about two weeks and only went on a date with one other person. I know things have changed in the 5 1/2 years since then but I am forever grateful to Tinder.
Right but how long, and when you're ready for a traditional relationship, how do you foresee your current experience changing that'll lead to a steady partner? Do you understand you'll be immensely frustrated in meeting people who are only looking for short term benefits when you are not?
I reached the conclusion that you said the app is perfect because you said it was ridiculous the blame the app for any problems one might have on it. That logic only works if you believe the app or people on it can never be the problem. And the vitriol? You decided for yourself that anyone who has ever been frustrated and unsuccessful with a dating app is some thirsty, desperate loser incapable of talking to another human being. I'm not sure how you don't see the vitriol in statements like this:
You've decided to make a bunch of highly negative assumptions of a wide variety of people who struggle on dating apps. You've decided that they all must be greatly flawed and the cause of all their problems. All I asked of you was to take some nuance into the equation but you went the opposite and decided to not so subtly accuse me of being all the negative traits you've assigned to anyone who can't cut it on a dating app, lol. You can't be surprised I'm calling out vitriol when you saying shit like this.
Your insistence that anyone who's complained about dating apps are not trying to meet people in real life is flawed. You know that people are completely capable of doing both, right? You are also aware that despite the cons there may be a number of reasons one might decided to use a dating app that aren't desperation and horniness? It doesn't seem like you've considered any of this and just decided you'd spew this viewpoint of dating being a meritocracy where if you aren't successful it means you have no worth. Get out of here with that shit.
Exactly. How utterly immature to dismiss any criticism of dating apps and culture as a bunch of whiny, thirsty people.
No, those are all terrible excuses to use these apps...like, I drink battery acid because it's closer to where I am sitting than getting up to get water...that bad. And yes, these apps have racial biases just like the rest of society, like wow you really taught me something....way to make my point. There are also dating apps and online websites geared toward minorities and on those sites, the same issues arise...wonder why that is?
Also, no one is saying that any personal experiences related to these apps can't be discussed anywhere...that's ridiculous hyperbole and an over-sensitive reaction to an opinion just because it's different than yours...you are just trying to silence an opinion that is different than yours in saying that. I haven't target one single person's opinion on here, just speaking in general terms on my own opinions and experiences. If you don't like my opinion then ignore it but it's false to say that everyone that doesn't agree with you is trying to silence you.
I'm sorry, but if you are saying you hate these apps but continue using them for weeks or months on end, there is an underlying issue there.
Never said that, more over-the-top hyperbole. Never said that sexual assault or body shaming on anything like that never happened on these apps. That doesn't have to do with why people are using these apps even though 100% of their experiences are negative.
Also hyperbole...never called anyone desperate or losers, but yes, being "thirsty" (I know that word triggers you, even though it's accurate to describe dating issues) does cause impatience and a habit to ignore reality in order to believe your fantasies...that's IRL and in apps. And, I don't understand what any of that has to do with "talking to human beings"...CLEARLY we are talking about dating...I'm referring to being able to say hi to someone you have more than platonic feelings for and are attracted to. But sure...when I said that people who are over-dependent on these apps tend to be poor at saying hi to that same person IRL...I meant that they can't handle a job interview or that they have no social skills...THAT'S TOTALLY WHAT I MEANT!
Also not true, you would only believe this if you are taking this personally...everything I have said is in the context of dating. Being in need of attention or being impatient with the dating process doesn't make you "greatly flawed". Like what is this even? You can be bad at dating but be a terrific person otherwise...
Wrong again...I said that people that hate these apps, and continue to use them, must struggle IRL in dating. Not that they are flawed as a person...that's ridiculous, but again, at this point is obvious that anything negative I say about people who continue to use dating apps despite continually, you will take person offense to.
And again...never said that anyone that complains at all must be silenced or that they are a bad person.
Never said anything about anyone not having worth or value in society. Never said that anyone with even the smallest amount of criticism of these apps are "whiny"...in fact, I never used any word saying that anyone was "whiny". But, it is obvious that you are triggered by the word "thirsty"...which, in my opinion, IS A BIG REASON why people struggle in dating. And as I said, rushing to "like" someone with little to no reason to do so, despite the evidence others, is the other reason. Sorry you don't like that opinion. But don't tell me "OMG these apps are horrible and all of these horrible things happen all the time"...then why are you using it...oh a bunch of ridiculous excuses. This isn't some socio-political issue...with dating, you have to go out and do it.
That's my opinion...none of that says that no one can refute me in any way. I tend to not use products that are overly negative and that have a overwhelming negative impact on my life. So yeah...these aren't people that are just saying "I had this bad experience and it was like this but then here is why I like using the app"...no one in that article is saying that. This is "OMG this is the worst thing you can put on your phone"...stop acting like someone made some off-hand comment and I said "BUT DATING AND DATING APPS ARE PERFECT AND ANYONE THAT COMPLAINS ABOUT ANYTHING IS PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!" Like why would you take it that personally....
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There's nothing wrong with finding a way to cheat when it comes to unfair biases. I'm not a tall man, so do you know what I did for interviews and first dates? I wore shoes with thick soles AND inserts to boost how tall I appeared to be. I didn't do it because I felt insecure, I did it because I refused to be disadvantaged by something I have no control over.
And I have to laugh at the idea that you think people are silencing your opinion. You came in with a dumb blanket statement and think you're being silenced because people have said there's nuance to the topic. I literally agreed with you in my first response that some people do the things you describe but to act like anyone who has ever had trouble on a dating app and has talked about it is that type of person is ridiculous. Don't be surprised when people call you out on that.
People looking for long-term relationships still exist and plenty of them did tell me that they would rather have a normal relationship than a fwb one. So I don't really worry about that aspect. At least for now.
As someone who uses them and has a lot of this is kinda true. With so many options at your finger tips it's making it more difficult to just settle. I'm apart of that problem and as time goes on I'm encountering more and more people who feel the same or at least do the same.
No people might still use these apps because geoghraphy might restrict their local options so they looks towards the most popular apps to meet a wider range of people.Being an adult means understanding that not everyone has the same opportunities to participate in the great meritocracy, instead they have to work with what they have and with whatever time they have when they aren't going to work/ taking care of their families. This is why apps in general are popular.
No unfortunately minority dating sites are not popular where I am but since you've brought up that they share the same issues I'm sure you wouldn't mind linking to that story.Also interesting way of side stepping that. Dodge the observation by say those guys have issues too.
I'm not trying to silence you just saying if you try to generalise by saying what people who have I'll luck on these apps tend to have then no one is gonna take you seriously. 😁Understanding regional trends , preferances and comparing opinions which may challenge or reinforce your own opinions when using these apps is a bit better than shouting meritocracy like you just learnt it in your local philosophy class don't you think.
Who have I targeted personally? And I didn't say I was being silenced, I said that you or someone saying that the very existence of my opinion is marginalizing other opinions...is trying to silence me. But keep taking all of this personally. I don't know shit about you or your dating life or anyone in here, outside of disagreeing with your opinions of my opinions.
And I have to laugh at the idea that you think people are silencing your opinion. You came in with a dumb blanket statement and think you're being silenced because people have said there's nuance to the topic. I literally agreed with you in my first response that some people do the things you describe but to act like anyone who has ever had trouble on a dating app and has talked about it is that type of person is ridiculous. Don't be surprised when people call you out on that.
How did I side-step, I don't need to go into a whole speech about racial bias on phone apps to please your ego. And on the rest...sorry but I disagree because modern dating is a total meritocracy...you don't have to use a dating app or date at all. This isn't about funding for homeless shelters or voting Trump out of office. Agree to disagree but modern dating is a hardcore meritocracy. It's not someone else's problem to get someone a date. I'm not here to get your appreciation of my opinion or of anyone elses.