I'm so glad I'm no longer in the dating game. Back in my day (I'm only in my 30s) we would actually go out and meet people face to face. Do people not do this anymore?
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The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse
- Thread starter Cow Mengde
- Start date
I married my high school sweetheart and it's been a fantastic journey. If something were to happen to her I'm pretty sure I'd be totally inept at where the world is today in regards to dating.
Similar story too. Had the app for a while, but never replied to conversations, my partner was the first person I messaged and asked out on a date. 2 years so far. Dating apps have worked wonders for me, I could never walk up to someone in a bar lol
Apps generally are a short preamble to meeting. Once you get a match you send back and forth a few messages to get to know them a lil better before setting a date, like a casual Sunday afternoon coffee date. From there you figure out if ya wanna keep seeing each other. That's at least how I did it and it worked out fine for me
Anecdotal, but I met my wife on Tinder.
We got married in November after dating for 4 years.
We just bought a house together this week.
We got married in November after dating for 4 years.
We just bought a house together this week.
The chances to do so are rare, to be honest. People's social circles tend to constrict more than they expand with age, and everyone else in that social circle is potentially pairing up as time passes. You can try things like Meetup, but the chances you'll find someone you're physically - let alone emotionally - attracted to at those things is so slim that it's not worth considering as a romantic option.
Now I do social sports and that has worked for me in past.
As for bars I think people are growing increasingly uncomfortable with it unless it's obvious both people are looking for it...but I rarely see that. What bars typically are, are groups of friends going out and I'll be damned if I'm intruding on their night out to try and start a convo with someone in their group.
Dating apps have plenty of flaws, but the benefits are obvious. Everyone on there is at least looking, and matches mean you are least think the other is cute. Now everything after a match is where things tend to go wrong, but at least for the basic first step of "find single person who thinks you're cute" it's by far the best option.
Maybe it's because when I was younger nobody was really using dating apps, so the concept is alien to me.
Glad it worked out for you.
I tend to agree. Also I typically find most people are more attractive in person than in (unprofessional and unedited ) photographs .
you also just have more to work with when meeting someone in person in general, and as you say it's easier to overlook things you might otherwise not when you'reessentially just looking at a number in your phone
That's fine , it's not your problem that no one else has a date and its fine to not particularly want to engage. None has to and the topic was more of the effects of these apps more than why they are what they are, which is another big topic in an of itself which goes beyond hardcore meritocracy.
Also for point of reference ,do not ever , fucking ever imply that I brought up the subject of racial bias' and prejudice as a way of inflating my ego without the common decency to argue your point of view to its completion or to understand how this shit pretty much effects every facet of our live including something trivial like dating.
Yeah I thought it was weird too. I'm 30 also for reference, took me a lot to get over the feeling that online dating was sad or gross. First person I met turned out to be an amazing person and we've been together for a year since so my experience was probably not normal
I mean, you're doing it right now. You've said a bunch of stuff and denied saying a bunch of that stuff when called out but the one thing you keep repeating is that I'm taking this "personally". You say you don't know anything about me or my dating life yet you seem to know that I'm "triggered". (Really, triggered? Lol)
All I said initially was that there's nuance to the subject that you weren't allowing with your broad generalizations and you decided that meant I was "hyper-sensitive." Instead of simply arguing against what I said, you decided to project this image you have onto me that I was this type of person you were criticizing and that's why I was disagreeing with you. You aren't slick with the "struck a nerve" comment. When you have to try and attack a person's character by making assumptions about what they must be like in real life, you've already killed your argument. You've been so wrapped up in doing that you failed to see I had stated that some people can and do fail at dating apps from their own failings.
On a side note, all that stuff you disagreed with me on the basis of your comments strictly being about dating... so were mine. I'm not sure where you got the idea that I was talking about anything else but dating.
Ive been divorced for about 2 years and I can say dating apps are what you make it. I had a terrible streak when I was constantly on it, got really depressed and stop using it all together (going on dates with like 3-4 women a month). Then I decided to just be really selective about who I ask out. Now it is(was) like 1 - 2 women a month if that. Waaaay better. I actually just met someone recently on there and we get along really well. I actually look forward to hanging with her which is rare for me.
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Article raises some interesting points that in another context could be dismissed as "incel". I've done Tinder and OkCupid.
And honestly, while there are good dating tips(smell good, smile, share interests) a conversation on say your favorite animals can go differently from person to person.
Also: Don't give up.
And honestly, while there are good dating tips(smell good, smile, share interests) a conversation on say your favorite animals can go differently from person to person.
Also: Don't give up.
It's just harder to meet people as you get older. I'm also in my 30s and my social life is nowhere near as heavily trafficked as it was in my 20s. Not just potential dates, even just new friends.
That's kinda what the article is addressing. It's all about advertising yourself as a product and like all advertisements it is filled with exaggerations, half truths and sometimes outright lies. You're right that if you are trying to advertise yourself then you downplay anything that doesn't jive with mass appeal but the question is should we really be encouraging that or doing that at all? It's a really reductive view on ones own humanity and it's hard to take pride in very real facets of one's identity when you're also admitting that said things need to be hidden for the greater good.
Dating apps for a lot of people turn being proud of who you are and dating into mutual exclusives.
I think this is the issue, and why people have problems. Once I made an honest profile, I got less matches, but the matches I did get were WAAAAAAAY better. It was like night and day. Dont advertise, be yourself and have patience.
And here's the thing...don't throw out some lame, passive aggressive "oh it's funny how you just passed over that" as some way to accuse me of being insensitive on a topic that has nothing to do with my opinion on this topic. So again...don't act tough like you are going to jump through the keyboard...I don't need to argue every topic you mention with "to completion" because you see yourself as some ERA god...keep thinking I care anything about anything you my think about me in any aspect of life. And to double down...pretty sure there are ways to meet people outside of dating apps...vast majority of black people I know do not use dating apps. I don't care what your status is here or who you are. So, block and mute me and be done with it. You're trying to make some point that I need to discuss racial bias using the exact number or words you want, when you want it and how you want it...when my point is that if you are still using these apps consistently and hate everything about it, there is an issue here. There is nothing on these apps that anyone needs, full stop.
Wow so only tall and white people exist on Earth? Wow so other people just happened to come to Earth when Tinder started? What even is this nonsense?? Also, all this talk of shaming women for having their own standards is ignorant and close-minded...yes looks DOES matter to some people! But again, this is why I applaud people that leave these apps...people on the internet say things they think in real life and do things they wish they get away with in real life. Everyone on these apps live on Earth, and you can leave the app and talk to them. But hey, maybe you don't live on Earth...millions of black people just in the one city I live but I guess the existence of those apps removes people from existing in your world.
All the men in this thread saying "OMG so unfair my height"...I would LOVE to have a mind reader to see what you are thinking in real life, in real time, about women that you turn down or wouldn't agree to date...yeah sure, everyone in here just dates people solely on their personality! This is coming from someone that is 5' 8" and just went on a date with a woman that is taller than me via Tinder.
No, you are right that I do think it is ridiculous how you are reacting to my opinions...that is true..yes in my opinion you are taking this subject of my specific opinions too personally. My point was, my statements on dating wasn't targeted at you or anyone else specifically. And yes, you are triggered by my opinion on this and overreacting. And yes, your reaction is like someone would have if I "struck a nerve"...I don't know what nerve that is.
I'm criticizing how you are reading my posts and your overreactions to them, not your personal dating habits, which I haven't seen you post about yet.
And to double down...bravo for all the people here who tried online/app dating and realized it wasn't for them. Not...going into this death spiral of dating apps and ruining your life because you need to make a billion excuses why you are doing something that is toxic to your life with no reasoning.
BOOM...totally agree! This also works just as well IRL.
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it makes me really sad, but i can't for the life of me find a way to meet someone IRL outside of the apps.
-i know all of my friends friends already (they're either not my type or they're in a relationship)
-meeting people at bars and clubs nets you people that (at my age) regularly go to bars and clubs, which i don't
-all my attempts to try out new activities and hobbies result in either tons of guys or couples, or single women im not into
so at this point i'm better off just sticking to the apps and hoping on the off-chance i get a match that lasts long enough to meet up and we hit it off and start dating which is even way more unlikely-er. it just sucks.
-i know all of my friends friends already (they're either not my type or they're in a relationship)
-meeting people at bars and clubs nets you people that (at my age) regularly go to bars and clubs, which i don't
-all my attempts to try out new activities and hobbies result in either tons of guys or couples, or single women im not into
so at this point i'm better off just sticking to the apps and hoping on the off-chance i get a match that lasts long enough to meet up and we hit it off and start dating which is even way more unlikely-er. it just sucks.
Also, are those requirements...likely...in Japan? This quote seems apocryphal to me.
They're probably not, think people already discussed this a few pages ago.
The amount of people I have met at bars/clubs that don't normally go out is staggering. If you yourself don't go out a lot but sometimes do then there are other people just like you. Some are just out for birthdays or celebrations. It's not a bad thing. I've had far more luck out and about then through apps.
At this point I think a plurality of my married friends (late 20's and early 30's) met their partners on OKC.
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The article admits there are more dramatically more men than women on dating apps. But then it takes a turn as the article discusses how people feel about this.
isn't this true? The archived Hinge post referred to in OP's article references how OKCupid's founder wrote about this in his book. And of course they reference that old OKCupid blog about how women thought 80% of men were below average in looks.
IMO there's no need for the authors of this Atlantic article to characterize such blogs from the very dating apps themselves (not from some alt-right manosphere blog) as "creepy", "accusatory", or "weakly reasoned." It just shows the tremendous bias on their behalf. What I would love to see is the data from Bumble (where women must message first) regarding women and how ugly they think most dudes are.
That is not to say that it's all roses for women on dating apps. As their anonymous Alaskan shows, she has a lot of choice, but gets harassed endlessly. I don't envy her at all. It's not some suffering olympics -- that women have it worse than men or vice versa -- I think it suffices to say that women and men face different problems on dating apps. But for this article to minimize the very real problems men face on dating apps makes it hard for me to take it seriously. After I read that part of the article I scrolled up to look at who the author was, and turns out it's two women. Big shocker.
isn't this true? The archived Hinge post referred to in OP's article references how OKCupid's founder wrote about this in his book. And of course they reference that old OKCupid blog about how women thought 80% of men were below average in looks.
IMO there's no need for the authors of this Atlantic article to characterize such blogs from the very dating apps themselves (not from some alt-right manosphere blog) as "creepy", "accusatory", or "weakly reasoned." It just shows the tremendous bias on their behalf. What I would love to see is the data from Bumble (where women must message first) regarding women and how ugly they think most dudes are.
That is not to say that it's all roses for women on dating apps. As their anonymous Alaskan shows, she has a lot of choice, but gets harassed endlessly. I don't envy her at all. It's not some suffering olympics -- that women have it worse than men or vice versa -- I think it suffices to say that women and men face different problems on dating apps. But for this article to minimize the very real problems men face on dating apps makes it hard for me to take it seriously. After I read that part of the article I scrolled up to look at who the author was, and turns out it's two women. Big shocker.
I agree with you, which is why I prefaced with "this is kind of shitty"
it's tough though because changing the way things work requires mass amounts of people doing a thing, and if this is the system that exists currently it's hard not to try to participate in it to maximize your own chances
I definitely definitely think it is very reductive of ones humanity, and that on the whole we should be able to freely express ourselves and be met with empathy and success, but sadly we have not reached that point so I'm not sure what's to be done
We do and it actually works! I've gotten 4 numbers in the last month and dates with all of them. The time I spent swiping instead of going out was wasted
Having a nice conversation with people I meet and asking if they'd like to talk more later still works. I think the method of approach matters.
I somewhat agree with some of the points you're making here, but I mean...
This is a really condescending and mocking tone. You shouldn't be surprised by that people are insulted by it.
Depends on many factors. People who don't speak to anyone other than a few close friends are gonna struggle to start conversations with people at bars. And even then you have to be able to tell who you can start a conversation with and who you can't and other social cues.
This one example in particuar is a pretty weak line of reasoning imo since subjective ratings of looks don't necessarily translate to how people actually behave on apps, there's no way at all of knowing how women actually interact with the apps beyond the data that's been released.The article admits there are more dramatically more men than women on dating apps. But then it takes a turn as the article discusses how people feel about this.
isn't this true? The archived Hinge post referred to in OP's article references how OKCupid's founder wrote about this in his book. And of course they reference that old OKCupid blog about how women thought 80% of men were below average in looks.
IMO there's no need for the authors of this Atlantic article to characterize such blogs from the very dating apps themselves (not from some alt-right manosphere blog) as "creepy", "accusatory", or "weakly reasoned." It just shows the tremendous bias on their behalf. What I would love to see is the data from Bumble (where women must message first) regarding women and how ugly they think most dudes are.
That is not to say that it's all roses for women on dating apps. As their anonymous Alaskan shows, she has a lot of choice, but gets harassed endlessly. I don't envy her at all. It's not some suffering olympics -- that women have it worse than men or vice versa -- I think it suffices to say that women and men face different problems on dating apps. But for this article to minimize the very real problems men face on dating apps makes it hard for me to take it seriously. After I read that part of the article I scrolled up to look at who the author was, and turns out it's two women. Big shocker.
That said, I fully agree with you that it's weak to call official data analysis by dating app employees "creepy" or "unsettling" without any actual methodology complaints.
I'm not saying it doesn't work anymore. I said that the number of people that would rather meet someone through an app because they thought going up and talking to someone was creepy (and I'm not talking about random places, I'm specifically talking about places where it used to be the norm, a.k.a bars, nightclubs, that sort of thing, not the bakery or the pharmacy) at least in many circles of people that I know, was rising.
yeah i still make myself go out anyway, and i tend to just gravitate to where my friends are, but it's still SUPER BLEAK for encountering any wild singles. everyone's already.... ahem..... "boo'ed up".
i met my friend's wife's sister at a NYE party and was super smitten, we hit it off and it was incredible, then at 11pm she said she had to run outside to call her boyfriend to tell him happy new years since he was in another time zone on travel. O__O
that's probably the last time i've met someone in person that i was super into but had i realized she wasn't single from the get go it would have gone a lot differently.
Anecdotal, but I've actually given American students at high school/college level this writing prompt -- write for/against arranged marriages -- and a surprisingly high number of them were supportive of arranged marriages or at least greater parental involvement.
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It's really not, the words I use is because that is what I believe, and the #1 issue people have with dating is that they can't handle the real talk...I mean, we have people in here complaining that some women have height preferences, like that doesn't exist even moreso IRL. So yeah...if you hate everything about using a dating app, but continue to use it, it's very telling. It's no one's job to express themselves and what they like in a way that is palatable to you, as long as they aren't toxic. It's part of the reason why I think using the word "ghosting" for someone you've never met is the height of naivete, but that's another story.
And just so everyone sees it again...I don't couch or sugarcoat my opinions to be likable to anyone, and I'm not interested in popularity contests based in agreeing with everyone or coddling others that can't handle dissension.
Oh so it IS possible to stop using these apps and still date people...that's like, the whole point I was making. Again, there is racism everywhere and in everything...except here, there is nothing important on these apps that people are being restricted from. This app isn't restricting black people from having healthcare or getting equal pay or getting rid of Trump. And again...yes alot of people don't want to date outside their race...pretty sure that also exists IRL. There are places that have less black people and are wholly politically unfriendly, and other places with more black people and are more friendly, or switched...just like IRL. So as someone that was on blackplanet.com almost 20 years ago where people made the same excuses, let's stop...no one is being forced to use these apps, and for alot of people they are entertainment at best.
And also, anything here that is an opposing opinion counts as mean spirited, so let's stop with that.
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I think the problem is that you're all using the wrong dating apps.
THIS is the one you should be using:
https://amazondating.co/
Seriously, the people on there are such bargains. You can thank me later.
THIS is the one you should be using:
https://amazondating.co/
Seriously, the people on there are such bargains. You can thank me later.
What the hell is wrong with you? You've done nothing so far in this thread but spit mean spirited accusations to various people and now you're bringing up that your black friends don't use dating apps? Have you considered that perhaps they don't use it because of the obvious racism that is inherent to it? Like come on dude, what point are you even trying to make by bringing it up?
From the beginning of this thread you seem to have taken a huge slight at the fact that people are pointing out issues with the culture that dating apps facilitated and have opted to instead hurl reductive logic at a general unspecific group of people that you can't even be sure exist and I genuinely have no idea what motivates this. Take a break from the computer.
well, there's more data than just ratings (which no longer even exist on OKCupid), such as the rates of matching/liking or messages returned. the data is consistent -- women just won't interact with most men on dating apps. the simplest explanation is that women don't find these men attractive enough and it does tie into the article's main point about how cold and impersonal the dating game is these days.
i don't see why these authors have to be so dismissive of the very real problems men face on dating apps when they open with the anecdote about a woman who was subjected to obsessive stalker behavior by a fellow dating app user. in fact it would bolster their claims...
eh I mean I don't think dating single has ever been easy
dating apps have just made the competition and market more accessible, so people can more easily tell how much more or less of a catch they are based on a first glance/curated profile
I do think people bring too much self pity into it though. I'm an Asian male. Other than black women no one else has it more demographically stacked against them in these apps. You just gotta make do with what you got and update your game if it's not up to the results you want
dating apps have just made the competition and market more accessible, so people can more easily tell how much more or less of a catch they are based on a first glance/curated profile
I do think people bring too much self pity into it though. I'm an Asian male. Other than black women no one else has it more demographically stacked against them in these apps. You just gotta make do with what you got and update your game if it's not up to the results you want
In my response to your initial post I said that while I agree that there are people who fail at dating apps due to their own shortcomings that doesn't apply to everyone who struggles with them and that you should allow for more nuance there. The very first thing you decided to respond with was you must have struck a nerve and I was taking things personally. Yet I'm the one overreacting to your posts? I'm the one being ridiculous?
Is that what this is about? You keep repeating that I'm taking this personally and using dumb terms like "triggered" like you're trying to get a certain reaction out of me. I'm not sure why I have to tell you my personal dating habits just to argue a point. Not once have I made any assumptions of your dating habits because it would just be making things personal to try and undermine your argument. I don't care about your dating life and I don't need to pretend you're "triggered" to justify my argument. To be honest, the fact that you continue to poke at me to dig up my dating life as some sort of gotcha has made this whole interaction exhausting. We aren't even talking about the topic at hand anymore; you're just trying to out me as the type of person you criticized in your initial post.
Good lord... get over yourself.
I skimmed over that but wow... Did they really just "my black friend" this discussion?
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Rule of thumb people, if someone genuinely brings up "well my black friends do this" without any kind of reflection as to why, that person opinion probably ain't worth shit😂
Anyway back on topic.
Anyway back on topic.
Typical, they are already understocked on Cora