• Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
  • We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,138
https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-lo...-are-aging-alone-11544541134?mod=hp_lead_pos4

Paywalled, but some choice excerpts:

Baby boomers are aging alone more than any generation in U.S. history, and the resulting loneliness is a looming public health threat. About one in 11 Americans age 50 and older lacks a spouse, partner or living child, census figures and other research show. That amounts to about eight million people in the U.S. without close kin, the main source of companionship in old age, and their share of the population is projected to grow...

Policy makers are concerned this will strain the federal budget and undermine baby boomers' health. Researchers have found that loneliness takes a physical toll, and is as closely linked to early mortality as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day or consuming more than six alcoholic drinks a day. Loneliness is even worse for longevity than being obese or physically inactive.

Along with financial issues including high debt and declining pensions, social factors such as loneliness are another reason boomers are experiencing more difficult retirement years than previous generations.

The lack of social contacts among older adults costs Medicare $6.7 billion a year, mostly from spending on nursing facilities and hospitalization for those who have less of a network to help out, according to a study last year by Harvard University, Stanford University and AARP....


Karen Schneider, a 69-year-old in East San Jose, Calif., went through an acrimonious split from her husband in the mid-1990s that left her estranged from her two daughters and without anywhere to live. Friends let her sleep on couches and a garage as she scraped by on jobs as a home health aide and Walmart greeter. Sometimes she slept in her car.

Over the years, that support network shriveled as people moved away or died, she says. When Ms. Schneider landed in the hospital with a heart attack six years ago, she had no one to call for help. "When you get older you don't have as many friends," she says. "Everything changes."

Among the most likely to lack close kin are college-educated women and people with little money, says Ashton Verdery, an assistant professor of sociology and demography at Pennsylvania State University. More senior women than men are kinless because women's life expectancies are nearly five years longer, at 81 years. Of Americans age 50 and over in 2016, 27% of women were widowed or never married, compared with 16% of men. Women are also less likely to cohabitate and date later in life, research shows.


Man, this is depressing stuff. I wonder how our generation will age out, we're even having less children and building fewer strong ties.
 

Jmdajr

Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,534
I will probably be six feet under way before everyone I care about is gone.

But yeah that has to suck. And it isn't just here. Places like Japan are worse NOW. I read older woman shop lift to be taken to jail on purpose. At least you have compnay.
 

ezrarh

Member
Oct 27, 2017
146
The suburban castles we build for ourselves will be our prison in old age ...that is if we can still afford it.
 

CallMeShaft

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
3,362
Cool, so I'm not alone, people decades older than me are just as alone.

I mean I am alone, but also I'm not. I'm going to start crying now...
 

carlsojo

Member
Oct 28, 2017
33,835
San Francisco
Yeahhh I just hit 30 a few months ago. If I didn't have my wife and kid I wouldn't have any meaningful connections locally. Family and friends are back in Ohio. Coworkers here don't wanna hang out. We have some swinger friends but they don't really count.
 

jeelybeans

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,948
I think it's a problem with American culture that people don't keep their parents in their households after they leave the nest so to speak. Honestly it's rather appalling that as a society we decided the people that raised us deserve to be alone in their old age.
 

Fright Zone

Member
Dec 17, 2017
4,043
London
Depressing indeed. I'm nearly 37 and alone as fuck. My only family is my rapidly aging parents.
I am very scared of being even lonelier as I age.
 

HomokHarcos

Member
Jul 11, 2018
2,447
Canada
I think it's a problem with American culture that people don't keep their parents in their households after they leave the nest so to speak. Honestly it's rather appalling that as a society we decided the people that raised us deserve to be alone in their old age.
That's because there is a stigma about living with your parents.
 

Deleted member 8752

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
10,122
My next door neighbor is a retired woman with no signficant other or children. I've never seen anyone visit her in the four years I've lived in the building and the only companion she has is her dog.

I feel for her. She constantly scowls at me and is nasty to pretty much everyone in the building. But I just let it go. I cannot imagine what it's like to actually end up like that. She's alone literally all day.
 
OP
OP
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,138
That's because there is a stigma about living with your parents.
America has a very pioneer and self sufficient ethic. It will be our downfall, though. Since that worked when land and housing was cheaper and we didn't have global competition.

Trends are changing. More younger folks are staying at home after college to save for a home, get more relevant education, and pay down loans debts, sometimes they are helping their parent pay down their mortgages.
 

Deleted member 8752

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
10,122
I think it's a problem with American culture that people don't keep their parents in their households after they leave the nest so to speak. Honestly it's rather appalling that as a society we decided the people that raised us deserve to be alone in their old age.
I actually agree with you. But there are some who have reached that age without having kids at all. It's even worse for them.
 

Spinluck

â–˛ Legend â–˛
Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
28,473
Chicago
Long term relationships are hard, but at this point in time I think people rather not lock into anything serious after a bit of self-discovery.

Not gonna blame social media entirely since these are older folk, but I think it's probably a huge factor in this as well as the shitty rat race here (work culture) in America younger people rather not deal with their parents daily. The world is becoming increasing complex from a social standpoint, and trends are changing so often. Black Mirror was onto something brehs... I think on this current path, that people around my age may end up in the same situation.

Finding a place of community and belonging is a tough deal for younger people here in the states, not because they do not exist, but I do not think people are taking the time to be true to themselves and know what they really want instead. At 26 I thought I knew myself pretty well but it turns out I didn't know shit. I am completely switching my career and lifestyle, and my outlook on life is gradually changing. In a society that doesn't promote self-growth it doesn't surprise me that this is happening. We all have our anecdotes here and there, but it seems like this issue is getting worse by the year on a larger scale.
 

Lukar

Unshakable Resolve - Prophet of Truth
Member
Oct 27, 2017
23,410
Ending up totally alone when (if) I get old is a big fear of mine. I don't plan on having any kids, and most of my friends are spread across the country. And my brother and sister may as well not be part of my family anymore, so no siblings then either. I feel for these people. :(

The boomers will get no sympathy from me.
Cool, no sympathy for you if this ever happens to you then.
 

Mortemis

One Winged Slayer
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
7,416
I think it's a problem with American culture that people don't keep their parents in their households after they leave the nest so to speak. Honestly it's rather appalling that as a society we decided the people that raised us deserve to be alone in their old age.

That's true. While I'm in the US, the immigrant community I'm in treats sending your parents to a retirement home or leaving them alone very negatively. I'm sure there's a lot of Americans that would hate to bring in their parents to their home when they get older, but for a lot of cultures outside of the US that's the expected thing to do.
 

CopperPuppy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,636
That's true. While I'm in the US, the immigrant community I'm in treats sending your parents to a retirement home or leaving them alone very negatively. I'm sure there's a lot of Americans that would hate to bring in their parents to their home when they get older, but for a lot of cultures outside of the US that's the expected thing to do.
This was my understanding.

What cultures are similar to the U.S. in not doing it?
 

N.Domixis

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
9,208
This is a good thing. Less children means a slower growing population which mean some a healthier world.

Also I'll be one of these to. Marriage and relationships are too much work.
 

see5harp

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
4,435
My grandma has lived with my parents for close to a decade now. I cannot relate. Even when my parents are sick of her, they'll get me to take her to dinner. I really hope to God my parents have saved enough to take care of themselves because I don't have a big enough house for this to happen to me.
 
OP
OP
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,138
This is a good thing. Less children means a slower growing population which mean some a healthier world.

Also I'll be one of these to. Marriage and relationships are too much work.
Overpopulaiton is super overblown. The issue is how we use our resources. And suburbs are one of the most inefficient ways to use limited resources ever created.

The US doesn't have a biggest population in the world, but our consumptive habits make us number 1 at energy consumption and waste.

Demographers have known that we are below replacement levels for decades now.
 

Jo-awn

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,039
New York, NY
This gives me time for pause as someone who enjoys traveling alone but I do think about it every now and then. I had a neighbor who passed away a few years ago and had nothing to next of kin aside from her dog and caretaker.

Similarly, my super is getting up there in age and has no family her plus he's undocumented. He comes to eat his Cup of Noodles soups every day and my mom invites him for dinner during holidays. It is something concerns me and my parents who are divorced. I don't know who else my mom would have if I move out since I have a sibling who has his own family.
 

AndyD

Mambo Number PS5
Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,602
Nashville
I think it's a problem with American culture that people don't keep their parents in their households after they leave the nest so to speak. Honestly it's rather appalling that as a society we decided the people that raised us deserve to be alone in their old age.
It's not just the kids' responsibility for this world view, but the parents as well.

Boomers in particular have had a culture of independence that leads them to move to Florida or other "exotic" retirement heavy areas, while at the same time pushed kids out of the household to be on their own and encouraged and expected them to be independent and self-sufficient. This is biting the boomers as they both led an unsustainable lifestyle, and have cultivated a sense of independence and self-reliance in their kids.

Not to factor the Trump era issues of ultra conservative bootstrap older boomer parents benefiting from an investor focused economy vs. struggling millennial liberal kids who are inheriting a terrible economy for employees.
 

Sailent

Member
Mar 2, 2018
1,591
Terrible point of view.

Those bastards are the cause why I have to go to the dentist every month.

Hate them with all my soul.
93826096-petaling-jaya-selangor-malaysia-14-january-2018-wrigleys-boomer-soft-bubble-gum-isolated-on-white-ba.jpg
 

BocoDragon

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
5,207
In Asia, taking care of parents and grandparents is part of a social contract that begins when parents and grandparents take care of kids first. It's not just out of the goodness of everyone's heart that kids take care of their elders... it's an implicit organization of family that you wouldn't dare break away from.

As a western person, it would be extremely hard for me to turn around and invite my grandparents into my home when they didn't actually help raise me, didn't guide me... same goes for my parents to a great degree, to be honest... I had to leave home very young and take out a student loan that I'm still paying off... I don't really have the sense that I owe them a deep debt of repayment beyond the early years. I sure might have sympathy towards them and take care of them anyway, as I might for any acquaintance, but it's certainly not an expected part of the family relationship in this country.

It's individualist culture. If my elders didn't really have anything to do with me., I'm not going to have much to do with them. It's different than many traditional societies.
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,138
It's not just the kids' responsibility for this world view, but the parents as well.

Boomers in particular have had a culture of independence that leads them to move to Florida or other "exotic" retirement heavy areas, while at the same time pushed kids out of the household to be on their own and encouraged and expected them to be independent and self-sufficient. This is biting the boomers as they both led an unsustainable lifestyle, and have cultivated a sense of independence and self-reliance in their kids.
To Boomer's defense, they didn't expect the world to change so fast.

Boomers came of age when housing was plentiful and cheap. Jobs were low skilled, paid well, and were secure. There was no major international competition.

The world changed before their eyes and they were still using the older Operating System to use computer terminology.

Even here, I've seen parents chide their kids for not having a home purchase yet. That's a complete misunderstanding of reality--housing prices, wages, job markets.
 

AndyD

Mambo Number PS5
Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,602
Nashville
To Boomer's defense, they didn't expect the world to change so fast.

Boomers came of age when housing was plentiful and cheap. Jobs were low skilled, paid well, and were secure. There was no major international competition.

The world changed before their eyes and they were still using the older Operating System to use computer terminology.

Even here, I've seen parents chide their kids for not having a home purchase yet. That's a complete misunderstanding of reality--housing prices, wages, job markets.
Sure. But their failure to acknowledge that change today, and insistence on reverting to the "good old days" is a disservice to their kids and further drives a wedge into relationships. Instead of working at it, they actively work against it with seemingly little remorse or self-reflection.
 
May 22, 2018
699
That's because there is a stigma about living with your parents.
I was just reminded of that a couple of hours ago while working with my boss.

My parents bought their first house in 2009, and within a year my father not only got laid off his job of 30+ years, but he also severely injured his back, forcing him into an early retirement as he can barely move without pain today. Seeing how my mom couldn't afford the mortgage on her own, and I'm in my thirties, not married and have no kids, I moved back in to help them and put rent money towards the new house instead of in someone else's pocket. Plus I can help my dad whenever he needs it.

That's not acceptable to my boss, whom is a baby boomer like my folks. He says they shouldn't have let me help and given up on their dream of owning a home, because that would have been better than letting me move back in. Even though I love parents and would do anything for them as they'd do the same for me, it made me feel like a big piece of shit.
 

Brazil

Actual Brazilian
Member
Oct 24, 2017
18,435
SĂŁo Paulo, Brazil
This is a good thing. Less children means a slower growing population which mean some a healthier world.

Also I'll be one of these to. Marriage and relationships are too much work.
This isn't a good thing. A fractured and individualized society is literally incapable of forming the bonds necessary to overthrow those in power, leaving them there with enough freedom to finish off the world with their neoliberal greed.

Mankind will literally die if people don't fight back against apathy and stop feeling content to remain in their pathetic cocoons.
 

JRoth

Member
Oct 26, 2017
420
My baby boomer folks often kid with me, the notion of them moving in to live with me again. But after reading this, in all honesty it would be easier to help them if they ever got hurt or needed help. Since they live several states away, its much harder to do this.
 
OP
OP
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,138
Sure. But their failure to acknowledge that change today, and insistence on reverting to the "good old days" is a disservice to their kids and further drives a wedge into relationships. Instead of working at it, they actively work against it with seemingly little remorse or self-reflection.
Yeah, not all boomers, though lol. Quite a few understand that world has changed. But I am shocked at those that still think buying a home is an easy thing in today's wages and home prices.
 

Xythantiops

Member
Oct 27, 2017
703
I live 10 minutes outside of Lancaster PA. The Amish certainly know how to take care of their elders.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was born Amish. Radically different that's for sure. But would I be happier?
 
OP
OP
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,138
I live 10 minutes outside of Lancaster PA. The Amish certainly know how to take care of their elders.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was born Amish. Radically different that's for sure. But would I be happier?
The decrease of religion and institutional life hasn't also helped here. Putnam's Bowling Alone talks about this at length. America used to be a nation of joiners--cvic groups, associations, and of course religion but those have waned in the past 40 years or so.
 

CrazyAndy

Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,071
But being alone doesn't necessarily make you lonely. Some people prefer to be alone.
 

SageShinigami

Member
Oct 27, 2017
30,474
But being alone doesn't necessarily make you lonely. Some people prefer to be alone.

Thats not what the article is about.

This isn't a good thing. A fractured and individualized society is literally incapable of forming the bonds necessary to overthrow those in power, leaving them there with enough freedom to finish off the world with their neoliberal greed.

Mankind will literally die if people don't fight back against apathy and stop feeling content to remain in their pathetic cocoons.

...Shit, dude.
 

Replicant

Attempted to circumvent a ban with an alt
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
9,380
MN
I'm 40 and in this boat and don't see it changing any time soon.
 

AndyD

Mambo Number PS5
Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,602
Nashville
Yeah, not all boomers, though lol. Quite a few understand that world has changed. But I am shocked at those that still think buying a home is an easy thing in today's wages and home prices.
it's definitely not all sure. But for everyone that is that way there's a string of kids and grandkids to get affected so the effect gets amplified.
 

Kain-Nosgoth

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,569
Switzerland
Not in the US, but it will probably be the same for me... i still have my two best friends but most of the time i'm alone and i'm incapable of finding someone, i don't even try anymore cause it's just too much work... if being myself is not enough then what's the point?

i'm fine with it though, i've made peace with myself... I'm only 30 so there's still lots of chances, if i end up finding someone it will just be a nice new thing to my life, it's not a priority anymore
 

ScoutDave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,301
Loneliness can be a killer for sure. Im in my 40s. Never married and no kids. Own my own house. Own a couple vehicles. I do okay for myself. My folks however were struggling and i moved them into my home to help them. I have no regrets about that. They are good people. But with the strain of now having them here, i can kinda kiss my prospects of my own family goodbye. A lot of women are taken back by the fact my folks are here. They dont see it as me helping them out. They see it as a man living with his folks. Dating has pretty much taken a backseat at this time in my life now.

Even though im not exactly the target age of the article. I feel i can somewhat relate. I can really feel it sometimes.