TransEra |ERA1| We're People, Okay?

Plum · Mar 7, 2019

Amevila said:
A lot if this sounds like you could be trans at least. And cis people usually don't worry about that kind of stuff.

You could try to dip your feet into presenting as a woman maybe? Since you posted in here it's likely no one in your real life connects your account here to you. So if you want you can change your account here to "female". Or maybe just us in here in this thread can view you as a woman.

If you don't want to that's fine as well and doesn't change if you are trans or not. That is ultimately always for you to decide.

Thanks for the reply! That might actually be a good idea, but I think that I need to go a little farther on until I decide whether to do so or not. I'm still at the stage where I know that I would want to be a woman, but don't see myself as a woman in any real way; whether that makes me trans or not is something I need to figure out myself and through therapy.

As a small update, I haven't done anything yet but I did look into therapists/counsellors in my area and, whilst doing so, these feelings felt a lot more 'real' than they had even before. I'm going to continue looking and hopefully I should be able to book an appointment before I leave university (in July); if I can't then it's going to be a lot more difficult finding that help without at the very least making my family suspicious. Thankfully I'm not incredibly fearful of a negative reaction if/when I do come out (though that only really extends to my closest family members, unfortunately) but I'd rather do that on my own time after I've figured everything out.

Plum · Mar 7, 2019

So I've been looking at what kinds of options I have in the UK and, damn, the waiting times are absolutely insane. People on r/transgenderUK were saying "2+ years to get a Gender Identity Clinic" referral from the NHS at the absolute minimum. It's a lot worse than even the worst of what I had thought previously. It seems that my only real option for a timely look-in (and a timely HRT prescription if it comes to that) is to go private, and that is a possibility (I will hopefully be receiving a sum of money from a family member in a month or so), but it's one that would require me to be a lot more 'stealth' about my intentions than if I were to simply go to a free clinic.

I do have to say that, having done all this research, this is all feeling a lot more real. I doubt I'd be talking about going private and what strategies I can use if my 'revelation' (for lack of a better term) from the other evening was simply a passing thought.

Also, thank you so much for the help and kind words, everyone.

Deleted member 20850 · Mar 7, 2019

Plum said:
So I've been looking at what kinds of options I have in the UK and, damn, the waiting times are absolutely insane. People on r/transgenderUK were saying "2+ years to get a Gender Identity Clinic" referral from the NHS at the absolute minimum. It's a lot worse than even the worst of what I had thought previously. It seems that my only real option for a timely look-in (and a timely HRT prescription if it comes to that) is to go private, and that is a possibility (I will hopefully be receiving a sum of money from a family member in a month or so), but it's one that would require me to be a lot more 'stealth' about my intentions than if I were to simply go to a free clinic.

I do have to say that, having done all this research, this is all feeling a lot more real. I doubt I'd be talking about going private and what strategies I can use if my 'revelation' (for lack of a better term) from the other evening was simply a passing thought.

Yes, all of this also sounds like you are trans. A cis man doesn't think about ways to get medication that leads to breast growth among many other feminine changes.

Plum · Mar 7, 2019

Amevila said:
Yes, all of this also sounds like you are trans. A cis man doesn't think about ways to get medication that leads to breast growth among many other feminine changes.

Whilst it's definitely looking that way, I've always been the kind of person to not "count their chickens before they hatch" so I'd much rather wait until I've been seen by a medical professional. That's not yours or anyone else's fault lol, it's just me and my relatively stubborn brain.

Boddy · Mar 7, 2019

Plum said:
Hey, so I've recently begun to realise that there's a fair chance that I am transgender. I don't know yet, and I've been flip-flopping between "I am" and "I'm not," these past few days and, damn, I just don't know. There have been so many times in my life where I think (I'm nowhere near qualified to say that they are) I've exhibited some form of trans behaviour or reacted to something in a way that could potentially make sense for a pre-transition trans-person, stuff like:
- Only ever wanting to play as female characters in games that give you the choice (I remember dropping Eve: Valkyria on PSVR simply because there was no way for me to change gender after I had accidentally picked the male body)
- Instantly being dismissive of any remarks from family/friends that "I'd make a good rugby player," because it reminded me of my shitty body
- Literally saying "I wish I were born a girl," to my mum (in a joking fashion during a conversation about shaving, but deep down I meant it)
- Never feeling any desire to take care of my male body
- Never wanting to look in mirrors, take selfies or have pictures taken of me
Those and so many more I can't even remember that clearly make it so that I can't deny that something is there. However I also don't feel like I 'need' to transition, and the uncertainty of it all (whether my family will accept me if I am trans, whether my 'rugby player' frame will make passing impossible, my voice...) just terrifies me.

Just... fuck, I don't know. To be perfectly honest I kinda wish that I would have had these thoughts a little later than now as they're definitely distracting me from University work lol. Sorry to put all this out here like this but I just wanted a place to vent and had nowhere else to put all this out into words.

That sounds very much like from before my coming out.
Now I spend over 1 hour in the bathroom each morning.

Usually the easiest way to figure this out is the button question :
If you there was a button that would irreversibly turn you into a woman without any negative side effects, would you press it?
Take your time, it certainly took me a while to find the answer.

Deleted member 20850 · Mar 7, 2019

Plum said:
Whilst it's definitely looking that way, I've always been the kind of person to not "count their chickens before they hatch" so I'd much rather wait until I've been seen by a medical professional. That's not yours or anyone else's fault lol, it's just me and my relatively stubborn brain.

Don't worry. Take all the time you need. It is not something to be rushed while you are not sure.

Some things also only make sense and are seen as a sign of gender dysphoria in retrospect. I for example really hated that my ps4 showed my "real" name to myself. I thought pseudonyms are far better. Fast forward to me using a female name and I am completely fine with it now.

And I also spend 1 hour in the bathroom now instead of like 5 minutes.

Deleted member 20429 · Mar 7, 2019

Plum said:
So I've been looking at what kinds of options I have in the UK and, damn, the waiting times are absolutely insane. People on r/transgenderUK were saying "2+ years to get a Gender Identity Clinic" referral from the NHS at the absolute minimum. It's a lot worse than even the worst of what I had thought previously. It seems that my only real option for a timely look-in (and a timely HRT prescription if it comes to that) is to go private, and that is a possibility (I will hopefully be receiving a sum of money from a family member in a month or so), but it's one that would require me to be a lot more 'stealth' about my intentions than if I were to simply go to a free clinic.

I do have to say that, having done all this research, this is all feeling a lot more real. I doubt I'd be talking about going private and what strategies I can use if my 'revelation' (for lack of a better term) from the other evening was simply a passing thought.

Also, thank you so much for the help and kind words, everyone.

Just want to point out that the cost of privately getting on HRT in the UK isn't quite as big and scary a cost that most people think it is if you can get things to line up right. I've had experience going this route so if you (or anyone else here for that matter) needs a hand with navigating UK private trans care feel free to give me a shout and I'll give what advice I can :)

Plum · Mar 7, 2019

Boddy said:
That sounds very much like from before my coming out.
Now I spend over 1 hour in the bathroom each morning.

Usually the easiest way to figure this out is the button question :
If you there was a button that would irreversibly turn you into a woman without any negative side effects, would you press it?
Take your time, it certainly took me a while to find the answer.

Thanks for the reply! Not sure about 1 hour in the bathroom each morning, I usually have barely enough time for a shower lol

I'd 100% press that button... but again, my stubborn mind just refuses to say that means anything.

Amevila said:
Don't worry. Take all the time you need. It is not something to be rushed while you are not sure.

Some things also only make sense and are seen as a sign of gender dysphoria in retrospect. I for example really hated that my ps4 showed my "real" name to myself. I thought pseudonyms are far better. Fast forward to me using a female name and I am completely fine with it now.

Thanks, I'll keep looking into what my options are and, hopefully, I should be able to book an appointment by May (when that appointment occurs is another question entirely, but it should be better than 'years' since I'm likely going to go private). If these feelings fade away by that time then that's fine, but if they don't then that's fine as well.

Ellieon said:
Just want to point out that the cost of privately getting on HRT in the UK isn't quite as big and scary a cost that most people think it is if you can get things to line up right. I've had experience going this route so if you (or anyone else here for that matter) needs a hand with navigating UK private trans care feel free to give me a shout and I'll give what advice I can :)

Thank you for the reply! Yeah, maybe it's because my family has had to use private dentistry in the past (long story, not a particularly nice one either lol) but I was expecting costs in the thousands, instead it seems like costs are generally around the £200-£600 mark depending on what appointment it is (I was mainly looking at GenderCare in London). Of course that's not a cost that everyone can bear, and I can't deny that I am very privileged for having that as an option, but compared to some of the frivolous shit I've bought in the past it's also a cost that seems relatively small for what is now such an important thing.

I'll PM you if I have any questions! :)

Nana&Popo · Mar 7, 2019

If you do transition don't worry too much about the bathroom comments. It's ok if you like putting on make up and stuff, but never feel like you have to. In a similar vein to that, never feel like you have to act feminine either. Also, don't mix up your sexuality into your gender identity either.

I am trans and a lesbian. I don't dress in a way that's feminine or girly at all. And I don't wear any make up or spend a lot of time in the bathroom. At first I tried being straight, I tried wearing make up and skirts, and I tried being more girly. I felt like if I didn't do these things I wasn't "girl enough" or "trans enough". All this pretending only led to more discomfort or, in the case of trying to act straight, a lot of hurt. It took awhile for me to be comfortable enough with myself to finally start acting like myself. I'm now ok with my sexuality, I dress very boyishly, I wear no makeup, and I no longer try to act girlier. Though, I admit I'm lucky enough to pass decently without all that stuff.

If you do transition don't fall into the same traps I did. Don't put all this effort so you can stop pretending to be a boy that you're not, just to turn around and start pretending to be the type of girl that you're not.

Plum · Mar 7, 2019

Nana&Popo said:
If you do transition don't worry too much about the bathroom comments. It's ok if you like putting on make up and stuff, but never feel like you have to. In a similar vein to that, never feel like you have to act feminine either. Also, don't mix up your sexuality into your gender identity either.

I am trans and a lesbian. I don't dress in a way that's feminine or girly at all. And I don't wear any make up or spend a lot of time in the bathroom. At first I tried being straight, I tried wearing make up and skirts, and I tried being more girly. I felt like if I didn't do these things I wasn't "girl enough" or "trans enough". All this pretending only led to more discomfort or, in the case of trying to act straight, a lot of hurt. It took awhile for me to be comfortable enough with myself to finally start acting like myself. I'm now ok with my sexuality, I dress very boyishly, I wear no makeup, and I no longer try to act girlier. Though, I admit I'm lucky enough to pass decently without all that stuff.

If you do transition don't fall into the same traps I did. Don't put all this effort so you can stop pretending to be a boy that you're not, just to turn around and start pretending to be the type of girl that you're not.

Thanks for the advice. Just gonna add that I wasn't worried about the bathroom comment, that was just a jokey remark on my current routine which is literally just "shower, brush teeth, dry hair, go" lol. I'd probably enjoy getting ready if I felt that I had a face and body worth getting ready for.

As for the rest, I can definitely see what you mean. I do doubt that, if I were to transition, I'd become some girly stereotype because, as you say, that isn't me. Looking back I've also noticed that a lot of the characters in fiction that made me think "I want to be like her" weren't all that (stereo)typically 'feminine,' at all, they were just, well, women. It's definitely great advice to say that you don't need to artificially develop a new personality to be trans, and you put it into words really well. It's awesome to hear that you've become comfortable with yourself :)

Plum · Mar 7, 2019

Just went to r/transvoice and listened to some of the voice transformations there...

...holy fucking shit. I got literal shakes hearing what someone with a voice as deep as mine could do with enough practice. I just wish there were some good examples of British trans-women (with any accent, my voice is kinda 'generic British' anyway); I'd love to hear what my female voice might sound like.

Deleted member 20429 · Mar 8, 2019

Plum said:
Just went to r/transvoice and listened to some of the voice transformations there...

...holy fucking shit. I got literal shakes hearing what someone with a voice as deep as mine could do with enough practice. I just wish there were some good examples of British trans-women (with any accent, my voice is kinda 'generic British' anyway); I'd love to hear what my female voice might sound like.

It's pretty damn mind blowing what you can do with your voice. I never thought it would be possible for my voice to sound anything remotely female (I had a very deep voice with a horrible Black Country accent, but now I get read female on the phone effortlessly).

Have a look at Christella Antoni's website, she is a London based SLT and has a few examples on her website of British trans women's voice before and after speech therapy.

Deleted member 20850 · Mar 8, 2019

Plum said:
Just went to r/transvoice and listened to some of the voice transformations there...

...holy fucking shit. I got literal shakes hearing what someone with a voice as deep as mine could do with enough practice. I just wish there were some good examples of British trans-women (with any accent, my voice is kinda 'generic British' anyway); I'd love to hear what my female voice might sound like.

The voice can be changed a lot. I've even had cases where I called somewhere in regards to deadname mylastname and they thought I was my wife.

I easily fell into the trap of "Male puberty ruined everything" before starting my transition. But in the end it was only my mind holding myself back.

Plum · Mar 8, 2019

So after research I've finally made myself a plan. I will (hopefully) be receiving a fair amount of money in the near-future and, when that happens, I'm going to make my first appointment with a private GIC in London (I can easily take the train there, using a 'I'm going to a convention' excuse or something lol). It'll probably take a month for that to happen but it's a lot better than the insane amount of time it takes to get appointments at NHS GICs. Depending on the outcome of that appointment I'll either stay how I am or come out to my closest family members and begin looking at HRT treatments. In the meantime I'm going to get a head-start on voice training as living away from family means I can do privately and easily.

Fuck... it feels surreal typing that out. I haven't been this 'certain' about something in a long while...

Ellieon said:
It's pretty damn mind blowing what you can do with your voice. I never thought it would be possible for my voice to sound anything remotely female (I had a very deep voice with a horrible Black Country accent, but now I get read female on the phone effortlessly).

Have a look at Christella Antoni's website, she is a London based SLT and has a few examples on her website of British trans women's voice before and after speech therapy.

Amevila said:
The voice can be changed a lot. I've even had cases where I called somewhere in regards to deadname mylastname and they thought I was my wife.

I easily fell into the trap of "Male puberty ruined everything" before starting my transition. But in the end it was only my mind holding myself back.

Thank you for the replies! I'll look at that website, Ellieon.

Deleted member 20850 · Mar 8, 2019

Plum said:
So after research I've finally made myself a plan. I will (hopefully) be receiving a fair amount of money in the near-future and, when that happens, I'm going to make my first appointment with a private GIC in London (I can easily take the train there, using a 'I'm going to a convention' excuse or something lol). It'll probably take a month for that to happen but it's a lot better than the insane amount of time it takes to get appointments at NHS GICs. Depending on the outcome of that appointment I'll either stay how I am or come out to my closest family members and begin looking at HRT treatments. In the meantime I'm going to get a head-start on voice training as living away from family means I can do privately and easily.

Fuck... it feels surreal typing that out. I haven't been this 'certain' about something in a long while...

Thank you for the replies! I'll look at that website, Ellieon.

Seems like you have this planned out nicely. I really hope it works out well for you.

And I am glad you felt comfortable to share your thoughts here.

Nana&Popo · Mar 8, 2019

Having a plan is always a good idea. I hope it works out well for you!

Eldy · Mar 8, 2019

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you, Plum :)

Plum said:
Fuck... it feels surreal typing that out. I haven't been this 'certain' about something in a long while...

Tell me about it. When I stop to think about it, I'm still really surprised that I took even the first tentative steps towards transitioning, given how much I rely on routine and how little I like shaking things up. (Let's just say I can divide my life into three distinct periods based on what my default pizza order has been in each one.) I spent months and years doubting and questioning whether I could be trans, but once things finally clicked, it was like I couldn't not try. And somehow that's made things easier instead of making me feel trapped. Though I am extremely fortunate to be in a very supportive environment and would undoubtedly be moving much slower if at all without that.

Plum · Mar 8, 2019

Eldy said:
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you, Plum :)

Tell me about it. When I stop to think about it, I'm still really surprised that I took even the first tentative steps towards transitioning, given how much I rely on routine and how little I like shaking things up. (Let's just say I can divide my life into three distinct periods based on what my default pizza order has been in each one.) I spent months and years doubting and questioning whether I could be trans, but once things finally clicked, it was like I couldn't not try. And somehow that's made things easier instead of making me feel trapped. Though I am extremely fortunate to be in a very supportive environment and would undoubtedly be moving much slower if at all without that.

Thanks for the support!

Also, damn, that second paragraph describes me so much. I definitely feel like I've been coasting through life, and any meaningful changes (especially those to do with my male identity) have just been put on the back-burner over and over again. I'm also lucky to be in a relatively supportive environment, at least with people close to me. I have no real worries that my immediate family will react negatively if/when I come out; it's the more 'old-fashioned' side of the slightly-extended family that I'm worried about, especially since they have the ability to legitimately harm my future (inheritance...). They're a frustratingly secretive bunch but there's been slip-ups here and there that point to them not exactly being tolerant.

And, yeah, now that things have 'clicked' for me I really feel that I should start this process even if I don't end up doing anything more.

How About No · Mar 8, 2019

AaaaAaaaAAAAaaa good luck Plum I'm rooting for you!!

Plum · Mar 9, 2019

How About No said:
AaaaAaaaAAAAaaa good luck Plum I'm rooting for you!!

Thanks! I wish I shared your enthusiasm lol, this is all quite overwhelming to be honest.

Maturra · Mar 9, 2019

Good luck, Plum! I'm super happy for you, and wish you the very best in your journey.

Plum · Mar 11, 2019

Fuck

...I think the dysphoria's really starting to 'kick in' now or, at least, it feels a lot more 'real' than it did before. It just feels absolutely awful...

However, it's given me perhaps the greatest motivation I've had to both lose weight (which I should be doing whether I'm trans or not) and to seriously consider at least taking some steps towards a more feminine appearance. I did some more research and it seems that the Private Gender Clinic I'm looking at is taking in more patients around June which, to me, is a great time to start.

EDIT: Deleted details because I didn't feel they were necessary.

Deleted member 20850 · Mar 11, 2019

Plum said:
Fuck

...I think the dysphoria's really starting to 'kick in' now or, at least, it feels a lot more 'real' than it did before. It just feels absolutely awful...

However, it's given me perhaps the greatest motivation I've had to both lose weight (which I should be doing whether I'm trans or not) and to seriously consider at least taking some steps towards a more feminine appearance. I did some more research and it seems that the Private Gender Clinic I'm looking at is taking in more patients around June which, to me, is a great time to start.

EDIT: Deleted details because I didn't feel they were necessary.

You have things planned out so every day will bring you closer to have your body be more in line with how you feel.

And you don't need anyone's permission to be yourself. A therapist can be a great help to work through some issues and support you. But if the dysphoria gets too bad there is nothing stopping you from presenting more feminine or completely as a woman. It just depends on how comfortable you are with it. Or maybe just in private.

I used to play mmorpgs to keep my dysphoria in check a bit.

Eldy · Mar 11, 2019

Plum said:
Fuck

...I think the dysphoria's really starting to 'kick in' now or, at least, it feels a lot more 'real' than it did before. It just feels absolutely awful...

However, it's given me perhaps the greatest motivation I've had to both lose weight (which I should be doing whether I'm trans or not) and to seriously consider at least taking some steps towards a more feminine appearance. I did some more research and it seems that the Private Gender Clinic I'm looking at is taking in more patients around June which, to me, is a great time to start.

EDIT: Deleted details because I didn't feel they were necessary.

While I know it won't make the feelings go away, that sounds familiar and from conversations I've had with other trans gals whose process has been similar to mine so far, I think it's a fairly common stage. I'm really happy that you feel up to taking concrete steps (shit, just contemplating them can be hard enough) so soon, though; that's big! Not that it would be wrong if your pace slowed for any reason, but I hope you're able to keep going at whatever speed is comfortable for you and that your appointments go well! :)

My dysphoria definitely kicked up after I stopped trying to ignore and repress it, particularly about my body. I went from having had facial hair for most of the preceding three years (because it was easier to just avoid thinking about my face entirely) to shaving more regularly than I ever have, though I've fallen behind on that again at points as other emotional stuff crops up. And my stance on body hair went from a vague dislike of how much I had to trying depilatory creams and then, went that didn't have the short-term effects I wanted, jumping right into shaving my entire body despite being convinced I would be covered with nicks and cuts. Fortunately, that part ended up being fairly easy, though time-consuming.

On the other hand--and I'm still not sure how these two things work together--I've often felt more comfortable in my own body, at least when I'm at home and not having to worry about what other people think. I figure it might be that I'm able to identify what's going on now and feel reasonably optimistic that, whatever the time table, I'll continue to take steps forward. Fingers crossed, anyway.

DJGolfClap · Mar 11, 2019

Plum said:
Thanks for the support!

Also, damn, that second paragraph describes me so much. I definitely feel like I've been coasting through life, and any meaningful changes (especially those to do with my male identity) have just been put on the back-burner over and over again. I'm also lucky to be in a relatively supportive environment, at least with people close to me. I have no real worries that my immediate family will react negatively if/when I come out; it's the more 'old-fashioned' side of the slightly-extended family that I'm worried about, especially since they have the ability to legitimately harm my future (inheritance...). They're a frustratingly secretive bunch but there's been slip-ups here and there that point to them not exactly being tolerant.

And, yeah, now that things have 'clicked' for me I really feel that I should start this process even if I don't end up doing anything more.

I relate very much to the bolded part. For the majority of my life my only concern was making it through the day. Zero ambition; I'm not exaggerating when I say that I didn't - and now barely do - feel like an actual, real person. I'm 41 years now and I've started my transition fairly recently and I'm beginning to be happy with who I am, but I'm basically starting from scratch, because, aside from my job and a small handful of friends, I have absolutely nothing to show for my entire life and it's been a struggle to maintain positivity.

Plum · Mar 11, 2019

Amevila said:
You have things planned out so every day will bring you closer to have your body be more in line with how you feel.

And you don't need anyone's permission to be yourself. A therapist can be a great help to work through some issues and support you. But if the dysphoria gets too bad there is nothing stopping you from presenting more feminine or completely as a woman. It just depends on how comfortable you are with it. Or maybe just in private.

I used to play mmorpgs to keep my dysphoria in check a bit.

Eldy said:
While I know it won't make the feelings go away, that sounds familiar and from conversations I've had with other trans gals whose process has been similar to mine so far, I think it's a fairly common stage. I'm really happy that you feel up to taking concrete steps (shit, just contemplating them can be hard enough) so soon, though; that's big! Not that it would be wrong if your pace slowed for any reason, but I hope you're able to keep going at whatever speed is comfortable for you and that your appointments go well! :)

My dysphoria definitely kicked up after I stopped trying to ignore and repress it, particularly about my body. I went from having had facial hair for most of the preceding three years (because it was easier to just avoid thinking about my face entirely) to shaving more regularly than I ever have, though I've fallen behind on that again at points as other emotional stuff crops up. And my stance on body hair went from a vague dislike of how much I had to trying depilatory creams and then, went that didn't have the short-term effects I wanted, jumping right into shaving my entire body despite being convinced I would be covered with nicks and cuts. Fortunately, that part ended up being fairly easy, though time-consuming.

On the other hand--and I'm still not sure how these two things work together--I've often felt more comfortable in my own body, at least when I'm at home and not having to worry about what other people think. I figure it might be that I'm able to identify what's going on now and feel reasonably optimistic that, whatever the time table, I'll continue to take steps forward. Fingers crossed, anyway.

Thank you for the kind replies :) You are right in that the process is going fast but, right now, I'm definitely going to be focusing more on getting my studies finished before I start making serious steps. It's bad timing but I can definitely wait.

To be honest the feeling isn't exactly 'new', it just didn't have that aspect of gender identity (at least not as strongly) until now. I hate mirrors, hate pictures and hate anything that makes me look at my body in great detail. Frankly you'd be hard-pressed to find 10 pictures of me that I willingly participated in from the past half-decade. I've just been playing some AC: Odyssey (as Kassanda of course lol) to take my mind off things; it's pretty much a singleplayer MMO in the first place.

You're right about the facial hair. It seems that no matter how much I shave there's still a stubborn 'twelve-o-clock shadow' that I just can't seem to get rid off and it's definitely bugging me; before I'd just grow or shave it depending on whether I felt like doing so or not. I might wait to do body hair until I've either come out or are ready to come out because that will undoubtedly be a very noticeable and hard-to-excuse change coming from myself.

The worst part, though, is definitely my back hair. That won't be easy to shave or use cream on because it's, well, my back; I hate it (and did so even before last week). It's just gross...

I hope your steps forward go well, Eldy!

DJGolfClap said:
I relate very much to the bolded part. For the majority of my life my only concern was making it through the day. Zero ambition; I'm not exaggerating when I say that I didn't - and now barely do - feel like an actual, real person. I'm 41 years now and I've started my transition fairly recently and I'm beginning to be happy with who I am, but I'm basically starting from scratch, because, aside from my job and a small handful of friends, I have absolutely nothing to show for my entire life and it's been a struggle to maintain positivity.

I can't really offer any particular words but I'm definitely sorry to hear you feel that way. I hope things get better for you now that you've begun transitioning :)

OniLinkPlus · Mar 11, 2019

Contacted the social workers at my insurance company today to ask about the costs of surgeries. That was 6 hours ago, they promised they'd get back to me today. tapping desk impatiently

God I hope my weird insurance situation (double covered through work and parents) is what's causing the delay and will get the cost down significantly cause... oof... am poor enough already, but I need to get this dealt with so I can get rid of the dysphoria.

Plum Congrats on your realizations and on looking into getting assistance! Hope it goes well for you! And yeah, realizing you have dysphoria does seem to commonly make dysphoria even worse.

DJGolfClap · Mar 11, 2019

Plum said:
I can't really offer any particular words but I'm definitely sorry to hear you feel that way. I hope things get better for you now that you've begun transitioning :)

Thank you! I want to be alive now, so it's a huge step in the right direction. I'll be okay, I just need some friends :) Good luck to you!

Eldy · Mar 11, 2019

DJGolfClap said:
Thank you! I want to be alive now, so it's a huge step in the right direction. I'll be okay, I just need some friends :) Good luck to you!

I'm really glad that things seem to be moving in a positive direction for you! Best of luck with whatever's ahead of you. :)

Plum said:
You're right about the facial hair. It seems that no matter how much I shave there's still a stubborn 'twelve-o-clock shadow' that I just can't seem to get rid off and it's definitely bugging me; before I'd just grow or shave it depending on whether I felt like doing so or not. I might wait to do body hair until I've either come out or are ready to come out because that will undoubtedly be a very noticeable and hard-to-excuse change coming from myself.

The worst part, though, is definitely my back hair. That won't be easy to shave or use cream on because it's, well, my back; I hate it (and did so even before last week). It's just gross...

I hope your steps forward go well, Eldy!

Thanks! The inescapable 5 o'clock shadow is incredibly frustrating but I'm hoping that laser hair removal, even though it probably won't completely stop hair growth, will make it thinner and lighter. And maybe one of these days I'll feel brave enough to start the trial and error process of learning how to apply makeup to help deal with any remaining patches.

Nana&Popo · Mar 11, 2019

How light is your body/facial hair? It helps if you're blonde or close to it. I had the whole 5 o' clock shadow thing up until I transitioned. Now I can not shave for a day or two and it still won't even be noticeable. Hormones will slow down the beard growth and might even lighten it like it did for me. Of course the flip side is, if you do still have 5 o' clock shadow after this, light hair will just make it harder to laser. Basically, if you're lucky you might not even need laser after hormones but it's still really all just genetics.

Plum · Mar 11, 2019

Nana&Popo said:
How light is your body/facial hair? It helps if you're blonde or close to it. I had the whole 5 o' clock shadow thing up until I transitioned. Now I can not shave for a day or two and it still won't even be noticeable. Hormones will slow down the beard growth and might even lighten it like it did for me. Of course the flip side is, if you do still have 5 o' clock shadow after this, light hair will just make it harder to laser. Basically, if you're lucky you might not even need laser after hormones but it's still really all just genetics.

My hair's pitch black, there's really no colour to it at all outside of a few red strands for some odd reason. It was the only thing about me that I liked getting compliments/remarks on but the fact that it also affects my beard/eyebrows/body hair as well just makes me dislike it.

Nana&Popo · Mar 11, 2019

Plum said:
My hair's pitch black, there's really no colour to it (outside of a few red strands for some odd reason). It was the only thing about me that I liked getting compliments/remarks on but the fact that it also affects my beard/eyebrows/body hair as well just makes me dislike it.

Well, at least it means laser is supposed to work better on you. Always have to find a bright side to everything, I think.

Eldy · Mar 11, 2019

Nana&Popo said:
How light is your body/facial hair? It helps if you're blonde or close to it. I had the whole 5 o' clock shadow thing up until I transitioned. Now I can not shave for a day or two and it still won't even be noticeable. Hormones will slow down the beard growth and might even lighten it like it did for me. Of course the flip side is, if you do still have 5 o' clock shadow after this, light hair will just make it harder to laser. Basically, if you're lucky you might not even need laser after hormones but it's still really all just genetics.

I have dirty blonde hair but my facial hair is closer to brown. Pretty pale-skinned (didn't inherit any of the Mediterranean complexion from my mom's side). Fingers crossed that'll work to some benefit with laser hair removal.

I've actually started thinking about dying my hair when I begin to make more significant changes to my appearance and presentation. I used to have very bright, yellowish blonde hair, but it started to darken when I was about 13 and it's been in this weird in-between shade ever since. I've always thought brown hair looked nicer so I might give that a shot at some point in the near-to-mid-term future.

Nana&Popo · Mar 12, 2019

Eldy said:
I have dirty blonde hair but my facial hair is closer to brown. Pretty pale-skinned (didn't inherit any of the Mediterranean complexion from my mom's side). Fingers crossed that'll work to some benefit with laser hair removal.

I've actually started thinking about dying my hair when I begin to make more significant changes to my appearance and presentation. I used to have very bright, yellowish blonde hair, but it started to darken when I was about 13 and it's been in this weird in-between shade ever since. I've always thought brown hair looked nicer so I might give that a shot at some point in the near-to-mid-term future.

Hey, that's actually pretty close to how my hair is/was! Right now my hair is a kind of a chestnut color that can be described as dark or light depending on how the light hits. However, it was a real platinum blonde when I was really little. I'm also pale skinned and failed to inherit a Mediterranean skin tone (from my father's side instead of my mother's). I hope your laser goes well!

Deleted member 203 · Mar 12, 2019

I had my first IPL (laser hair removal on face) treatment recently and it hurt like fucking hell. What are y'alls experiences with it, if any?

Also now I'm having to fight my insurance to actually get it reimbursed, even though it's part of basic coverage, they're being so fucking difficult about it. How many more hoops do I have to jump through to prove I'm trans? I already started HRT for christ's sake. I did everything by the book and they're still saying I can only get it reimbursed if I get a statement from one specific hospital in the netherlands, which is insane. The waiting lists there are huge. I'm so fed up rn.

Deleted member 20850 · Mar 12, 2019

Noray said:
I had my first IPL (laser hair removal on face) treatment recently and it hurt like fucking hell. What are y'alls experiences with it, if any?

Also now I'm having to fight my insurance to actually get it reimbursed, even though it's part of basic coverage, they're being so fucking difficult about it. How many more hoops do I have to jump through to prove I'm trans? I already started HRT for christ's sake. I did everything by the book and they're still saying I can only get it reimbursed if I get a statement from one specific hospital in the netherlands, which is insane. The waiting lists there are huge. I'm so fed up rn.

Facial hair removal hurt like crazy at first. It gets better the less hair there is for me so what you experienced should be the worst of it.

I just come from the third doctor I have to convince I am trans. Soon will have to visit a fourth. Add a judge too.

You 'd think one diagnosis would be plenty.

OwOtacon · Mar 12, 2019

I hate doing voice training. Hearing my own voice makes me feel like shit, and my tongue is so limited (see my quite embarassing thread about not rolling r's).

I also hate not having any showers I can use at uni close, because I do not pass at all and feel extremely uncomfortable in guy's showers. I found a neutral stall at a different gym but that's ages away. Walking 20 minutes each day for showers >>>>

God I hate myself why do I even bother.

Maturra · Mar 12, 2019

Noray said:
I had my first IPL (laser hair removal on face) treatment recently and it hurt like fucking hell. What are y'alls experiences with it, if any?

Laser hurts like hell... the best advice I can give is "shave extra-close on your laser days" - the shorter your hair is, the less it hurts. Also: Aloe - applying aloe after a session really soothes and helps to reduce the redness.

OniLinkPlus · Mar 12, 2019

Insurance got back to me. Breast augmentation surgery will be free. Woooo

Eldy · Mar 12, 2019

OniLinkPlus said:
Insurance got back to me. Breast augmentation surgery will be free. Woooo

Congratulations!

Icemonk191 · Mar 12, 2019

OniLinkPlus said:
Insurance got back to me. Breast augmentation surgery will be free. Woooo

Great news!

Deleted member 20850 · Mar 13, 2019

OniLinkPlus said:
Insurance got back to me. Breast augmentation surgery will be free. Woooo

Congrats!

How About No · Mar 13, 2019

OniLinkPlus said:
Insurance got back to me. Breast augmentation surgery will be free. Woooo

Oh fuk yea!

Deleted member 203 · Mar 13, 2019

Maturra said:
Laser hurts like hell... the best advice I can give is "shave extra-close on your laser days" - the shorter your hair is, the less it hurts. Also: Aloe - applying aloe after a session really soothes and helps to reduce the redness.

Thanks, I do hope that helps. The thing is for my first treatment they wanted me to have a bit of a stubble so they could see what my facial hair situation is like, so I hadn't shaved for two days. They shaved me there, and for some reason they did it with a disposable razor and no shaving cream at all. It was very unpleasant, and not a very close shave probably. That probably didn't help with the pain.

They gave me some creams after the treatment but honestly i hardly had any redness or pain after the fact. Just a little sore/bruised-feeling, but very little redness. I was surprised by that.

And congrats OniLinkPlus! (I used to go by Oni online way back when, in reference to Oni Link, and we're both trans. Zelda makes you trans confirmed)

Maturra · Mar 13, 2019

Noray Oof... that's not fun at all... but definitely not uncommon. Hopefully your next visits go better going forward!

Funny enough, the same happened for me - I didn't see any redness appearing until visit 7, when they finally turned the laser up high to kill off the pesky moustache shadow. (I... still have a few visits left for that. Ehe)

OniLinkPlus said:
Insurance got back to me. Breast augmentation surgery will be free. Woooo

Congrats!

Robin · Mar 15, 2019

OniLinkPlus said:
Insurance got back to me. Breast augmentation surgery will be free. Woooo

Congratulations!

OniLinkPlus · Mar 15, 2019

Thank you everyone for the congrats. Honestly this should just be the norm, not having to pay for transition. Got lucky and am double covered by both parents insurance and by work. My parents hate the idea of me transitioning so it feels highly cathartic to use their insurance to transition for free.

TheOther · Mar 20, 2019

Tomorrow I will be going to court to get my name and gender marker changed. Making a 4 hour drive to go to a more friendlier county who has this process very streamlined.

Ketkat · Mar 20, 2019

sl580 said:
Tomorrow I will be going to court to get my name and gender marker changed. Making a 4 hour drive to go to a more friendlier county who has this process very streamlined.

That's really exciting! Good luck sl, I hope that streamlined process will get you in and out quick!

TheOther · Mar 20, 2019

Ketkat said:
That's really exciting! Good luck sl, I hope that streamlined process will get you in and out quick!

Thanks! I've been looking forward to this day for the last 9 months. It will be nice to finally have it all over.

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