TransEra |ERA1| We're People, Okay?

Gleethor

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,648
Dot Matrix with stereo sound
Hey all. New to the scene. Didn’t even know this thread was a thing but I’m subbing for sure.

I realized I was trans about a month and a half ago. I’m out to my SO and a few close friend, everyone has been wonderful. I have a great, supportive doctor who’s been working on getting me on HRT.

My workplace is pretty progressive and a great place to work, I’m not out at work yet but I’m not terribly worried about anyone’s reaction there. Our insurance company seems to have reasonable coverage for HRT and the like. My only worry is our own pretty outdated insurance policy towards everything trans (or as the policy states, “sex transformation” if that gives you an idea of how outdated it is). I’m pretty sure I’ll be the first out trans individual at the company basically ever so I have no frame of reference for how to handle this. Anyone have any experience navigating discriminatory or outdated company insurance policies?
 

Grayson

Member
Aug 21, 2019
1,248
I’m not completely qualified as a cis gay but do we have someone or a few someone’s who would be willing to put together a trans teaching thread here? I’ve found that knowledge creates allies.

Sadly I’ve found so much ignorance in the LGBT so the straight community much need this help even more.
 

GraphicViolets

Resettlement Advisor
Member
Oct 25, 2017
386

winkyface

Avenger
Oct 30, 2017
226
Hey all. New to the scene. Didn’t even know this thread was a thing but I’m subbing for sure.

I realized I was trans about a month and a half ago. I’m out to my SO and a few close friend, everyone has been wonderful. I have a great, supportive doctor who’s been working on getting me on HRT.

My workplace is pretty progressive and a great place to work, I’m not out at work yet but I’m not terribly worried about anyone’s reaction there. Our insurance company seems to have reasonable coverage for HRT and the like. My only worry is our own pretty outdated insurance policy towards everything trans (or as the policy states, “sex transformation” if that gives you an idea of how outdated it is). I’m pretty sure I’ll be the first out trans individual at the company basically ever so I have no frame of reference for how to handle this. Anyone have any experience navigating discriminatory or outdated company insurance policies?
Have you tried reaching out to the insurance's case manager that's assigned to your company?
 

CatDoggo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
743
I'd be really grateful if someone could PM me links to other places that I can read up on this community's thoughts and experiences. I normally lurk these topics because I feel its not my place to speak up, but I do enjoy hearing what you guys have to say. However, it seems to me that it's becoming more and more clear that this website isn't the best place for discussions on these topics. For as little as it's worth, I will say that you all deserve better than how threads on this site always seem to turn out.
 

Djkhaled

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
557
I recently came out as trans. Mg girlfriend came out as gay. She still doesn't want to be with me despite saying she'll "see me as a woman", she wants someone with a vagina. :(. I want my girlfriend back.
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,430


Ketkat got slapped, big loss.
I do hope she'll be let back. She was great to learn from in the ERA Confessions thread

Also, hello friends! I'm not trans myself, but do hope to be less of a numbskull when it comes to what it's like being trans, and the issues that can be experienced through that. The thread that was just closed in Off-Topic kinda sparked a desire to learn and understand more
 

Nora

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
Wow, I'm reading the thread where ket got banned, this is some fucking bullshit. considering if i want to be part of this community any more.
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,430
Wow, I'm reading the thread where ket got banned, this is some fucking bullshit. considering if i want to be part of this community any more.
It's understandable that people won't want to be a part of ERA after these issues have happened.

I would say, though, that losing the voices of trans members and allies further would be making a bad situation worse. There are plenty of people on ERA who want this to be a better place and to be the kind of community that all people are welcome to
 

Nora

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
It's understandable that people won't want to be a part of ERA after these issues have happened.

I would say, though, that losing the voices of trans members and allies further would be making a bad situation worse. There are plenty of people on ERA who want this to be a better place and to be the kind of community that all people are welcome to
it's not the job of members to make it so. It's the job of staff. But the staff is more concerned about people being meanies to them (half of their fucking updated guidelines was about not tolerating even the slightest bit of criticism of staff decisions) than fostering a healthy environment for trans people to talk about trans-related topics. They think "we have trans members on staff" is a defense against any and all criticism, and any public dissent is silenced. It's garbage.
 

Boddy

User Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,160
A friend of mine recently had Bottom surgery. There were some minor complications, but overall she is also very happy with the results.

I'm currently trying to get my insurance to cover it. Hopefully my second attempt works out, otherwise I might be in trouble.
Sadly both of the surgeons I want to go to have long waiting list, so it mostly likely won't happen before 2021.
 

Lady Justice

Member
Oct 27, 2017
138
Germany
A friend of mine recently had Bottom surgery. There were some minor complications, but overall she is also very happy with the results.

I'm currently trying to get my insurance to cover it. Hopefully my second attempt works out, otherwise I might be in trouble.
Sadly both of the surgeons I want to go to have long waiting list, so it mostly likely won't happen before 2021.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you, that it will work out.
May I ask were your friend had her surgery done?
 

Lady Justice

Member
Oct 27, 2017
138
Germany
Y'know for the first time in my life I'm actually considering bottom surgery. I've been so anxious about possible complications That I've been avoiding it.
It took me most of my transition, about three years, but I finally decided at the beginning of this year that it was the right thing to do. The weeks leading up to the surgery I was so afraid. I put all my things in order. The last two days before my appointment I couldn't stop crying, that's how afraid I was.
Now I'm three weeks post surgery and it was the best decision ever. No complications, no horrible pain. Yes, walking and sitting is still a bit uncomfortable, but the for the first time in my life I feel comfortable in my Body
When I look in the mirror I can't help but smile.
I don't know if my little insight helps, but I hope so.
 

Amevila

Member
Oct 28, 2017
360
I recently came out as trans. Mg girlfriend came out as gay. She still doesn't want to be with me despite saying she'll "see me as a woman", she wants someone with a vagina. :(. I want my girlfriend back.
It might be too early for you to know if you want or need it but did you discuss bottom surgery with her and if that would change things for her?
 

Boddy

User Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,160
Keeping my fingers crossed for you, that it will work out.
May I ask were your friend had her surgery done?
Not sure about the surgeon, but I know she went to clinic Bogenhausen.
Y'know for the first time in my life I'm actually considering bottom surgery. I've been so anxious about possible complications That I've been avoiding it.
Complications with the right surgeons are pretty rare and most of the people who go there(as in 98%) are generally very happy with the results.
You should look more into it.
 
May 21, 2019
446
underwater
Not sure about the surgeon, but I know she went to clinic Bogenhausen.

Complications with the right surgeons are pretty rare and most of the people who go there(as in 98%) are generally very happy with the results.
You should look more into it.
Oh sure I've been stuck in my biases against it for so long that after having a talk with my therapist in one of my last sessions with her I ended up realizing how dumb I was with having this notion. I've also realized that I'm probably never going to be able have kids unless I get my cells cloned with my boyfriend's. But yeah this is all personal for me I have nothing against folks who get the bottom surgery it was just a personal barrier due to my parents hammering in the notion of having grandkids and the pressures of wanting that. That said I'm super maternal and want my own Babs so bad!!!!
 

Boddy

User Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,160
Cherry artania I can very much relate to the wanting to have children part.
Well, it's pretty much too late for me anyway and adopting is great as well.
 

Djkhaled

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
557
It might be too early for you to know if you want or need it but did you discuss bottom surgery with her and if that would change things for her?
I've asked and she said "I don't know". Honestly. It baffles me. If she says she likes women. She only wants to be with women. But she says she will see me as a woman. Why are genitals so important? She is just stuck on the fact that she needs to have someone with a vagina. She keeps saying that she wouldn't even know how to have sex without using my penis and I'm like. Fuck. We can figure it out. But she's just set on needing a vagina.
even if it did... no? they shouldn't be with someone that says she's gay but won't be with a trans woman, regardless of genitals. Djkhaled you deserve someone better.
She's been with me through so much though :( I love her to death. I just don't get why she tells me she'll see me as fully a woman but she still is put off by my genitals. I don't understand it.
 

Nora

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
I've asked and she said "I don't know". Honestly. It baffles me. If she says she likes women. She only wants to be with women. But she says she will see me as a woman. Why are genitals so important? She is just stuck on the fact that she needs to have someone with a vagina. She keeps saying that she wouldn't even know how to have sex without using my penis and I'm like. Fuck. We can figure it out. But she's just set on needing a vagina.

She's been with me through so much though :( I love her to death. I just don't get why she tells me she'll see me as fully a woman but she still is put off by my genitals. I don't understand it.
i think you do. her actions speak louder than her words. regardless of what she says, if genitals are the issue, she has some hangups about trans women at the very least.

trans people have enough shit to deal with with dysphoria as it is, you don't need this shit on top of it. i doubt she's gonna come around on this, she probably just doesn't want to hurt you by saying how she really feels about it. sorry, but this sounds kinda irreconcilable from the few details we have
 

Djkhaled

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
557
i think you do. her actions speak louder than her words. regardless of what she says, if genitals are the issue, she has some hangups about trans women at the very least.

trans people have enough shit to deal with with dysphoria as it is, you don't need this shit on top of it. i doubt she's gonna come around on this, she probably just doesn't want to hurt you by saying how she really feels about it. sorry, but this sounds kinda irreconcilable from the few details we have
:( i know... i really want to see a couples counsellor that specialises in lgbt stuff with her, and she has agreed to do that, but she "wants to wait a couple of weeks" I know she is just delaying, we should be seeing one ASAP, like next week if possible, right?, but... i know its over... i dont want it to be, I have no family, she is my only family and friend.... im basically going to be alone with no one that cares for me and no money because im on welfare due to disability. I also have Borderline personality disorder so I have strrooooong abandonment issues. I wont lie and say that suicide isn't in my head pretty strongly. It's been 6 years of devoting my life to her, in and out of hospital due to my disability, nearly dying, and now she wont fight through this with me.... i cant take this.
 

Nora

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
:( i know... i really want to see a couples counsellor that specialises in lgbt stuff with her, and she has agreed to do that, but she "wants to wait a couple of weeks" I know she is just delaying, we should be seeing one ASAP, like next week if possible, right?, but... i know its over... i dont want it to be, I have no family, she is my only family and friend.... im basically going to be alone with no one that cares for me and no money because im on welfare due to disability. I also have Borderline personality disorder so I have strrooooong abandonment issues. I wont lie and say that suicide isn't in my head pretty strongly. It's been 6 years of devoting my life to her, in and out of hospital due to my disability, nearly dying, and now she wont fight through this with me.... i cant take this.
that really sucks, I'm so sorry. you can get through this. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,430
It feels awful to see how trans awareness week has gone down in ERA :(

There's still a path forward to correct some of the errors done to transERA, as Nicole laid them out in another thread, so I hope the mod and admin team listen with open ears and act with the intent to fix these burned bridges

It would be a fucking shame on this site if we drove out groups like transERA, and other minority groups impacted by questionable moderation
 

oreomunsta

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,430
I'm pleased that The Woods dropped by into that thread and is responding to me and a few others in there.

Please, if I say something that goes against transEra's desires, hop in there and correct me. I will likely put my foot in my mouth at some point by talking about an issue that I don't feel as impacted by as a member who is actually a transgender individual lol
 

Mewn

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
2,306
UK
I'm not usually an emotional person but that thread hurts. And I'm still not convinced that the admin team get why the way they have handled this entire mess has been an absolute gut-punching disaster. I suppose we'll see when we get their update.

Take care, everyone.
 

SapphiCine

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,932
Hey all, binary trans woman here. A long overdue introduction for myself, even though I wear my trans status on my sleeve. Figured I would try to more directly connect with the local trans community here. (Especially in case the current situation goes FUBAR.)
 

Abstrusity

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,569
I'm also hopping in here. I don't remember if I ever did post here and I can't say I'll be very active, but I figure now is a good time now that KetKat is unbanned and it *appears* mods are taking this seriously.

I've been on HRT, 2mg estradiol and 100mg Spironolactone (both twice a day) since March. I haven't...changed a whole bunch since, but the slower rate of hair growth in places I don't want it and the chest growth is nice!

I mostly didn't even realize how much extra I had been eating as a result, though, so weight loss is...slow. I've put myself on a pretty stringent diet but struggling to keep with it as low as I want it. Outside of that, I feel pretty good, I'm out to my friends, family, and my workplace, but not socially transitioning at all right now.
 
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