TransEra |ERA1| We're People, Okay?

Amevila

Member
Oct 28, 2017
360
I think I've had those "I wish I looked like her" feelings for a long time, but didn't recognize them or just refused to acknowledge it. Like, I've always been drawn to woman with long hair and realized it was at least partly because I've always wanted long hair myself. Those feelings are also really confusing, because while I know I want long hair, the thought of long hair as a guy makes be uncomfortable. When I was first really looking at woman's cloths online, that was when I first really knew that I had feelings of jealously, wanting to look like the models in the photos. It's not even a feeling of wanting to look really attractive or anything (though there is a little of that too). I just wanted to be able to wear those cloths and have it look "natural".



I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with those feelings. I felt this strongly when I went to the local support group for the first time over 2 months ago. The second time, I went with my SO, since it was the trans and ally group and felt better, less like an impostor, but was still too nervous and shy to say anything about my experience. I knew I was trans, but still felt like my story wasn't valid enough compared to the others. I know that's not true, but it's still hard to not feel it.

At PAX East, if you happen to spot someone in the table top area with their nails on one hand painted blue and other neon red (like the Switch), feel free to say high. While I won't be presenting as a woman just yet, PAXEast is my next step in presenting more and more feminine. My back back will also be sporting the Trans Rights pin that was talked about earlier in this thread.

This Saturday is the big day of when I come out to my parents and my SO's family. My SO made the plans with the families, which led to some awkwardness, since she had to be vague about why. My sister, who I am out to, warned me that my parents are convinced we're going to be announcing our engagement. My SO's family was supposed to be a later date, but they think something is wrong and after pestering from her sister, my SO agreed to talk to them on Saturday (even before we meet my parents that day). She's meeting with them alone, since she fears the worst and thinks it's better she talks to them alone. I'm scared of their reaction, so I'm both relived and feeling guilty about not being there. That is happening at noon, then my parents that evening, so it will be an emotionally charged day. I'm also a little worried that my parents will be angry that my SO's family will have known first, even if it is only by like a few hours. It was the only day my SO could talk with all of her family at once, without waiting 3 weeks and I know this is very hard for her too, especially since she's also coming out as bi. They are not the most accepting of families.
Best of luck for Saturday. I hope your families are accepting and treat you well.
 
Nov 27, 2019
84
I think I've had those "I wish I looked like her" feelings for a long time, but didn't recognize them or just refused to acknowledge it. Like, I've always been drawn to woman with long hair and realized it was at least partly because I've always wanted long hair myself. Those feelings are also really confusing, because while I know I want long hair, the thought of long hair as a guy makes be uncomfortable. When I was first really looking at woman's cloths online, that was when I first really knew that I had feelings of jealously, wanting to look like the models in the photos. It's not even a feeling of wanting to look really attractive or anything (though there is a little of that too). I just wanted to be able to wear those cloths and have it look "natural".



I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with those feelings. I felt this strongly when I went to the local support group for the first time over 2 months ago. The second time, I went with my SO, since it was the trans and ally group and felt better, less like an impostor, but was still too nervous and shy to say anything about my experience. I knew I was trans, but still felt like my story wasn't valid enough compared to the others. I know that's not true, but it's still hard to not feel it.

At PAX East, if you happen to spot someone in the table top area with their nails on one hand painted blue and other neon red (like the Switch), feel free to say high. While I won't be presenting as a woman just yet, PAXEast is my next step in presenting more and more feminine. My back back will also be sporting the Trans Rights pin that was talked about earlier in this thread.

This Saturday is the big day of when I come out to my parents and my SO's family. My SO made the plans with the families, which led to some awkwardness, since she had to be vague about why. My sister, who I am out to, warned me that my parents are convinced we're going to be announcing our engagement. My SO's family was supposed to be a later date, but they think something is wrong and after pestering from her sister, my SO agreed to talk to them on Saturday (even before we meet my parents that day). She's meeting with them alone, since she fears the worst and thinks it's better she talks to them alone. I'm scared of their reaction, so I'm both relived and feeling guilty about not being there. That is happening at noon, then my parents that evening, so it will be an emotionally charged day. I'm also a little worried that my parents will be angry that my SO's family will have known first, even if it is only by like a few hours. It was the only day my SO could talk with all of her family at once, without waiting 3 weeks and I know this is very hard for her too, especially since she's also coming out as bi. They are not the most accepting of families.
Best of luck this Saturday. Lord only knows when I'd ever have the courage to come out to my parents.

EDIT: As long as I'm ruminating about my anxieties of coming out to my parents...

When I was a teenager, my mom got it in her head that I might be gay and got entirely too excited by the idea. She has always been progressive on sexual orientation issues (I don't know if the term is still in use or has been retired for obvious reasons, but she's something of a fag hag), even though I'm less clear on where she stands on issues relating to gender. She's certainly never said anything that makes me think she's harboring some TERF ideology, but honestly my hesitancy about telling my parents is less motivated by that possibility and more by that experience when I was a teenager. She's a gossip monger and I don't know if I can actually trust her to keep my confidence in this, and I'm not going to become her LGBTQ+ fashion pet so she can score woke points with her limousine liberal boomer friends.
 
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Nexas

Member
Oct 25, 2017
250
Hi TransEra! I just wanted to give y'all a quick update. I went makeup shopping with my friend, and it was an eye opening experience seeing the person I could be. I wasn't passing, buy I loved how cute I felt. Afterwards we went to grab a few drinks, and I told that I think I might be trans. She is so excepting it was great! She asked what pronouns that I prefered , and I told her she/her. I had to do everything in my power to not burst into tears in the middle of the bar. I also emailed a therapist that specializes I gender identity issues. I think my plan now is to come out to the rest of my friends at PAX since we will all be there together. I'm still not 100% sure where I'm at with everything, but this feels like the most excited that I have been about my future in years.
 

dadjumper

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,841
Japan
Hi TransEra! I just wanted to give y'all a quick update. I went makeup shopping with my friend, and it was an eye opening experience seeing the person I could be. I wasn't passing, buy I loved how cute I felt. Afterwards we went to grab a few drinks, and I told that I think I might be trans. She is so excepting it was great! She asked what pronouns that I prefered , and I told her she/her. I had to do everything in my power to not burst into tears in the middle of the bar. I also emailed a therapist that specializes I gender identity issues. I think my plan now is to come out to the rest of my friends at PAX since we will all be there together. I'm still not 100% sure where I'm at with everything, but this feels like the most excited that I have been about my future in years.
Awesome! Congrats! Turns out accepting yourself feels pretty good
 

Osu 16 Bit

Member
Oct 27, 2017
545
Chicago, IL
Hi TransEra! I just wanted to give y'all a quick update. I went makeup shopping with my friend, and it was an eye opening experience seeing the person I could be. I wasn't passing, buy I loved how cute I felt. Afterwards we went to grab a few drinks, and I told that I think I might be trans. She is so excepting it was great! She asked what pronouns that I prefered , and I told her she/her. I had to do everything in my power to not burst into tears in the middle of the bar. I also emailed a therapist that specializes I gender identity issues. I think my plan now is to come out to the rest of my friends at PAX since we will all be there together. I'm still not 100% sure where I'm at with everything, but this feels like the most excited that I have been about my future in years.

Congrats!!!
 

Emmaginary

Member
Aug 13, 2019
132
Straubing, Deutschland
Hi TransEra! I just wanted to give y'all a quick update. I went makeup shopping with my friend, and it was an eye opening experience seeing the person I could be. I wasn't passing, buy I loved how cute I felt. Afterwards we went to grab a few drinks, and I told that I think I might be trans. She is so excepting it was great! She asked what pronouns that I prefered , and I told her she/her. I had to do everything in my power to not burst into tears in the middle of the bar. I also emailed a therapist that specializes I gender identity issues. I think my plan now is to come out to the rest of my friends at PAX since we will all be there together. I'm still not 100% sure where I'm at with everything, but this feels like the most excited that I have been about my future in years.
That is so wonderful! :)

Congratulations and herzlicher Glückswunsch!
 

GlitchyDegree

The Fallen
Dec 4, 2017
965
Um... Hi TransEra, I'm 24 & have been really questioning my Identity for a few months now (I was born male but think I might be female). If I'm being honest, I have been having these thoughts since I was 16 but they really started hitting me last November. Every time I see a pretty girl now my first thought is I want to be them, when I see a nice dress at a clothing my first thought is to try it on, whenever I look at myself in the mirror I don't see 'me'. These thoughts are freaking me out a bit because for most of life I didn't have any doubt that I was a boy but I don't know anymore.
 

Nora

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
Um... Hi TransEra, I'm 24 & have been really questioning my Identity for a few months now (I was born male but think I might be female). If I'm being honest, I have been having these thoughts since I was 16 but they really started hitting me last November. Every time I see a pretty girl now my first thought is I want to be them, when I see a nice dress at a clothing my first thought is to try it on, whenever I look at myself in the mirror I don't see 'me'. These thoughts are freaking me out a bit because for most of life I didn't have any doubt that I was a boy but I don't know anymore.
sounds familiar to a lot of people in here, myself included, i'm sure. it can be scary but these thoughts are worth exploring. try different modes of presenting in the safety of your home and see what feels good. Welcome to the community!
 

GlitchyDegree

The Fallen
Dec 4, 2017
965
sounds familiar to a lot of people in here, myself included, i'm sure. it can be scary but these thoughts are worth exploring. try different modes of presenting in the safety of your home and see what feels good. Welcome to the community!
That might be a bit difficult as I live with my mom but I'll figure something out. Thanks for the advice & warm welcome! :)
 

eJawa

Member
Oct 27, 2017
59
South Portland, ME
Hi TransEra! I just wanted to give y'all a quick update. I went makeup shopping with my friend, and it was an eye opening experience seeing the person I could be. I wasn't passing, buy I loved how cute I felt. Afterwards we went to grab a few drinks, and I told that I think I might be trans. She is so excepting it was great! She asked what pronouns that I prefered , and I told her she/her. I had to do everything in my power to not burst into tears in the middle of the bar. I also emailed a therapist that specializes I gender identity issues. I think my plan now is to come out to the rest of my friends at PAX since we will all be there together. I'm still not 100% sure where I'm at with everything, but this feels like the most excited that I have been about my future in years.
Awesome and congrats! Even makeup shopping is a big step, as that is something I haven't been brave enough to seriously attempt yet.

Um... Hi TransEra, I'm 24 & have been really questioning my Identity for a few months now (I was born male but think I might be female). If I'm being honest, I have been having these thoughts since I was 16 but they really started hitting me last November. Every time I see a pretty girl now my first thought is I want to be them, when I see a nice dress at a clothing my first thought is to try it on, whenever I look at myself in the mirror I don't see 'me'. These thoughts are freaking me out a bit because for most of life I didn't have any doubt that I was a boy but I don't know anymore.
Yeah, growing up not doubting your gender seems to be a common experience. I thought part of the trans experience was knowing when you were a kid, which is probably why it took me so long to allow my self to question my gender. It's hard to do (speaking from recent experience), but try not to let your previous certainty be a source of anxiety over you current uncertainty. When I started questioning, I was desperately trying to rack my brain for childhood memories that I could use as "proof" to validate my self to others, but it would just make me more anxious.
 

GlitchyDegree

The Fallen
Dec 4, 2017
965
Yeah, growing up not doubting your gender seems to be a common experience. I thought part of the trans experience was knowing when you were a kid, which is probably why it took me so long to allow my self to question my gender. It's hard to do (speaking from recent experience), but try not to let your previous certainty be a source of anxiety over you current uncertainty. When I started questioning, I was desperately trying to rack my brain for childhood memories that I could use as "proof" to validate my self to others, but it would just make me more anxious.
Thanks for the advice. I always thought this was something people would be sure about really young as well.
 
Nov 27, 2019
84
If I'd had the vocabulary to describe things when I was younger, I might have figured things out a whole hell of a lot sooner. But I currently identify as a subspecies of genderfluid (trying to find a way to succinctly describe it is a fun hobby, because it ain't easy.), so it was never going to be as simple as "I think I'm really a woman" for me. Hell, if I hadn't found what I was looking for when I got a bee in my bonnet thinking I might be non binary last year, I'd have probably gone the rest of my life identifying entirely cis.
 

Amevila

Member
Oct 28, 2017
360
When I was a child trans women were still referred to as transsexual men here. Being any kind of man didn't really feel like a solution to me.

I just 'pretended' to be a girl/woman online and thought that's going to be as good as it is ever going to get.

Pretty sure the guy who explained to me that me feeling this way makes me a woman saved my life.
 

CharGP02A

Member
Nov 23, 2017
1,704
My first breast augmentation surgery in January went well (realignment). I'm just a couple weeks away from FFS in California!!!!!!!!! I can't contain my excitement. 2020 is the year of ME!!!

I got breast implants set for April, and my GRS set for July. Trying to get contouring done by the end of the year too.
 

Nora

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,548
I had all the tools and terminology from being online for years but I still didn't figure it out until I was 30 (two years ago). It's a pretty Big Deal to rethink your entire personhood, basically, and that's not a barrier easily overcome, no matter what. But yeah, having the framework to understand what being trans even is does help a lot. Once I figured it out I started transitioning basically immediately.
 

dadjumper

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,841
Japan
I had all the tools and terminology from being online for years but I still didn't figure it out until I was 30 (two years ago). It's a pretty Big Deal to rethink your entire personhood, basically, and that's not a barrier easily overcome, no matter what. But yeah, having the framework to understand what being trans even is does help a lot. Once I figured it out I started transitioning basically immediately.
Yeah exactly this. I knew something was up since I was 16 but it didn't solidify properly until a few months ago (I'm 26)
And now hormones are happening and it rules
 

Sophia

Phantasmal, like bubbles.
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
1,975
I had all the tools and terminology from being online for years but I still didn't figure it out until I was 30 (two years ago). It's a pretty Big Deal to rethink your entire personhood, basically, and that's not a barrier easily overcome, no matter what. But yeah, having the framework to understand what being trans even is does help a lot. Once I figured it out I started transitioning basically immediately.
I had a fairly good idea since I was very young. But there were no support networks or anything like that when I was growing up.

And as you say, rethinking your whole identity is hard.
 

stupei

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,863
Hey everyone. I hope this is an okay place to ask this. (I know that starting a question like that isn't a great start, but please hear me out.) For necessary context: I'm a cis lesbian and my girlfriend is trans. The relationship is pretty new and I realized I'm just really ignorant to some aspects of safe sex and want to become very informed and safe for both our sake, so I made an appointment with planned parenthood. In your experience, do they provide good unbiased information? The locations nearby all list themselves as having LGBTQ focused staff and such but I just have no barometer for this and want to make sure I'm going to the right place. Unfortunately this is a (short) distance kind of relationship with her going to school a few cities away so I can't easily go see anyone she would recommend. Thanks in advance for anyone taking the time to read or respond!