- Oct 28, 2017
Best of luck for Saturday. I hope your families are accepting and treat you well.I think I've had those "I wish I looked like her" feelings for a long time, but didn't recognize them or just refused to acknowledge it. Like, I've always been drawn to woman with long hair and realized it was at least partly because I've always wanted long hair myself. Those feelings are also really confusing, because while I know I want long hair, the thought of long hair as a guy makes be uncomfortable. When I was first really looking at woman's cloths online, that was when I first really knew that I had feelings of jealously, wanting to look like the models in the photos. It's not even a feeling of wanting to look really attractive or anything (though there is a little of that too). I just wanted to be able to wear those cloths and have it look "natural".
I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with those feelings. I felt this strongly when I went to the local support group for the first time over 2 months ago. The second time, I went with my SO, since it was the trans and ally group and felt better, less like an impostor, but was still too nervous and shy to say anything about my experience. I knew I was trans, but still felt like my story wasn't valid enough compared to the others. I know that's not true, but it's still hard to not feel it.
At PAX East, if you happen to spot someone in the table top area with their nails on one hand painted blue and other neon red (like the Switch), feel free to say high. While I won't be presenting as a woman just yet, PAXEast is my next step in presenting more and more feminine. My back back will also be sporting the Trans Rights pin that was talked about earlier in this thread.
This Saturday is the big day of when I come out to my parents and my SO's family. My SO made the plans with the families, which led to some awkwardness, since she had to be vague about why. My sister, who I am out to, warned me that my parents are convinced we're going to be announcing our engagement. My SO's family was supposed to be a later date, but they think something is wrong and after pestering from her sister, my SO agreed to talk to them on Saturday (even before we meet my parents that day). She's meeting with them alone, since she fears the worst and thinks it's better she talks to them alone. I'm scared of their reaction, so I'm both relived and feeling guilty about not being there. That is happening at noon, then my parents that evening, so it will be an emotionally charged day. I'm also a little worried that my parents will be angry that my SO's family will have known first, even if it is only by like a few hours. It was the only day my SO could talk with all of her family at once, without waiting 3 weeks and I know this is very hard for her too, especially since she's also coming out as bi. They are not the most accepting of families.