It looks like there's a pretty hefty discussion going on right now, but let me introduce myself. I'm Chelsea, and I'm trans as hell.
Hi Chelsea welcome 💖It looks like there's a pretty hefty discussion going on right now, but let me introduce myself. I'm Chelsea, and I'm trans as hell.
Its not so much physical as it is social. Even though I'd rather be a woman, I don't think of myself as one, because I was raised and have lived my whole life as a man.
Like going back to the hypothetical button test, yeah I'd press it, but even if I became a woman physically, I'd still feel like a fake or an imposter on account of not growing up as a girl.
It looks like there's a pretty hefty discussion going on right now, but let me introduce myself. I'm Chelsea, and I'm trans as hell.
Well, when I say "some youth" I mean I'm in my 30s. I'm GUESSING you're at least a decade younger, and I'm also guessing in a decade if you don't do anything you'll look back and go "why didn't I just transition then?" Or at least think about that "what if."
They just are women. And if you identify as a woman, so are you.
No one but you can say whether or not you're trans... but you sounds super trans.I mean if we're talking purely fantasy scenarios, I would definitely press such a button (although tbh I would rather have a button that would let me restart my life from the beginning but as a girl). IRL though I don't think I'd really want to transition given the limitations of current technology.
I guess I'll copy what I posted in the LGBT community thread to provide a bit more clarity regarding my situation.
I guess the big issue I have is that these feelings didn't really start until adolescence. I can think of a few vague instances when I was a young kid where I wanted to be a girl, but it didn't become a major obsession until like age 13 or 14. Hence why I've always believed my feelings to just be a bizarre kink in my sexuality.
It's up to you, but you sure sound super trans. You are a great age to start transitioning.I'm in my early 20s. And yeah I could maybe see regretting things down the line, but I could also see myself regretting transition as well. Spending a lot of time, effort, and money chasing something that I could never achieve.
I don't though. I have always seen my feelings as simply a fantasy or wish, not an identity. For me its "I want to be a woman", not "I am a woman".
In the end think I'd probably be better off just living my life as a feminine gay man, and maybe getting some help with my body image and intimacy issues.
Thanks for the advice though.
It's up to you, but you sure sound super trans. You are a great age to start transitioning.
You aren't going to get a better chance than this one.
All of us started with the wish to be a women to accepting ourselves for what we are.
If you are indeed trans, trying to improve your body image isn't going to help you with dysphoria.
At the very least you should experiment some more.
Like trying on make or girl's clothes and figure out how you feel about it.
Sounds like internalised trans phobia.But I don't think I would ever actually transition or try and "present" as a woman, change my name, or ask people to use female pronouns. Like I said I'd just feel like I was deceiving people or trying to get them to humor me.
I would never tell someone what their identity is, but your story sounds very trans, to me. If I'm reading your reasoning correctly, it sounds like the main reason you don't want to label yourself such, or transition, is fear and uncertainty. Which is entirely understandable, but take that out of the equation for just a second: would you rather be a girl? Would you be happier if other people saw you as a girl? If the answer is yes, you may want to seriously consider the possibility. The FUD is normal. But, speaking for myself, though I think many others also feel this way - I would 10000x rather live with the FUD than try to repress myself. You'll only end up regretting that later on down the road as more time wasted.Well, if we're being fully honest, I already do take cross-sex hormones to prevent hair loss (bad genetics sadly). I dress as effeminate as I can without attracting too much negative attention (long hair, earrings, nail polish, very light make-up, womens' jeans) and I have for several years. I'm also getting cosmetic surgery next year to change some things I've always disliked about my face (chin and jaw mostly).
But I don't think I would ever actually transition or try and "present" as a woman, change my name, or ask people to use female pronouns. Like I said I'd just feel like I was deceiving people or trying to get them to humor me.
Sounds like internalised trans phobia.
We all have to deal with that to some extent.
The real questions are, do you want to use a female name and pronouns?
Do you want that people treat you like a woman?
I would never tell someone what their identity is, but your story sounds very trans, to me. If I'm reading your reasoning correctly, it sounds like the main reason you don't want to label yourself such, or transition, is fear and uncertainty. Which is entirely understandable, but take that out of the equation for just a second: would you rather be a girl? Would you be happier if other people saw you as a girl?
People that don't belive you are most likely either ignortant or assholes and you shouldn't let people like that get in the way of your happiness.It depends. If people referred to me as a woman because that is what they actually saw me as, then I would like that. But if they were only doing it to be polite or respectful, well that wouldn't really mean much.
But I don't think I could ever actually ask people to call me a woman or go into womens' spaces, because I see myself as a man.
Yes and yes. But I don't see myself as a girl so I would never expect anyone else too.
I know I grew up on Transformers and sometimes wonder if the transforming vehicles resonated with me on a primal level, but I'm not sure what that has to do with trans people? :PI still think Bumblebee getting a movie is a weird choice, but y'know, if it fixes the movie series I won't complain...
I know I grew up on Transformers and sometimes wonder if the transforming vehicles resonated with me on a primal level, but I'm not sure what that has to do with trans people? :P
May I suggest spending more time in trans spaces?
If you tell trans people that you want to use female pronouns etc they will do it and they will belive you.
Figure out how much you like it. Maybe you will belive it soon enough as well.
It's also a very supportive community.
Ushiromiya You should probably consult a gender therapist if you can. You have said you have gender dysphoria and display a lot of commonalities with a person who is transgender.
I'm guessing you are specifically talking about psychological issues. That's the issue here. I don't think any of us are trained mental health professionals, so the most we can do is speak from experience. I believe the majority of trans women in here have said they have very similar experiences as to how you feel, I include myself in this majority. The point I'm trying to make is that you might have to try talking to a therapist again. I know you don't like the sound of that, and I know that I don't know your background or bad experiences, but that's what I suggest.Unfortunately I've had some very bad experiences with the medical community to the point that I don't think I could fully trust a doctor or therapist ever again.
That sucks, and I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I still think its gonna be worth seeing someone withUnfortunately I've had some very bad experiences with the medical community to the point that I don't think I could fully trust a doctor or therapist ever again. Back in middle school my therapist outed me to my parents which wasn't a fun time, and in college another one had me hospitalized against my will which cost me my job and lose a semester.
There was a time that I was misgendered all of the time. It felt horrible and led me to being even more insular than I was before that point. Now, years have passed and I am rarely ever misgendered. Even on the phone.
The thing is that now it feels like being misgendered messes with me even more. I know that it is ultimately up to me to not let the words of others devestate and destroy my emotional state, but before, it felt like, "What do you expect?". Now it feels like they have been simply humoring me this entire time. Like, was I doing better or was the world around me just nicer than when things were worse?
My wife had surgery last week and I had to deal with her being misgendered left and right because she comes from a state that won't allow her to change her birth certificate and she also had not taken the time to change her ID because she is always working. No one did it to me but I thought that this one person did at one point and I just went off of a cliff because she seemed so nice and supportive up to that point. I was in the last day of class, today and I again thought that someone said "His" when referring to me. The entire term has been wonderful in that regard so I am feeling like I am so gun shy that I am jumping at every backfire that I hear out the window.
It just sucks because I feel like I should not still be at this point. I don't know what I expected but it was not the feeling that everyone up to this point has just been playing along. I am doing the thing, everyday. I have confedence but it feels like I will never find emotional security like my wife who never misses a beat when they do it to her at her job and such.
Its like I hear a male pronoun and all of the sudden it is 12 years ago and gay guys are asking me if I am a drag queen all over again. All of my work and gain and progress does nothing to keep me from dropping, emotionally. The best that I can do is to not outwardly respond negatively to people who seem to be trying to be civil and plesant.
Blaming depression or anxiety issues just feels like a crutch.
Thanks for reading. I'm not even sure if I'm asking a question. I just have no other queer outlets besides my therapist.
How do you deal with those crushing moments of dysphoria?
I'm actually in a pretty good place, but in the last couple of days I can feel this sadness creeping up on me. This feeling of despair and hopeless. Paired with this insane feeling of being alone.
There is actually no reason for this.
Unfortunately it brings with it this insanely dark thoughts and for the first time in a long time the nasty little voice in the back of my mind whispers words of evil... Makes me want to rip my skin off and even worse thoughts.
Since it's late here I can't really call anyone amd I can't and don't want to be a burden on my Mom...
Usually I try to distract myself, but nothing really helps at the moment.....
I hide under a mountain of plushies until I feel better.How do you deal with those crushing moments of dysphoria?
I'm actually in a pretty good place, but in the last couple of days I can feel this sadness creeping up on me. This feeling of despair and hopeless. Paired with this insane feeling of being alone.
There is actually no reason for this.
Unfortunately it brings with it this insanely dark thoughts and for the first time in a long time the nasty little voice in the back of my mind whispers words of evil... Makes me want to rip my skin off and even worse thoughts.
Since it's late here I can't really call anyone amd I can't and don't want to be a burden on my Mom...
Usually I try to distract myself, but nothing really helps at the moment.....
Going to be honest - I'm coming to this thread asking for advice. Christmas is tomorrow and I'm closeted to all but my mother and sister.
My grandfather often goes on these rambles at Christmas about how trans people are disgusting and subhuman affronts to God. Every year it stresses me out more and more.
How can I deal with this?
My family would almost certainly side with him because he's so senior in the family, and I'm that child everyone hatesIs it just your grandfather who's like that or are there more family members who think like that? If it's just your grandfather than maybe get your other family members to help you confront him on his shit beliefs (You don't have to tell anyone else you're trans, just that you have empathy for the LGBTQ community)
Going to be honest - I'm coming to this thread asking for advice. Christmas is tomorrow and I'm closeted to all but my mother and sister.
My grandfather often goes on these rambles at Christmas about how trans people are disgusting and subhuman affronts to God. Every year it stresses me out more and more.
How can I deal with this?
Well...shit im sorry😞. My only other advice is to leave the the room when he starts to go off and take comfort in the fact that he'll be dead soon and you'll be alive and well.My family would almost certainly side with him because he's so senior in the family, and I'm that child everyone hates
Going to be honest - I'm coming to this thread asking for advice. Christmas is tomorrow and I'm closeted to all but my mother and sister.
My grandfather often goes on these rambles at Christmas about how trans people are disgusting and subhuman affronts to God. Every year it stresses me out more and more.
How can I deal with this?
I asked my mom today to use my proper pronouns (they/them). She complained that it's "very bad grammar", but she'll try.
I think I regret it? At this point I feel like I just want to move out and cut my family off entirely.
I mean, yeah, but it still hurt a lot, like she sees my pronouns, and by extension me, as some annoying burden. Really this is just an extension of ongoing issues in my family.
I know how you feel. My family tries, but they still misgender and dead name me pretty frequently.I mean, yeah, but it still hurt a lot, like she sees my pronouns, and by extension me, as some annoying burden. Really this is just an extension of ongoing issues in my family.
I think you should give her some time, this isn't easy for your family either.I asked my mom today to use my proper pronouns (they/them). She complained that it's "very bad grammar", but she'll try.
I think I regret it? At this point I feel like I just want to move out and cut my family off entirely.
I mean, yeah, but it still hurt a lot, like she sees my pronouns, and by extension me, as some annoying burden. Really this is just an extension of ongoing issues in my family.
I have those people as well, with a few I'm pretty sure it's actually malicious, because they deadname me, when before they would always use my nickname which is genderneutral. They hide it behind excuses and smiles, but still.I know it can still hurt a lot. Some people I know outright refuse to use my proper name and pronouns. And seem to go out of their way to use the wrong ones.
To be honest I am not sure if it is incredibly malicious or ignorant.
I have those people as well, with a few I'm pretty sure it's actually malicious, because they deadname me, when before they would always use my nickname which is genderneutral. They hide it behind excuses and smiles, but still.
I'm in the process of cutting most of them out. Took me a while to realize that toxicity can be delivered with a smile and a hug.
Honestly if not everyone in my family respect my true me before me Christmas, I probably won't show up at all.I gave them a fair chance but ended up cutting them out of my life. Until Christmas where we met for 2 days.
Felt horrible since after a constant barrage I actually responded to the wrong pronouns again when before I might not have even noticed every slip up because I didn't react to them at all anymore.
It's been something used for centuries and only relatively recently has been anything resembling a problem. It may be useful to wave that around if it loosens her up.I asked my mom today to use my proper pronouns (they/them). She complained that it's "very bad grammar", but she'll try.
I think I regret it? At this point I feel like I just want to move out and cut my family off entirely.
I so like this. That's so cool :)It's been something used for centuries and only relatively recently has been anything resembling a problem. It may be useful to wave that around if it loosens her up.
I know it's difficult to adjust, yet I wonder how can you look at someone who is obviously female and use the wrong pronouns?