• Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
Oct 27, 2017
12,374
God Hand. IGN.

hdUo0pL.png

IGN has had some doozies over the years. I think the high rating on the Silent Hill HD collection was interesting because it was clear the reviewer only played a little of each game, tongue bathed them on their reputation and gave a high score, making no mention of the myriad of technical issues that both versions had at launch, many of which were never fully fixed. My memory is hazy but the PS3 version was straight up broken for awhile I think, though still somewhat playable.
 

JazzmanZ

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,371
The Electronic Playgrounds review of Super Smash bros.


a choice quote

"You see, while there are 12 fat-heads to play with, four of which are hidden characters like Luigi or Captain Falcon (from StarFox), the control configuration is of the one-button-fits all variety. That is to say, the same button-combos work the same magic for each and every character. Nintendo says this "convenient system allows you to switch easily between characters without having to get the hang of basic moves all over again." That�s a load of crap. "

I implore you to read the full thing.
 

Vorpal

Member
Nov 4, 2017
365
Oh...huh.
While I didn't have any complaints about Lost Winds' length, I didn't really care for the PC version's controls.
My final score ended up being a 4.
(I think the sequel is pretty good though)
Keep in mind this is at the time on only the Wii version was available. And honestly, I can't see any fun in playing it on the PC. The IR controls of the wiimote are pretty much what makes the game.
 

Deleted member 2793

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
15,368
1up gave Warhawk an 8.5 and said it deducted 1 point for $40 being too much for the amount of content and it should have been $30.


1up also gave Shawdowrun an 8 despite being the same or less amount of content for $60.


So basically, 1up is saying Warhawk would be a 9.5 and Shadowrun would be an 11 if they were $30.


Now please shower me with all your garbage justifications and defenses that games media wasn't completely anti PS3.
What even is this post lol

Review scores don't work like that
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,877
Man, that Football Manager review is the worst because not only does the reviewer not know the game, Championship/Football/Worldwide Soccer Manager had existed for fucking years by then and a cursory internet search would have turned that up. Just five seconds of research!

And nobody caught it! Not the writer, not the editor!
 
Oct 25, 2017
26,560
1up gave Warhawk an 8.5 and said it deducted 1 point for $40 being too much for the amount of content and it should have been $30.


1up also gave Shawdowrun an 8 despite being the same or less amount of content for $60.


So basically, 1up is saying Warhawk would be a 9.5 and Shadowrun would be an 11 if they were $30.


Now please shower me with all your garbage justifications and defenses that games media wasn't completely anti PS3.
Remember, all games start at a perfect 10 and then get reductions for each infraction. Exactly like a drivers test.
 

Skyebaron

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
4,416
1up gave Warhawk an 8.5 and said it deducted 1 point for $40 being too much for the amount of content and it should have been $30.


1up also gave Shawdowrun an 8 despite being the same or less amount of content for $60.


So basically, 1up is saying Warhawk would be a 9.5 and Shadowrun would be an 11 if they were $30.


Now please shower me with all your garbage justifications and defenses that games media wasn't completely anti PS3.

Thank you for taking me on your time machine to the console forum wars circa 2006. Bless you.

Worst review has to be Play Magazine's 9 out of 10 for Sonic 06
 

Maturin

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,101
Europe
One that sticks in my mind was a Eurogamer review of a Microsoft Flight Simulator (possibly 2004) that complained all you did was fly planes around. Well duh!

Edit: Actually talking of Eurogamer, they slated Chromehounds and clearly hadn't played much of the incredible multiplayer.
 

spman2099

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,891
Okay. So, what is the worst game I have played in years? Oh, definitely Fallout 76. Okay, then; let's just check out the Metacritic...

"Despite some very annoying bugs that absolutely need to be addressed, the game is both a wonderful online experience and an underrated solo adventure if you enjoy the exploration aspect of games such as No Man's Sky." Digital Champs. 83.​
Ha, no! Absolutely nobody should have given Fallout 76 higher than a 50. To give it an 83 should necessitate a formal inquiry of some sort. If some poor bastard bought that game because of the review then they have blood on their hands.
 

Stat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,158
Can someone explain to me why the God Hand review was bad? I get the Soccer Manager cause it clearly doesn't understand what type of game it is, but can someone go into God Hand?
 

Razorrin

Member
Nov 7, 2017
5,236
the HELP Menu.
The Electronic Playgrounds review of Super Smash bros.


a choice quote

"You see, while there are 12 fat-heads to play with, four of which are hidden characters like Luigi or Captain Falcon (from StarFox), the control configuration is of the one-button-fits all variety. That is to say, the same button-combos work the same magic for each and every character. Nintendo says this "convenient system allows you to switch easily between characters without having to get the hang of basic moves all over again." That�s a load of crap. "

I implore you to read the full thing.

This guy sounds unhinged. He is so unflinching attached to the idea that the games Nintendo made on older hardware shouldn't expand into the current generation at the time. He is absolutely infantilizing in his denial of the premise, and sounds like a crazy guy.

This was very entertaining to read, thank you!
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,665
the guy claiming Gears 2 only flaw is that it was perhaps too good, or that one video of the guy who got his review copy of Skyrim in the post and was dancing with it before he had even played the thing lol

bS0hU4l.gif


The Nier review from the late Joystiq was an embarrassment, thanks to whichever McElroy who couldn't figure out how to proceed and tore the game to shreds in his review. Then readers (and even fellow staff, if I remember correctly) pointed out how little attention he must've been paying to the game because the route to progression ended up being fairly obvious. Some kind of fishing mini game, I believe.



https://www.engadget.com/2010/05/03/nier-review-fail/



There is also an episode of the Joystiq Podcast where he explains this position with a little more detail.

I like Justin McElroy but his opinions on Nier are just flat out wrong.
 

Deleted member 35071

User requested account closure
Banned
Dec 1, 2017
1,656
i never went to polygons site again after the bayonetta 2 review docked points for the game being overtly sexual. And then it like came out that the reviewer was a horn dog just like everyone else. go figure
 
OP
OP
badnewsbeers

badnewsbeers

Member
Dec 10, 2017
430
Ontario, Canada
Okay. So, what is the worst game I have played in years? Oh, definitely Fallout 76. Okay, then; let's just check out the Metacritic...
"Despite some very annoying bugs that absolutely need to be addressed, the game is both a wonderful online experience and an underrated solo adventure if you enjoy the exploration aspect of games such as No Man's Sky." Digital Champs. 83.​
Ha, no! Absolutely nobody should have given Fallout 76 higher than a 50. To give it an 83 should necessitate a formal inquiry of some sort. If some poor bastard bought that game because of the review then they have blood on their hands.

Haha, blood on their hands. It's true though, a bad review can cost people money in either direction frankly.
 

Apathy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,992
The usgamer review for horizon zero dawn. 2.5 out of 5. A 5 out of 10. Who the hell really thinks hzd is a 5/10?
 

Crushed

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,709
Okay, so the Arthur Gies review of Diablo III.

Not for the score itself (plenty of sites gave Diablo III great scores, because it made a great first impression on the first playthrough), but for the writing, which comes off as incredible in retrospect when you remember how much Blizzard had to rework the game, admit they made massive mistakes with it, release an expac that was partially to redeem the game itself, and later behind-the-scenes from Jason Schreier revealed that Activision even canned a second expac because they lost faith in the game and felt that starting over with 4 was a better idea.

Diablo 3 is the first game to render Diablo 2 obsolete.

With Diablo 3, Blizzard has taken the fundamentals of the franchise, broken them apart and rebuilt them into an action RPG so refined and compulsively playable that it's done the unthinkable: It's finally rendered its predecessor a footnote.

Ordinarily, my position as Reviews Editor at Polygon is that we review a game as it exists on release day, because our responsibility is to our audience. While we do all we can to maintain due diligence with regards to giving a game every opportunity to deliver, we choose your wallet and your time before the benefit of the doubt.

But Diablo 3 is different. It's different because Blizzard has a track record spanning almost two decades of games that have become institutions, and they've also run the most popular MMO around for almost eight years. Put simply, Blizzard, more than any developer around, has earned that benefit of the doubt. I believe that the server issues will be resolved. With that in mind, it does both our audience and Diablo 3 a disservice to dwell on that aspect in this review.

Forty hours into a single playthrough, I'm still seeing new enemy types and new events I didn't trigger last go-round, finding progressively more epic equipment and loot. You can't even find the necessary ingredients for most gem-crafting and item creation until an hour or two into Nightmare mode - I can't even imagine what waits in hell.

Games this thoughtfully crafted don't happen very often, and the care that Blizzard has taken with Diablo 3 shows in every facet of its design and execution. It might not be perfect, but after 45 hours, I'm not sure where it missteps, and after 45 hours, I feel like I've only scratched the surface of what it has to offer. Diablo 3 is almost evil in how high a bar it's set for every PC action RPG to follow, and I wouldn't be surprised to see that bar remain for a very long time.



So, for people who didn't play Diablo III, or at launch:

-The depth of content mentioned ran out almost immediately.
-The difficulty curve on higher difficulties became absurdly skewed toward elite mobs that carried a bunch of effects, and the only way to survive was to either grind for gear that specifically carried elemental resistances, or...
-...more likely, you'd give up and just buy said resistance gear from the Auction House, which was supplemented by the controversial Real Money Auction House, neither of which the review mentions once.
-Loot was terrible, you'd get better results from rares with lucky rolls than from sets and legendaries, which were practically useless at launch.
-Blizzard later made major changes to practically all of the game's systems from top to bottom, as a bunch of elemental types were completely useless without corresponding skills on various classes, the leveling system had to be overhauled, the difficulty system had to be overhauled, and a brand new endgame with procedurally generated missions (Adventure Mode and Rifts) had to be added because there was no content besides the same campaign with minor variations on higher difficulties. It also took two years to implement season ladders.


Pretty much all of these issues were admitted to by Blizzard themselves, and the fact that they saw their own post-launch work as saving the game from its own mistakes (Activision later got Blizzard to go talk to Bungie about fixing Destiny 1, using D3 as an example of how to fix a fucked-up game) makes the review stand out more due to its tone; the author is just so hyperbolic and confident about how perfectly crafted the game is, and how it will remain a high bar for the forseeable future, and how he can't think of any mistakes it makes.
 
Last edited:

Rendering...

Member
Oct 30, 2017
19,089
That one Polygon review of Bayonetta 2 that got all stuffy about the mild sexualization of the character.

You've got a totally bananas action game bursting with pizazz and variety -- with super solid mechanics and generous bonus content to boot -- and you're going to get hung up on a talking point that got old within a few months of the original game's release? If I recall, a lot of women were thrilled to have a kickass character who didn't make concessions to sexist stereotypes or toxic beauty standards.
 
Last edited:

Nairume

SaGa Sage
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,929
Okay, so the Arthur Gies review of Diablo III.

Not for the score itself (plenty of sites gave Diablo III great scores, because it made a great first impression on the first playthrough), but for the writing, which comes off as incredible in retrospect when you remember how much Blizzard had to rework the game, admit they made massive mistakes with it, release an expac that was partially to redeem the game itself, and later behind-the-scenes from Jason Schreier revealed that Activision even canned a second expac because they lost faith in the game and felt that starting over with 4 was a better idea.
Current D3 is easily one of my most favorite games of all time, and yeah that review of the game at launch was fucking horseshit.
 

Deleted member 51789

User requested account closure
Banned
Jan 9, 2019
3,705
Too many people are just giving examples of reviews they personally disagree with rather than 'bad' reviews. Ones where it's obvious they didn't play the game, where they've misunderstood the entire game, give major factual errors in the review or just some really really poor writing.

You may be a fan of Horizon Zero Dawn or Shenmue or whatever but just because a reviewer didn't, it doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad review
 

Rendering...

Member
Oct 30, 2017
19,089
Too many people are just giving examples of reviews they personally disagree with rather than 'bad' reviews. Ones where it's obvious they didn't play the game, where they've misunderstood the entire game, give major factual errors in the review or just some really really poor writing.

You may be a fan of Horizon Zero Dawn or Shenmue or whatever but just because a reviewer didn't, it doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad review
The OP's own example doesn't really support this distinction.
 

Deleted member 51789

User requested account closure
Banned
Jan 9, 2019
3,705
The OP's own example doesn't really support this distinction.
I agree - I think someone else mentioned earlier on, the idea of the thread is currently more interesting than a lot of the contributions. Was hoping for actual examples of bad reviews, instead it's more people getting upset that their favourite game didn't get a good enough score at Outlet X.
 

LakeEarth

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,174
Ontario

Keldroc

Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,982
Thank you for taking me on your time machine to the console forum wars circa 2006. Bless you.

Worst review has to be Play Magazine's 9 out of 10 for Sonic 06

9.5 out of 10 for Sonic 06! Later downgraded to an 8.5 because of "load times."

Halverson is probably the most useless reviewer of the magazine era. His Cybermorph review is complete nonsense, although staff from that era does claim he was, unknown to him, dosed with acid when he played the game, which I guess would explain a few things.


"Come pet the cat."
Everyone: Nah, we're good
 

JetJaguar88

Member
Nov 7, 2017
353
While this falls under "I don't agree with the review, so it's bad!" Game Informer's 6.75 for Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door should count, if just for the poor justification given after the response.

This makes me way more upset than any review that just gives a good game a bad score. Any game review should just be complete personal opinions of the reviewer. There's no value to be gained from someone altering their opinion based on what they think people are going to want to play. It makes me really think about how reviews from these big games journalism sites really don't mean anything. As pointed out in Dunkey's video from a while ago, the value that comes from reviews is getting to know the reviewer. You can start to see how their opinions line up with yours, and then make an informed decision based on this. Why would anyone trust a faceless reviewer off of a big site like this?

 

Council Pop

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,328
Here's a video from
Mod Edit: Removed Inappropriate Source

Horrible video. Proper Gamergate vibes, complaining about 'virtue signalling' and 'stupid journalists', and naming and putting up photos of said journalists. Larry Bundy Jr is a fucking creep.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Crushed

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,709
There's a Zero Punctuation/Yahtzee example where he was absolutely serious, despite his tongue in cheek humor personality.

Monster Hunter 3.

-Complaining that you don't actually fight big monsters like in the intro (ie, he never made it out of the tutorial). He talks about how the game is just about gathering materials and fighting helpless herbivore monsters. He admitted in a followup text review that the last mission he played was "one that had me hunting and killing some giant version of the velociraptor lads." aka the Great Jaggi fight, aka the very first hunt in the game. He complained that it took him too long hitting it in the legs with the SnS and that the big weapons were too slow to hit it with. Then he got mad that Great Jaggis would appear in the Free Hunt and pretended that he was tasked with gathering their claws for a mission (this doesn't happen; Free Hunt is a totally optional thing to gather materials or practice against monsters and there's no real associated quests with it) and this made him quit.

-In said follow up article, exaggerating the length of the tutorial (which was admittedly already quite long! It didn't need exaggeration!) to twice the longest time it should take anyone (it is not "10 hours" unless you literally stand around doing nothing for hours).

-Going on a rant about how the game must not be open world because it's on the Wii

-Inventing an impossible scenario. I'd have to go back and watch the whole thing to remember the exact wording, but at one point he complains about a part where a big monster is in the water and he was stuck on land with no way to fight it. The only time anything close to that happens is during a tutorial mission when Lagiacrus appears in the middle of it as a surprise. Except, that mission has you learn about how to swim and attack underwater. Lagi only appears after you move to a new water only area, and then the Guild helper tells you to get the fuck out of there because it's too early to fight it. You swim back to the shore area and Lagi eventually follows and stays in the water; you're told to just head back to camp and end the mission. This is... obviously totally different from the scenario Croshaw describes. EDIT: Hey, I'll admit I misremembered this, but he still got it wrong. He says that he was "gathering sea sponges" (you're actually killing monsters on that quest in question) when he was attacked, and then forced away even though you can technically fight and kill it if you're good enough. He seemed to think that actually fighting a monster was some kind of strange aberration in this gathering game, not the core content. My confusion was because he later claimed to take "more ocean quests" (there... really aren't that many more in that section of the game) waiting at the shore for Lagiacrus to show up again, when... he knows that the missions are instanced. He complained about it earlier. He also knows that the Lagiacrus is treated as too tough to fight, so why would it show up in other missions available at the exact same time, most of them simpler and easier? It doesn't make any sense, and it's just part of how he was trying to make the whole game seem like nothing but gathering plants or fighting groups of non-aggressive animals.
 
Last edited: