I get it, but it's tough. I guess none of my female friends have ever given enough of a shit to say "don't call me 'dude'", so it's been stuck in vocabulary for my entire life. I've tried to be more careful, but it slips out every now and again.
'Guys' is a term I use when addressing a group, socially (my social group is 60% female) and professionally. Again no ones called me out on it. I'm pretty built, but far from intimidating, i'd like to think they'd be quite open with me if I offended them with it, especially as they're not shy to tell me off for many other things! :)
Boys is quite common here in the UK, but I don't think I've ever referred to women under this... it weirdly seems more specific, even though it's not really any different. Like "lads".
I don't know, i think it's ok for people to be annoyed by the use of the terms, but it should be easy to differentiate between those who have good intentions and mean it as a term of endearment compared to complete bellends. I wouldn't give people a hard time about it, but I think if you ask people nicely you'll mostly have a positive outcome and maybe an apology. The person will think more before addressing you and might even put it into practice with others. It doesn't fix the issue with people saying it in the long term, but that's a BIG change for the world to get used to and doesn't happen overnight.
i think most people understand issues like this, but don't respond well to people getting angry and "preachy", (which i know isn't the point, but we have to understand it to change it). So it becomes a confrontation and nothing gets solved when both people are in defence mode.
I'll try to phase it out of my vocabulary, but don't be too angry if i say it by mistake.