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We need to have a discussion about how members treat other members on this site and among other issues.

FeliciaFelix

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,734
Two things that worry me:

1. Group think - if you disagree or even lightly pushback or simply question on whatever, you are a monster.

2. The forum used as a group therapy thing. It's the LGBT+ who usually want a supportive place a 100% of the time, but there's an awful lot of posters just pouring their inner feelings that's... ah dunno. Not healthy?

Like, like you can have a forum to discuss things or a group therapy thing, but not both at the same time.

I wish Era would pick one rail. Because you cant have a discussion about anything but expect support 100% of the time, then you dont really want discussion, you want group therapy. Which is ok. But trying to be both a discussion place and a 100% support group place is just going to lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

Also? Cant help but point out that nobody here that I know of is a licensed therapist and there's people here with really big important mental problems asking internet people for advice, who dont have the training to actually help and may end up making things worse.

Edit: I just saw I'm the second person to mention the support group thing so I'm glad I'm not imagining things.
 

Izzard

Member
Sep 21, 2018
1,373
This forum sometimes feels like it’s that pub that the locals go to, and anyone new gets stared at and generally made to feel unwelcome. Depends on the threads. I’ve learnt to not post in some, and to not even bother to open others, because it’s full of people who have just the one very black and white opinion, and anyone who doesn’t share that opinion is ganged up on.

This is the first forum I’ve used where I’ve actually ignored some users, thought I can’t reply, and would never make an OP.

Having said that, there’s plenty people here that are very nice, and you can have a decent conversation with them.
 
Nov 13, 2017
5,856
Ok having read through most of the thread you linked while there are some jerks in there I feel like the vast majority of the people in that thread were genuine and attempting to be understanding and helpful.

Seems to me you are misreading intent or attributing malice where there is none which is easy to do when you have low self esteem and are suspicious of everything anyone says about or to you.

that’s not to say there aren’t jerks. There are. But in my experience they tend to be addressed when pointed out the vast majority of the time.

I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re not in a mental or emotional place to accept constructive criticism then you shouldn’t be posting threads about your life and the issues you’re facing. In the end it’s the people that care that will dare to be blunt and honest with you about how to address those issues. It doesn’t mean they are cruel or mean it means that they want to help you and that often times necessitates uncomfortable honesty.
I completely agree with this. OP, I hear you – this forum clearly has some temper issues to work our, but the thread you made about Grindr isn’t working in your favor here. You were lying about your appearance, so you don’t have much of a leg to stand on when getting called out for it.

I think we should have designated community days of kindness here. Once a month, everyone gets a notification: “Today is a day of gratitude! DM a member who has been kind to you and show them your appreciation, or be extra thoughtful in your replies to posts today”
 

kamineko

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,232
a Coney Island of the mind
I just wish people didn’t post in topics they don’t care about

sometimes it’s to simply announce they don’t care, sometimes it’s just to get a burn on a poster

if you don’t care, don’t shit up the thread

leads to a lot of the issues in the op
 
OP
OP
Mendinso

Mendinso

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,817
I think there's a number of users who are trying to center and focus blame on the issues I mentioned about and I'm going to try to do my best to address this.

First off, let me clarify something: This topic isn't centered just around me but other communities members, notably people who feel marginalized in some fashion such as those who have disabilities, topics dealing with racial issues, the Queer topics I mentioned above which became an extreme focal point and gave my some courage to actually want to discuss about the issues here (as I'd been going back and forth about the issues I've experience and other people have), among other issues, and some of the comments in this thread, especially directed at me are only further proving what I'm trying to lay out.

My introduction post was only intended to be offer as one point to the issue at hand. I already noted I feel my personal experiences are more minor than some other users have experience. None-the-less, they do make certain situations unwelcome.

- Many users do not see the issue or the problem I'm describing above and it is notably frustrating. I already tried to explain, to the best of my ability, why I was notably upset about the issue and it's very clear that somehow there's still communication issues as to why the problem came about and there is a center focus on the "Grindr" topic. Plus, I had several call out posts, which it's clear misinformation was being spread and users felt "high and mighty" about the issue and this does not help, at all.

- This isn't about making this forum a "support group" by any means, but generally safer and discussions how certain posts should be handled. By making these such claims or discussions are completely hand-waving the hostility that goes on in these forums, both in my posts prior to this, and what other users have made already. This includes the "drive by" posts users have highlighted.

- Just because this is a public forum, does not mean that it gives the right for users to be absolutely toxic or making others people feel unwelcome. Both with discussions I've had with other people outside of the site and some people who have discussed some of the issues here in this topic, I'm absolutely not alone in this.

Yes, there's nothing wrong with users being challenged. There's nothing wrong with discussing the topic at hand. Yes, I realize at times, I probably struggle with this discourage and I will openly admit this. Still, there is an approach on how to deal with these situations and some of the users posting in this thread are making the subject matter incredibly difficult to talk about and I do feel that some of the posts are highlighting the issue I'm trying to describe.

That's really all I can say at this point. I apologize if this came off awkward and I'm trying my best to describe the problem.
 

devenger

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
1,342
I’ve had similar, woke up to 3 or 4 responses in a row calling me ignorant, only because I was taken super seriously. I made a joke about a video game character. I apologized, clarified my intent, and got out of there. It was like getting mauled by angry straw men.

I stay out of trans threads because thats a serious issue, I can only imagine any misinterpretation going badly. And Im not trans so it would only be to ask stupid (truly ignorant because I dont know) questions, not offer a toxic opinion.

Still, I’ve had more people be nice than confrontational. The one time I opened a personal thread, there were some pretty dismissive comments, but the majority actually helped me.
 
Nov 1, 2017
761
I think there's a number of users who are trying to center and focus blame on the issues I mentioned about and I'm going to try to do my best to address this.

First off, let me clarify something: This topic isn't centered just around me but other communities members, notably people who feel marginalized in some fashion such as those who have disabilities, topics dealing with racial issues, the Queer topics I mentioned above which became an extreme focal point and gave my some courage to actually want to discuss about the issues here (as I'd been going back and forth about the issues I've experience and other people have), among other issues, and some of the comments in this thread, especially directed at me are only further proving what I'm trying to lay out.

My introduction post was only intended to be offer as one point to the issue at hand. I already noted I feel my personal experiences are more minor than some other users have experience. None-the-less, they do make certain situations unwelcome.

- Many users do not see the issue or the problem I'm describing above and it is notably frustrating. I already tried to explain, to the best of my ability, why I was notably upset about the issue and it's very clear that somehow there's still communication issues as to why the problem came about and there is a center focus on the "Grindr" topic. Plus, I had several call out posts, which it's clear misinformation was being spread and users felt "high and mighty" about the issue and this does not help, at all.

- This isn't about making this forum a "support group" by any means, but generally safer and discussions how certain posts should be handled. By making these such claims or discussions are completely hand-waving the hostility that goes on in these forums, both in my posts prior to this, and what other users have made already. This includes the "drive by" posts users have highlighted.

- Just because this is a public forum, does not mean that it gives the right for users to be absolutely toxic or making others people feel unwelcome. Both with discussions I've had with other people outside of the site and some people who have discussed some of the issues here in this topic, I'm absolutely not alone in this.

Yes, there's nothing wrong with users being challenged. There's nothing wrong with discussing the topic at hand. Yes, I realize at times, I probably struggle with this discourage and I will openly admit this. Still, there is an approach on how to deal with these situations and some of the users posting in this thread are making the subject matter incredibly difficult to talk about and I do feel that some of the posts are highlighting the issue I'm trying to describe.

That's really all I can say at this point. I apologize if this came off awkward and I'm trying my best to describe the problem.
Don't worry people are getting what you are saying. I'm glad that you were to the point that you felt comfortable putting forward what was troubling you. I hope that the issues that you are highlighting can be addressed.
 

RPGam3r

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,455
To both of you I would refer to experience behind Kyuuji 's post for why this sometimes happens. This is not to say that kyuuji has said it to people out of frustration but that members with similar experiences have.

There are many people that were allowed to join this site that did the same asking questions shtick on gaf about the exact same topics. Some of them were banned from the old place for the same things they get banned for here so they learned to alter their tone a bit to avoid breaking the TOS. However, if you're someone with knowledge of their past post then you know they are likely to go unbanned, they slink away only to do the same thing repeatedly at later times. These are people that claim to just be ignorant when called out even though they've had the wrong take sometimes for a decade. Other times I've seen people that aggressive is when someone comes into a topic that has already answered their question to ask something completely demeaning that has been addressed for pages prior to their post that they obviously haven't read. I'm not reading every topic though so I'd be interested to look at examples you both have of people getting away with this.
This is all fine and dandy, I think there are other ways to express frustration and report users doing this than just popping off a "fuck off". Don't get me wrong I see where those users saying that are coming from, their execution and what it does to the tone of this site is pretty drastic at times.

I will not quote others from previous threads that "got away with it". I don't think that is appropriate to do to those members.
 

Lentic

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
3,308
Unfortunately, people love drama and arguing. A lot of time you can tell people are just looking to stir shit and get a reaction. The first couple of weeks of this forum were actually pretty nice, but then everyone went back into old habits.

The gaming forum is especially bad at treating each other like human beings.
 
Oct 27, 2017
3,081
Nottingham, UK
This is all fine and dandy, I think there are other ways to express frustration and report users doing this than just popping off a "fuck off". Don't get me wrong I see where those users saying that are coming from, their execution and what it does to the tone of this site is pretty drastic at times.

I will not quote others from previous threads that "got away with it". I don't think that is appropriate to do to those members.
You are talking about a specific thread, one that was about something very personal to a lot of people, during a time of high emotion, and these were comments towards posters who were participating in the behaviour that the thread was made to highlight or trying to use the thread to air grievances about things unrelated to the thread.

Unless I'm misunderstanding which thread you're referencing? I remember seeing you in that thread around the time that was happening
 

Rampage

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,101
Metro Detriot
Which thread? Curious

And you can appeal. The CONTACT US link on the bottom of every page. Have had to appeal my bans twice. If I get perma'd again it's probably over for me. And yeah, the reasons people get banned sometimes is, imo, way too strict. I feel more warnings should be used. But they are used less than outright bans. I've mentioned this to staff before as well. I'm sure moderating ain't easy and people are stretched thin so I at least feel for 'em.

I love this community, with its problems and all tho. ♥
My second ban* appeal went unanswered. I never received any warnings, yet that was the reason- "user has received multiple warnings". IF your going to ban people, at least put the reason why. It is frustrating.

*My first ban was completely warranted. I was in a bad place mentally that day, and I lashed out at a person. They didn't deserve that. My second ban was posting my opinion on some historical figures????
 

Cas

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
3,809
I remember that, some Asian* members thought it racist to have the play on his name... and now it’s the title of an OT.

I would agree on the Popeyes racism thread example as well. Pages of people being ok with violence, outright advocating it, all while a mod was engaging in the discussion. Yet people have caught bans over advocating violence against Trump..

Heck, Iwas told “ youre not an ally that’s for sure” because I didn’t agree with the level of violence present in that Popeyes thread. I could only laugh it off and exit, the thread had become outright “ with us or against us“ toxic.

Point being OP sometimes you have to know when to dip out of threads for your own sanity
Oh yeah that Popeyes thread was wild. I tried to report a number of very hostile and aggressive "fuck you" posts that created a toxic discussion but for some reason the thread wasn't moderated like others. It seems as if enough people feel morally justified in being right about something, then forum rules dont matter and fuck yous and hostility is given more of a pass.

Also I'd like to point out that was another thread where low key sexism and gendered slurs were tolerated. I never understand why it's okay to refer to a women as gendered slurs like cunt and bitch, even if they are a bad person. Racial slurs never get a pass, but gendered slurs, especially against women do (as long as they're bad women it seems). Why is that tolerated here?
 

Twinsun

Member
Nov 2, 2017
733
To both of you I would refer to experience behind Kyuuji 's post for why this sometimes happens. This is not to say that kyuuji has said it to people out of frustration but that members with similar experiences have.

There are many people that were allowed to join this site that did the same asking questions shtick on gaf about the exact same topics. Some of them were banned from the old place for the same things they get banned for here so they learned to alter their tone a bit to avoid breaking the TOS. However, if you're someone with knowledge of their past post then you know they are likely to go unbanned, they slink away only to do the same thing repeatedly at later times. These are people that claim to just be ignorant when called out even though they've had the wrong take sometimes for a decade. Other times I've seen people that aggressive is when someone comes into a topic that has already answered their question to ask something completely demeaning that has been addressed for pages prior to their post that they obviously haven't read. I'm not reading every topic though so I'd be interested to look at examples you both have of people getting away with this.
Still, wouldn't it be better to talk to a mod about this stuff? I mean if there genuinely are people where it is obvious that they are persistently doing what you are describing. Then I imagine some sort of mod action could/should be taken against them, no? If it isn't possible, maybe the rules should be changed to allow that.
 

FeliciaFelix

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,734
I think there's a number of users who are trying to center and focus blame on the issues I mentioned about and I'm going to try to do my best to address this.

First off, let me clarify something: This topic isn't centered just around me but other communities members, notably people who feel marginalized in some fashion such as those who have disabilities, topics dealing with racial issues, the Queer topics I mentioned above which became an extreme focal point and gave my some courage to actually want to discuss about the issues here (as I'd been going back and forth about the issues I've experience and other people have), among other issues, and some of the comments in this thread, especially directed at me are only further proving what I'm trying to lay out.

My introduction post was only intended to be offer as one point to the issue at hand. I already noted I feel my personal experiences are more minor than some other users have experience. None-the-less, they do make certain situations unwelcome.

- Many users do not see the issue or the problem I'm describing above and it is notably frustrating. I already tried to explain, to the best of my ability, why I was notably upset about the issue and it's very clear that somehow there's still communication issues as to why the problem came about and there is a center focus on the "Grindr" topic. Plus, I had several call out posts, which it's clear misinformation was being spread and users felt "high and mighty" about the issue and this does not help, at all.

- This isn't about making this forum a "support group" by any means, but generally safer and discussions how certain posts should be handled. By making these such claims or discussions are completely hand-waving the hostility that goes on in these forums, both in my posts prior to this, and what other users have made already. This includes the "drive by" posts users have highlighted.

- Just because this is a public forum, does not mean that it gives the right for users to be absolutely toxic or making others people feel unwelcome. Both with discussions I've had with other people outside of the site and some people who have discussed some of the issues here in this topic, I'm absolutely not alone in this.

Yes, there's nothing wrong with users being challenged. There's nothing wrong with discussing the topic at hand. Yes, I realize at times, I probably struggle with this discourage and I will openly admit this. Still, there is an approach on how to deal with these situations and some of the users posting in this thread are making the subject matter incredibly difficult to talk about and I do feel that some of the posts are highlighting the issue I'm trying to describe.

That's really all I can say at this point. I apologize if this came off awkward and I'm trying my best to describe the problem.
OP, I say this with no disrespect intended, but the Grindr thread is probably the "pour my heart out" that should prooooobably think twice about posting. You are hardly the first one or last one to overshare, but there's a large amount of people in Era I wouldn't trust with a Subway order nor are able to operate a ham sandwich. Like, I'm not sure its wise to ask such personal questions with so many untrained people about. Just my opinion.
 
Feb 8, 2019
858
People do try really hard to clown other people. Like... they rush in to a topic and just try to dunk on someone.

I remember thread had some extremely toxic posts: https://www.resetera.com/threads/anyone-else-hate-when-people-hold-a-door-open-for-them.147858/page-13#post-25585441

Examples:
I'm glad you brought up this thread because it was real annoying to read. When the "ok" sign has been given on if it's okay to dunk on someone or not people on this site will go to the ends of the Earth to start dunking which leads to the huge exaggerated dumb takes that you highlighted and a 10+ page thread dedicated to ridiculing someone for committing an incredibly nothing offense.

Other people have highlighted it in here but I also think some people are a little obsessed with "giving advice". A lot of times people aren't really asking for any practical advice and just want people to listen to them about something. It can come off as very dismissive when someone opens up about something and then the post following are immediately

Here is my checklist of things that you should start doing ASAP
 
Nov 13, 2017
5,856
Another idea: rather than banning people instantly, as the Era mods seem to love doing without warning, there should be a strike system.

Someone above me also made a great point: this isn’t a therapy forum. It’s a forum about pop culture with thousands of members and thousands of random visitors too. Be prudent when it comes to sharing personal stuff with complete strangers.
 

Railgun

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,647
Australia
I think there's a number of users who are trying to center and focus blame on the issues I mentioned about and I'm going to try to do my best to address this.

First off, let me clarify something: This topic isn't centered just around me but other communities members, notably people who feel marginalized in some fashion such as those who have disabilities, topics dealing with racial issues, the Queer topics I mentioned above which became an extreme focal point and gave my some courage to actually want to discuss about the issues here (as I'd been going back and forth about the issues I've experience and other people have), among other issues, and some of the comments in this thread, especially directed at me are only further proving what I'm trying to lay out.

My introduction post was only intended to be offer as one point to the issue at hand. I already noted I feel my personal experiences are more minor than some other users have experience. None-the-less, they do make certain situations unwelcome.

- Many users do not see the issue or the problem I'm describing above and it is notably frustrating. I already tried to explain, to the best of my ability, why I was notably upset about the issue and it's very clear that somehow there's still communication issues as to why the problem came about and there is a center focus on the "Grindr" topic. Plus, I had several call out posts, which it's clear misinformation was being spread and users felt "high and mighty" about the issue and this does not help, at all.

- This isn't about making this forum a "support group" by any means, but generally safer and discussions how certain posts should be handled. By making these such claims or discussions are completely hand-waving the hostility that goes on in these forums, both in my posts prior to this, and what other users have made already. This includes the "drive by" posts users have highlighted.

- Just because this is a public forum, does not mean that it gives the right for users to be absolutely toxic or making others people feel unwelcome. Both with discussions I've had with other people outside of the site and some people who have discussed some of the issues here in this topic, I'm absolutely not alone in this.

Yes, there's nothing wrong with users being challenged. There's nothing wrong with discussing the topic at hand. Yes, I realize at times, I probably struggle with this discourage and I will openly admit this. Still, there is an approach on how to deal with these situations and some of the users posting in this thread are making the subject matter incredibly difficult to talk about and I do feel that some of the posts are highlighting the issue I'm trying to describe.

That's really all I can say at this point. I apologize if this came off awkward and I'm trying my best to describe the problem.
How would you like this change to happen? Do you think people should have been warned or even banned for some of the posts in your Grindr thread?
 

RPGam3r

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,455
You are talking about a specific thread, one that was about something very personal to a lot of people, during a time of high emotion, and these were comments towards posters who were participating in the behaviour that the thread was made to highlight or trying to use the thread to air grievances about things unrelated to the thread.

Unless I'm misunderstanding which thread you're referencing? I remember seeing you in that thread around the time that was happening
No, I’m not talking about a specific thread. This attitude is not limited to recent events.
 

Rampage

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,101
Metro Detriot
Another idea: rather than banning people instantly, as the Era mods seem to love doing without warning, there should be a strike system.

Someone above me also made a great point: this isn’t a therapy forum. It’s a forum about pop culture with thousands of members and thousands of random visitors too. Be prudent when it comes to sharing personal stuff with complete strangers.
This forum is not dedicated to therapy, true- but why seemingly wrong to have dedicated threads with rules for subset of the community who want/need it? You can love/hate Starwars and need a shoulder to cry on.

Not everyone lives in a country with universal healthcare. Not everyone has medical insurance that cover mental care. There are posters whose countries in in the middle of coups/revolutions who just might not be able to go out of the house without fear of being shot. People open up on forum because they feel, because of shared interest, that their fellow pop culture nerds just might understand them, like friends or at the least compassionate strangers.

Simple- people don't want to participate in therapy threads- don't go in them. Please start advice thread- don't go in there and shit up the thread. Any forum should be geared to supporting positive discussion. It should not cater to trolls, drive by posters, and hateful people in general.
 

Kyuuji

Member
Nov 8, 2017
9,167
Still, wouldn't it be better to talk to a mod about this stuff? I mean if there genuinely are people where it is obvious that they are persistently doing what you are describing. Then I imagine some sort of mod action could/should be taken against them, no? If it isn't possible, maybe the rules should be changed to allow that.
For what it's worth, that's what the recent events have been about in general: 1, 2 & 3.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,784
I've noticed Era tends to shift between some various things pending topic: performative wokeness, JAQing off, and just general naivety/ignorance

This often leads to a lot of just terribly bad discussions.
 

FeliciaFelix

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,734
Not everyone lives in a country with universal healthcare. Not everyone has medical insurance that cover mental care. There are posters whose countries in in the middle of coups/revolutions who just might not be able to go out of the house without fear of being shot. People open up on forum because they feel, because of shared interest, that their fellow pop culture nerds just might understand them, like friends or at the least compassionate strangers.
Asking is not the problem, it's the people answering that's the problem, who might be well intentioned but lack tact, dont understand, shoot from the hip or whatever. And the people answering may not even know they are doing that. So I'm lukewarm on exposing vulnerable people to armchair psychologists.
 
Nov 1, 2017
761
Still, wouldn't it be better to talk to a mod about this stuff? I mean if there genuinely are people where it is obvious that they are persistently doing what you are describing. Then I imagine some sort of mod action could/should be taken against them, no? If it isn't possible, maybe the rules should be changed to allow that.
Oh it definitely would be the best route. However, as demonstrated with recent discussions, being a mod is hard. Doubly so when you're doing it as a volunteer in your free time and the mods and staff could use a lot more help.

There are people that are incredibly good at playing the victim when they're called out in sensitive topics and have a an established pattern visible to many of the members that engage in those topics.

One was recently banned, permanently I think, and they had a habit of saying "when have I ever did that/show me where I've said that," all while knowing some of the conversations that people were talking about were from the old place. They then put on an act as if they have grown because of rules to prevent offsite drama. Others see that and wonder why people are being so mean because the full context isn't allowed but a quick internet search and you can find out pretty quickly if the offender is full of shit or not. One method I've seen in a few instances where the topic is U.S. centric, I've seen some of them pop up when most people are asleep and then don't return because it's more likely to go unseen if people don't read full threads.

Honestly though maybe sometimes it is how often some people post and they truly think they have grown because they don't remember what they said. I don't post often so I tend to remember at least vaguely the conversations I've participated in and have a sense of things I said. People get burnt out using the report function I imagine though as seen with the trans community's recent threads. It would help if it wasn't just the groups affected using the feature but those outside of the groups that see it happening as well.
 

Kyuuji

Member
Nov 8, 2017
9,167
And I wholeheartedly support that. I just disagree that all this "fuck you" stuff is necessary to accomplish a better and more safe and inclusive enviroment.
Sure, but those frustrations come from the fact that the latter wasn't being achieved because the thing you suggested wasn't occuring despite people trying for it over the course of months. So you ended up in a position where every single thread on trans issues because the most hostile place for trans people, and every page after the first spent legitimizing themselves and their issues. You can't remove the emotion from the context of the past few months.

Perhaps a little more hand-wringing about the people prompting the reaction than the swear words themselves.
 

Rampage

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,101
Metro Detriot
Asking is not the problem, it's the people answering that's the problem, who might be well intentioned but lack tact, dont understand, shoot from the hip or whatever. And the people answering may not even know they are doing that. So I'm lukewarm on exposing vulnerable people to armchair psychologists.
I agree, in a perfect world , they should be seeing real psychologist. But as I pointed out- the world people live in is not perfect. It better to have safe thread were people despair for help can find common, non professional support, to help them navigate themselves to proper channels, then to say no- you're not welcome here.
 
Nov 13, 2017
5,856
This forum is not dedicated to therapy, true- but why seemingly wrong to have dedicated threads with rules for subset of the community who want/need it? You can love/hate Starwars and need a shoulder to cry on.

Not everyone lives in a country with universal healthcare. Not everyone has medical insurance that cover mental care. There are posters whose countries in in the middle of coups/revolutions who just might not be able to go out of the house without fear of being shot. People open up on forum because they feel, because of shared interest, that their fellow pop culture nerds just might understand them, like friends or at the least compassionate strangers.

Simple- people don't want to participate in therapy threads- don't go in them. Please start advice thread- don't go in there and shit up the thread. Any forum should be geared to supporting positive discussion. It should not cater to trolls, drive by posters, and hateful people in general.
I don’t disagree with you. However, there’s a difference between “therapy” threads about your pet passing away, versus threads about seriously complex psychological issues that we’re just not equipped to provide meaningful solutions for.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,784
And I wholeheartedly support that. I just disagree that all this "fuck you" stuff is necessary to accomplish a better and more safe and inclusive enviroment.
Think about the context of those linked threads and then someone comes by with some kind of shitty comment? I think it's totally reasonable for someone to respond "fuck you". Not everything has to be about shaking hands and hugging it out. Especially when some people come in and try to act all pseduo-intelilectual with some shit like applying cognitive behavior therapy to persuade people's opinion.
 

Orb

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,035
USA
There's no rule that says every conversation or response needs to be positive or uplifting and I don't think there should be. Sometimes people need hard truths. Sometimes harsh words are necessary.

Personally I think your explanations of the Grindr and Tinder stories are pretty week and you are not really showing that you're making the effort to be open and honest with the people you're trying to attract on those services. And the examples you posted of threads that make you uncomfortable are normal conversations that you should be able to deal with.

I think people should generally try to be kind when it's warranted. But sometimes kindness means honesty instead of sugar-coating the truth.
 

Rampage

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,101
Metro Detriot
I don’t disagree with you. However, there’s a difference between “therapy” threads about your pet passing away, versus threads about seriously complex psychological issues that we’re just not equipped to provide meaningful solutions for.
I agree. I'm not asking ERA to provide solutions.

I'm just for allowing ERA to allow threads exist with extra moderation that make it safe for people vent, while encouraging them, and walking though personal experience how to get help.

Resources to get mental help are not obvious to people who are under the cloud of misery. People may not have real life friends or family who are supportive or helpful at all- online strangers may be all they have at the moment.

It doesn't take a profession to step up and talk someone down from jumping off a bridge- that is what ERA should provide. ERA should be a safe refuge for people while they seeking help.
 

Possumowner

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,326
Uk
I suffer from schizophrenia among other things and can feel your pain and anguish.I generally only post small comments as I'm rather guarded,I've never created a post due to this...I wish some were a little less quick to attack others,and to think more of what they intend to post.But in general,the majority of people on here are fairly good,and at times understanding...but it's those that don't understand or just have no intention of understanding that ruin it for people.
 

Twinsun

Member
Nov 2, 2017
733
Sure, but those frustrations come from the fact that the latter wasn't being achieved because the thing you suggested wasn't occuring despite people trying for it over the course of months. So you ended up in a position where every single thread on trans issues because the most hostile place for trans people, and every page after the first spent legitimizing themselves and their issues. You can't remove the emotion from the context of the past few months.

Perhaps a little more hand-wringing about the people prompting the reaction than the swear words themselves.
Well, it's not like I constantly go around hand-wringing about this stuff, but sure I see your point. I hope things improve from all this.
 

Twinsun

Member
Nov 2, 2017
733
Think about the context of those linked threads and then someone comes by with some kind of shitty comment? I think it's totally reasonable for someone to respond "fuck you". Not everything has to be about shaking hands and hugging it out. Especially when some people come in and try to act all pseduo-intelilectual with some shit like applying cognitive behavior therapy to persuade people's opinion.
In that context I suppose I can understand the emotional reaction. I guess I just hope that things can improve somehow so threads aren't constantly filled with people at eachothers throat, I doubt most people really want that.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,784
In that context I suppose I can understand the emotional reaction. I guess I just hope that things can improve somehow so threads aren't constantly filled with people at eachothers throat, I doubt most people really want that.
I think if you're trying to make that point using different threads may have been better. Like the children == climate denier ones that have popped up.
 

Twinsun

Member
Nov 2, 2017
733
Oh it definitely would be the best route. However, as demonstrated with recent discussions, being a mod is hard. Doubly so when you're doing it as a volunteer in your free time and the mods and staff could use a lot more help.

There are people that are incredibly good at playing the victim when they're called out in sensitive topics and have a an established pattern visible to many of the members that engage in those topics.

One was recently banned, permanently I think, and they had a habit of saying "when have I ever did that/show me where I've said that," all while knowing some of the conversations that people were talking about were from the old place. They then put on an act as if they have grown because of rules to prevent offsite drama. Others see that and wonder why people are being so mean because the full context isn't allowed but a quick internet search and you can find out pretty quickly if the offender is full of shit or not. One method I've seen in a few instances where the topic is U.S. centric, I've seen some of them pop up when most people are asleep and then don't return because it's more likely to go unseen if people don't read full threads.

Honestly though maybe sometimes it is how often some people post and they truly think they have grown because they don't remember what they said. I don't post often so I tend to remember at least vaguely the conversations I've participated in and have a sense of things I said. People get burnt out using the report function I imagine though as seen with the trans community's recent threads. It would help if it wasn't just the groups affected using the feature but those outside of the groups that see it happening as well.
I can understand the frustration. Thanks for elaborating.
 

Jimnymebob

Member
Oct 26, 2017
6,816
The community is pretty awful for the most part. Everyone wants this place to be a super inclusive safe space, but everyone tries their damnedest to cause conflict with each other.
I'm not even talking about actual issues here, like what happened earlier this week, I'm talking about trivial nonsense, like not liking a popular video game, or daring to have an opinion against the norm. Hell, the Pokémon leak thread had a great one, where people were effectively saying "you don't like the water starters final evolution because you hate women."

I try to avoid any actual discussion here, because people can't discuss things sensibly, as you can tell by the amount of threads that need discussion guidelines.
 

Camjo-Z

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,762
Yeah, I feel like too often we assume the worst out of someone with self created narratives from very little information. It isn't good for discussion.
I saw a fun example of this a few days ago. A thread about an interesting fangame is almost immediately hijacked by "yikes not a good look" posts when the creator is exposed as a racist... except it turns out the guy being dunked on left the party he was in specifically because he wasn't down with their racist views. Whoops!
 
Oct 30, 2017
5,464
The community is pretty awful for the most part. Everyone wants this place to be a super inclusive safe space, but everyone tries their damnedest to cause conflict with each other.
It's because a lot of people on this forum have this virtual holier-than-thou mindset where anything beyond perfect understanding of every complex sociocultural issue is considered -phobic, disingenuous, and baiting. People with legitimate questions or limited insight can be demonized and piled on very quickly. This place looks for drama. Outside of the various specific OTs, ERA does not represent a safe space nor an open discussion forum. The first few weeks on this site were really great because the hivemind hadn't been established yet. Discussion was typically in good-faith, but of course that was never going to stick.
 
Dec 2, 2017
3,122
OP, I’m teaching first year history students at my country’s top university. Quite frankly your opening post was more articulate and grammatically complex than what most of those high functioning overachievers manage. You are greatly underselling your capacity for written articulation.

Have you given SSRIs/anxiolytics a shot yet? Zoloft can practically delete anxiety. Psychostimulants like concerta or adderall can work wonders for thinking and working memory as well.
 
Dec 2, 2017
3,122
- if action is not taken then use the ignore button until said action is taken . There is no one judging you over how you choose to vet your own Era experience
TBH I learned a long time ago that this should be your first option, and you shouldn’t be afraid to use it liberally. On forums, on social media, in real life. You’d be astounded how much your outlook on the world will improve once you garden the weeds out of it. You don’t owe anyone your attention, mental bandwidth or emotions. And you really won’t be missing out on anything with them out of the picture, this world is full of more worthwhile people than you’ll ever have time to know. Give them your focus instead, they’ve actually earned it.
 

FeliciaFelix

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,734
I agree. I'm not asking ERA to provide solutions.

I'm just for allowing ERA to allow threads exist with extra moderation that make it safe for people vent, while encouraging them, and walking though personal experience how to get help.

Resources to get mental help are not obvious to people who are under the cloud of misery. People may not have real life friends or family who are supportive or helpful at all- online strangers may be all they have at the moment.

It doesn't take a profession to step up and talk someone down from jumping off a bridge- that is what ERA should provide. ERA should be a safe refuge for people while they seeking help.
I dont think "100% supportive of everything you say" is helpful all the time.

But I agree that those threads should come with a warning to people answering the OP. AND the OP should also be warned that Era is not a professional psychology site, that OP may not like what he reads (harsh truths), Era can be supporting but not here to coddle you, and that 'stop posting/dont overshare' is part of self-care.

Era is home of the finest, most educated jackals of the net, but it's still jackals on the internet with all that implies.
 

Mass Effect

Member
Oct 31, 2017
6,317
At this point I mostly don’t even worry about it anymore. I don’t post anything extremely personal, I rarely get into any long debates, and I’m starting to stay away from more controversial threads. If I feel like discussion is starting to become toxic or unproductive, I just drop it even if I was actively involved in it. It’s just not worth it.

I understand that people want this to be more than just a video game forum, but honestly. And I’m not even talking politically or socially like this place is too far left or whatever, I’m talking with how people instantly go from 0 to 100 on virtually everything. This place has become so hostile even over the smallest things and I don’t want that to become me as well. I feel like becoming too emotionally invested here is actually detrimental at least for me.

So yeah, I mostly just use this place for video game talk and a few other discussions I care about, but I’m certainly not going to treat this place like the grand gateway for some greater debate stage or anything.

My second ban* appeal went unanswered. I never received any warnings, yet that was the reason- "user has received multiple warnings". IF your going to ban people, at least put the reason why. It is frustrating.
I’ve noticed others have mentioned something similar. And what seems to be the most frustrating thing about it is if you try to bring it up in a thread, the staff comes in and tells people “don’t use threads to discuss bans. Please PM a mod or use the contact us feature,” and then you do that and *crickets*.

You can’t have it both ways. Either respond to people consistently or allow people discuss it publicly. That’s one of the things I was hopeful about when this place first started out—that we’d get away from the shroudiness of how moderation worked at GAF. And it was actually like that for a while, with mods and admins more than happy to discuss rules and whether or not they were beneficial etc., but then went right back to old ways.
 
Oct 28, 2017
269
Beerse, Belgium
Parent? Climate change denier

Live in a suburb and not the city? Racist

Recognize problematic place has service that should be emulated to draw people away from it due to it's homophobic history? You're the homophobe

Ask a question to learn and make up for any ignorance on subjects to avoid AltTube BS? Just google it or you're a Forever Trumper.

Posts chide others that only the POC, LGBTQ+ member, or women who are affected by the thread subject get a say, and when they come forward? Sorry, your opinion doesn't match mine, so it doesn't count.

There's a bizarre and hostile discourse here that seems more eager to hear their own echo than actually want any change or support. I honestly shouldn't be afraid to post thoughts that generally align what would be far left in the US and interest to better myself for fear of it being taken out of context, but generally I just lurk and hope someone else takes the risk and that it goes well.

Yes, trolls and those posting in bad faith do exist here, there's no denying that. Issues like the acephobe subject do occur from time to time. Assuming that's the default, however, doesn't speak well at all of our community.

The OT threads are calmer, but also can be a bit cliquish to where it's hard to take part or kickoff any discussion on your end, leading to things getting pretty cold and more of a pleasant lurk experience.

Idk, the other place for a while and early on here was a lot calmer and level typically outside of high profile review threads or primary election threads, and I don't think we've shifted from being a primarily left friendly forum to account for the uptick in heat. Just hope things can settle a bit soon, and people who are gloves up on default will be given reason to breathe a bit. So maybe this time next year hopefully.
Good post, a lot of times there doesn't seem to be a middle ground anymore in discussions, context doesn't matter anymore,...

But that is not exclusive to this site btw, notice this a lot on internet in generale.