Exactly. I've noticed that a sizeable amount of people on this board have a negative perspective on life and they're more reactive to opposing opinions.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
We need to have a discussion about how members treat other members on this site and among other issues.
- Thread starter Deleted member 5334
- Start date
I have a very negative as well but I avoid spreading it too much. It wouldn't solve anything.
Totally agree. I don't partake in any conversations anymore in a variety of topics because the risk of being misinterpreted and banned is so high.
I guess it is not just me that thinks this way. A lot of sad perspectives to certain situations makes me think the same thought as you.
I notice that emotions do run high and a lot of reactions happen.
I feel the same way. I will just lurk it and stay quiet. Happened to me before on the other site so I keep to myself because of misinterpretation
Last edited:
To be fair, we do live in an endless carousel of evil and spite right now with the rise of conservative-fascist mentalities and governments all around the world. It can be pretty hard to stay optimistic when you constantly feel like you're living in Silent Hill and being tortured by an angry god.
I don't even necessarily think there's anything inherently wrong with being negative, as long as you're not going out of your way to hurt other people's feelings. But there are definitely some people on Era who seem to revel in doing exactly that - hurting other people's feelings for fun.
"You don't like the same video games as me? Well I hope you never get any games you like ever again!" is a mindset I never thought I'd see anywhere, yet it's surprisingly prominent here. And it wasn't that bad when I was a mod - it's gotten worse over the past year.
Sometimes I think we should have a separate section of the forum where moderation is even stricter, no JAQing, and a place where minorities can vent without people adding their two cents. Maybe that's where all the "self help" threads can go too. I don't think people can be trusted to "read the room" 100% of the time and it seems kinda clear that people get different things out of this forum in the whole "support group" vs "discussion board" debate.
I'm so glad someone else feels this haha
I'm usually thinking "oh god, what did I say now?" or "what pedantic point is someone quibbling with?"
I'm so glad someone else feels this haha
I'm usually thinking "oh god, what did I say now?" or "what pedantic point is someone quibbling with?"
I'm fairly contrarian in my opinions here and I've never been banned or warned, even back in the days when I was super pro 2nd amendment. I'm pretty blunt most of my time and I can't say I've sweated getting banned. Sometimes I see bans that seem a bit much, but I'd hardly behave as mods are all that trigger happy for anything that's not clearly bad faith trolling.
There's a definite lack of empathy at times, but some people spend a lot of energy trying to ride the line of breaking rules in order to try and get someone to attack them. There needs to be harsher punishments for people trying to obviously ride the line so that they can't bait people into responding passionately out of frustration.
I would rather people be banned for the substance of their posts than the tone. Because when tone is the overriding factor, people who aren't actually here to learn and be better use it as a cudgel to say barely passable vile shit.
It's clear that the discussion here is being used by some in order to whine about being challenged on their views---we shouldn't bow to the desire of people to just be able to say whatever they wish and not be challenged.
Edit: To add to this, some people get passionate about things because they affect them directly in their daily lives. People who are privileged jumping in and giving their hot takes on what marginalized people should think or feel about something then whining about echo chambers when people respond to them passionately and possibly a little angrily is an enormous issue. People want to be dismissive or shitty about something that doesn't affect their lives but don't want to have to actually defend their position.
I would rather people be banned for the substance of their posts than the tone. Because when tone is the overriding factor, people who aren't actually here to learn and be better use it as a cudgel to say barely passable vile shit.
It's clear that the discussion here is being used by some in order to whine about being challenged on their views---we shouldn't bow to the desire of people to just be able to say whatever they wish and not be challenged.
Edit: To add to this, some people get passionate about things because they affect them directly in their daily lives. People who are privileged jumping in and giving their hot takes on what marginalized people should think or feel about something then whining about echo chambers when people respond to them passionately and possibly a little angrily is an enormous issue. People want to be dismissive or shitty about something that doesn't affect their lives but don't want to have to actually defend their position.
Last edited:
I dunno, maybe you're right. In your example, it would depend on what the discussion is about, there are def some things where if someone weren't to agree or disagree with them racism would not be a stretch. Then there's other context like maybe they had made previous questionable posts that an outside observer may not be aware of, but the person responding might have used that in part to support the opinion someone is racist. But then if there's stuff like this:
And yeah, I don't think that's very helpful if it happened like that.
For me, maybe I have trouble relating to that experience because this has mostly always been a really cool forum, I enjoy visiting it and posting, I've made some cool friends, I can always find things that make me laugh or that make me think. I've never felt afraid to post anything, and I have a decent amount of posts. Because of that I don't just want to dismiss outright that there's a problem with the culture here, maybe I just have a blind spot. In general though, the message of trying to assume good intentions when feasible and being nicer, I think it's a good one.
I don't know what to think about the fact that I didn't notice the changes that everyone is talking about here. And I lurked in this forum for years before having the means to join.
Methinks I should chalk it up on to the fact that my first forum was GameFAQs where I posted for years and as such, I got used to believe that your average internet message board is an endless eat-or-be-eaten no man's land where you will always be up to shit's creek without a paddle.
Methinks I should chalk it up on to the fact that my first forum was GameFAQs where I posted for years and as such, I got used to believe that your average internet message board is an endless eat-or-be-eaten no man's land where you will always be up to shit's creek without a paddle.
Going here from Instagram is like going to a different timeline. Nothing but good vibes and ❤'s on Insta. Here I feel like if I walk outside, I'm going to see buildings burning and hear guns going off.
Here's when I start thinking that people are spending waaaaay to much time on the internet, if at least Era, and particularly explains the surprise at Biden.
Because in lots of places, (not all) nothing has really changed. Cheesecake Factory is still pumping out cheesecake, Doordash delivers food, life keeps happening. You can in fact live without the internet and never notice anything happening. I'm not telling you things are ok at a high level, but at the local level (at least outside the social media bubble) normal life is boring and normal. No guarantee it will stay that way and sometimes shit happens, but otherwise it's very boring.
There are a lot of marginalized people here because one of the express intents of the forum was to give those voices a space and representation, and for them it seems like every day is some new bullshit to read about or to have to deal with in their lives.
Yeah.
[Generic Trans Bathroom Bill Thread]
UserA: This is awful, I can't imagine why they would want to persecute people like that.
UserB: It's not ideal but since there's a workaround it's not that big of a deal.
UserA: That's some bullshit, why would you be okay with this?
UserB: Oh God I'm being attacked why is everyone so negative in this echo chamber?
So again I'm a pretty negative person... but right after Trump was elected 50% of threads on teh front page at the time were dedicated to trump. I remember one thing in particular was a random story about how tom cruise has larger hands than trump. You can totally hate trump while also pointing out, alright guys we get it he sucks do we have to post LITERALLY every single nitpick. When you say something like this, it immediately gets you labeled a trump apologist or a trump supporter, it's nuts. An article on Trumps hands compared to tom cruises seems bordering on obsessive to me. I see this said a lot, but people will say "there is plenty trump does to actually slam him on" and I completely agree with this statement, but apparently not wanting to know who has bigger hands, him or a random celebrity makes you an evil trump supporter. Funny because I'm not sure I could like the guy any less. That leap needs to cool off on immediately labeling someone sexist, bootlicker, trumper, alt righter, etc. when it's something as benign as that.
If that's the case then that's probably for the best, we need to stop with that wildly accusatory condescending tone. Even if the person is wrong, it teaches them nothing. Personally though I've seen the terms "bend the knee" or "bootlicker" an absurd amount on this forum with extremely harmless comments sparking those insults.
edit- just went back and checked and you're right. That's actually a great step in the right direction for the discourse on this forum. Implying anything in the post that got them banned made poster alt right in anyway is a crazy crazy stretch.
I think about how some people get annoyed or upset about all the political threads. Then I think about people whos lives the current political climate affects on a daily basis. Being constantly bombarded with shitty news or things you don't want to hear about is like a glimpse into the life of someone whos life is affected by those things on the daily.
I disagree with this. Sure, if you ignore everything you'll be more content, but the Cheesecake Factory is not gonna help a trans person being afraid of going to a bar on their own, Doordash is not gonna help when a black dude gets pulled over, these are real things that happen to real people. They are represented so much on social media because it's an outlet, these are things people aren't comfortable having a chat about at the water cooler at work. For someone like me, for the most part I get to go through life in a system designed for people who look like me, but so many other people don't get that benefit of just being able to not have to worry about things, they have to constantly be aware of things I don't have to.
Yeah exactly
That's why I've said I totally get where they're coming from with the anger and expecting that everyone has ill intentions. There are tons of trolls on the internet or alt accounts, but not everyone is a bad person by default. As I've said there's some paranoia about this on this forum where perfectly benign comments get you labeled- a trumper, alt right, bootlicker, etc.
edit- annnnd we're doing it in this thread right now. People are using extreme examples above about going into a thread about a horribly racist or offensive thing and saying "hey it's not that bad!" when that's not what people are referring to with the leaping to label people.
Yeah, politics is everywhere around us whether we want to believe it or not. If you live your life not having to think about it it's because you come from a place of privilege where you don't have to.
I'm not for punishing people who get upset when people who can skate through without worrying are shitty about the lived experiences of the people who do.
This is exactly it. For some reason the trend of trying to cause "thread backfires" on ResetEra is way too fucking popular. It makes most thread about real life almost borderline impossible.
This is exactly what people in here are saying since you implying that these people don't want to see your problem...
But there's projecting on people who aren't actually saying anything about ignoring those issues. That again is the whole point of this thread. There are comments that get politicized that were never political in the first place and there are mental gymnastics being done to label is as such. And again if the person hurling accusations has a good point, jumping right into "this makes you a piece of shit" without explaining why is worthless.
Yeah, I feel negativity in general has been increasing across the board here. Snarky/fatalistic replies, negative comments about almost every subject/topic that comes up.
Yeah but 99% of that shit is fake. At least here people are genuine and honest about being miserable.
I mean, I don't think that's an unreasonable take on it. You have one group of people who are really effected by that stuff moreso than others at the end of the day, and you have another group who while they could just keep scrolling, would rather those discussions be cordoned off into another area. By definition, they don't want to see it. Now, their reason might not have any malice behind it, but if that's the case simply explaining they are under no obligation to participate in those discussions would probably be enough, right?
When it's a sensitive topic and there are already people who are posting in bad faith and getting away with it (and guess what, there often are), adding something to the conversation that can be misinterpreted is a bad idea. I'm not saying it's right every time that people go from 0 to You're A Racist, but in some of these topics people directly affected already have to worry about
a) the issue in their real life and b)people being openly shitty about it in other places and c)people being covertly shitty about it here
So if you think that your contribution to the topic can possibly be misinterpreted, then it might be worth sitting out the conversation or being more careful about how you reply.
I hear you. Its definitely something I dont really have an idea of how to moderate stuff like this. Mods have their hands full with this stuff. Its hard to tell genuine inquisitiveness from trolling and instigating. And its hard to come down on someone when its not always clear what the intention is.
I don't agree, and you can read reasons why (from me at least) in this thread since it could remove troll accounts, make the UX more clean and whatnot.
Now hold on, I don't think everyone in this thread is talking about accusations of racism or nazism, I certainly wasn't and I don't even think OP was. I have personally seen very little of people being accused of being Nazi's or Racists and when I have I can usually see the racist thing the person said. I'm personally more concerned about people ganging up someone with dismissive comments and overwhelming rudeness when most of time the person didn't do anything to warrant such a response. Like OP pointed out, in his thread he may have communicated some things incorrectly but people on here will take "poor communication" and turn that into something that needs to ridiculed about for 20 pages.
There's this mean spirited sentiment on the this and many other forums that you HAVE to insult people who do things incorrectly because "they'll never learn". These are the same people who will say "This forum isn't for therapy" but it apparently is if said therapy gives you a pass to be mean to someone.
Ive seen this loads of times especially the bolded. It's such a poor way to debate or engage in a conversation with someone.
And an accusation in the same observation, at least in my oppionion.
As the example I pointed out, in extreme cases it calls for a ban. That vegan burger king thread was wild. The word bootlicker came out so easy. I bring up this example because it was the most recent, but I can't believe how often the insult bootlicker is hurled around here without any reason a lot of the time, it's wild.
Again there is a difference between tone policing a thread, and then discussing a topic that isn't even that political. I know I'm quoting it too often because it's the most recent but the BK thread is a perfect example of jumping from "i disagree with this lawsuit" to "wow you're a bootlicking corporate loving piece of shit"
edit- so again when people say this forum is making ludicrpous leaps they're not referring to the legitimate "both sides I"m just asking questions" concern trolls, they're referring to legitimately benign comments that hurl you into an alt right nazi scumbag.
It's ridiculous how many times people will just reply "side eye" or something to a post without having a conversation, and then everyone else assumes "oh I guess they're a pointing out a hidden bigot and I didn't pick up on it. goddamn bigot!"
Extremely Toxic and Problematic.
Yeah, I opened a thread once about me wanting to explore non-monogamous possibilities with my husband (whom I am very happily married to, mind you), and it very quickly turned into a shit show, people were jumping in the bandwagon to judge me, telling me my marriage wasn't working, assuming things I didn't elaborate in the OP at all, and just generally attacking or wishing me ill.
I just stopped responding to the thread, worked out my shit with my husband (we both enjoyed the experiences and are doing fine in that department, thank you) and thankfully I had some really nice exchanged via PM, with people who were genuinely interested in helping and sharing their own similar experiences.
I also am very positive that most of the people who were attacking me on that thread did so out of personal insecurities. Usually people criticize in others what they hate the most in themselves. So yeah, this discussion is legit, but don't let it get to you, OP. I suggest looking for advice in one of the community threads, they are usually much more of safe, respectful spaces than the wilderness that is the off topic board.
I just stopped responding to the thread, worked out my shit with my husband (we both enjoyed the experiences and are doing fine in that department, thank you) and thankfully I had some really nice exchanged via PM, with people who were genuinely interested in helping and sharing their own similar experiences.
I also am very positive that most of the people who were attacking me on that thread did so out of personal insecurities. Usually people criticize in others what they hate the most in themselves. So yeah, this discussion is legit, but don't let it get to you, OP. I suggest looking for advice in one of the community threads, they are usually much more of safe, respectful spaces than the wilderness that is the off topic board.
Fair. To be clear though, I'm tired of seeing all the political shit myself even if I do partake in the discussion a lot of the time. I don't mean to lump everyone who might be tired of the shit together like they have no reason to be tired or upset by it. I just live with it because its the world we live in right now and I don't agree with sectioning it off so people can easily ignore it. Not clicking a thread is easy enough.
I'm not speaking about this thread in particular. As of right now, this is the most civil I've seen a discussion on this forum in a very, very long time.
It isn't just me saying it either, clearly there is a sizeable group of people on this forum who don't like the direction it is headed in. I love this place, I have since its inception (and GAF, for that matter). I've been posting with a lot of these users since 2007, so I've noticed the shift in what gets posted and what people talk about over the years.
Yup, if you say something that someone disagrees with you get hit with "yikes" or "oof" far too often. Then if you ask them to explain you are clearly arguing in bad faith or ignorance.
For sure, I'm not dismissing people who absolutely need to be called out. There are definitely people who need to be called out for their shitty views/behavior. However, I also think that even when someone genuinely would like to be educated on a subject matter they are accused of "just asking questions, right bro?" or essentially ignored. It doesn't happen, but I see it enough to make note of it.
I agree on your general thought, I was more thinking of giving it more room to have it seperated from the rest.
It's one of the reasons I just don't post that much. There are far too many professional shit posters, and the bans are either too light or too harsh. I've been banned for a week for a dumb post, but I reported someone for calling me a literal nazi for not declaring everyone in my state a card-carrying member of the KKK and that person was simply warned.
I think there's a mountain of difference between having the empathy to not snark at another user to go to the gym, and genuinely having to defend your comments on a socio political axis. There's a lot of issues on both sides, and I've seen people just be downright rude about people's personal situations.
that to me, however, is not the same as defending an opinion about a social or political issue
that to me, however, is not the same as defending an opinion about a social or political issue
Interesting discussion. Personally, I tend to stay out of most topics, probably because (I'll admit) my experience and knowledge of them is limited. Also, I'm angry/abrasive.
You mean the person saying there's no hard evidence he was a paedophile?
The problem is that it can be hard to tell the difference between genuine curiosity and people posting in bad faith, so as much as people need to stop flying off the handle, it is also incumbent upon people to post carefully about potentially sensitive topics to avoid misinterpretation. You have to understand that a lot of people have been burned plenty of times after trying to actually explain things to people who weren't actually interested in learning, so you cannot expect people to have their hearts open in such discussions.
If you do actually have questions, approach the discussion delicately and more than likely someone will be willing to actually educate you.
That's completely understandable, my gripe is just with the people who automatically assume there is no curiosity and only malice. My initial post had a typo, but I meant it doesn't always happen but I still see it happen often enough to make note of it.
I don't know what the actually believes, but it's already spiralled off. He may disregard allegations and that's on him but it quickly escalated and assumed the worst.
He said
he is not believing abuse victims, and is defending a paedophile.
This is kinda where I'm at. When matters of race, sexuality and human rights come up there's lots of reasons for why people say things that really have to be examind on a case by case basis. Calling someone sexist can be justified depending on what has been said. On the other hand I think we should all be able to agree that there's not really any good reason to be snarky and rude to someone because they think going to the gym sucks. It's just not a good way to respond to things no matter how silly you may think it is and it tends to escalate to unwarranted levels of spitefulness.