For awful novelty Christmas songs, I always thought the winner would be The Go-Go's (no, not
those Go Go's) holiday non-classic
"I'm Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek. It really has everything you'd want to not listen to, from the horrific kiddie lisp the singer is affecting to a dalek screaming "MAY I PLEASE HAVE MORE PLUM PUDDING AND CUSTARD?" It's pretty rough.
However, while testing this theory with some friends one day we learned that, as bad as this song is, its still something folks can actually sit through. Meanwhile, it's difficult to make it even halfway through the horror that is
"What Can You Get A Wookie For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb?)" from Meco's
Christmas in the Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album. This is an even more insipid SF themed holiday song, with a sheer ineptness to the execution that makes it a struggle to tolerate without running screaming. Pseudo-Chipmunks robots, tinny synth sounds plodding along, exceptionally affected vocals - the whole thing is an intolerable train wreck. Hell, I just bailed on the accursed thing all of thirty seconds in while testing the YouTube link. This, my friends, is a truly awful Christmas song.
For the usual mainstream suspects, my pals who work retail report the most loathing for "Santa Baby", which is hard to argue with. And as far as the ubiquitous, inescapable standards, my personal nemesis is "Last Christmas". It doesn't help that I've always hated Wham!, mind you, but even if my only exposure to them was this one song I'd still carry unseasonable loathing in my heart for "Last Christmas". Please don't get me wrong: I also intensely dislike "Wonderful Christmastime", but it's in second place behind the endless holiday nightmare of "Last Christmas".