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What Are The Harshest Truths You've Learned During Your Life?

Oct 25, 2017
1,478
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So.Cal.
That the biggest factor in success is LUCK.
(though not the only factor)

Also, generalizing here, but that people mostly only care about you as far as what you can provide for them; how they will benefit from you. If you can't provide something beneficial for them, they won't want anything to do with you.
 
Oct 26, 2017
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2. All "professionals" are far from perfect at their profession. At best, everyone is "doing their best" but oftentimes you are getting less than that due to incompetence/apathy. Everyone is "practicing" at their profession, and has tons of grey areas in aspects of their job where they might not be entirely knowledgable, but do their best to "fake it". We are talking all lines of work, including doctors, lawyers, accountants- professions requiring years of "higher education" where the expectation of perfection is pretty much there all the time for what they do, but they fuck up just as much as the kid at McDonalds that fails to hold the pickles on your burger order.
This is one that has really struck me when it comes to doctors, but at the same time it makes sense, they can't be omnipotent and often are trying to do their best, but it's still a job like any other where they are better at some things and have better or worse days.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,342
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38
Longwood, FL
Life is unfair, and that will never change.

Hard work will get you far in life. Anyone claiming that “People have been tricked/scammed into working for a living” does not live in reality. Man has always worked to survive.

Partisans will be partisans. Never expect people to act any differently.

Unless you’re the type of guy who gets approached by women, you’re going to have take initiative in regards to dating. Shoot your shot.

Never stop learning.
 
Nov 1, 2017
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Two things

1. All co-workers are competition. Yes, some my be good friends to you, but at the end of the day, they will all forward their career interests over yours, including throwing YOU under the bus if need be for them to accomplish their goals.

2. All "professionals" are far from perfect at their profession. At best, everyone is "doing their best" but oftentimes you are getting less than that due to incompetence/apathy. Everyone is "practicing" at their profession, and has tons of grey areas in aspects of their job where they might not be entirely knowledgable, but do their best to "fake it". We are talking all lines of work, including doctors, lawyers, accountants- professions requiring years of "higher education" where the expectation of perfection is pretty much there all the time for what they do, but they fuck up just as much as the kid at McDonalds that fails to hold the pickles on your burger order.
I'm only 37, but the more experience I get with work, and the more I deal with big companies directly, the more I realize no one actually has any idea what the fuck they're doing. I mean, they do to various degrees, but whether or not you get that bank loan often just depends who's working at the bank that day, what kind of morning they've had, etc.

Incompetence is everywhere. In every profession. In every company. In every person. We're not nearly as competent as we think ourselves to be, and neither are the people you deal with on a daily basis on a professional level. Finding a person who takes pride in what they do is tough.
 
No one legitimately cares about anyone else. All our social interactions are based around getting something out of the encounter, whether that be money, sex or just the ability to feel good about yourself after you do something for someone else.

No one actually cares about you and everyone only cares about personal gain.

The other truth is that nothing you do matters in any capacity. Nothing you do is gonna have any effect on thr world and you aren't gonna be remembered after maybe 3 generations. Life is one exhausting crawl where the vast majority is dull, shitty and mundane. Your moments of genuine happiness are gonna be few and far between so you better enjoy them while you can.
 
Nov 14, 2017
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"Just be yourself" is not actually good advice for getting ahead in work, friendships, and romantic relationships. Honest self reflection and self improvement is periodically needed to improve your skills, confidence, and usefulness to others.
 
Oct 26, 2017
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No one legitimately cares about anyone else. All our social interactions are based around getting something out of the encounter, whether that be money, sex or just the ability to feel good about yourself after you do something for someone else.

No one actually cares about you and everyone only cares about personal gain.
I'm sorry that you have circumstances that make you feel this way, but this simply isn't true.
 
Oct 25, 2017
853
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"Just be yourself" is not actually good advice for getting ahead in work, friendships, and romantic relationships. Honest self reflection and self improvement is periodically needed to improve your skills, confidence, and usefulness to others.

This is one of those sayings that need qualification like "be your best self possible". Otherwise, people think they're just the greatest gift on the planet who can't be wrong.

Really, it'd probably be helpful if we move on from little sound bites like that because it robs a lot of meaning from the kinds of practices people want to share. Life isn't so simple that the best lessons could be written down in a line on a piece of paper. I feel like a lot of the "truths" here are a result of this
 
Nov 1, 2017
1,624
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No one legitimately cares about anyone else. All our social interactions are based around getting something out of the encounter, whether that be money, sex or just the ability to feel good about yourself after you do something for someone else.

No one actually cares about you and everyone only cares about personal gain.

The other truth is that nothing you do matters in any capacity. Nothing you do is gonna have any effect on the world and you aren't gonna be remembered after maybe 3 generations. Life is one exhausting crawl where the vast majority is dull, shitty and mundane. Your moments of genuine happiness are gonna be few and far between so you better enjoy them while you can.
I disagree here when it comes to my own kids. I do think people care about the closest people in their lives. Depends on the person.

...though I do wonder whether anyone genuinely cares about me. I can only speak for myself and say that I genuinely love and care about my kids and want to keep them safe, excited, and happy in life for as long as I can.
 
I'm sorry that you have circumstances that make you feel this way, but this simply isn't true.
It is though. Maybe I worded it a little too strongly.

There is no such thing as a completely selfless action would be a better way to put it. No one does anything for no reason and there is always something said person will gain out of doing something for someone else. Even if you think you aren't gaining anything yourself, you subconsciously know you are. Satisfaction, attention, pride are all things that people want to feel when helping others. It's just the way it is. Not saying it's bad or evil either, it's just the way our species works.
 
Oct 26, 2017
975
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It is though. Maybe I worded it a little too strongly.

There is no such thing as a completely selfless action would be a better way to put it. No one does anything for no reason and there is always something said person will gain out of doing something for someone else. Even if you think you aren't gaining anything yourself, you subconsciously know you are. Satisfaction, attention, pride are all things that people want to feel when helping others. It's just the way it is. Not saying it's bad or evil either, it's just the way our species works.
If you stretch it all the way to "if someone does something self sacrificing they still get some satisfaction for having done it for someone else by a chemical reaction happening in their brain", sure, but that just seems like a completely inane position to take.

A lot of people perform acts where they aren't, even sub-consciously, expecting any sort of reward or reciprocation from the other individual.
 
Some people are beyond help/saving.

Words/actions matter and can follow you around for years.

You can't please everyone.

You feel less as you get older. I remember the scene in Boyhood where Hawke tells his son "hold onto your feelings because you lose them" and that's so true. I'm 30 and I can't remember the last time I legit cried over something, I also laugh at comedy movies but it's a rehearsed laugh 98% of the time, like I know it's funny but there's no spontaneous hahaha response. When I see people crying over The Last of Us II unveiling I just feel like an emotionless husk because I don't feel that passionately about anything.
 
If you stretch it all the way to "if someone does something self sacrificing they still get some satisfaction for having done it for someone else by a chemical reaction happening in their brain", sure, but that just seems like a completely inane position to take.

A lot of people perform acts where they aren't, even sub-consciously, expecting any sort of reward or reciprocation from the other individual.
I don't agree. People do things for others cause it lets them feel better about themselves. Do you honestly think people giving to charities actually give a shit about the cause? I sure don't. But it lets them feel good for a moment and allows them to think they're a good person cause they donated their time, money etc. to someone else. Hence why it isn't a selfless act.

Like you said though in the end it doesn't matter cause the result is the same. I just don't believe that anyone is doing things genuinely out of the goodness of their heart is all. Humans are selfish creatures by nature.
 
Oct 25, 2017
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People don't change, and you can't expect them to. You won't change either, so don't tell someone that you will. I think a major source of heartache among many people is either that they're expecting someone to change, they're expecting that they can change to adapt to that unchanging person, or they're struggling with someone else's misplaced expectation that they should change. The fact is though that they're not going to change and you're not going to change.

Sure, your opinions might change, your behavior might change, but the motivation behind that doesn't change. The thing that informs your opinion or motivates your behavior stays the same.

I was pretty surprised to see one of the characters in Red Dead Redemption 2 express this notion that people don't change with age, but their truer selves emerge. I don't remember the exact line and it's from a mission in Chapter 6, and I'll probably grab it as a quote someday when I finish the game and go back to watch videos of it (though I'm not now for fear of accidental spoilers).
 
Nov 11, 2017
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There’s people out there who hate me just because of my skin color, when I was younger I couldn’t understand as I told myself I couldn’t choose the color.

I found out that people at your job will try to talk down about you for really no reason and that it’s not always good to make work friends.
 
Bottling your feelings only works for so long. Communication means everything; things and actions simply do not exist without communication. Since we live in a world founded on subjectivity, it's all a game of creating more persuasive realities. In short, you must only trust and rely on yourself because, whether intentional or not, other individuals and the systems they lead will try to control you. (Libertarians and preppers take this way too far, though.)

I've thought a lot recently about how to fix my bad habits and behaviors, but also about whether I can have a strong identity and foundation. It's become easier for me to believe that others just don't think about me that much at all. One tragedy of society is that it's extremely difficult to empathize on a grand scale when you only experience so much in your domain. I do my best to live my life and fulfill my selfish desires without significantly harming others, but mistakes and avarice will happen.

Being young means I think about these things way too much. Thinking too much means little if I can't act on those thoughts. Life makes mince meat of cowards. Facing fears early can work out for the best.
 
Two things I think about often:

If you take away the suit, any businessman or woman will look like they are playing dress up trying to look serious. Remember that they're humans, and hold them just as accountable as anyone else.

Also, based on thoughts from a while ago:

Anyone can be driven to insanity, kill, or kill themselves, it's just that most people haven't been driven to the point where they mentally break.
 
Dec 4, 2017
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Misunderstanding is the rule rather than the exception/a mistake.
There is simply no form of message that won't be misunderstood at least by someone, and even the plainest language appears to be much more complicated that we want to believe it is.

Human society is based not on truth, but on faith and beliefs. If you like and want the truth, you'll never be as happy as you could be.

As much as we want young people in positions of power and responsibility, it's almost impossible for a person to have enough knowledge and skill at the age when they are at their physical prime. Age and experience are a necessity to understand many things.

Some people are simply beyond helping, whether by their choice or by circumstances.

We have come to consider death as an avoidable accident, we are still wrong about that, and most of us are not prepared to deal with being wrong about that. When you see relatives freaking out seeing a 90+ years old in their final days, you know we've lost any common sense about death as a part of nature.
 
Oct 26, 2017
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Life is unfair and you are not important to the unfeeling universe. We all have dreams, aspirations, and goals. We are all somewhere on that path, whether at the beginning, middle, end, or on a detour somewhere. It's unfair that people get gunned down or hit by cars, but that's life. What once was a person becomes nothing.

I know that sounds SUPER depressing, but it's not meant to be that way. That tells me that I should live in the moment. Not in the sense that I spend all my money, but in the sense that I love the people around me, and I don't take any good thing in my life for granted. Be thankful for what you have, but never stop dreaming. I'm not changing the world, but I sure as hell make a difference to the tens of people I interact with every day.
 
Oct 27, 2017
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That despite how hard I might've worked, some times people died regardless.

Another is that there are no easy ways around pain - physical, emotional, etc.. Easy solutions are more often addicting and end up doing more damage. The actual solutions/management are far harder and less often offered.
 
Oct 30, 2017
594
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That there is no God, no ultimate arbiter who rewards the just and punishes the wicked, that the evil men do that is not punished by human law or vigilante law will never have to account for their crimes, and every sacrifice that the truly good make will not be rewarded in heaven for their goodness, and in fact goodness will often allow the wicked to do more wickedness.

Every time a child dies early, a home is ruined, a person is sold into slavery, there was no higher reason for it, no higher purpose. It happened because people are awful, and that's all.