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What motivates people to have children?
- Thread starter ToddBonzalez
- Start date
Lots of guys on here. My sister dropped off the face of the Earth after having a kid. Her social life and gaming time were obliterated. He's ten now, and we manage to do some online gaming for one to three hours about once every two months. She dropped out of her weekly D&D games but in the last couple years manages a monthly Skype game.
Of course, she loves her child. Personally, I never bought into the social pressures for most role assignments, and rarely spent time around babies, so I never got hooked on those dopamine hits. No doubt many would say I'm missing out, my life is empty of meaning, I'm a wasted woman-child, etc. Many have said they feel bad for my barrenness. I feel bad for people who have never been in love like I have. Such is the human condition. We all see life through our own eyes.
Of course, she loves her child. Personally, I never bought into the social pressures for most role assignments, and rarely spent time around babies, so I never got hooked on those dopamine hits. No doubt many would say I'm missing out, my life is empty of meaning, I'm a wasted woman-child, etc. Many have said they feel bad for my barrenness. I feel bad for people who have never been in love like I have. Such is the human condition. We all see life through our own eyes.
Late parent like we were. I've noticed several folks who says they are in their mid-30s and bemoan the fact it is too late for them to have children. I had my first at 36 and my second at 41. Obviously there is a time when it stops being viable to have children, but 35 isn't it.
Me and my partner can't freaking wait to have our first child. We're waiting until we've traveled the world in the coming years and have bought a house. Probably in 3-4 years.
Almost everything in this world is fleeting, inconsequential and short lived. What kind of work you did or how much money you earned means nothing when we're on our deathbeds. But your offspring are the ones that carry along the torch long after you're buried.
I personally can't wait to create, raise and shape tiny humans with the person I love most. We want to offer a loving family and strive to raise our children with proper guidance, good morals, total freedom of expression and core values of respect. I want to see them achieve things on their own, see them grow into well-adjusted and inspired human beings that hopefully will find love themselves.
I could not imagine a more worthy purpose, to be honest. But not everyone has to be like this. If you value your hobbies (read: consume media) above all else, don't get a kid. There endless people out there that are not ready to be dedicated parents and that's fine.
Almost everything in this world is fleeting, inconsequential and short lived. What kind of work you did or how much money you earned means nothing when we're on our deathbeds. But your offspring are the ones that carry along the torch long after you're buried.
I personally can't wait to create, raise and shape tiny humans with the person I love most. We want to offer a loving family and strive to raise our children with proper guidance, good morals, total freedom of expression and core values of respect. I want to see them achieve things on their own, see them grow into well-adjusted and inspired human beings that hopefully will find love themselves.
I could not imagine a more worthy purpose, to be honest. But not everyone has to be like this. If you value your hobbies (read: consume media) above all else, don't get a kid. There endless people out there that are not ready to be dedicated parents and that's fine.
i was talking to a friend about this. I had a kid recently and my friend was like, "I never want kids because all I hear parents do is complain". And I think that's because it's so much easier to talk about what's hard than to try and explicate the colossal, existential joy that comes into your life. Admitting how much you love your kid would open a gap so vulnerable. It's hard to talk about except to say that's its the best thing I've ever done.
As to why we had a kid, we both felt like we'd lived a lot. We'd traveled and settled into careers and had friends and hobbies. And I wanted to share that with someone, to see my life through the prism of my child. To keep learning and growing with them.
Is it work? Oh hell yeah. But I can't imagine just.... living the same life I had 2 years ago, forever and ever.
That said, one is probably enough! I still want to have my time and my hobbies. And the financial aspect is significant.
And also, you may not want kids. That's fine! I think if you do you'll know and if you don't, don't! That's totally okay.
As to why we had a kid, we both felt like we'd lived a lot. We'd traveled and settled into careers and had friends and hobbies. And I wanted to share that with someone, to see my life through the prism of my child. To keep learning and growing with them.
Is it work? Oh hell yeah. But I can't imagine just.... living the same life I had 2 years ago, forever and ever.
That said, one is probably enough! I still want to have my time and my hobbies. And the financial aspect is significant.
And also, you may not want kids. That's fine! I think if you do you'll know and if you don't, don't! That's totally okay.
I always wanted my own family.
My son is 8 months old now. It's been a mix of stress and enjoyment. It's amazing watching him grow up. There's nothing like it.
There's nothing like seeing that toothless smile.
I want to teach him everything I can.
My son is 8 months old now. It's been a mix of stress and enjoyment. It's amazing watching him grow up. There's nothing like it.
There's nothing like seeing that toothless smile.
I want to teach him everything I can.
So I had this conversation with my wife before we got married. You're not wrong about the downsides. Hell you can add a huge environmental burden to the list. Having a kid is ultimately a selfish decision, the kid never asked to be born after all. If you can accept all that there's loads of emotional upsides. Seeing the look on my daughter's face as she figured out how to beat a video game all by herself. Watching her interact with others and be "the good kid". Having someone to interact with and teach. It's all a huge emotional upside.
They aren't perfect and yeah they'll stress you out, but kids aren't the death of a social life. Really my wife and I set aside a couple days a week to be just Husband and Wife not Mom and Dad. We still hang out with friends, see movies, go out on dates, etc. Our kids are doing just fine.
I totally understand those who don't want kids reasoning. It's a ton of responsibility and a huge financial burden and if the upsides aren't enough for you then no one should try to convince you otherwise especially since most of those benefits aren't guaranteed. Keep enjoying life. We are.
OP: only considers materialistic values related to having children. Asks why people take on this financial burden on gaming forum. Checks out.
There are many reasons why people have children related to biology and the human condition. And while it is expensive, that is like the whole point of making money in society... Spending it.
There are many reasons why people have children related to biology and the human condition. And while it is expensive, that is like the whole point of making money in society... Spending it.
^This.
I have two children (3yr old and 1.5 yr old), and we've been to the US, England, Wales, Portugal, Singapore, Australia, Germany, and we'll be going to Japan later this year. I get to sleep in on the weekend (as does my husband on his turn), I get to have my personal time, my husband gyms 4x a week, I can go out any night if I want to (went to a comedy club this past Friday), I cook/eat whatever I fancy, etc. and I don't even have family to help me. This is all just us in a foreign country to boot. Kids require adjustment in your lives definitely, but you incorporate them, not end your own life. The limitations are only as tight as you make them.
This is what most people do, I feel. Which is impossible for me as my wife and I both have elderly parents who couldn't cope with a regular childcare schedule
Luckily there are a lot of affordable after school clubs here. It's the childcare before they're old enough to start school that's financially ruinous. Only a couple hundred a month less than my wife earns.
Pretty much this. I don't want to cast aspersions on ppl who don't wanna have kids cos that's a legitimate feeling. But for me personally I can't wait to grow little human beings and open up the world to them and let them experience all the good (and bad) things I've seen in my life, and to be a big part of it/help them succeed. That feeling just brings me joy.
Because my wife and I wanted to share our lives with other people that we could help learn how the world is and works, take them on adventures and do things with them. I love how people think having children destroys your life or something, I mean if you aren't financially stable, then yeah don't have them. We are, and I still have time to play video games, we go on vacations, we still have nights out with our friends. Anyway the moment my first boy was born I was instantly more in love than with anything or anyone that came before him, I knew my life instantly had more meaning than it ever did in the past.
Trust me, i've been on this and the previous board long enough to know what consists of 'freedom' for a lot of people here. The people with actual worthwhile and interesting hobbies are rare.
Because you will never understand how awesome human beings are until you get a fresh, brand new one made between you and the person you love.
These threads pop up every so often and they're just so fucking disingenuous. there's a weird amount of negativity against people who choose to have kids here
I like this, it's very true. You know how it seems like everyone is an idiot? That the world is a cynical hellhole? Your perspective changes allot when you're teaching a fresh human how to act. They have zero cynicism, no emotional baggage, nothing. A perfect clean slate that finds flowers and rain mind blowing. It's such a refreshing thing that really pressed reset on how I look at things.
This is probably the best answer. Also weird that there's people who doesn't understand the op's position.
If you have to ask, you aren't ready for children. You may never be. Nothing wrong with that.
The reasons why I have my children are running around me right now, and frankly money, inconvenience etc means nothing when it comes to how they make you feel.
You have to want them though. If you don't, then you don't. There should be no shame in wanting to live your life how you want, children or not.
I don't know why you are only considering Gaf/Era when just talking about the general idea of wanting children or not wanting children. Plenty of people have creative hobbies or active hobbies that don't solely involve consuming media. A lot of those "hobbies" would be regarded by those people as passions than just a little fun on the side that they could easily discard. Even if someone's hobby does involve consuming media, if that's what they enjoy in life and they feel fulfilled doing that then why mock them for it? I don't care if someone says "I'll never have a kid because I want to play video games all the time" because it doesn't effect my life in the slightest.
The post of yours that I initially quoted was saying something about how if people don't wish to have kids then that's ok and not everyone needs to or is meant to have children. But now your response is talking down on people who would make that choice and making your own judgements on if that choice is "worthwhile" or "interesting" enough based on your own values (when really your opinion on their life choices doesn't matter). So what is your intended tone here? The reason I responded to you in the first place is the clash between your initial accepting tone of "not everyone has to do this and that's fine" and then the weird condescending tone you slipped in of "if you value doing nothing but consuming fleeting, meaningless media".
I don't really agree with people who talk down on people who do choose to have children but I think the opposite is just as annoying. Your life isn't over/you aren't selfish/etc. for having a kid. Your life also isn't devoid of true meaning and purpose if you never have one. It's why I dislike the "you'll change your mind when you have one" type of response to people who say they don't want children.
Best decision I ever made and I wouldn't trade my daughter for all the free time and superfluous entertainment in the world.
It's just been an amazing journey seeing her develop, learn, grow, seeing the foundations of a personality emerge. When I die I won't be pouting for one more day with my xbox. But I would for one more day with family.
She's the only physical part of me that can continue to live after I'm gone.
If you don't want kids that's cool. That's fine. But the whole "I don't understand the human condition" thing is corny AF. Just leave it at "I don't want kids" nothing wrong with that.
It's just been an amazing journey seeing her develop, learn, grow, seeing the foundations of a personality emerge. When I die I won't be pouting for one more day with my xbox. But I would for one more day with family.
She's the only physical part of me that can continue to live after I'm gone.
If you don't want kids that's cool. That's fine. But the whole "I don't understand the human condition" thing is corny AF. Just leave it at "I don't want kids" nothing wrong with that.
Eh, some people want different things for different reasons. They've been covered here already. My wife and I don't want kids. We've got nothing against them, we've both just never had any interest in wanting them. Her twin sister recently had one though, and I was a bit worried my wife would want one after seeing the baby. But nope, we're both extremely happy to have a nephew to help raise and be an amazing aunt and uncle to.
While I don't care to have any of my own kids, I'm so fucking excited to be around my nephew. I got so excited when I was watching him and he tried his first attempt at a crawl, I was equally as excited when I saw his first set of teeth coming in. I can't imagine what it's like to be my sis/bro in law experiencing that stuff as parents.
Kids/no kids, whatever, just respect other peoples decisions. Nobody is selfish or above anyone else for wanting/not wanting kids.
While I don't care to have any of my own kids, I'm so fucking excited to be around my nephew. I got so excited when I was watching him and he tried his first attempt at a crawl, I was equally as excited when I saw his first set of teeth coming in. I can't imagine what it's like to be my sis/bro in law experiencing that stuff as parents.
Kids/no kids, whatever, just respect other peoples decisions. Nobody is selfish or above anyone else for wanting/not wanting kids.
If you have strong family bonds its probably a lot easier to organize time for yourself (grandparents / friends / extended family taking care of the kids every now and then). it seems like a lot of the core family values are kinda going away these days tho (that may be anecdotal), so i can see it being hard for couples that are more on their own.
Isn't there some kinda saying about a whole village raises a child or something, referring to the fact that back then basically every person was more involved in the life of others?
Isn't there some kinda saying about a whole village raises a child or something, referring to the fact that back then basically every person was more involved in the life of others?
I didn't plan to have one but it happened and we weren't ready for it. Greatest thing that's ever happened in my life.
Having a child and starting a family is a wonderful adventure that no amount of friends or outdoor activities can replicate. There is a feeling you get from your children that can't come from anywhere else.
Wish I had the means to do so right now because I would love to bring another into the world.
Having a child and starting a family is a wonderful adventure that no amount of friends or outdoor activities can replicate. There is a feeling you get from your children that can't come from anywhere else.
Wish I had the means to do so right now because I would love to bring another into the world.
Because
busting on the back makes you feel good? you cant have kids that way
Jesus...what is this thread?
Good god the takes in here lol.
but to truly answer this question.
Because we want to? thats pretty damn simple.
a more long winded answer is to give your life more meaning. Not meaning but more meaning because we are more than our kids parents.
my children and wife give me a reason to work hard and provide as much as I can for us. Your children are your legacy. They carry on after you are gone.
what do you leave behind this world after you die
Your kids and their kids. Not a dumb job or property that will be sold off and thrown away.
You teach your kids to be better and do better than you and hopefully they help make the world a better place than you did.
Good god the takes in here lol.
but to truly answer this question.
Because we want to? thats pretty damn simple.
a more long winded answer is to give your life more meaning. Not meaning but more meaning because we are more than our kids parents.
my children and wife give me a reason to work hard and provide as much as I can for us. Your children are your legacy. They carry on after you are gone.
what do you leave behind this world after you die
Your kids and their kids. Not a dumb job or property that will be sold off and thrown away.
You teach your kids to be better and do better than you and hopefully they help make the world a better place than you did.
Yeah I think half of the board are actually aliens posting from area 51
ego mostly
step 1. find someone who looks as close as possible to you
step 2. produce children that looks like clones of you
step 3. have people call the children beautiful when they look so much like you and therefore they are calling you beautiful instead
step 4. you like tropical weather but don't like going to tropical places so you contribute to overpopulation and indirectly global warming
It is the single most amazing thing a human is capable of creating. Think of all the trillions of dollars, millions of man hours etc put into creating computers, vaccines, drugs, art, music etc and some guy and girl can bang in a club bathroom and accidentally create something a million times more advanced and artful.
Because people want to. Another addition to your family to love and watch grow and develop and help them succeed in life.
But I love babies so I'm biased, I'm the guy friends or family go "Here" and pass off the baby when I'm around at a get together or party lol
But I love babies so I'm biased, I'm the guy friends or family go "Here" and pass off the baby when I'm around at a get together or party lol
How old are you op?
I never understood the "this world is going towards doomday so I'm not bringing more people in here" angle. Assuming you're a good person, wouldn't you want the world to have more good people like you to turn this shit around?
Also, I'm thinking if the desire to not have kids is somewhat connected to a bad relationship with one's own parents.
I never understood the "this world is going towards doomday so I'm not bringing more people in here" angle. Assuming you're a good person, wouldn't you want the world to have more good people like you to turn this shit around?
Also, I'm thinking if the desire to not have kids is somewhat connected to a bad relationship with one's own parents.
not sure if joke or not.
if your serious than your reply was not needed.
His reply was spot on a great reason. My daughter looks so much like my wife , thankfully, Its just amazing.
But her personality is much more outgoing like mine. shes an insanely perfect mix.
she loves the same stuff as us and is just nothing but a joy and highlight of our day to be around. Granted shes 4 but its just amazing to see her grow.
my 16 year old son now...is a dick hahaha. nah hes great but hes got aome issues that he gets from his egg donor.
I agree with this sentiment. Threads like these honestly remind me that I'm on the off-topic section of a video game forum, and actually is the kind of thing that inspires me to get shit done lol.
................what...
my children are tough and hard but their is not a single day where I think...my time would be worth more elsewhere.
children are what gives your time on this earth meaning and they carry on after you die. that is your legacy.
i
Man.....I agree but gdamn the takes in this place. Im a gamer too but It feels like a different reality with some of these posts.