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What religion had/has the craziest creation (genesis) story?

nazgul_hunter

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,966
Crazy just means "how different from the one I was raised with" when it comes to religion. They're all equally crazy in a vacuum, but no human is in a vacuum when it comes to religion and superstition
 

JaeCryo

Member
Nov 6, 2017
6,739
What little I read from the Bhagavad Gita sounded like the dopest shit in the world. Straight dynasty warriors style battles with gods shooting lightning arrows and god-lasers at demon armies and shit.
 

UnluckyKate

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,561
Creationism ?

When fallen angels led a dinosaur army in pourring rain to an epic battle to sink Noah's ark and all failed, hence the dinosaurs drowning, that why all fossiles are heads up, to reach for the surface
 

SoH

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,369
^ The ancients were real big on the seed of the gods so..

Was it the Sumerians that had the creation myth that mankind came from a god's river of cum?

edit: hm, not finding it immediately. I definitely recall reading something to that effect but can't recall who it was. RIP my search history.
 
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Calvinien

Member
Jul 13, 2019
575
The Kuba of africa believe their creator god puked out the universe apropos of nothing.

The Bushmen believe that Praying mantis named Cagn married a Hyrax and adpted a porcupine, and that most of the animals were the result of Cagn's favourite eland (think african deer) being accidentally killed and Cagn having his wife bake up replacement animals, none of which were as good. Also appparently the only reason people exist is so that he would have someone to prank, as that is about the only interaction he has with mortals: him playing practical jokes on them for no reason other than he finds it hilarious.

There's literally a myth where he disguises himself as a fat antelope carcass and just lies out in the sun for a few days until some kids find him and are elated at what appears to be a mountain of free food. So they butrcher the carcass and hang the various bits up in a thorn bush in order to dry them out and prevent animals from getting at them. When they turn heir backs, he reassembles himself and puts himself on the ground. They put his bits back on the thorns again and again, he knocks them off. When they hang him up a third time, he reassembles himself in fron of their eyes, and as a frankensteins monster of butchered antelope bits says "Do you mind? It is incredibly itchy up there!?"

The children lose their shit and run home, having learned no lesson aside from the fact that the universe is controlled by what amounts to a celestial Bugs Bunny who will mess with you for no reason other than to prove what an incorrigible stinker he is.

As you can probably tell, this is the most awesome religion ever.
 
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Laevateinn

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,023
Chicago
In Norse mythology, a cow licked salty ice blocks until Buri was created. Buri had three grandchildren: Odin, Vili, and Ve. They killed Ymir who was the chief frost giant. His blood drowned most of the other frost giants. They used his skull to create the sky, flung his brian matter into the sky to create the clouds, and fires from the battle to create the stars. After maggots formed in the body, they gave them understanding and turned them into men.
 

Version 3.0

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,015
In Norse mythology, a cow licked salty ice blocks until Buri was created. Buri had three grandchildren: Odin, Vili, and Ve. They killed Ymir who was the chief frost giant. His blood drowned most of the other frost giants. They used his skull to create the sky, flung his brian matter into the sky to create the clouds, and fires from the battle to create the stars. After maggots formed in the body, they gave them understanding and turned them into men.
You left out the craziest part: everyone in that story, other than the cow, was spawned from Ymir's armpit sweat while he slept.
 

Z-Beat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
20,213
In Egyptian mythology Set killed Osiris and cut him into pieces and scattered them all around, and his dick got eaten by fish, so his wife Isis built him a synthetic super dick when he was brought back
 

kvetcha

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,517
The Jatravartid People of Viltvodle Six firmly believe that the entire universe was sneezed out of the nose of a being called The Great Green Arkleseizure.
 

Volimar

volunteer forum janitor
Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,073
Some Indian myths are pretty out there. I'd og into detail but I think I should let someone better versed do it.

Failing that, yeah Scientology is messed up.
 

Haze

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,467
Atlanta, GA
It’s not part of the creation story but the part in the Bible where Samson kills an entire army with a donkey jawbone is amazing
 

ibyea

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,123
Izanami gave birth to the Japanese islands.

You know, considering the other stuff I read here, this one is not as crazy as it could be, lol. Although I think a god was born from her poop.
 

ibyea

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,123
In Norse mythology, a cow licked salty ice blocks until Buri was created. Buri had three grandchildren: Odin, Vili, and Ve. They killed Ymir who was the chief frost giant. His blood drowned most of the other frost giants. They used his skull to create the sky, flung his brian matter into the sky to create the clouds, and fires from the battle to create the stars. After maggots formed in the body, they gave them understanding and turned them into men.
One common trend I do notice among myths is that god fluids and body parts are really magical.

Can you imagine? Aw shit, I accidentally created another sentient being from a paper cut.
 

Jiminy

Avenger
Mar 29, 2018
4,832
Crazy just means "how different from the one I was raised with" when it comes to religion. They're all equally crazy in a vacuum, but no human is in a vacuum when it comes to religion and superstition
No way. I was raised atheist and ancient Egyptian or Norse world creation myths are about a billion times more crazy (and entertaining) than your bargain bucket Christianity "chill dude God made the universe in 7 days, go figure". That's without even getting into LDS and Scientology and shit.

They're all absurd, but only some of them are really CRAZY.
 

DiipuSurotu

Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,443
France
In Norse mythology, a cow licked salty ice blocks until Buri was created. Buri had three grandchildren: Odin, Vili, and Ve. They killed Ymir who was the chief frost giant. His blood drowned most of the other frost giants. They used his skull to create the sky, flung his brian matter into the sky to create the clouds, and fires from the battle to create the stars. After maggots formed in the body, they gave them understanding and turned them into men.
Where the fuck do that cow and ice come from?
 

DiK4

Member
Nov 4, 2017
972
The Kuba of africa believe their creator god puked out the universe apropos of nothing.

The Bushmen believe that Praying mantis named Cagn married a Hyrax and adpted a porcupine, and that most of the animals were the result of Cagn's favourite eland (think african deer) being accidentally killed and Cagn having his wife bake up replacement animals, none of which were as good. Also appparently the only reason people exist is so that he would have someone to prank, as that is about the only interaction he has with mortals: him playing practical jokes on them for no reason other than he finds it hilarious.

There's literally a myth where he disguises himself as a fat antelope carcass and just lies out in the sun for a few days until some kids find him and are elated at what appears to be a mountain of free food. So they butrcher the carcass and hang the various bits up in a thorn bush in order to dry them out and prevent animals from getting at them. When they turn heir backs, he reassembles himself and puts himself on the ground. They put his bits back on the thorns again and again, he knocks them off. When they hang him up a third time, he reassembles himself in fron of their eyes, and as a frankensteins monster of butchered antelope bits says "Do you mind? It is incredibly itchy up there!?"

The children lose their shit and run home, having learned no lesson aside from the fact that the universe is controlled by what amounts to a celestial Bugs Bunny who will mess with you for no reason other than to prove what an incorrigible stinker he is.

As you can probably tell, this is the most awesome religion ever.
That is hilarious. I always imagined God had a sense of humor lol.
 

HStallion

Member
Oct 25, 2017
34,018
I always found it interesting how the creation myths of so many cultures that are totally isolated from one another in all respects still have a ton of of similarities. One of the big ones is humanity being made by a god or higher being from mud, earth, clay or some kind of earthy material.
 

DiipuSurotu

Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,443
France
I always found it interesting how the creation myths of so many cultures that are totally isolated from one another in all respects still have a ton of of similarities. One of the big ones is humanity being made by a god or higher being from mud, earth, clay or some kind of earthy material.
Also the separation of Earth and sky
 

SoH

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,369
I always found it interesting how the creation myths of so many cultures that are totally isolated from one another in all respects still have a ton of of similarities. One of the big ones is humanity being made by a god or higher being from mud, earth, clay or some kind of earthy material.
I know one common element of polytheism is believed to be because before we had a strong understanding of complex functioning hierarchical systems we didn't have the understanding a single being could be capable of being responsible for all of it, hence polytheism being common and assigning different things to this god or that god.

Once you have leadership like Kings and a functioning body underneath the tasks can be delegated so we could form the understanding that one being could be responsible for it and monotheism follows. It is a bit funny that even in systems of godly powers where all things are possible we still need at least something analogous that we can materialize in our minds or it doesn't seem to take root.

As far as coming from clay and whatnot I imagine that comes from a shared observation that plants are alive and spring from the Earth so animals must have followed suit. Funny enough a primitive understanding of evolution, but just my speculation if anyone is aware of any theories I'd like to hear them.
 
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