What's with people taking pride in beating their kids??

[DaToonie]

OK, I never ever make threads, but I got to thinking about this because of a recent conversation at a family reunion, and my god, it just frustrates me to no end. So folks're all gathered around a table a little bit before everyone starts dipping, and I'm listening in on conversations from older relatives about their childhood stories, and that inevitably turns into a conversation about experiences with raising their own kids.

A super distant relative I've probably only seen once in my life (who's also white, if that matters?) talks about a moment she had with her son asking for something really expensive, and getting pouty when denied it. Soooo, she beats him for that, and then he (her son) tells her that the teachers at his school say you can't beat your kids, or it's abuse. Her response to that? "I beat him even harder!" Everyone at the table is just whooping and hollering like "YEAH, THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT!" and claiming that it's ridiculous that beating your kids is considered abuse "these days". And I'm just in the background like... what the fuck, man. Why are we like this? Why are we all literally standing around and applauding child abuse? Why can't we see it as child abuse?

As someone who was raised by a mother who beat them as the soul form of punishment for any little thing they did wrong, this infuriates me. I did NOT "turn out just fine" through how I was raised. Personally, I definitely don't feel like a properly functioning adult because of the punishments. Now I just fear failure to an unhealthy degree, resent my mother and feel barely an iota of actual love towards her (though to be fair, she was also pretty emotionally detached as well and lacked compassion).

But forreal. What is it that makes us behave this way with our kids? Obviously I don't think this is black people/culture exclusive, but it feels soooo much more central to traditional black parenting methods, and I really can't stand it.

 

[PassiveObserver]

My mom's Chinese and she has expressed the same sentiments. Regressive shit all around.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

I can't speak for black parents but I know plenty of white parents who have no problem casually mentioning how they hit/beat their kids.

 

[Renna Hazel]

I don't think this is a black people thing. I think you'll hear this from some people of any race, with other people or any race disagreeing.

 

[nsilvias]

"my parents hit me and i came out fine"
no you didnt, you're beating your kid and thats not fine

 

[vestan]

More of a generational/culture thing, a vicious cycle if you will. They had it happen to them by the hand of their own parents so they feel the need to do it to their own kids because 'that's all they know'.

It's really fucked, but a lot of young people who've had this happen to them are starting to wake up and realize how much this has fucked them up. The older people I know that were beat by their parents always seem to rationalize it in some fashion to justify beating their own kids. I'm sure you've come across the classic "I got beat but I turned out fine!!"

 

[HoodedSoldier]

beat that ass!!!!!!

 

[BDS]

Beating kids is a common thing in any conservative/highly religious culture, it's not just a "black people" thing.

 

[s1lver]

I have no idea if this is related to black people/culture, but I've certainly heard that several times before (always though it was a joke).
However I know a ton of white parents that express the same way, so I have no reason to believe this is a cultural thing.

 

[Nothing Loud]

People are just ignorant to child psychology research, which isn't surprising. And then when you tell them that there's no benefit to hitting your kids, people double down on their anecdotes because most people don't think logically or statistically enough to realize anecdotes are worthless when there's research that proves there's no benefit to hitting your kids. I've had this talk with people and it always goes south. People don't want to be told how to discipline their kids because they think having spawn makes them the best decision-maker for said spawn at all times.

My only advice is to have child discipline conversations with trustworthy friends that don't have kids or just stick to conversing about this only with people with graduate degrees or high appreciation for science or psychology.

 

[Mona]

i'll never understand people who are ok with beating on fucking children, you shouldn't even be beating on adults, let alone kids ffs

Beating kids is a common thing in any conservative/highly religious culture

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its insane, claim some kind of ultimate moral authority while hitting children

 

[Jade1962]

I get your point but I don't get the black connection when it seems as if though a white person told the story about beating their kid.

My mother beat me. It didn't help my mental state at all and has made me less confident as an adult. Till this day I have never spanked my kids and don't allow their mother too either even if she wants too.

 

[TransEuropaExpress]

My mother is (East) German and my father is Nigerian, they both love to gleefully talk about how their parents kicked their asses and my relatives on both sides do the same as your family at gatherings, OP.

Point I was making was just that they're from insanely different cultures and all and yet...they both love beating that ass.

 

[Squarehard]

"I was beaten as a child, and I came out fine."

This is typically the reason why it continues, but an idiotic argument to make in order to beat your kids.

I can't say much to the black community, but being raised in a traditional Chinese home, this was also the norm for me, and my relatives.

 

[iWannaHat]

Beat my own kids? Never
Beat someone else's kids? Absolutely
what were we talking about again?

Edit: that one week ban was for 14 days :P
also I'll own that i should of read the op before shitposting. after reading the OP, this thread should have remained locked.

 

[chandoog]

Desi (south Asian) parents do it all the time. This bit is actually a very accurate summary:

 

[Mammoth Jones]

People tend to do as their parents did. So it carried over from a time where we didn't have any support in terms of childcare or easy access to information on child-rearing techniques the way we do now.

Change takes time. It's unrealistic to expect it just because your sensibilities are different. It's not just endemic to black families. Spanking happens all over.

 

[PanSexual_Peacock]

This is not even close to a "black thing".

 

[III-V]

I have found PCIT to be very effective method for discipline.

 

[Thequietone]

It's a generational thing really. Comes from the idea that physical punishment for bad behavior is better than encouraging good behavior. I'll never have kids but if I did beatings and verbal abuse will not be part of their upbringing.

 

[CatAssTrophy]

all of the people i know that have kids and also spank etc. seem to have super shitty brats compared to the well adjusted kids that others have.

my sister spanks and yells and does all of this shit that just blows my mind, but i can tell she's just mimicking what our parents did when we were young. doesn't make it right though.

 

[Neat]

Not even a black person thing. You can see that everywhere with all kinds of people.

it's a generation thing, not a race thing.

 

[Pendas]

I come from a latin background and this sentiment comes up a lot, and from my experience a lot of it is hyperbole. It's played for dramatic effect like "I used to walk 500 feet in the snow when I was your age." Most of the time when I ask "Are you serious?" the response is "Nah, I'm just exaggerating." Not to say there aren't real instances of abuse, but exaggerating about it is a common trope in latin communities.

 

[Futureman]

are you black and your family is? Just kind of confusing story because you say "black people" in your title, but the only thing you say in your post is about a white woman beating her kid.

 

[Conal]

 

[Kilic95]

That's an extreme thread title... This is a universal thing, my mother beat me several times and everytime I asked her why she did it she's like "I never beat you! *laugh*"

 

[WedgeX]

One of the most eye opening things for me was reading Ulysses S. Grant's memoirs. He talks about how parents used to beat their children, but how people knew better now. "Now" was the 1870s.

Sentiments and excuses change so very little, and we ascribe progress to time and generations. But really...we've long known. But people need to feel good about their own choices or the choices their parents made.

 

[BringBackSonics]

I was spanked, wife was spanked. We turned out ok. We don't hit our children.

 

[asmith906]

There's a difference between disciplining your kids and abusing them. I can't tell you the amount of times I've seen children just walk all over their parents.

 

[RDreamer]

This definitely ain't just a black parent thing.

This shit sets me off quite a bit and I've had a lot of arguments with white people that seem to think it's totally fine to hit their kids. We've also had some fun threads on here!

There's a difference between disciplining your kids and abusing them. I can't tell you the amount of times I've seen children just walk all over their parents.

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And hitting them is abusing them. You don't need to hit a child for them to not walk all over you.

 

[Big Boss]

Nah it's not a black thing. I'm in the south and a lot of white people reminisce on days they got spankings from catholic school or they moms/dads as well.

I personally don't see anything wrong with popping/ spanking as a last resort but that's just me.

 

[rusty chrome]

Trash parents in general like to go around bragging about how they choose to "discipline" their kids, by "beating the shit out of them." They don't deserve to have kids and it's pretty clear that they feel empowered when they do it. They should be in jail, nowhere else.

 

[Seesaw15]

Its a generational thing. Not really a black thing.

 

[Clefargle]

I don't think this is a black people thing. I think you'll hear this from some people of any race, with other people or any race disagreeing.

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yeah I'm white and was homeschooled and damn near everyone I knew in my childhood was spanked

 

[Doomsayer]

I don't think it is a specifically racial thing, it is very much a generational thing. I haven't noticed it much with people my age (30+) but the Boomers used to love talking about this shit.

 

[Uzuzu]

While spanking happens universally the op is right that it's much more of a culturally black thing. Just look at any of the surveys out there https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/st_2015-12-17_parenting-09/

 

[balgajo]

Don't think itś a black people thing OP. Maybe you're biased because of your environment. A lot of white people near to me thinks the same way. But I see people from my age with a different perspective so I hope everything goes ok.

 

[Numb]

 

[Christian]

Finally have the opportunity to do to others what was done to them. They finally get the power to inflict hopelessness like they felt as kids. This doesn't just apply to black people, though. People, in general, are fucking pathetic.

 

[TransEuropaExpress]

On another note, I feel like my family loves to talk about it more than they've ever actually done it. Neither of my grandparents ever spanked me and they love talking shit about kids needing an ass-kicking around the table.

Maybe this is like the boomer version of a YouTube comment section for a UFC fight.

 

[Unknownlight]

One of the most eye opening things for me was reading Ulysses S. Grant's memoirs. He talks about how parents used to beat their children, but how people knew better now. "Now" was the 1870s.

Sentiments and excuses change so very little, and we ascribe progress to time and generations. But really...we've long known. But people need to feel good about their own choices or the choices their parents made.

Click to shrink...

Oh jeez. That's fascinating and heartbreaking.

 

[mhayes86]

Corporal punishment towards children seems more of a generational thing. I hear about it much less from post-boomer era parents.

 

[SoH]

Abuse perpetuates. Not always but often. Stress exacerbates this. Minority groups are often particularly distressed. This is a bad cocktail.

 

[Nexus2049]

Definitely not a thing exclusive to certain ethnicities. My mom even threw a pan at me once lol.

 

[SWoS]

A quick google ...

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/st_2015-12-17_parenting-09/

https://fivethirtyeight.com/feature...nking-vary-by-party-race-region-and-religion/

Stats are a few years old. Lends some context to the discussion.

 

[balgajo]

While spanking happens universally the op is right that it's much more of a culturally black thing. Just look at any of the surveys out there https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/st_2015-12-17_parenting-09/

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Are there some studies that considers wealth? Given how marginalized are black people from America(the same thing here in Brazil) I wouldn't be surprised if it's a issue due the lack of access to good education.

 

[RDreamer]

One of the most eye opening things for me was reading Ulysses S. Grant's memoirs. He talks about how parents used to beat their children, but how people knew better now. "Now" was the 1870s.

Sentiments and excuses change so very little, and we ascribe progress to time and generations. But really...we've long known. But people need to feel good about their own choices or the choices their parents made.

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And people whine about how today's generation is so much worse in some ways because they're not disciplined, etc, but then you can look up the exact same complaints about generations literally going back to fucking Aristotle. Everyone thinks the next generation is undisciplined and sucks.

 

[Ziltoidia 9]

My dad died when I was 13 but I mostly just remember getting woopings from him, not much happy memories.

 

[Powdered Egg]

Every Black thread here gets alllivesmattered within page 1.

Beating kids is a common thing in any conservative/highly religious culture, it's not just a "black people" thing.

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And Black culture is disproportionately highly conservative and religious. Black people know what we're talking about when we make these threads.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

There's a difference between disciplining your kids and abusing them. I can't tell you the amount of times I've seen children just walk all over their parents.

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Hitting is abuse.