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What's with people taking pride in beating their kids??
- Thread starter DaToonie
- Start date
I'm curious what qualifies as a spanking to some. I can count the number of times I've "spanked" my son on one hand, and for me, that was just popping him with my hand on his behind once or twice.
I had the belt and switches used on me, but can't imagine I'll ever stoop to that method. It just seems...excessive.
Me.
Took my parents a bit to get hip to it, but eventually there came a day they said "grounded. No TV, no video games, no playing outside...and Yasuke, no reading for fun."
I was gutted lmao
I had the belt and switches used on me, but can't imagine I'll ever stoop to that method. It just seems...excessive.
Me.
Took my parents a bit to get hip to it, but eventually there came a day they said "grounded. No TV, no video games, no playing outside...and Yasuke, no reading for fun."
I was gutted lmao
I wonder where those kids learned to use violence when things weren't going the way they wanted them to go?
If a child is not responding to punishment then there is something fundamentally wrong with what the child did and the punishment. If a kid is like that, then they have lost credibility with the parent and it's up to the parent to figure out WHY the child acted out in that manner rather than focusing on punishing the child for acting out.
I'd be willing to bet those kids were abused/beaten at home.
Again, they're doing this for a reason. simply punishing them (even if its not physically) is not enough. It's not only about punishment.
KIDS. NEED. MORE. WORK. THAN. THAT.
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But with that logic we would have to see if getting physical with those kids did any good. When a kid was that far gone, how many of those kids would you think would turn good if someone gave them the belt?
like would it make them a better person to get hit?
There's nothing special to connect it to. It's not religious. It's not racial. Not geographical. It's not some recent fad. It's something that's done universally. It's the extremely common belief that violence solves problems.
And the reason is because it's easy. That's it. It's quick, low effort, and gets immediate (albeit short-term and damaging) results. It's what you do when your too lazy or stupid to discipline properly or solve an issue in a constructive way. And we all know there's a lot of lazy and stupid all over this world and always has been.
And the pride aspect that sometimes shows up is just the celebration of ignorance that is also very common in society.
And the reason is because it's easy. That's it. It's quick, low effort, and gets immediate (albeit short-term and damaging) results. It's what you do when your too lazy or stupid to discipline properly or solve an issue in a constructive way. And we all know there's a lot of lazy and stupid all over this world and always has been.
And the pride aspect that sometimes shows up is just the celebration of ignorance that is also very common in society.
Right, and to add to this, sometimes it takes time for discipline to set in and for a parent to get behaviors to change. When you do it the right way, you're actually changing the child's mind about the action. You're getting them to understand why you want them to do something, or not do it. Very few if any kids are BAD kids. Especially when they're younger, they legitimately don't understand and need to be taught.
Versus beating them for it, where all you're doing is teaching them to fear you and to hide things from you.
If you hit your kid, you're a monster, and you need to seriously re-evaluate your life choices if you think that hitting is the solution to anything with a kid.
the thing you have to remember though, is that a lot of people are fucking idiots.
How cute that you choose to use a word that covers up what you're doing.
Hitting.
You are hitting a child.
As for the whole "kids can't be reasoned with" line, that is a crock.
There are two situations here. The first is kids over the age of 3 or 4. Kids at this age and up absolutely can be reasoned with. They are actually famous for going back and forth like freaking Socrates with their parents. And you know what? Sometimes they're even right and the parents are wrong. If you build trust with the kids from this stage, they'll be a lot more likely to listen to you later.
The other situation is the kids under that age, toddlers and infants. These kids indeed cannot be reasoned with. And that is all the more reason to not fucking hit them. If they are getting into seriously dangerous situations at this age, that is on the parent. No amount of hitting will get a 2 year old to not want to put his finger in the electrical socket. It's up to the parents to make sure he can't get to it in the first place. Yes, you can talk to them about it and explain things, and start the process of giving them good reasons for doing or not doing whatever, but at this age their brains are only just starting to be able to handle the very concept of cause and effect. When you hit a 2 year old, they don't tie that in to whatever action the just took. All they process is "daddy just betrayed me and hurt me."
There are two situations here. The first is kids over the age of 3 or 4. Kids at this age and up absolutely can be reasoned with. They are actually famous for going back and forth like freaking Socrates with their parents. And you know what? Sometimes they're even right and the parents are wrong. If you build trust with the kids from this stage, they'll be a lot more likely to listen to you later.
The other situation is the kids under that age, toddlers and infants. These kids indeed cannot be reasoned with. And that is all the more reason to not fucking hit them. If they are getting into seriously dangerous situations at this age, that is on the parent. No amount of hitting will get a 2 year old to not want to put his finger in the electrical socket. It's up to the parents to make sure he can't get to it in the first place. Yes, you can talk to them about it and explain things, and start the process of giving them good reasons for doing or not doing whatever, but at this age their brains are only just starting to be able to handle the very concept of cause and effect. When you hit a 2 year old, they don't tie that in to whatever action the just took. All they process is "daddy just betrayed me and hurt me."
My parents beat the crap out of me, and I turned out fine.
I was in and out of broken relationships for a decade before I was finally able to break out of the cycle of violence and stop treating people who cared about me the way I was taught people who love each other treated each other. To stop screaming, manipulating, hitting, verbally abusing. To stop thinking of someone I loved as obviously worth less than the average person and broken because of their tolerance for me. One thing never changed over that time, though. Before I even hit puberty, I knew I would never have a child. I didn't want anyone in the world to ever hate me as much as I hated my parents. Yeah, I turned out fine. Once I got those pieces of shit out of my life and learned how to be a human being.
That's the thing. Didn't take all of my fun reading away. Just the book I was already half way through reading.
As someone raised in a Filipino household, we'd always get spanked with flip flops or whacked by belts. Ended up being terrified by some family members because of it. One time, my two cousins were fighting so my aunt ended locking them up in a cramped closet for like, half an hour.
Historically. Emmitt Till is one example. Like, 1950s. And it is fucked.
While i personally feel that spanking on the behind isn't abuse, i honestly think that many parents who beat their kids start out spanking and it elevates. I just dont think physically punishing kids is the way to go and that other non physical means are better in the long term.
This is not just a matter of opinion though. There is a truckload of scientific research behind it and all you have to go on is your gut or some anecdotal experiences. Hitting children is abuse. You wouldn't classify using a fucking belt as abuse if the kid is "old enough"? That is fucked.
These threads man, smh.
Still don't know the extent to which it fucked me up. Dunno if I can say it's a direct cause, but I'm not exactly what you might call a functioning adult.
www.npr.org
The American Academy Of Pediatrics On Spanking Children: Don't Do It, Ever.
According to the AAP, research shows that spanking is harmful to child development in the long run. The AAP also says to avoid nonphysical punishment that is humiliating, scary or threatening.
www.npr.org
yeeeesss...
It's important to note here that different forms of discipline work better depending on their age/stage (pretending to ignoring, time out, taking away favorite toy) which all work better than hitting.
Thought I'd chime in since I was one of those kids when I was a teen. My parents hit me often and I still did that to teachers. You know what worked the most? When my parents told me they were disappointed in me. That stung. Not the physical punishment.
My parents talking with me and reasoning with me would have done a world of good. Where do you think I learned to use violence or the threat of it to attempt to problem solve?
It's common to Filipino parenting too, OP. At least in my experience. My grandparents and my dad beat my ass. The Irish side of my family (mom duke) were caring and protective though, so thankfully things evened out for me.
Spanking still polls extremely high (~80% last time I looked at the stats) and is legal in all 50 US states. It seems to poll even higher in black, Latin, and Asian groups, perhaps, but most Americans are still fine with spankings. So the original title, about black America and spanking, felt a little like singling out one demographic for criticism.
The concept of child abuse is very sensitive to me as well, I was sexually abused as a child. I'm sorry you found the thread title triggering (I find tons of threads here extremely triggering as well, I understand the discomfort). But OP is talking about a real problem, they are talking about their experience and their experience is supported by the research on the subject. And I've been on that side as well, where in trying to talk about my own abuse experiences I've triggered other people based on their own experiences. Hell, sometimes the way I talk about my own experience has led to me being tactless and insensitive regarding those of other, something I deeply regret. Having these discussions can be uncomfortable but they are worth discussing. Your concern about the triggering nature of the title is valid, but so is OP's experience and the greater problem it is an example of.
I feel the opposite tbh. Even in my heavily religious family, the vast majority of any disciplinary action throughout my and my cousin's childhoods were just that, and it was all largely phased out by the time we were teenagers, unless someone reeeeally fucked up....by which point, yeah, they (correctly) surmised that a pat on the ass wasn't gonna do it for a young adult smh
I know about Emmitt Till. And I know there were thousands of boys just like him, killed for nothing but the color of their skin and the hatred in the hearts of white people. I also know that hitting your child is wrong, beating your child is wrong, and any justification of that beating using the injustices of the broader world does not make those beatings acceptable.
Wait, spanking is legal?
The fuck?
Really good video, damn
Of course it is. There are legal distinctions between corporal punishment and child abuse. And there's no significant movement in the US to ban corporal punishment for children. It's going absolutely nowhere anytime soon. This topic doesn't well represent the nation overall.
My father was pretty abusive. He'd do quite a bit more than just spank me, threw me down a flight of stairs once. It was a bit weird because he was very involved and generally a good father otherwise but he tried to micromanage everything if we were struggling in school with something. But then if I wasn't understanding something he'd lose his patience and hit me in the back of the head. I remember being deathly afraid of him pulling the car over when we were all driving to our grandparents because he'd smack the crap out of us if we were being annoying, fighting, too loud or whatever. It didn't help that one of my older brothers was very abusive to me too and there is no question that it has had a negative impact on my life. Supposedly my father was beat around by his dad quite a bit and I don't really know the details of that but my grandfather was a P.O.W. to the Japanese in WWII so I have to wonder if some of the abuse he received carried with him.
There's nothing more infuriating than people justifying child abuse with "Listen, you're not a parent you wouldn't understand."
Fuck off, I totally understand that you're too lazy to not be an abuser. I got into a big argument with my coworkers (all mothers) over this. I've never been so fucking mad at my coworkers before.
Fuck off, I totally understand that you're too lazy to not be an abuser. I got into a big argument with my coworkers (all mothers) over this. I've never been so fucking mad at my coworkers before.
I was spanked a few times as a kid. Nothing that left a lasting impression, but I had a neighbor that would beat her daughter almost nightly which I still cant get out of my head.
But why would you want such a sensitive topic as abuse be seen as a black people thing rather than a people thing? Sorry if I'm calling you out but that seems so odd to me.
But why would you want such a sensitive topic as abuse be seen as a black people thing rather than a people thing? Sorry if I'm calling you out but that seems so odd to me.
i have a master's in psych and i work in disability so i know quite a fair bit about positive behaviour psychology. it blows my mind how people make justifications for hitting their child. i had a conversation with a mother once who absolutely RELISHED in beating her child as a form of "discipline". i brought up the fact that her disabled sister lived in supported independent living accommodation with around-the-clock support workers. i asked how she would feel if she found out that the support workers hit her sister to "discipline her". "nononono that's different..." was the response i got lol
Hitting kids used to be a cultural norm.
Hitting kids is now considered abuse
Kids who were hit (abuses) grew up into adults thinking it was normal
These Adults hit their kids
These Adults can't admit hitting kids is abuse because that would make them both abusers and victims
Hitting kids is now considered abuse
Kids who were hit (abuses) grew up into adults thinking it was normal
These Adults hit their kids
These Adults can't admit hitting kids is abuse because that would make them both abusers and victims
My son is still very young. There was one time where I smacked his hand because he was doing something very dangerous and I just didn't know how to disincentivize him doing it again (this was not the first time he had done it). I'll never forget the look he gave me. It was literally the first time I had ever hit him and his lips pouted out and he looked overwhelmingly sad. Etched into my brain for sure. Don't know how anyone can do it without overwhelming guilt.
I mean, people on here also praise the kids who sit quietly on a plane/restaurant and never make a peep. One way to do that is to scare them out of their mind (they'll still act out, just not when mom or dad are sitting next to them). Given how we celebrate/demonize parents based on their kids behavior, it's not THAT surprising to hear parents brag about "disciplining" their kid, even if that "discipline" is physical harm.
That hits the nail on the head.
It's hard being a parent and it's hard admitting any wrong and it's hard to change. Some of us have to do those things though.
I'm a parent of many kids, and I have spanked them a number of times. Way "back in my day" this was a normal thing to do. At that time it was not seen as child abuse to whoop your kid on the ass when they wouldn't listen, when they themselves hit, and so on.
Times they are a changing.
When I spank my kids, I am abusing them. It is no longer acceptable to do this. You hopefully don't hit another adult, you surely don't hit other people's children...and just the same you should never hit your own.
my dad spanked me exactly one time (before I was even old enough to remember it) and has spent the rest of his life telling me how bad he felt about it
he had an extremely abusive childhood and I'm very lucky he was a "break the cycle" kind of guy
Hey, I'm 40 and never got any form of physical punishment as a kid.
I was not punished much at all, it's hard for me to remember many disciplinary action from my parents I'd call punishment. And I wasn't some inherently well behaving child either. Some years ago I found an old child rearing booklet from 70's at my parents house, I think they read it when they had my oldest brother, but it stated that you should never use any form of physical punishment and focused on other aspects of raising a child - progressive stuff.
And let's be honest, when we have these discussions about spanking the question almost always turns to alternative forms of punishment or punishment vs. no punishment. As if parenting is solely dealing out punishments to children when in reality vast majority of good parenting is something else.
Must've been about 10. Very emboldened by my sports coaches.
It's denial. People don't want to, or can't, face their actions. And getting approval from others (a hivemind) just reinforces it.
I see it a lot with alcoholism as well.
It takes a lot to be the one to step out and try to change these patterns that usually run in families.
I see it a lot with alcoholism as well.
It takes a lot to be the one to step out and try to change these patterns that usually run in families.
Sorry to say that you're hopelessly backwards and behind on this. Seriously. Inform yourself on this so it doesn't have to go on for generations. You NOW have the chance to really remove this traumatic tradition. It's honestly up to you. Feel attacked and remain stubborn or move forward and lead your family name into parenting without beating. Because it's NOT needed. Not in any way. And most of the kids that give a big mouth / curse or who don't listen well are from parents who do beat their kids and who shout at each other in the house. That's what they know. Their parents beat them and their parents shout at each other.
So guess what they will do to other kids and teachers? Right, shout and beat. It's how they solve problems. Like their parents.