Get off social media. People only share their successes, rarely their failures.
There's always going to be someone stunting on a higher level.
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When people have good things and you know you can't ever have them. Worst feeling in the world
- Thread starter SolVanderlyn
- Start date
Get off social media. People only share their successes, rarely their failures.
There's always going to be someone stunting on a higher level.
It's called depression and no matter what you do achieve, no matter what goals you reach; it's always going to eat at you.
This.
I'm not going to say I still don't crave material things but I've kind of realized to a large degree that they aren't so important in life and you can be very happy and even do lots of things and make friends with all kinds of people without being rich or super loaded or anything. I would say money is maybe 20% of it all to live a self actualized life.
I'd say start small, set realistic goals and start building. It's possible for every person to better their life in some form. Rome wasn't built over night but everyone can live an incredibly fulfilling life where they have lots of amazing relationships, feel energized every day, passionate, and happy (calm and true happiness).
There are different things that need to come into play for it to work so try to identify one or two areas you know are hurting you, perhaps your job, and then focus on getting that better.
Your feelings are valid and it's fine to vent, envy is demonized way to much in our society to the point that people end up bottling up those frustrations so no conversations and progress happen and that's not healthy.
I wish people would realize this.
I wish people would realize this.
My view basically. I don't care what other people have.
If I really want something I tend to try and get it. If it's not possible, I just move on.
No big deal to me.
This.
OP, if you are healthy there are no reason to envy anyone.
Maybe someday you have plenty of money or not, maybe you have many people around you or not but It doesn't matter.
It is what it is.
It's one of those human conditions that everyone goes through. Let it not weaken your mental fortitude.
Yes.
It's one of those human conditions that everyone goes through. Let it not weaken your mental fortitude.
Yes.
My point still stands. I don't view Era as any better (or worse) than the rest of social media.
If It's not physical you should elaborate a little. Only way to get useful replies.
Yeah I echo getting of social media for a while. Social media may make your depression worse especially if you seek news or posts that feed your insecurities further.
Hell I should actually take this advice too lol
Hell I should actually take this advice too lol
Eh, when you grow up in poverty you start to appreciate the little things you got and not worry so much about having expensive things. It's helped me watch prices more closely as an adult. I know some upper middle class people who I try to convince to do or buy something better for cheaper, but still spend a lot of money for convenience.
I mean, I get where you're coming from, to an extent. My dad is a piece of shit and is no longer part of my life, so when I go to friends' weddings and see their fathers giving them away, and father daughter dances, it makes me a bit sad because I know I'll never have that. It actually used to make me feel really fucking depressed and sorry for myself, but I've been learning to be grateful for what I do have and not compare myself so much to other people.
My wife's best friends mother passed away. We couldn't go to her funeral (lives across the country, but we visited her in her last week alive), but they had audio of it. Listened to the eulogy and others share stories. Most speakers were a part of the church they were a part of. They definitely had some extra connection through their religion, and I was a little envious, despite not being religious myself.
Disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality.
I want things that no one has.
The only way to guarantee I wont get them is to stop trying.
I feel like I'm just spewing platitudes.
I want things that no one has.
The only way to guarantee I wont get them is to stop trying.
I feel like I'm just spewing platitudes.
When people have good things and you realize you don't even want them. Best feeling in the world.
I have never felt like this either.
You have to learn to focus on yourself OP. While you wont be the billionaire popping bottles on million dollars yachts, there are steps you can take to be comfortable. Have decent healthy food on your table, roof over your head, air in your lungs, maybe a few pleasures and you will be just fine.
Money truly does not buy happiness, it comes from within.
You have to learn to focus on yourself OP. While you wont be the billionaire popping bottles on million dollars yachts, there are steps you can take to be comfortable. Have decent healthy food on your table, roof over your head, air in your lungs, maybe a few pleasures and you will be just fine.
Money truly does not buy happiness, it comes from within.
I feel a strong sense of my own intrinsic value. I'm proud of myself, I love myself, I believe I'm worthy of love and belonging from others, and I believe my existence is itself sacred, possessing an unquantifiable value which cannot be given or taken away by anyone. These beliefs are the foundation of my resilience and determination to keep going.
But I'm often angry about what I see as culturally agreed-upon markers of extrinsic human value, many of which are impossible or highly improbable for me, or they're things that I just plain don't want. It creates a very uncomfortable dissonance in which I have a solid sense of my self-worth, but in the eyes of society I'm essentially a failure or a second-class citizen at best.
One example is fertility. I recently had a hysterectomy, it was long overdue, and I'm thrilled with the results thus far. It's drastically reduced the amount of pain I live with on a daily basis, and given me a new lease on life. I'll actually be able to get a better job now. I'll be able to meet or even exceed my fitness goals. I don't have to take pain medication to exercise or have sex anymore. I can make plans and reasonably trust that my body won't ruin them. Win/win, cause for celebration, right? Except for all the looks of pity I get now. "Oh, I'm so sorry, that's so sad, didn't you want children?" As if my prior suffering was nothing, as if I'm never really going to be a whole person, as if my intrinsic value has somehow been lessened, as if no one in their right mind could ever possibly make peace (let alone be happy) with the decision to forfeit their fertility. I can be happy for other people having children, and I can be happy that I won't be having them myself -- those views aren't mutually exclusive. What I'm not happy about is the unrelenting social expectation that I ought to feel bad about my "condition" instead of celebrating it.
Another example is having a car. I live with PTSD related to long-term childhood abuse, much of which occurred when my Dad would take me for car rides. Subsequently as an adult, I dislike them intensely. When I tried to get my license in high school, I experienced flashbacks while driving that rendered me unaware of my surroundings -- comparable to driving drunk. It's obviously a safety hazard and I shouldn't be behind the wheel. There's also the fact that I just plain don't like cars and I've never wanted one -- I know I wouldn't take care of it. Also, as a witch, environmental ethics play heavily into my belief system, and I see fossil fuel-powered vehicles as harmful to living creatures and the Earth. They're something to be discouraged, but instead our culture demands car ownership as a normal part of adulthood. I have no desire to contribute my hard-earned money to the fossil fuel industry if I can avoid it. I also know that people in my income bracket statistically have compromised health outcomes partially due to lack of education about and opportunities for regular exercise. All of these factors combined mean that I ride a bicycle or walk to get around and I'm super fucking proud of it. While other people are vain about their vehicles, I'm vain about all the money I've saved from not buying gas, my reduced carbon footprint, my outstanding blood pressure levels, and my ability to commit to solutions which make the most sense for me. And yet, just like with being childless, this is an endless source of misguided pity and dehumanization from other people, and my happiness with my decisions is met with utter disbelief.
I have similar perspectives about home ownership, career choices, biological family members, and the desire to accumulate wealth. I like myself, I like my life, I know what I want and need -- I just wish that people weren't continually vomiting pity at me for it, or trying to undermine my choices because they're not "normal." It's fucked up.
But I'm often angry about what I see as culturally agreed-upon markers of extrinsic human value, many of which are impossible or highly improbable for me, or they're things that I just plain don't want. It creates a very uncomfortable dissonance in which I have a solid sense of my self-worth, but in the eyes of society I'm essentially a failure or a second-class citizen at best.
One example is fertility. I recently had a hysterectomy, it was long overdue, and I'm thrilled with the results thus far. It's drastically reduced the amount of pain I live with on a daily basis, and given me a new lease on life. I'll actually be able to get a better job now. I'll be able to meet or even exceed my fitness goals. I don't have to take pain medication to exercise or have sex anymore. I can make plans and reasonably trust that my body won't ruin them. Win/win, cause for celebration, right? Except for all the looks of pity I get now. "Oh, I'm so sorry, that's so sad, didn't you want children?" As if my prior suffering was nothing, as if I'm never really going to be a whole person, as if my intrinsic value has somehow been lessened, as if no one in their right mind could ever possibly make peace (let alone be happy) with the decision to forfeit their fertility. I can be happy for other people having children, and I can be happy that I won't be having them myself -- those views aren't mutually exclusive. What I'm not happy about is the unrelenting social expectation that I ought to feel bad about my "condition" instead of celebrating it.
Another example is having a car. I live with PTSD related to long-term childhood abuse, much of which occurred when my Dad would take me for car rides. Subsequently as an adult, I dislike them intensely. When I tried to get my license in high school, I experienced flashbacks while driving that rendered me unaware of my surroundings -- comparable to driving drunk. It's obviously a safety hazard and I shouldn't be behind the wheel. There's also the fact that I just plain don't like cars and I've never wanted one -- I know I wouldn't take care of it. Also, as a witch, environmental ethics play heavily into my belief system, and I see fossil fuel-powered vehicles as harmful to living creatures and the Earth. They're something to be discouraged, but instead our culture demands car ownership as a normal part of adulthood. I have no desire to contribute my hard-earned money to the fossil fuel industry if I can avoid it. I also know that people in my income bracket statistically have compromised health outcomes partially due to lack of education about and opportunities for regular exercise. All of these factors combined mean that I ride a bicycle or walk to get around and I'm super fucking proud of it. While other people are vain about their vehicles, I'm vain about all the money I've saved from not buying gas, my reduced carbon footprint, my outstanding blood pressure levels, and my ability to commit to solutions which make the most sense for me. And yet, just like with being childless, this is an endless source of misguided pity and dehumanization from other people, and my happiness with my decisions is met with utter disbelief.
I have similar perspectives about home ownership, career choices, biological family members, and the desire to accumulate wealth. I like myself, I like my life, I know what I want and need -- I just wish that people weren't continually vomiting pity at me for it, or trying to undermine my choices because they're not "normal." It's fucked up.
Why not be happy for those people having nice things that make them happy? I'm sure those things will come your way one day OP, and you wouldn't want others jealous of you for having them, would ya?
My wife is like this, constantly harping on what we don't have and what others do and I have to constantly point out to her how good we have it.
Not saying our situation can improve but I feel very lucky that I have a car and a house and I live in a country where I can go to a grocery store and purchase and food I can hope to eat at almost anytime of the day and it's not going to break my bank.
Not saying our situation can improve but I feel very lucky that I have a car and a house and I live in a country where I can go to a grocery store and purchase and food I can hope to eat at almost anytime of the day and it's not going to break my bank.
Only potentially dumb thing is that it's essentially vaguebooking
Is there a vague correlation article you're basing that conclusion off of?
Family members, haha. But yes, it's anecdotal.
They seem more concerned with posting their happiness online than to enjoy it at that moment.
It feels good to have your achievements validated by someone else
Huh. I guess I just never understood this way of thinking. If I'm happy then that's enough for me; I don't really care much about other ppls approvals
I've been pretty poor my entire life. I find joy in the small things I'm actually able to obtain. I'm happy with my life and wouldn't trade it for a big house or a fancy car.
It is not enough for me to be happy.
Others must feel worse because of how happy I am.
