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Why is it acceptable to spank your child in public but...

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Camwi

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,478
I disagree. Lots of kids need a good ass whooping from my experience. I've seen kids that call their mom or dad an asshole or a bitch or cuss them out in another manner. I've known kids that steal from their parents. Kids that get smacked for misbehaving don't do that shit.

Should go without saying but i'm not advocating beating children, i'm ok with smacking disrespectful shits though. Not punching, not kicking, not hitting with another object, not anything hard enough to bruise or welt, just a good old fashioned open palm slap.
As someone who was beaten when they were a child, you're a piece of shit.
 

LL_Decitrig

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Oct 27, 2017
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Corporal punishment doesn't seem to work and just causes more harm than good. What do parents do when punishment such as time out, taking things away, or making them do extra chores doesn't work? I imagine taking away things very important to kids works in general like no consoles, cell phones, etc and no hanging out with friends. But there are kids who don't respond to that at all and still act out without caring about the consequences to themselves or others. And some kids become bullies with sociopath tendencies which the parents and school don't want to acknowledge at all, although I wouldn't be surprised if many bullies come from homes with physical and/or mental abuse by the parents.
This is where I say that I don't find punishment a useful concept. Dialogue works. Argue with your kids. Listen to them. Be eager to find common ground, be generous in recognising a good argument, be magnanimous at all times, and never treat this as a battle. You're educating your children, and when they see you concede the validity of their points they will realise that you care about them. They will learn from you how to negotiate.
 

Thordinson

Member
Aug 1, 2018
1,534
I think I've mentioned this before, but until recently I always took "wash your mouth out with soap" as a weird metaphor. I'd no idea until very recently that this was an actual punishment enacted on some children. I know soap tastes horrible so I can only imagine the effects of an adult deliberately raising a lather in some unfortunate child's mouth. I still find the notion quite beyond understanding.
I wish it were. I had my mouth washed out with soap. Hand soap and dish soap. It was absolutely terrible.
 

Bio

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
2,421
Denver, Colorado
y'all never got smacked by a parent before?!
I was smacked, hit, beaten with belts, and more. In all cases it was my parents taking out their own anger issues on me. Was never effective and they never stopped to think about modifying their approach to parenting because it was never about me. All it ever did was make me terrified of the two people who are supposed to love me the most.

I have never struck my son. He is 11 years old now and an exceptionally well-behaved young man who gets almost straight As in school and never gets in trouble.

If you can't raise a child without constantly hitting them then you should not be raising a child.
 

LL_Decitrig

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I think the soap thing was used in cartoons, TV shows and stuff. Shown pretty explicitly. I'm thinking Ren & Stimpy off the top of my head.
I probably saw the same cartoons. Anyway, it only ever seemed to happen in that kind of context and it seemed like such a bizarre thing to do that I couldn't credit the idea that the practice existed outside the mind of some Tom and Jerry writer from the 1930s. I mean, that's the cartoon where the cat gets stuffed into a toaster and comes out in blackface complete with "Mama's Little Baby Loves Shortnin Bread."
 
Oct 27, 2017
3,549
I wouldn't shut the hell up, like, on purpose. For attention I guess.

I feel bad - looking back. It makes sense in a rationaless moment of anger, devoid of thought and empathy. Not the worst option, all things considered, and of course should never be done.

I forgive 'em, obviously only 'cause I can rationalize their irrationalization. I'm not advocating for any kind of child abuse here. Personal anecdote and experience I'd just like to get off my chest.

You sound like a great parent from what I've been reading, btw, nice work, stranger!

I think the soap thing was used in cartoons, TV shows and stuff. Shown pretty explicitly. I'm thinking Ren & Stimpy off the top of my head.
I remember being soaped at least once as a kid.
 

Roygbiv95

Alt account
Banned
Jan 24, 2019
1,037
How the fuck is it ever appropriate to beat a child!? lmao. Even if they're unruly and exhibiting psychotic behaviors at a young age, hitting them will make them WORSE if anything because the message you're sending is that it's okay to use violence to solve problems. Completely idiotic.
 

Reinhard

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,205
This is where I say that I don't find punishment a useful concept. Dialogue works. Argue with your kids. Listen to them. Be eager to find common ground, be generous in recognising a good argument, be magnanimous at all times, and never treat this as a battle. You're educating your children, and when they see you concede the validity of their points they will realise that you care about them. They will learn from you how to negotiate.
That does sound like a good plan to actually talk to your kid about it rather than just dole out some sort of punishment. I know when my friend gives a punishment (non-corporal of course) to his late elementary age kids, he definitely talks to them afterwards in an actual dialogue about why they are being punished, especially if it something more than some minor infraction. I dunno how effective dialogue would be with never giving punishment, but I'm sure there is a good balance to make with not always rushing to punishment for every offense.
 

LL_Decitrig

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I dunno how effective dialogue would be with never giving punishment, but I'm sure there is a good balance to make with not always rushing to punishment for every offense.
I'm a really good negotiator. First thing I did was talk myself out of explaining to my kids why they needed to be punished when they did something bad, but I didn't need to be punished when I did something bad. If I could work without punishment (and I found out that indeed I could) then I wouldn't have to resort to outright bullshit. My kids are bright so of course they'd see when I did something I had earlier criticised in others.

This achievement made me indescribably happy. Sometimes other adults would say our kids were naughty simply because they were vociferously arguing with us. Most of the time we didn't hear the adults' complaints, because we were too busy listening to what our kids had to say. We realised it was not within our remit to educate everybody. Just our kids.
 

clusterdreams

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,267
Atlanta, GA
Wait, where is it acceptable to backhand a kid across the mouth, in public no less?
The south

I disagree. Lots of kids need a good ass whooping from my experience. I've seen kids that call their mom or dad an asshole or a bitch or cuss them out in another manner. I've known kids that steal from their parents. Kids that get smacked for misbehaving don't do that shit.

Should go without saying but i'm not advocating beating children, i'm ok with smacking disrespectful shits though. Not punching, not kicking, not hitting with another object, not anything hard enough to bruise or welt, just a good old fashioned open palm slap.
Bullshit. Hitting your kids doesn’t do anything to rectify that behavior. In fact it usually just makes them sneakier about doing what they were doing. If you have to resort to hitting children because you can’t discipline your children in a way that isn’t violent, then you aren’t a good parent. It’s lazy, it’s barbaric, and it’s fucking outdated.

You wouldn’t hit your wife for doing something you disagree with right? So why the fuck would you hit a child?

If there’s anything ive learned as someone who was “disciplined” during my childhood it’s that fear based relationships are toxic and don’t facilitate familial growth and bonding. In fact, it’s counter intuitive to that. And it causes subconscious trauma that can effect us well into adulthood.

You know what being “disciplined” as a kid really taught me? How to get away with things I’m not supposed to, and hyper aggression. I used to go to parties/clubs/bars in college to instigate fights and I never really knew why. Thankfully in adulthood and with a little therapy I can unpack that and have been able to move past that side of me.

And that isn’t just my anecdote— that’s what psychologists have come to as a consensus as the growing body of work supports it.

I know for a lot of people and a lot of regions it’s very normalized but when you take a step back and look at it for what it literally is, physically assaulting defenseless children, it’s absolutely obscured.

And it being normalized isn’t an excuse. You know what else use to be normalized? Racism. Homophobia. Transphobia. Sexism. Etc etc.

And this whole mentality of “it happened to me and I turned out ok” or “it happened to me so what’s the big deal?” Is fucking ASININE. That’s what creates this cycle is people’s willingness to perpetuate it, unwillingness to consider the damage it causes.

And you try to diminish what you’re really saying by suggesting a simple “slap” but does it really end there? When that “slap” inevitably fails to change the child’s behavior what next? It escalates and turns into full blown abuse a lot of the time.
 
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Seneset

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,120
Limbus Patrum
LOL spanking a child, public or not, hasn't been socially acceptable for over a decade now. Era is so out of touch sometimes.
Corporal punishment or spanking children is and will always be sociably accept to mainstream America. (Along with legal) Why? Because as much as some try to deny it America is deeply entrenched in perceived Christian values. Enough so they bleed over to the secular audience. You won't find many denominations that don't teach The Old Testament and Proverbs - this includes:

Proverbs 13:24 24Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 29:15 15A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.

Proverbs 22:15 15Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.

Proverbs 23:13-14 13Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. 14Punish them with the rod and save them from death.
They are numerous Christians who still teach this and will stare you in the face while saying: "God uses suffering to discipline his children and so do we" or I was spanked and turned out fine.
 
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TRM King

Member
Jul 22, 2019
2
I agree. Backhanding a child is irresponsible and the parent needs consequences.

However, I think its very biased of people to assume a position on physical parenting of ANY sort so strictly, either pro or against. The answer clearly lies somewhere in the grey. No one, from what I have read has said to beat children. But from what I see, people are trying to argue that kids are somehow angels that can never do wrong. And when they do, somehow its the parents' fault? Flash news. Society raises kids when parents can't be around. So sometimes they learn things without the parent having the ability to stop it.

So looking at the structure of the debate above, if anyone says anything about any physical action towards a kid, they are instantly monsters. What kind of debate or exchange of ideas can be expected then? If the entire point of coming here is to find personal validation for ones ideas rather than trying to understand what the other side is trying to say, then perhaps this post doesn't belong in a discussion section. Just an observation.
 

LL_Decitrig

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Oct 27, 2017
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This thread made me remember this video:
Honestly, I know myself and I'd probably pushed the child to the floor way sooner than that man did. Some children just can't be reasoned with and it's their parents fault. That kid is probably going to get a lot of ass whoopings even as an adult because strangers don't have time to deal with that bullshit.
Oh come on. The idiot deliberately walked at the kid. I don't know what the kid's problem was, but playing up to him like that is ridiculous. He's an adult, he's faster and stronger. Just turn your back and walk ten metres away fast.
 

MajesticSoup

Member
Feb 22, 2019
987
Im mixed on the topic. On one hand no I dont think you should ever hit a child, unless maybe youve exhausted every other way of disciplining them.

On the other hand Immigrant parents must have the right idea cause it seems to me their kids are more diciplined compared to 'western' kids.

In my anecdotal experience growing up, too, every asshole fucking bully and shitty kid I knew had parents that hit them. Every. One.
Yeah but I bet you Trump never got spanked as a child.
 

LL_Decitrig

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Oct 27, 2017
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So looking at the structure of the debate above, if anyone says anything about any physical action towards a kid, they are instantly monsters. What kind of debate or exchange of ideas can be expected then? If the entire point of coming here is to find personal validation for ones ideas rather than trying to understand what the other side is trying to say, then perhaps this post doesn't belong in a discussion section. Just an observation.
Man, it's like hitting kids were a crime, like hitting adults!

Oh wait.
 

clusterdreams

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,267
Atlanta, GA
Im mixed on the topic. On one hand no I dont think you should ever hit a child, unless maybe youve exhausted every other way of disciplining them.

On the other hand Immigrant parents must have the right idea cause it seems to me their kids are more diciplined compared to 'western' kids.

Yeah but I bet you Trump never got spanked as a child.
Trump’s parents were probably never around and gave him everything he ever wanted without ever telling him “no” too.

I agree. Backhanding a child is irresponsible and the parent needs consequences.

However, I think its very biased of people to assume a position on physical parenting of ANY sort so strictly, either pro or against. The answer clearly lies somewhere in the grey. No one, from what I have read has said to beat children. But from what I see, people are trying to argue that kids are somehow angels that can never do wrong. And when they do, somehow its the parents' fault? Flash news. Society raises kids when parents can't be around. So sometimes they learn things without the parent having the ability to stop it.

So looking at the structure of the debate above, if anyone says anything about any physical action towards a kid, they are instantly monsters. What kind of debate or exchange of ideas can be expected then? If the entire point of coming here is to find personal validation for ones ideas rather than trying to understand what the other side is trying to say, then perhaps this post doesn't belong in a discussion section. Just an observation.
Will you be arrested for hitting an adult?
 
Oct 27, 2017
6,688
I agree. Backhanding a child is irresponsible and the parent needs consequences.

However, I think its very biased of people to assume a position on physical parenting of ANY sort so strictly, either pro or against. The answer clearly lies somewhere in the grey. No one, from what I have read has said to beat children. But from what I see, people are trying to argue that kids are somehow angels that can never do wrong. And when they do, somehow its the parents' fault? Flash news. Society raises kids when parents can't be around. So sometimes they learn things without the parent having the ability to stop it.

So looking at the structure of the debate above, if anyone says anything about any physical action towards a kid, they are instantly monsters. What kind of debate or exchange of ideas can be expected then? If the entire point of coming here is to find personal validation for ones ideas rather than trying to understand what the other side is trying to say, then perhaps this post doesn't belong in a discussion section. Just an observation.
So what you're saying is that beating kids is a valid response that you're cool with.
Physical parenting of any sort is not OK. It's the result of an idiot that can't think beyond "Beat thing that displeases me". Nobody in this entire thread is claiming kids are angels that do no wrong and that angle is entirely your own. There are plenty of ways of dealing with the typical, perfectly normal nonsense of kids that don't involve physical violence.
 
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