women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?

[hydrophilic attack]

so a discussion came up in the dating thread about making "cold approaches" on women going about their day

in non-PUA terms, what this means is striking up conversations with random women you happen to see on public transport, at the shop, in the town square, in the library or whatever, with the intention of getting a date, or at least a phone number. rather than reserve this to people who have given signals they're interested, the idea is to it enough times that just by sheer numbers, eventually you'll hit up people that are interested

on the one hand, some men say they have had success this way. on the other hand, a lot of women feel unsafe when they can't go about their daily lives without being approached by strangers who they don't know whether they'll be normal or a psychopathic stalker, and it actually limits what they can do in their spare time, as some avoid just going out to not have to deal with this stuff

the response in the dating thread was quite one-sided. but so was also the gender breakdown of the people who responded

for this reason, i'm making a new thread to see what ERA at large think about it, with its more balanced gender ratio than that thread in particular

 

[SweetNicole]

I'd rather not be approached or accosted out of the blue.

 

[Stouffers]

I'd rather not be approached or accosted out of the blue.

Click to shrink...

Would talking to you while side by side on a train be ok?

 

[subpar spatula]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

 

[Yesterday]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

Yes?

 

[Driggonny]

No

 

[CoyoteSpitfire]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

Sounds like a dream come true.

 

[Deleted member 32374]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

I don't like to be approached in public period and I assume that most others feel the same.

 

[fallingedge]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

absolutely lol

 

[I Am Captain America]

so a discussion came up in the dating thread about making "cold approaches" on women going about their day

in non-PUA terms, what this means is striking up conversations with random women you happen to see on public transport, at the shop, in the town square, in the library or whatever, with the intention of getting a date, or at least a phone number. rather than reserve this to people who have given signals they're interested, the idea is to it enough times that just by sheer numbers, eventually you'll hit up people that are interested

on the one hand, some men say they have had success this way. on the other hand, a lot of women feel unsafe when they can't go about their daily lives without being approached by strangers who they don't know whether they'll be normal or a psychopathic stalker, and it actually limits what they can do in their spare time, as some avoid just going out to not have to deal with this stuff

the response in the dating thread was quite one-sided. but so was also the gender breakdown of the people who responded

for this reason, i'm making a new thread to see what ERA at large think about it, with its more balanced gender ratio than that thread in particular

Click to shrink...

From reading the dating era thread it sounds like your projecting

 

[pokeystaples]

This goes for women primarily but also for men: I am a naturally chatty person so for the most part I will make conversation with anyone. It doesn't bother me to be approached in public to chat a bit unless I am actively doing something else or listening to my headphones. The real issue is how one approaches. Friendly comment on something happening around us? Good ice breaker. Full out, "MAMA, YOU SO FINE. YOU GOT A (WO)MAN?" kills it before it even made it out the womb.

 

[Askherserenity]

I mean, if you're good looking it usually works.

*Good looking and not a complete asshole on the approach.

 

[Ultima_5]

just find people on tinder. then everyone knows their intentions.

 

[Yinyangfooey]

I've wondered this too. Typically, I just figure that most, if not all, women and people out in public are just minding their own business and don't want to be bothered. So I just mind my own business too.

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

Lol I wouldn't mind if women approached me with a conversation, but that's just me. I'd be surprised as hell and caught off guard but I wouldn't be completely against it if I found them cute. But given the broader context of PUA and stuff like that, I really don't think my answer/opinion holds any weight.

 

[subpar spatula]

I mean, if you're good looking it usually works.

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That's a lie.

 

[Deleted member 46493]

I don't like to be approached in public period and I assume that most others feel the same.

Click to shrink...

I've been approached by women and men back when I used to go to record stores and nowadays at clothing stores. Usually it's for a quick chat or comment on something - not always dating-ish. It's nice. I guess if I am wearing headphones that'd be the sign that I don't want to talk.

IMO this question is just going to attract people who feel strongly about it, particularly negative. My female friends wouldn't enthusiastically say yes I love being approached but many have dated people who talked to them randomly in public. Dating stuff isn't clear cut as it relies heavily on physical attraction.

 

[Deleted member 5086]

It makes me uncomfortable, personally.

 

[astro]

Just be polite to people and read signals. If you see someone you like the look of, try to strike up a conversation. If you can clearly see they're not interested, then leave it.

You're not going to get a definitive answer on this.

EDIT: as this is still being quoted by people agreeing with me, I'd like to clarify. Small talk in a shopping queue is ok, but walking up to someone while they're shopping and asking for a date is not. If you can strike up a casual conversation and that naturally leads somewhere, great! But there's a time and a place to ask for digits.

 

[Arkestry]

Would talking to you while side by side on a train be ok?

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How's that not an out of the blue approach?

 

[Deleted member 2809]

Not a woman but :
Keep that to bars and clubs

 

[Amnixia]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

Well yeah, but I'm a lonely and miserable person.

That said, I never get why guys do this (and I'm a guy).

 

[Dennis8K]

I talk with semi-random people of both sexes all the time. It is called being social. Sometimes you meet someone who might be interested in getting to know you further.

But if you mean like going up to a girl saying "Hey girl, how about those digits?" No, I do not do that.

 

[Irnbru]

Why can't ya'all be normal

 

[Deleted member 41271]

Men already do it, and it's shit. And no, it's never as subtle as the d00d thinks. The intentions are usually very clear.

 

[One Eyed Willy]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

When I was single, this was the best. It didn't always happen but when I was in great shape in my mid 20s, it sure made dating life easy when women would approach me. However, I can appreciate anyones different opinion here especially women. The thing is there are no rules of engagement, attraction is what it is and people are going to approach people they are attracted to. If the future of humanity governs rules around this and forces people to have to meet through dating apps, fucking yikes.

I think with everything, balance and moderation. Don't be a creep if you're a guy, or a woman.

 

[Cow Mengde]

I saw this pic on my feed.

I switch back to ERA and this is the first post I see.

For the record, I just think it's funny. I don't agree or disagree with the imagine.

 

[Deleted member 32374]

I've been approached by women and men back when I used to go to record stores and nowadays at clothing stores. Usually it's for a quick chat or comment on something - not always dating-ish. It's nice. I guess if I am wearing headphones that'd be the sign that I don't want to talk.

Click to shrink...

Headphones, that's a good idea.

I'm just a really private person usually and if I'm not in the mood or mode interact then please don't. I never cared for small talk with strangers.

 

[Panthalassic]

It's bad and I hate it. Especially when men open with 'hey beautiful' or catcalling. Automatically makes me go into flight or fight mode.

If it was a woman I'd be more open to it probably but that never happens.

 

[KoopaTheCasual]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

This doesn't work, because (in most cases) the straight male experience with getting cold approached is such a rarity, that whenever it happens, it's seen as very flattering and uncommon.

I don't think most straight guys can honestly judge the reverse scenario, unless you add the addendum that 95% of the time, it's someone you have zero attraction to.

 

[Empress of ice cream]

I hate it. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I usually let you know if I am interested in talking to you. I used to work as a waitress during summer break and I had a lot of men asking for my phone number when I rang up the bill for them. I even got "But you were nice to me, I thought you were interested" a couple of times. The concept that I had to be nice because I was serving them drinks was apparently foreign to them. A few weeks ago some guy followed me for a good five minutes on my way home and then asked for my phone number out of the blue. I told him that he came across as a huge creep and he couldn't even see why I might think that.

 

[m0therzer0]

Yes?

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Sounds like a dream come true.

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What if they're people you're not interested in romantically?

 

[subpar spatula]

When I was single, this was the best. It didn't always happen but when I was in great shape in my mid 20s, it sure made dating life easy when women would approach me. However, I can appreciate anyones different opinion here especially women. The thing is there are no rules of engagement, attraction is what it is and people are going to approach people they are attracted to. If the future of humanity governs rules around this and forces people to have to meet through dating apps, fucking yikes.

I think with everything, balance and moderation. Don't be a creep if you're a guy, or a woman.

Click to shrink...

Just being nice shows your intention. Almost all the time, when a man strikes up a conversation with a random woman, it's cause he finds her attractive and that's the reason.

 

[NoName999]

Reverse it for a moment, would you want to be approached many times a day by thirsty individuals?

Click to shrink...

You do know that because the way gender roles in dating are set up, of course men are gonna say yes, right?

(Me included lol)

 

[Mr Spasiba]

I'm not a girl but in general I very much don't appreciate people trying to talk to me out of the blue, so I don't do it to others.

Of course I get approached by crazy people talking about radio signals getting beamed into their head rather than beautiful people looking to smash so I couldn't really say how I'd handle that, but I would still probably be put off.

 

[subpar spatula]

You do know that because the way gender roles in dating are set up, of course men are gonna say yes, right?

(Me included lol)

Click to shrink...

All that shows is you don't fully understand the experience women go through when approached.

 

[Fonst]

Got to read the signs they are putting out.

I met my gf of 5 years from luke-warm approach. I say luke-warm cause we had seen each other on the platform for awhile and eventually it happened but there was no interaction before hand.

 

[Morrigan]

I'd rather not be approached or accosted out of the blue.

Click to shrink...

.

 

[Nishastra]

Never. Go away. I'm not here for you to talk to. In situations where it's possible, if I see some random dude heading my direction, I'll just fucking leave.

Of course, that's rarely actually possible. The reason why women will typically seem receptive is because we've learned what happens if we're not. It's a lot better to smile and nod rather than get some angry guy following you for having the gall to turn him down, which happens a lot more often than you probably think.

 

[Ferrs]

Dudes saying they would love too have never been in the situation women keep being.

 

[NoName999]

All that shows is you don't fully understand the experience women go through when approached.

Click to shrink...

Was this suppose to be some kind of "gotcha moment"?

Of course I don't fully understand. I'm just saying that your reverse roleplay falls apart in this situation. Unless suddenly, the number of female murderers/rapists jumped up by like 500% or something.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

I know I wouldn't want it, so I extend that curtesy to others. Sometimes I don't want to talk to people I know when I see them out in public, let alone a stranger. I go to the self check outs because their isn't a cashier to bother me. I have pretended to be deaf before. I'm not saying anything to anybody if I don't have to.

 

[Muppet of a Man]

I talk with semi-random people of both sexes all the time. It is called being social. Sometimes you meet someone who might be interested in getting to know you further.

But if you mean like going up to a girl saying "Hey girl, how about those digits?" No, I do not do that.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, seriously. I think the age of social media has made people forgot about (or never really be exposed to) public face-to-face interactions, even among complete strangers. It used to be a common thing. Now not so much.

That is a problem.

No one should be antagonizing you or continuing to harass you after you've signaled one way or another that you don't want to be bothered. I'm an kind of an introverted person in public, and I make it pretty clear when I don't want to be bothered. But I don't think we should be further slipping into ineptitude when it comes to face-to-face interactions by discouraging any sort.

 

[subpar spatula]

Was this suppose to be some kind of "gotcha moment"?

Of course I don't fully understand. I'm just saying that your reverse roleplay falls apart in this situation.

Click to shrink...

It doesn't fall apart because the men who say, "hell yeah!" are showing their ignorance on the whole thing. The moment you say yes to the hypothetical is the moment you playef yourself.

 

[Deleted member 16657]

As a guy holy shit I would feel so awkward to cold convo someone. Maybe it's different in other cities but in NYC no one talks to each other unless it's to bathe in the mutual rage of the subway being delayed.

 

[Dictator]

If I may be frank - unless you are exchanging furtive glances or smiles, this "cold approach" is going to be very cold and probably unwelcome. If you both are not already conversing in body language then there is no reason to approach and you are probably just going to annoy the person.

 

[mikeys_legendary]

It's probably one of those things that most women don't like, but there are enough that don't mind it that a lot of guys will keep doing it.

After all, 1% of a billion is still 10 million.

I'm not saying I condone or engage in such practices. I typically only hit on people in social gatherings.

 

[PlanetSmasher]

Why would anyone want to be cold approached? Guys hit on me on the street in Chicago and it skeeves me the fuck out. I hate it.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

i've been cold approached by creepy older men on on public transport a couple of times

i did not like it

and that's without the uncomfortable situation of a physical power unbalance that comes with the typical man approaching the typical woman since we were both men in these situations

 

[Jag]

I will chat with anyone if we are standing on line or see something noteworthy of comment. But I would never approach a stranger out of the blue with the intention of "chatting them up". It's creepy.

 

[i-hate-u]

Just don't approach women out in public places, period.

Cold or not.