Discussion in 'EtcetEra' started by hydrophilic attack, Nov 6, 2018.
Your gross misrepresentation of my posts continues to be horrible.
Y'all have NO IDEA HOW TERRIFYING it can be to simply say "no" to someone, think about how and why that could have come to be...
I was cold approached a few times when I was in the US, a couple of times while riding a lift in Killington and I thought it was pretty cool actually, but that has more to do with the fact that I loved having conversations with native English speakers while I was in the US, here in Peru I'm not so sure, guess it depends on where I am exactly. Last time I was cold approached I was at a party and this girl approached me because a coworker of hers is a friend of mine from HS and he did mention me a few times it seemed, so she was surprised to meet me like that out of the blue.
Men keeping on screaming that social media is at fault and making women ~unable to cope with the real world~ are something else. Harassment isn't new, nor is men's feeling of entitlement to women's attention - all of this discussion predates social media by a long, long time.
Much easier for dudes to go all ~I am so above it all, not unlike social media zombies~ to evade acknowledging that their behavior is making the world a worse place for half the population on a constrant basis.
The men wondering why women are so ~wary~ about men and how unfair this is, look at monkeyball's post and look what exactly he is saying here. That's why.
I'm not even close to doing whet you suggest I am.
Also I'm tired of being lumped in with men, so I'm not even going to correct that any more.
I know that Era is a form of social media, anonymity isn't the only thing that separates it from the likes of Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram.
Forums predate such devices, and there's a reason they are still used even in this social media age.
I wonder why many women on Era feel dismissed when we're asked our opinion. Sure is a mystery.
EDIT: dbl post
You've made your points. Time for the thread to move forward from this. Thank you.
Women Ive talked to actually like the idea of a guy approaching them. They say men are too chicken to do it now days. Guys just usually stare.
Back when I was single I only did when it was natural and organic. The sort of situation where there is mutual eye contact and smiling, or a conversation just natually happened. I'm not sure if I can lable that "cold" exactly, except to say it wasn't at a bar/party/whatever. It helped that I was more on the shy side and cat calling or lingering stares aren't at all my thing.
I am not one to just approach girls or anyone out of the blue, she asked me, "why are guys so scared of me?"
And I wasn't really sure how to respond. I think it's odd to just think people should just give you their attention.
I don’t do it and never have.
I imagine that the context of women being approached/whistled/catcalled etc must be annoying to some degree or other and I just don’t want to add to that pile of crap.
Also if the roles where to really be reversed dudes wouldn’t only have to deal with a load of people they aren’t attractive too but also someone who could potentially be a threat.
I feel the thread kinda missed that important part.
I've been reading through a lot of the comments here and I'm kinda confused.
If I, a man, see an attractive woman in public, I'm not supposed to approach her if I want to date her?
Striking up a natural conversation with someone standing next to you is fine. Approaching a woman to just hit on them randomly is creepy and unwanted. Don't do it. This is coming from personal experience.
It’s basically extended catcalling, why would I do that to a woman?
-don't be a dick
-know how to read signs and back off if they don't want to be talked to(I feel like a ton of men don't know how to do this at all)
-remember that many people who are open to chatting with someone in public aren't necessarily looking for a date and might just be a jolly extrovert who is open to talking to you
-also, don't be a dick
Maybe just read the posts of the women who have responded and learn from it what you can.
This is not about you.
If a forum comment can make you feel bad, surely you realize that a parade of dudes hitting on a woman, with her having zero knowledge if any one of these guys will stalk/Harass/attack her or sabotage her career if she is too nice/not nice enough, would be far worse. And armed with that empathy, you should be able to realize why hitting on random women may not be the nicest thing.
After all, my forum comment to you was already "hostile". How would a woman feel after dealing with dude after dude harass.... trying to pick her up, hm?
Man: "But how can I date her?"
Look, MindofKB, you can just not randomly try to date random women. You can actually be a normal person, interact with women like you'd interact with any random dude you're interacting with, and if you two mesh well, by then you'd already know if you'd want to date her, and how receptive she might be, if you actually try to take her perspective into account, and wouldn't just focus on how you, specifically, can get laid as the main problem.
1) See physically attractive woman (Nice hair, smile, body, whatever)
2) Confirm with myself that I'd like to be with physically attractive woman
3) Approach physically attractive woman and strike up conversation (Because I don't know anything else about her)
4) Learn about her to decide if I should continue to pursue (Do our personalities match up? Do we have similar interests? Is she single, taken, or not interested?)
5) Ask for her number or part ways based on step 4.
Is that creepy?
Almost all have said it has to be more than just waltzing up and asking for a number.
YES IT IS!
I literally get the feeling that many men see hitting on women in public as needing to break a few eggs to make an omelette... and i'd like to think this would cause them to consider what that means but hey.
Just have some tact when you do it.
Most men won't approach anyway, it's not freaking easy to do, for most men it's not pleasant to try to do, it takes some gumption to walk up to someone you're attracted to and try to manufacture a conversation out of nothing.
I've struck up conversations casually with women and they weren't responsive.
I've also struck up conversations casually with women in public that led to a relationship.
Yes, it's silly to assume that all women want to talk to a random stranger, but isn't it also silly to assume that all women want to be left alone?
I fully understand all of the things you've written, and I understood them before entering this thread.
Straight dudes in threads like this acting like dating is IMPOSSIBLE without hitting on every women in the city are just so weird to me.
Hey, there's LGBT people. We also like having dates. We can't hit on everyone - it'd get us killed, like, literally. Not "guy is sad because woman rejected him" killed, actual murdered killed.
We still find dates. Weird! It's almost as if it was perfectly possible to date people without hitting on random people in completely inappropriate places. Like, sheesh, you already are on dating easy mode, and you still can't even consider that "random shots in the dark until someone bites" isn't the best, most viable option?
There are SO many options to find dates that aren't "harass random women until a phone number falls out". So, so many.