It's almost like you could read the posts of the women actually posting here and figure that out for yourself, instead of making pointless posts like this one.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?
- Thread starter hydrophilic attack
- Start date
I picked my wife up just now to run her to the post office and asked her what she thought about it. She said outside of online dating how are people supposed to meet? This thread and the reality from Women that I actually know are so different that I'm just honestly glad that I don't have to date at all anymore.
I'm a guy, but having had some experience here, women will give you a sign if they want you to talk to them, i.e. they will look at you maybe smile, even then it doesn't mean they are interested in you but it's probably ok to say hi how are you. If the conversation naturally flows then you can tell if you should ask them out, otherwise say bye and have a nice day.
Don't just randomly start up conversations with women because you're looking to score, that's pretty selfish. Have a legitimate reason to talk to the person.
Don't just randomly start up conversations with women because you're looking to score, that's pretty selfish. Have a legitimate reason to talk to the person.
Other women exist outside of your personal experience and social sphere.
The way, ah, certain people are replying in this thread gives me rather creepy vibes, like they're not actually as smooth as they want to claim they are and the women in their life are probably more uncomfortable with them than they might want to let on. "No, stop it" should be an easy thing to understand. And yet. Here we are. Hmmmm...
It helps depending on the women but it is wayyyyy better if y oiu are good looking than really ugly.
Lol my thoughts exactly. There's some extreme comments that have me thinking the same thing.
Quoting this for the new page but also for the accuracy, and I feel like the men in this thread will conveniently overlook this so they don't have to reconcile with themselves.
How am I supposed to know you're not ok with aggression until I give it to you first?
Yeah, I know. That's what the whole "Women in this thread vs Women that I know" meant. The Women in this thread are the ones that I don't know.
Does the "harrass a woman until the phone number falls out" guy even get any dates?
I've never seen a guy get a date using the "harrass a woman until she finally caves and gives you her actual phone number".
You're the one who tried to make this thread about you. You aren't a victim here. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Since y'all won't listen to how women in this thread feel how about listen to this guy
It's all about context. Does she seem interested by your presence? Or are you just cold approaching some girl minding her own business? FFS. What y'all aren't getting is we get approached a lot, and most of the time you're just another annoyance as we go about our days.
I don't like being cold-approached at all, by anybody, and that goes for more than just dating. Dudes are so thirsty that I even had to lock my Wii U profile stuff down when Miiverse was a thing, because a dude would not stop messaging me and trying to get me to video chat him when I was just trying to play games. My fault for adding people to my friend's list just because they were making funny art. It floored me, because it was literally the last place I would have expected to be hit on (partly because Nintendo's online services are so barebones).
If I'm not in a space where I expect to be hit on, like a club, bar, or dating service, then I don't want to be hit on, period. I'm sorry, I know being lonely sucks.
If I'm not in a space where I expect to be hit on, like a club, bar, or dating service, then I don't want to be hit on, period. I'm sorry, I know being lonely sucks.
Every post he's made in this thread has been about how this effects him.
Tell me again what the title of the thread says?
If you're confident and time it right, it could certainly work. But I avoid it.
Girls are not that different from boys.
Guys typically say it would be awesome to be confronted by a thirsty woman.
I have been approached, with the undertone of having sex. And I was dumbfounded.
I said no thanks to meeting her at a party later, and instead cut the day short and went home, because it felt uncomfortable to me.
You have to be at that wrong moment to appreciate how uncomfortable it can be.
Girls are not that different from boys.
Guys typically say it would be awesome to be confronted by a thirsty woman.
I have been approached, with the undertone of having sex. And I was dumbfounded.
I said no thanks to meeting her at a party later, and instead cut the day short and went home, because it felt uncomfortable to me.
You have to be at that wrong moment to appreciate how uncomfortable it can be.
Women: 77% of us get sexually harassed, and we have no way of knowing if simply saying "No" to you will make you physically assault us. Can you stop?
Men: But how will I ever get dates if I don't hara... aggressively pursue every woman I see? What about me?
We've had dudes directly stating in this thread that there's no problem with making women feel uncomfortable, and the usual reply to "you are making us feel unsafe" has been "but what about my dating chances".
Just...the disconnect is so blatant, and all the dudes that are acting so CONFUSED why so many women don't like their harassment could simply stop, look at the posts of other dudes, and then think really hard what it means for women if all these dudes think like this.
But that'd mean examining one's own behavior towards women. And that would be bad, right? Better ask if women are wrong (and insist they must just be oversensitive due to social media, obviously).
Men: But how will I ever get dates if I don't hara... aggressively pursue every woman I see? What about me?
We've had dudes directly stating in this thread that there's no problem with making women feel uncomfortable, and the usual reply to "you are making us feel unsafe" has been "but what about my dating chances".
Just...the disconnect is so blatant, and all the dudes that are acting so CONFUSED why so many women don't like their harassment could simply stop, look at the posts of other dudes, and then think really hard what it means for women if all these dudes think like this.
But that'd mean examining one's own behavior towards women. And that would be bad, right? Better ask if women are wrong (and insist they must just be oversensitive due to social media, obviously).
OP, there are places people go to for the purpose of being approached. For example: bars and clubs.
Just go there.
Just go there.
Hmm... I see... So you've decided to take that so literally that it could not possibly apply to anyone. Very interesting technique you've used here.
That whole thing about guys generally seeing women as lesser humans rather than equals is so true.
The men arguing what they've been told or lead to believe in the confines of their social circle against the women in this thread says enough.
Gotta be an alpha bro.
Cold approaching is alright as long as you're not obnoxious about it and have tact with it and move on easily if its clear the other person is not interested. Most men don't cold approach because quite frankly it takes a lot of gumption to willingly put yourself into a situation where there's a 90% likelihood you're going to be rejected.
I don't think the extreme opposite POV of "Holy DARE you ever speak to anyone for the purposes of romance!!!" is realistic or even positive either. It's teetering into some kind of Taliban like society.
The issue with bartenders is a little more complex. They work in the bar environment most of the time (hence the name) and people are more flirty/social in that environment to begin with. It's not a really a great way to get a date I don't think. I've seen plenty of women hit on or ask out bar staff too, usually the whole "getting her friend to tell the bartender that her friend thinks he's cute and here's her number" type of thing. Happens all the time.
I don't think the extreme opposite POV of "Holy DARE you ever speak to anyone for the purposes of romance!!!" is realistic or even positive either. It's teetering into some kind of Taliban like society.
The issue with bartenders is a little more complex. They work in the bar environment most of the time (hence the name) and people are more flirty/social in that environment to begin with. It's not a really a great way to get a date I don't think. I've seen plenty of women hit on or ask out bar staff too, usually the whole "getting her friend to tell the bartender that her friend thinks he's cute and here's her number" type of thing. Happens all the time.
It means consider women's feelings before butting into their lives.
My GF and I met online, but she told her parents I cold approached her. I'm not fully comfortable with it since I always found it awkward and creepy, but apparently her parents find it "romantic". I asked her if she actually likes being approached like that and she said no so that's my evidence that cold approaching is old fashioned and there's not really a place for it in our modern society I guess.
Great post, never thought about it from this perspective and will point this out to my knuckledragging male friends.
Ah, I thought it was a response to that particular post not his overall behavior. Was confused for a second.
Carry on.
Women on Era: Please don't hit on us
Man on Era: I will hit on women to defeat radical Islam!
What? I already said I understood and would pass the lesson on to my single friends. That I asked my wife about it has nothing to do with "getting it". I grew up asking Women for their phone number and now I found out that it was wrong so considering the difference between what I knew and what I now know I then said I'm glad that I don't have to deal with any of it anymore. What's wrong with that?
I also think you should be mindful of who you approach in a bar or club and how you do it. Since not everyone goes to a bar to be hit on. When it comes down to it, I guess read the room and see if there's a sign of mutual interest before you try buying someone a drink or something.
Not surprising. People will hit on any profile with a feminine sounding name or someone who plays with a female avatar in a game.
Women in online forums get tons of PMs from dudes.
I play poker on my phone and women who use their face as avatars get hit on all the time.
I play poker on my phone and women who use their face as avatars get hit on all the time.
I can literally tell you that men at a bars might be the worst to read signals.
The most I ever got hit on, talking 10 men in about oh 2 hours, was when I was standing in a corner with the most I don't really want to be here body language watching a hockey game... for some reason they all though, now that's a girl that totally wants to dance with my drunk ass.
After a thread like this goes more than 10 pages the conversation tends to feel very repetitive and circular. So your simple question is drawing the attention of the people who have been participating in this thread for a good amount of time having to deal with the same thing over and over again. So it's not your "question" really, just a reaction to the general sentiment.
As for your question, and most like this:
It depends
It's a hard question to answer really since not everyone is the same and not everyone will react the same to your advances. So it's almost best to start from the assumption that they DON'T want to be approached because that's likely the case. But if you have some semblance of social skills you can usually tell otherwise. But it's hard because this is also culturally driven. I had a friend from Germany visiting me in New York and she LOVED the cat-calling/flirting. It completely threw me but she explained that in Germany men simply don't do such things and she liked the attention. So it also comes down to where you live.
It's complicated, lol.
I like how some people imagine themselves doing it and tell that they actually do, watching pua videos have done a lot of harm.
So, I've been randomly approached by women like...twice in my life. I didn't know anything about them, they'd never met me. Once was at a Hardee's in the middle of the night after I was leaving a club. Once was while I was on my way to sit down with some friends in my union after class. Both times I was gobsmacked. Not really flattered because (yeah I'll be superficial) I wasn't really attracted to them, but more importantly I wasn't in the state of mind for romantic overtures of any sort. Yes, even after just leaving a club--it was 2AM, I just wanted to eat some greasy food and go to sleep. When you're suddenly forced to deal with a situation like that, it makes you approach things weird--how do you avoid offending this person, how can you make this conversation end without it being as awkward as possible. In both cases, I just quickly mumbled, "I have a girlfriend" and tried to go back to what I was doing.
Now. Picture all that, then add in that women have to worry about the possibility of a dude being a rapist, a murderer, or at the very least a garden variety dick who won't just take the L. AND that it's not happening twice across like...four years like with me (lmao) but like at least once a day, minimum. You're lucky a handful of women in this thread have been fine with the cold approach at all, ffs.
Now. Picture all that, then add in that women have to worry about the possibility of a dude being a rapist, a murderer, or at the very least a garden variety dick who won't just take the L. AND that it's not happening twice across like...four years like with me (lmao) but like at least once a day, minimum. You're lucky a handful of women in this thread have been fine with the cold approach at all, ffs.
Thanks, I appreciate this response.
I've actually been out of the game a long time (been with my wife for 10 years, married for 3). I came into the thread to learn about how the women of Era feel because the space we're in as a society regarding cold approaches and dating isn't what it was 10 years ago. In the next few years, I'm going to be raising a young man or woman in this world and I want to make sure I'm sensitive to what's going on. So, naturally, I had questions.