Jesus christ...
No one is interested in your opinion of their physical appearance.
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women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?
- Thread starter hydrophilic attack
- Start date
No one is interested in your opinion of their physical appearance.
It's cool.
Not sure what being approached is like, but I don't generally like talking to strangers anyway so...probably wouldn't like.
men doing this activates my fight or flight response like nothing else in the world. just don't.
the fact that men usually respond to this sort of thought exercise with "UMMM YES OF COURSE I WANT ALL THE FEMALES TO HIT ON ME" shows how little idea they have of what it's like to be a woman.
this comparison doesn't ever work because most women can't overpower most men. if a man isn't interested in a woman, 9,999 times out of 10,000 he can safely get out of the situation. the same can't be said for women.
the fact that men usually respond to this sort of thought exercise with "UMMM YES OF COURSE I WANT ALL THE FEMALES TO HIT ON ME" shows how little idea they have of what it's like to be a woman.
pretty bad, ngl
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I'm so glad you think it's ridiculous to not want to get hit on in the fucking grocery store.
I'm not sure I understand, are you saying there's anything at all that sounds cringey about what I wrote in the post you quoted? Look man, we can agree to disagree, but rest assured, if someone approaches a female like that it's probably less because they're being cringy or whatever as much as being a genuinely nice guy and romantic soul, y'know?
Haven't read the whole thread, but from what I have read here some people can't tell the difference between talking to someone and hitting on someone.
There is nothing wrong with talking to strangers in public. Avoiding being friendly and interacting with people is the weird thing. Being a human being and living in a shared community means interaction with others. Obviously if someone gives signals they don't want to be approached (head down, earphones in, etc) then don't bother, but standing in line at the store, sitting on a train, those kinds of things... there is absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly. If you are only willing to talk to attractive girls and only doing it to hit on them then yea it's lame at best, I agree.
Everyone head down staring at their phone or whatever is their own prerogative, but doesn't make for a very welcoming community.
There is nothing wrong with talking to strangers in public. Avoiding being friendly and interacting with people is the weird thing. Being a human being and living in a shared community means interaction with others. Obviously if someone gives signals they don't want to be approached (head down, earphones in, etc) then don't bother, but standing in line at the store, sitting on a train, those kinds of things... there is absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly. If you are only willing to talk to attractive girls and only doing it to hit on them then yea it's lame at best, I agree.
Everyone head down staring at their phone or whatever is their own prerogative, but doesn't make for a very welcoming community.
Hate it tbh. It sucks knowing that no matter what I do or how hard I work I will still be seen by many men as inferior.It sucks not being able to go about my daily life without some creep propositioning me for sex, because when a dude hits on you that is all he is really interested in. If I could take a magic pill and turn into a man I would do it without a second thought.
Yea I'm not saying women are wrong or something. I just see some posts saying never approach anyone for any reason or they don't want to be approached ever and that sounds like a miserable existence.
Yes, men can indeed not tell the difference, and contribute to harassing women over it. Glad you understand :)
Oh no, you can't sexually harass random women. This is so horrible for you. It is all about dude feelings after all, not those ~feeeeeeeeeeemales~ and their crazy, ridiculous wish to not be harassed multiple times a day by thirsty dudes.
Yep. Men telling women how to feel round #12435. It's just... both typical and sad. The lack of basic human empathy among these dudes is kinda telling, and why 77% of women were sexually harassed. But the men doing that just can't admit they're doing it. The women must be wrong, never the dudes.
But then we have this gem of a dude in here:
Men: "Waaah, what if the woman rejects me? Poor, poor me. Why am I not coddled 100% of the time?"
Woman: "What if he kills me if I say no, and rapes me if I say yes?"
Clearly, the guy is "usually more terrified". My butt.
Felt completely uncomfortable just watching that, and I'm a man. I try to imagine living that every day and *shudder*
It helps if the man is tall, confident, and good looking; then it's far from creepy. Females should acknowledge with a smile first before the approach so it isn't so cold.
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Wtf is this?!?!
Jesus, guys, be better. Actually listen to what the women in this thread are saying, the concerns they are voicing. This shit isn't about you, so stop making it that way.
Please admit that you attempted to make a parody version of the worst manThought on the subject. This has to be parody.
Can we at LEAST replace their avatar with a ferengi for a week?
You should probably try to avoid speaking like a ferengi, just saying.
not likely to recommend it to others
not likely to recommend it to others
Obviously it is.
Oh wait...
We have people in this thread say worse. Among other things, we had
- a dude saying that making women uncomfortable isn't a bad thing
- that social media is making women dumb, because in the past women totally weren't worried
- men calling women feeeeeeeeemaaaaaales
- a dude saying that women not wanting to be harassed are to blame for incels
- men falling over themselves saying that if they can't harass women, how can they ever get dates?
- men claiming over and over that men are totally the terrified ones
I'm sure this opinion has been voiced somewhere else in these 19 pages but, as a male, I'm sure I would grow tired of the amount of cold requests women typically get. But some amount would definitely be flattering.
Ignoring the idea of politely telling someone to fuck off, this simply isn't true. The most common responses are persistence "Give me a chance, I'm one of the good guys" or aggression "What, you think you're too good for me? Fuckin' bitch..."
Single-women-telling-men-who-approach-them-that-they-have-a-boyfriend is not a thing because women are pathological liars, it's a thing because women have learnt that men react poorly to rejection. Even the "normal" ones. Hell, they're probably a bigger problem because as least the arsehole probably knows he's being an arsehole, the creep rarely knows he's being a creep.
If the only thing you know about a stranger that approaches you is "they find me attractive" and "they won't take no for an answer", that's not really a desirable combination.
No one goes up to someone just to say hi. "Hi" is something people say in passing. If the person approaching you is a complete stranger you can be 100% sure that they are doing so because they want something.
If that something is the time, or directions, or asking if I could get something that they can't reach (my most common interaction with strangers in supermarkets) then fine. I love helping people and this doesn't require much effort on my part.
Completely different if they are asking for my phone number or if I want to go and have a coffee with them some time. Why I want to give my number to a complete stranger?
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As someone who said they didn't like to be cold approached: Of course there's a difference in context between someone just saying hi and someone approaching because they're thirsty. You can tell the difference. Anyone who says otherwise is setting up a strawman.
Like, the dude next to me in line who is chatting about the weather? That's fine. Somebody smiles and waves on the street? Of course I'm going to wave back. And as I've said before, if I put myself in a situation where I expect to be hit on, of course that's not going to bother me unless the dude gets creepy or handsy.
And because I think some people don't get it: yes, if I got to know someone for a while in a non-romantic context, and we start feeling it, that's fine too. Of course people sometimes spark when you're seeing them all the time in classes or when you belong to the same group or share hobbies or you jog every day at the same time in the same park. Nobody is saying that's bad. If they do think that's bad, I think that might be from social anxiety, and I feel bad because I've been there. There is a huge fucking difference between all of those scenarios and being cornered when I'm just trying to go about my business by somebody I don't know or recognize who just wants to get my number. I wear headphones and read books in those situations for a reason: it's because I want to be left alone. No, I don't want to be hit on when I'm buying deodorant or washing my underwear.
And I hate to bring this up in a public forum, but I'm a survivor of rape and sexual abuse. If you won't leave me alone, I'm going to be polite and give you a fake phone number just to get away with you if you won't leave me alone, and I'll try not to go back to wherever I met you. Because I know from experience that if I don't do that, and something bad happens, I'm going to get blamed. And it sucks, and it's mean, and I'm ashamed of doing it, but I have no way of knowing whether you're an awesome dude or a piece of shit. The dude I thought was my best friend in the world turned out to be a piece of shit. I hate saying that on a public forum because god knows who is reading it or why, and it's not the kind of thing I like to share, but I'm afraid people won't get it otherwise.
Just, please, stop and consider the context, guys. I don't hate men, and I don't hate men who want to chat, but if you're feeling thirsty and you like to approach people when they're giving off signs that they don't want to talk to you, that means you should respect that and back off. You have to state it as broadly as possible to get the point across sometimes because people feel defensive and I feel bad about that. But it's easier to say "don't cold approach me unless I signal otherwise" than "here are the 25 specific times when it's probably okay to ask for a number."
Of course, I'm aging out of any desirable demographic anyway, and I'm sad to say that I'm kinda grateful to be getting old and unattractive.
Like, the dude next to me in line who is chatting about the weather? That's fine. Somebody smiles and waves on the street? Of course I'm going to wave back. And as I've said before, if I put myself in a situation where I expect to be hit on, of course that's not going to bother me unless the dude gets creepy or handsy.
And because I think some people don't get it: yes, if I got to know someone for a while in a non-romantic context, and we start feeling it, that's fine too. Of course people sometimes spark when you're seeing them all the time in classes or when you belong to the same group or share hobbies or you jog every day at the same time in the same park. Nobody is saying that's bad. If they do think that's bad, I think that might be from social anxiety, and I feel bad because I've been there. There is a huge fucking difference between all of those scenarios and being cornered when I'm just trying to go about my business by somebody I don't know or recognize who just wants to get my number. I wear headphones and read books in those situations for a reason: it's because I want to be left alone. No, I don't want to be hit on when I'm buying deodorant or washing my underwear.
And I hate to bring this up in a public forum, but I'm a survivor of rape and sexual abuse. If you won't leave me alone, I'm going to be polite and give you a fake phone number just to get away with you if you won't leave me alone, and I'll try not to go back to wherever I met you. Because I know from experience that if I don't do that, and something bad happens, I'm going to get blamed. And it sucks, and it's mean, and I'm ashamed of doing it, but I have no way of knowing whether you're an awesome dude or a piece of shit. The dude I thought was my best friend in the world turned out to be a piece of shit. I hate saying that on a public forum because god knows who is reading it or why, and it's not the kind of thing I like to share, but I'm afraid people won't get it otherwise.
Just, please, stop and consider the context, guys. I don't hate men, and I don't hate men who want to chat, but if you're feeling thirsty and you like to approach people when they're giving off signs that they don't want to talk to you, that means you should respect that and back off. You have to state it as broadly as possible to get the point across sometimes because people feel defensive and I feel bad about that. But it's easier to say "don't cold approach me unless I signal otherwise" than "here are the 25 specific times when it's probably okay to ask for a number."
Of course, I'm aging out of any desirable demographic anyway, and I'm sad to say that I'm kinda grateful to be getting old and unattractive.
Aaaaaaaactually, a polite fuckoff can lead to:
- the dude shouting at the woman
- the dude punching the woman
- the dude pestering the woman anyway
- the dude saying he isn't one of the bad dudes and that the woman should be less of a bitch
- the dude wondering why women always """friendzone""" him and how hard he has it and why does the woman not give him a chance now?
- the dude just not even realizing he got a polite fuckoff, and instead seeing it as encouragement
not too long ago my sister was at a club with some friends. a friend of a friend tried to hit on her and when she rejected him he grabbed her by the neck
so yeah
so yeah
Joke question?
Women and men tend to be little different when it comes to this.
Ok? Of course it's about context. I literally said that there are signs in the post you quoted. I met my previous GF of 5 years because she was staring at me. I did a double take and she was still staring at me, and i was like hello. Later on I found out she wasn't actually staring at me but my bag. Nonetheless, I'm glad I said something because we were together for half a decade.
Well, I don't approach at all. And you know where that gets me? Nowhere. You have to put yourself out there, and waiting for a friend to make a friend or otherwise "networking" doesn't really work. That's why people have shifted so much towards online data and using social media.
The reality is there's no good place to actually meet someone. It usually happens organically and seemingly at random. Talking to randoms will certainly increase the odds of it happening though. But the problem isn't in the talking to people so much as the it is in the intent. If you're chatting someone up just to do it, it comes off completely different than if you're trying to get laid.
The reality is there's no good place to actually meet someone. It usually happens organically and seemingly at random. Talking to randoms will certainly increase the odds of it happening though. But the problem isn't in the talking to people so much as the it is in the intent. If you're chatting someone up just to do it, it comes off completely different than if you're trying to get laid.
Seeing a lot of guys here, as usual, asking "How do I date women then?"
- Not about you, it's about making sure women are comfortable.
- There are places proper for socialization. The train, the street, random shops and businesses, etc., are not the right places for it. Yes movies like setting meet-cutes in cafes or book stores or the grocer, but those are extraordinary circumstances you shouldn't be seeking to recreate. It's the romcom equivalent of the action movie's being the chosen one or the top special agent. It ain't happening with you, buddy.
Male responses here, a supposedly progressive community, shows how much we still have to go in terms of gender equality. It is absolutely not the same thing a guy talking to a random girl and a girl talking to a random guy in the street. It isnt hard to spot the difference, to understand the privilege.
Can vouch for the bolded. I've personally had these happen either in real life or online.
I like men and I would love to find a guy but no. I think it's far better to establish friendships first and then get to somewhere from there. If you talk to me out of the blue on the street or at work, that's just strange and unsettling, and I have my experiences with that so I know that that crosses a line for me.
Daily reminder that LGBT people date too, and that we do not usually do so by trying to pick up everyone we meet, despite having a much harder time at finding dates in the first place. Weird ain't it?
Cmon dudes, you're on dating easy mode, you can do it without being a pain, too.
Cmon dudes, you're on dating easy mode, you can do it without being a pain, too.
Please don't do this. It might work sometimes, but most of the time you're gonna look like a creep and make people uncomfortable. The grocery store or bus is not the place to try to get a date, let people live their lives.
It's not hard to understand that most people don't go to work to get hit on. You're utterly obsessed with my turn of phrase my lord.
https://www.businessinsider.com/things-bartenders-want-to-tell-customers-2017-11
https://talesofthecocktail.com/in-depth/When-customers-hit-on-the-Bartenders
https://medium.com/@krisgage/how-to-pick-up-the-bartender-749de6bba996
https://www.washingtonpost.com/life...b6c00c90481_story.html?utm_term=.c46896da870f
https://www.buzzfeed.com/susanematthews/5-reasons-you-shouldnt-hit-on-a-bartender
https://morgantownnightlife.wordpress.com/2017/04/11/the-double-standard/
https://www.salon.com/2016/02/01/server_not_a_sex_toy/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=socialflow
https://munchies.vice.com/en_us/article/kbkwdz/just-stop-trying-to-hit-on-your-bartender
https://thoughtcatalog.com/charlotte-haab/2014/06/10-reasons-not-to-hit-on-the-bartender/
https://brobible.com/life/article/never-do-at-bar-by-bartender/
https://www.eonline.com/ca/news/585083/bartenders-reveal-24-things-you-should-never-ever-do-at-bars
http://blog.totallynotmalware.net/?p=99
https://www.allbartenders.com/10-bartending-commandments/
https://www.w42st.com/article/117hyv7y6hgpq/love-me-bartender
https://www.thetalko.com/18-female-bartenders-reveal-their-abnormal-work-scenarios/5/?v=8
https://www.thestar.com/life/2016/06/21/when-hitting-your-local-pub-dont-become-a-trapper.html
https://www.narcity.com/ca/on/toron...sure-no-toronto-bartender-will-ever-serve-you
Excelsiorlef as always in with the kill. Good sources.
Oh damn
I would never approach a woman out of the blue.
I become easily embarrased for others and seeing skeevy dudes hit on women who clearly ain't having it (i also worked with my mom for like a yr and that was pretty revealing) has completly reduced the chance that i approach anyone with the intention of something romantic to 0.
But i'm an introvert by nature and wont really approach anybody for anything social (i can engage in social activities just fine just not start em or approach em willingly) so it fits the way i am.
It works out tho because that way it's always the women who approach me so i know i ain't forcing nothing on them and it helps my self esteem (Yay at not feeling ugly!)
I become easily embarrased for others and seeing skeevy dudes hit on women who clearly ain't having it (i also worked with my mom for like a yr and that was pretty revealing) has completly reduced the chance that i approach anyone with the intention of something romantic to 0.
But i'm an introvert by nature and wont really approach anybody for anything social (i can engage in social activities just fine just not start em or approach em willingly) so it fits the way i am.
It works out tho because that way it's always the women who approach me so i know i ain't forcing nothing on them and it helps my self esteem (Yay at not feeling ugly!)