1. Bulby

    Bulby
    Member

    I dont know what treating someone like a phone number means. To most people, you get the phone number so you can maybe meet and get to know them better. Its a means to an end (lets use commen sense when I use the word 'end').
     
  2. excelsiorlef

    excelsiorlef
    Member


    This isn't rocket science dude, try not to approach women in the grocery store and what not with the desire to date her.
     
  3. Kyros

    Kyros
    Member

    As a black male I have never even considered doing this, especially given how it would only take a single misinterpretation or false accusation for me to end up in trouble.

    That being said, based on what certain posters have said, I have to admit I am now somewhat curious to try this "cold approach" thing just to see what will result from it.
     
  4. Bulby

    Bulby
    Member

    You are right, it isnt science. Hence there are no definite rules.

    And Im sorry but, no. I have never actually done it, but If I saw someone, I was completely enamoured with them, it was a do or die moment AND I did it with complete respect. I would.

    Do I think its ok for a guy to hang around supermarkets with the express intent to ask for the number of every girl he sees cause he is playing the odds. No I dont, but why do I have to caveat commen sense.

    Problem with this thread is everyone has a completely different idea of what being 'cold approached' means, and lumping in a wide range of definitions is completely unproductive.

    I have read - its not ok in the street, but its ok in a bar - cause if you are in a bar it means you are open to that. Why is it ok to do it in a bar? Who said thats ok? When everyone has a different idea of the rules its very difficult to actually have a discussion.
     
  5. Twinsun

    Twinsun
    Member

    Human interaction in general is a difficult thing, setting up clear cut do's and dont's on a global scale is an impossible task I think. People have individual boundaries that you won't know. So all you can do is be mindful that what you may yourself deem appropriate may not be seen that way to someone else.
     
  6. excelsiorlef

    excelsiorlef
    Member

    Well at least you admit the only person you are concerned with is yourself because in your little what if scenario not one if was about her.

    I meant not even a if she looked receptive, or a if she's not busy.

    It was just all sorry if I see a girl I really want I'm going for it. Which is pretty life for women we're always the object that someone just life or death needs to take a shot at getting
     
  7. Tirisfal

    Tirisfal
    Member

    Wow that sucks, sorry to hear that. It blows my mind to be honest how there are guys like that out there. I could never talk to someone that way, even if I thought they slighted me.

    I'm glad I'm a guy and get left alone to be honest, as I love my personal space and would hate if I got approached all the time.
     
  8. thetrin

    thetrin
    Content Acquisition at DANGEN Entertainment Verafied

    Male behavior towards women has really ruined what could have been a perfectly okay way to interact with people. I've struck up conversations with random people in a situation, and they've become good friends. Obviously, there's a time and a place for that, but I do think that bad behavior has put most people in isolation mode to make sure they don't catch any of said bad behavior.

    I don't really think only using dating apps is the answer, because there are a lot of people that just don't fair well in those situations. I don't really know what the solution is, tbh. It's just a sad state of affairs.
     
  9. Machachan

    Machachan
    Member

    I'd say the real problem is dudes falling over themselves to explain to women why the real problem is only men not getting dates, and women's opinion on the matter is irrelevant.

    But then this is a forum where people think it's perfectly okay to confirm rapists to office, so I shouldn't be surprised.
     
  10. Gravy Boat

    Gravy Boat
    Member

    You’re just making it all about you though. What if 10 other people were also enamoured with her, is it fair on her to sit there and reject all of you 1 by 1 if she’s not interested? How many people would need to hit on a woman before you decide she’s had enough and you’ll leave her alone?
     
  11. Crossing Eden

    Crossing Eden
    Member

    That it's probably one of the most perfect examples of what mansplaining looks like.
     
  12. MirVie

    MirVie
    Member


    And what do you mean by "do or die"? You are not going to die, if you don't ask out this hypothetical woman. Your love life is not going to die if you don't ask out this hypothetical woman. There are plenty of fish, it is never "do or die".
    As for "completely enamoured", yeah... you can't be. If you are truly cold approaching, you don't know anything about them. You just find them physically attractive.

    But hypothetical situation is hypothetical. I'm sure your hypothetical woman would love your respectful approach, be hypothetically delighted to go out with you, and be your hypothetical soulmate. Hypothetically speaking of course.

    In the mean time for most women here the situation isn't hypothetical. It means getting cold approached while shopping, commuting, at the gym, or while walking down the street, and it can happen any day of the week. Without us ever having giving an ounce of interest in being approached. And when guys like that get rejected, they get stroppy or worse. So when asked how we feel about it, we said "no thanks, we'd rather have you don't" and explain why. For 21 pages now. But sure,you go on and tell us how you'd hypothetically would anyway, because you'd be "respectful". You're really showing here how well you pick up cues from women right here.
     
  13. LogicAirForce

    LogicAirForce
    Member

    So how many random women did you harass before finally finding one who would go out with you? That's what you guys don't get, for every woman who says yes to your advances there several others who were made to feel uncomfortable. But none of you ever think about them because once they reject you and you realize you can't get anything from them they no longer matter.
     
  14. Lol. Thirsty or not, people approaching me in public make me switch to full alert mode regardless of gender and looks. I probably look either like a person expecting to be robbed, or someone interrupted in the midst of something very important and that’d like it very much if you could scram, like, this very second, thank you very much, have a good day.

    On the other hand, I never approach strangers unless I absolutely need to, which is basically only to ask for information, directions, or help in stores.
     
  15. Personally as a male i dont do cold approaches if a girl is interested in me or a random convo turns real good i might sometimes ask for a number or social media handle but i am not like making that priority.

    Personally i have been cold approached quite sometimes cuz for a game nerd i look really good and i find it cute but personally i myself dont like doing cold approaches (shy and social awkward enough as is xd). I rather start a nice normal convo and go from there if there are signals of interest.

    Even in social hookup places like clubs and bars.

    But tbh i always found alpha male behaviour cringy AF.
     
  16. Bobo Dakes

    Bobo Dakes
    Member

    A bar is a social environment. And you could open wirh, can I buy you a drink? But still read their body language and what they're doing in that bar because not everyone is still going to be open to that.

    Someone on the street is likely on their way to doing something so you would just be getting in their way most likely.

    Not hard to see the difference.
     
  17. Exactly.
     
  18. Bulby

    Bulby
    Member

    What if the person is just there to have a drink with friends and really doesnt want to be bothered. Just cause its in a bar, its fair play?

    In a super market you can open with a joke.
     
  19. Bobo Dakes

    Bobo Dakes
    Member

    Then don't talk to them.
    I elaborated in my original post.

    I wear headphones when I food shop, so I know I wouldn't be into it.

    Most people arent as funny as they think they are.
     
  20. MagicDoogies

    MagicDoogies
    Member

    Unless it revolves around a specific event that is based around public interaction that I'm interested in like cons? No.
    Leave me alone.
     
  21. Addi

    Addi
    Member

    Cold approaches are so lame. Beyond bothering women and making them feel uncomfortable, it's completely inefficient and you devalue yourself as a man.

    Say you approach a random attractive girl on the street, no other context, what are the chances you actually match personalitywise?
    What about all the girls that could have been a match, but rejected you because you chose to be a douche/creep by approaching them purely based on looks?
    You could argue you are a great guy or whatever, but because of past experiences/other dudes constantly hiting on her in the same way, it will be an automatic no.
    PUAs argue that this is a numbers game, you ask 100 girls, maybe one or two will date you. How humanizing...
    An other argument they have is that it'll teach you to deal with rejection. So you creep out a ton of girls simply so you can do your small experiment.
    It is important to learn how to deal with rejection, yes, but you don't need to completely humiliate yourself to get there.
     
  22. Uno Venova

    Uno Venova
    Member

    Why would I ever follow this advice when it’s worked out for me so many times?
     
  23. D65

    D65
    Banned Member

    I've done the same thing and I am 3 for 3 hanging out and bring good friends with the girls I've approached.

    Maybe the problem is that there is a variety of ways to approach people etc. Making eye contact before that's is within a full spectrum of human behaviour... The assumption that it bothers 9/10 people is assuming that most of the time it is done a certain way where it is a problem.

    Generalising poor male behaviour is one thing, and I do that too, but the idea that OMG NEVER TALK TO ANYWHERE is not at all reflective of the reality that many, many relationships and friendships begin this way.

    Prior to days of internet and outside of community it was likely the only way to get to know someone.

    I find it hilarious that there is a variety of a few responses from women (trans and not) and yet the thread is basically full of men debating with men on a single opinion.
     
  24. i-hate-u

    i-hate-u
    Member

    Worked out for you has in you didn't bother a stranger, and saved your dignity?
     
  25. brainchild

    brainchild
    Member

    Sad, but true. This thread is embarrassing.
     
  26. Potater

    Potater
    Member

    I was telling the other posters to listen to you... reread my post.
     
  27. Machachan

    Machachan
    Member

    You probably think that's clever, but when you have someone do THIS EXACT ATTEMPT every second supermarket visit you do, it stops being cute and just gets painful.
     
  28. Uno Venova

    Uno Venova
    Member

    In addition to those things, sure!
     
  29. BlackGoku03

    BlackGoku03
    Member

    So is it okay with gay women? Cause I see that a lot in SC and GA.

    It's an interesting conversation. Being married, I haven't hit on anyone in almost a decade but I don't remember ever trying to pick someone up at a grocery store or some random place. Clubs and bars, yeah. I can understand how that'd annoy women when they're just trying to shop.

    But it's funny, a lot of men would be receptive to it if reversed.
     
  30. Uno Venova

    Uno Venova
    Member

    Not necessarily, a lot of times I'm told it doesn't happen that often, I've made their day, or a playful "yeah most guys are pussies".

    Yeah every girl gets those non-personal cat calls, but actually being approached like a human happens much less.
     
  31. Bulby

    Bulby
    Member

    • User Warned: Threadwhining
    I know we are playing fast and loose with definitions, but if we actually look at the word mansplaining, it would be mean you pretty much agree with me that this thread is lacking logic. - Also that sentence there is mansplaining.
     
  32. Goliath

    Goliath
    Member

    These threads are so depressing. I really feel bad that women have to deal with guys approaching and being jerks, but as a dude I understand that the burden to make a move is on you if you don’t want to deal with online dating which is a horrible option for dudes.

    When I was single I took care to read body language and make sure the person I was talking to was comfortable. There are obvious signs to look out for. It led to some success.
     
  33. NegroNinja

    NegroNinja
    Member

    Not to mention that was a pretty stupid thing to say anyway. That’s basic human interaction 101.
     
  34. excelsiorlef

    excelsiorlef
    Member

    The only checking out you should be doing in the supermarket is your grocery list
     
  35. I have never and would never approach a woman on the street or publicly in general for the reasons listed in this thread. Every time the thought comes to mind, I picture how many men daily have bothered the same woman and bordered on harassment. It's not worth making any woman or myself uncomfortable by putting the both of us as strangers in that situation.
     
  36. TitanicFall

    TitanicFall
    Member

    I'm not a woman, but men aren't a hive mind and neither are women. What one person is receptive to, another person won't be. Some people never get approached while others get approached so often they are sick of it. You're not going to know. Just be respectful and pay attention to body language. If someone walks right pass you without a second look or a smile, then don't even bother. You can meet someone anywhere. I don't believe in having to go to designated social places. I don't know about other people, but often when at a bar, I'm with friends, and women are with their friends. I rarely seen anyone interrupt a social circle to talk to a stranger. Sure people are at bars to be social...mostly with the people they came with. I've had more meaningful conversations with strangers at the airport than a bar.
     
  37. Uno Venova

    Uno Venova
    Member

    I mean, honestly that's not different than the people who have anecdotes against cold approaching, applying their experience to all of womankind.

    I appreciate astro detailing his perspective.
     
  38. excelsiorlef

    excelsiorlef
    Member

    Congratulations on mansplaining mansplaining and calling the women here illogical because they don't want to get hit on in the supermarket.

    But don't worry I don't think you have to worry about coming up with a clever joke to hit on the hottie just trying to grocery shop, just seeing you coming is funny enough
     
  39. shanafan

    shanafan
    Member

    How will you ever meet someone then if that is your initial thought? Talk with confidence, look at body language, etc. I used to work at the mall, and I approached girls that I felt were attractive. Thinking back at least 10 years now, I dated one that I cold approached for almost a year. And then I went on a few dates with a few others. It worked pretty well for me. Maybe I had an advantage working in the mall so they knew my face but still, I was a total stranger to them.

    Don't think you are a creeper for approaching women. There is nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with someone of the opposite sex. You never know what may come from it!
     
  40. Bulby

    Bulby
    Member

    Actually the sentence that was quoted was - Problem with this thread is everyone has a completely different idea of what being 'cold approached' means, and lumping in a wide range of definitions is completely unproductive.
     
  41. excelsiorlef

    excelsiorlef
    Member

    You're out here arguing in favor of picking up women in the grocery store dude
     
  42. Gravy Boat

    Gravy Boat
    Member

    Ignoring the definition, what if that woman in the grocery store has already been hit on 5 times today by 5 separate guys? At what point do you start taking what the woman may want into consideration?
     
  43. excelsiorlef

    excelsiorlef
    Member

    Women: " Please consider not doing xyz"

    Men: "Nah I know what you really want"
     
  44. Fat4all

    Fat4all
    Community Resettler Member

    “Hey, i love eggplants too”
     
  45. Uno Venova

    Uno Venova
    Member

    What if they haven't, and you two have a great interaction, exchange contact info and end up dating?
    Luckily I think some people do, it's a shame on the great relationships people might miss out on if they think they're taking something from someones life by talking to them.
     
  46. Gravy Boat

    Gravy Boat
    Member

    You ignored the second part of the question.
     
  47. Llyranor

    Llyranor
    Member

    I hate when strangers try to speak to me in public for whatever reason even as a guy, so I can imagine how terrible it must be for women to get unwanted advances that way.
     
  48. Uno Venova

    Uno Venova
    Member

    The answer is "after you talk to them". That's where assessing body language comes into play.
     
  49. Gravy Boat

    Gravy Boat
    Member

    So what a woman wants doesn't actually matter until after you've spoken to them?

    If a woman wants to be left alone, it doesn't matter until you've spoken to them and they've explicitly told you they want to be left alone?
     
  50. Uno Venova

    Uno Venova
    Member

    When did I say it doesn't matter?