Oh, you've made it perfectly clear that you disagree with the majority of women on this thread, with unironic pride too.
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women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?
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Oh, you've made it perfectly clear that you disagree with the majority of women on this thread, with unironic pride too.
OP
OP
here is the situation: (rough estimation) 95% percent of women answering in here said they don't want to be cold approached in public, when maybe 5% said they'd be ok with it (depending on approach)
even if it works for some guys if they keep at it long enough, the argument being made is that it's pretty selfish to make life worse for the 95% of women who don't like it just for the chance of occasionally approaching the 5% who'd be ok it, with a further smaller percentage chance of that person being interested in being approached by YOU specifically. (especially when modern society offers so many other avenues to find people to date)
Ok, but what's your end game with the DM-ing?
If you are purely commending their work, then sure, but if it's an in to get closer with them, then I find it disgusting.
There is no problem with posting. There is a problem with continuously talking over women, not listening even a tiny bit, and continuously stating that making women uncomfortable is fine, that harassing women is okay as long as a date falls out eventually, and that women's feeling about this don't matter.
Perhaps all of this is part of the reason the forum is "male dominated", too. I mean, certain dudes sure do their best every topic is solely about the needs of a specific subset of men at the expense of everyone else. Not too attractive a forum, and perhaps why you dudes only ever have success in dating with a spam approach to it.
Are you adding on to his point because I don't see what this changes about the actual act of DMing to be fine.
Don't do it there either. I've had friends who only want to enjoy the music and dance at clubs and they feel basically forced to bring a male friend along every time so they don't have to deal with a random dude hitting on them every 5 minutes
Tell me any woman would have a problem with what I am saying.
Give me a legitimate argument. We need boundaries when outside, man or woman. Let's respect each other and make it safer/better for everyone when in public
DMing for the sole purpose of getting dates? No, I don't consider that fine, especially on sites not dedicated to dating.
OP
OP
"sliding into DMs" generally means doing so with the intention of hitting on them
if you DM someone under the pretence of liking their work, but actually with the intention of eventually getting into their pants, then that's pretty skeevy and you probably shouldn't?
if someone has very clearly been flirting with you on twitter or facebook or instagram or whatever, then maybe talking to them in DMs to ascertain their intentions could be acceptable (i'm genuinely not sure; i don't participate in non-anonymous social media myself)
Holy shit this Uno Venova person is a piece of work. Please continue to tell us women what women are like.
Anyway I'd like to add that I think regional differences definitely come into play. Someone just chatting to me randomly in the southern US probably is really just chatting (sometimes they are a creep but not always). In northern states, it's less common so it would be a bit more odd. If a random person comes up to me in Tokyo I immediately put my guard up, because it's not a common thing at all and the person likely has some motive.
I think the person who said it's like Christian proselytizing was spot on. Sure it occasionally works but most of us are trying to get the fuck away from you.
Make friends with people and relationships happen. Chase people down and many will run.
Anyway I'd like to add that I think regional differences definitely come into play. Someone just chatting to me randomly in the southern US probably is really just chatting (sometimes they are a creep but not always). In northern states, it's less common so it would be a bit more odd. If a random person comes up to me in Tokyo I immediately put my guard up, because it's not a common thing at all and the person likely has some motive.
I think the person who said it's like Christian proselytizing was spot on. Sure it occasionally works but most of us are trying to get the fuck away from you.
Make friends with people and relationships happen. Chase people down and many will run.
This can't be just about the thread though, making estimates on all of what women want is pretty ridiculous, especially without evidence making claims like "95%" and "nobody" is extreme.
Every time you cold approach or slide into DMs or hit on a woman who doesn't already know you a little bit in someway
we are thinking "Well, is this one going to be abusive if I turn him down too?"
That's stressful. It's not just a matter of getting annoyed that people keep approaching you. It's the emotional exhaustion of having to go through a threat assessment yet again. It's knowing that if you do get verbally berated or physically punished for not being interested, people are going to ask why you wouldn't just give him a chance.
But hey, there's a minuscule chance of getting your dick wet, so keep encouraging each other.
we are thinking "Well, is this one going to be abusive if I turn him down too?"
That's stressful. It's not just a matter of getting annoyed that people keep approaching you. It's the emotional exhaustion of having to go through a threat assessment yet again. It's knowing that if you do get verbally berated or physically punished for not being interested, people are going to ask why you wouldn't just give him a chance.
But hey, there's a minuscule chance of getting your dick wet, so keep encouraging each other.
Talk to women as if they are people not goals
also, on topic. I treat it like a religious outfit coming to my door. Sometimes I dont mind but Id rather they not most times
also, on topic. I treat it like a religious outfit coming to my door. Sometimes I dont mind but Id rather they not most times
Remember the time we thought men taking men to task on poor behavior was a possible solution?
But you don't consider what a woman wants until after you've already spoken to them so what does it matter?
Yes, I agree that the guys in this thread saying it's not big deal and are supportive of randomly hitting on strangers trying to go about their day lack logic, self awareness, and common sense.
Exactly. This thread is the sad testament of why women post less and less on this forum. Well, this thread, and any thread about usage of the word "female" or any actual thread about Women and how they have to deal with the world or would like to be treated.
The way women are being talked down to on this "progressive forum" is saddening. :/
Right, even though I made it clear I was talking about my experiences, and others in this thread & the world. I was actually saying the people who expressed they don't like it were wrong in their thinking.
I don't think anyone suggested talking to them different in the many avenues talked about in this thread.
OP
OP
congrats on not reading?
here is the actual argument again
it doesn't matter for the validity of the argument whether the actual number is 85% or 95% or 99%
you're still making life worse for the percentage of women who don't like it, and you're still selfishly putting your own dating convenience ahead of their desire to go about their lives without being approached by uninvited men on a near-constant basis
On sliding into DMs, realize that you're probably one of A Lot of unsolicited men trying to contact them. Even assuming you're not going Maximum Creep, it's probably still not appreciated.
But, like, if this place isn't progressive, do progressive sites even exist???
But, like, if this place isn't progressive, do progressive sites even exist???
I totally agree with what you are saying, Women shouldn't be approached in public or any considered safe spaces by creeps who think they might score, but the sad reality is that even on this very forum, some (men) will read what you wrote and think: "You mean, if I bother and harass 100 Women, I could possibly get laid 5 times! Rock On!"
It is indeed a sad state of affair.
How often do you cold approach guys at the grocery store with a joke?
I've never done that. Just referencing some #WeMetOnTwitter stories. An actual hashtag you could look at. When I say commenting on their work, I don't mean that professionally. I mean, casually.
I've DMed two women I didn't know personally. But we both followed each other and had interacted previously.
With the first, we had a back and forth talking about movies, she lived one city over. Started talking, I asked if she wanted to get a drink. She said no. That was that. Still talked on and off for a while. She moved.
The second, I was on vacation and in fuck it mode, said hey, we talked for a long while, grabbed dinner, I wasn't really into it, never talked to her again.
I was interested through the initial interactions, the end goal was the meet up to see if that could be a thing.
I have similar interactions on Twitter weekly and don't become interested most of the time.
That's a funny joke.
That's a good take.
Your tweets are entertaining.
I'm going through something similar, here's what I did.
I'm in the market for that, how do you like yours.
Did you see that episode of
These are how people interact, most of the time publicly .
I mean, it's clear why men do it - they see women as physical objects first, because in this scenario they literally know nothing about the woman except what she looks like. They haven't met her to form a reason for interest beyond physical attraction. It's all "hot girl, must fuck, engage" without them even having run a sensor sweep to see if maybe she doesn't actually want to be assumed to be dtf just because the guy shows "confidence" (actually, is being an objectifying my-needs-first-bitch creep).
Men seem to think physical attraction holds the same sway for us that it does them. Truth is, we need a little more than "oooh, hot body" (this is without mentioning that guys who do this are assuming the woman is straight). Trust us, your dick isn't special.
So in a general sense, If your actions had the potential to makes someone's life worse, than I guess the action would be deplorable even if it affected 5% of that population?
Ok, let's play a game, how many women in this thread say they're fine with it and how many say they're not? Because you seem perfectly fine to ignore that vast majority of women saying how uncomfortable it is while pretending you can't find evidence that women find it uncomfortable.
Women: It would be nice if men examined their behaviour and thought about how it affects women without just doing whatever they feel is appropriate.
Men: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, hang on, let's not destroy whatever remains of courtship in this, our modern era of butchered communication.
Men: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, hang on, let's not destroy whatever remains of courtship in this, our modern era of butchered communication.
Ok, so from what I am understanding, from the 2 examples you posted, you wanted to get to them to develop a potential relationship/friendship with those women, which was started by your first DM, right?
See, shit like this makes me cringe so hard inside.
I mean, it doesn't really matter does it? If 99 women loved it and 1 didn't. Doesn't that mean you should never do it? Since it had a chance of making that 1 women uncomfortable?
OP
OP
think about the marginal benefit for you continuing to cold approach people to get laid/date over the marginal detriment of that behaviour to the vast majority of women who hate it
in your mind you have a slightly higher chance to get laid / find a date compared to other opportunities like dating apps / dating within social circe
vs
many women are afraid at walking alone at night and some even avoid working out at the gym or traveling abroad unaccompanied (both things women i know offline have told me) due to the threatening situation of being approached by physically stronger men who may be a threat
it seems quite unbalanced for that tiny chance of encountering someone who may like it
Except it's the opposite scenario and a vast majority itt hate it
Uh...1. The majority of women are not ok with it so let's stop pretending otherwise and 2. NO! You shouldn't because it creeps nearly all women out and even in your hypothetical, you still shouldn't.
I don't think I've ever done that late at night. But I don't really understand why someone would change if the vast majority of interactions they had were positive. Their world view wouldn't be "nobody wants me to talk to them".
If approaching someone in a public setting is off-putting to you, how do you plan to meet someone if you are looking for a SO?
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(i assume) you're saying the vast majority of interactions seemed positive from your perspective
you're not a mind-reader and you don't know how the people you approached actually felt about it. many women pretend to not hate you when you do shit like that because they deem it safer and they're afraid what you'd do if they showed how they actually felt
And this also btw is why the gaming community will never be a welcoming place for women.
I mean ya'll can't be relied on for shit.
I mean ya'll can't be relied on for shit.
No woman likes to be approached.
and woman of era correct me if I am wrong.
Exactly this. Me and my best friend had eventually a rather elaborate system for escaping guys who had a problem moving on. Completely with verbal and visual cues and a bunch of different interventions. You don't develop that if it's an uncommon occurrence.