Never. Anyone with any sort of transferrable disease can stay away from me.
Except for Alzheimer's.
Except for Alzheimer's.
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Would you date/marry a person with genital herpes?
- Thread starter AlteredBeast
- Start date
So if you have an outbreak when you're in labor they gotta do a c section? No shit?
Yes, as the HSV can be pretty bad for a newborn infant. If there's no outbreak though, there's no issue, and there's medication that very easily makes it never outbreak.
Good point. My wife actually did have that happen, and had a c-section for our first because of an outbreak.
Either way, none of this is (IMO) good reason to ignore a promising relationship, much less treat someone poorly. It might turn me away from a casual hookup, but I also don't do casual.
All this being said, I won't pretend that it isn't nice to no longer have to worry about it, or talking about it with new partners, since my wife and I don't have a sexual relationship anymore.
Can't say if I'd date them or not, but I'm pretty confident that I would feel uncomfortable about someone bringing up the STD they acquired through a traumatic rape on a first date.
I'd be in a place to be sympathetic to the situation and take it as seriously as it's presented, but it would be a serious mood killer and a bit of a red flag when you're just started to meet someone, in my eyes.
I'd be in a place to be sympathetic to the situation and take it as seriously as it's presented, but it would be a serious mood killer and a bit of a red flag when you're just started to meet someone, in my eyes.
No. It's a long story, but the short version is that we finally realized some important things about our relationship - incompatibilities that can't be fixed with communication - and have since discovered that removing the romantic/sexual part of our relationship makes all the rest work better. We'd have continued having sex otherwise (though we used protection and she's on a suppressant).
Yes, but I know exactly how it can affect your sex life even if you don't have it and don't care about getting it. Your partner will be self-conscious and maybe feel guilty, you can't just ignore that.
Bringing it up on the first date is a bit much, I guess bringing it up after a few dates and before the first encounter gets a bit old if you build up to it and get a few in a row that leave. I'm not a saint, if there was a few yellow flags this would be enough to turn a yellow into a red.
Bringing it up on the first date is a bit much, I guess bringing it up after a few dates and before the first encounter gets a bit old if you build up to it and get a few in a row that leave. I'm not a saint, if there was a few yellow flags this would be enough to turn a yellow into a red.
If it was someone I'm already in a multi-year long relationship with I probably wouldn't leave them I'd like to think.
But a stranger I have no emotional attachment to? Sorry, ain't risking it. Even if the chance of developing symptons is only like 5% or whatever.
Feel bad for the girl in the OP's story though.
But a stranger I have no emotional attachment to? Sorry, ain't risking it. Even if the chance of developing symptons is only like 5% or whatever.
Feel bad for the girl in the OP's story though.
Yep this. At least a few of you being dicks about it probably have it.
CDC doesn't even recommend testing for it unless you have symptoms.
Also, oral herpes rates are over 50 percent, and can transfer to the genitals.
So would y'all not date someone with "oral" herpes?
They are functionally the same and transfer between oral and genitals. You can get genital herpes on your mouth too.
It's so common more than half of you in this thread have herpes.
I feel the same way.
For all y'all saying no way and all that stuff, I hope you found your long-term partners already because the odds of you getting it only goes up exponentially with age. I also hope you never break up with your long-term partners because if you do may as well not have any kind of physical contact for sex again if you want to yourself completely safe from the chance.. In fact there's a good chance if you've ever kissed somebody you may even have the type 1 or type 2 kind as it is already.
People can have type 1 and type 2 with no visible symptoms showing for years, sometimes no symptoms showing ever. It turns out it's not a debilitating life-ending thing after all.
Also condoms reduce the risk of transmission not stop it all together considering any skin contact with the exposed area can transfer it.
Which is funny because HIV is probably more manageable than herpes is. Someone's whos is undetectable straight up can't transmit the virus.
Nope, and not ashamed to admit it.
Luckily I'm married to a hot wife, and we both guy tested before I started stretching those walls raw. :-)
Luckily I'm married to a hot wife, and we both guy tested before I started stretching those walls raw. :-)
Yeah, I don't see a problem with it as long as they're taking steps to reduce your risk of contracting it. It's a shame how herpes can completely wreck someone's dating life (not to mention their self-esteem), especially when you consider how many people have herpes (genital or otherwise).
Loads of people saying no they wouldn't because they've simply never had to. It's radically different when you're faced with the decision with someone you care about. My brother was in just such a scenario with his ex and went forward, the relationship ended up not working out, and he didn't get it (well the tests came back negative but apparently STD panels don't always catch it unless you're actively breaking out). She was on acyclovir, they even had unprotected sex once from what he told me. And then think about all the people who do have herpes and don't know it or do know it but say nothing. There's a reason that something like 1-5 of sexually active adults have it. Guarantee there's at least one person in this thread that has it but doesn't know they do, that's just how pervasive it is.
I'd likely take the opportunity to be as kind as I can to the woman in question, and I'd educate myself on the disease as much as possible. If I really liked her, I could see myself taking in all the relevant information and still deciding to be with her.
Even if I didn't, I definitely wouldn't be a dick to her, which is what it sounded like happened with her. There's certainly no reason we couldn't finish our current date, and I'd make sure she got home safe. And that'd probably be one person I'd make sure not to ghost on. If I'm not gonna be with her, I'd be as delicately honest about it as I could.
Even if I didn't, I definitely wouldn't be a dick to her, which is what it sounded like happened with her. There's certainly no reason we couldn't finish our current date, and I'd make sure she got home safe. And that'd probably be one person I'd make sure not to ghost on. If I'm not gonna be with her, I'd be as delicately honest about it as I could.
I wouldn't really have a problem with it. As long as the person is honest about if an outbreak occurs.
I get oral cold sores, and whenever I feel an outbreak occurring I let my fiancée know, and we just limit our touching for about a week. It's not a big deal.
I get oral cold sores, and whenever I feel an outbreak occurring I let my fiancée know, and we just limit our touching for about a week. It's not a big deal.
Big difference between date and marriage but yes sure I'd date her. At the very least I wouldn't strand her like a leper. Dude sounds like an asshole.
No, and I don't anyone is wrong to feel that way. People could be more tactful in how they let her down, assuming they were as blunt as she made it seem.
This is a big one . In our case here , dude was probably looking for the former.
From what I understand, a large number of Americans have genital herpes but have no signs of it. Isn't HPV, which is incredibly common, also related to the virus that causes herpes?
I also think it's pretty forward to tell someone on a first date that you were raped and got herpes. It's just something that, if I were on a first date with someone, and they told me during the date that they were raped and got herpes, it'd a very deep conversation to have on a first date. If someone told me that on a first date, I definitely wouldn't say "THIS DATE IS OVER" and storm out or something, but I'd be taken aback at how quickly they're sharing very deep, personal life struggles with me so early in a new relationship. Depending on how well the date was going otherwise that might give me reason to pause... I'd have to really be into the person to want to have that sort of conversation so quickly on a first date, like it'd have to be an amazing date.
No matter what though, I'd still finish the date and be nice about it. If the person invited me over insinuating sex I'd casually reject it, say that I can't, and a major reason for that would be herpes... My need for sex is less than my willingness to risk getting herpes on a first date.
That said if I'm willing to marry someone, then herpes is not a deal breaker for me. IF I'm marrying someone I'd imagine there's a lot that I love about this person, so whether they have herpes or not, whatever... Especially given how common it is. IF my partner, who I were planning to marry, were raped... then her contracting herpes would be insignificant to me, comparred to the trauma of a damn rape. But if I'm casually dating and someone told me on our first date that she had herpes ... they'd really have to have a lot of good qualities that outweigh other qualities. I wouldn't be mean about it or anything though.
I also think it's pretty forward to tell someone on a first date that you were raped and got herpes. It's just something that, if I were on a first date with someone, and they told me during the date that they were raped and got herpes, it'd a very deep conversation to have on a first date. If someone told me that on a first date, I definitely wouldn't say "THIS DATE IS OVER" and storm out or something, but I'd be taken aback at how quickly they're sharing very deep, personal life struggles with me so early in a new relationship. Depending on how well the date was going otherwise that might give me reason to pause... I'd have to really be into the person to want to have that sort of conversation so quickly on a first date, like it'd have to be an amazing date.
No matter what though, I'd still finish the date and be nice about it. If the person invited me over insinuating sex I'd casually reject it, say that I can't, and a major reason for that would be herpes... My need for sex is less than my willingness to risk getting herpes on a first date.
That said if I'm willing to marry someone, then herpes is not a deal breaker for me. IF I'm marrying someone I'd imagine there's a lot that I love about this person, so whether they have herpes or not, whatever... Especially given how common it is. IF my partner, who I were planning to marry, were raped... then her contracting herpes would be insignificant to me, comparred to the trauma of a damn rape. But if I'm casually dating and someone told me on our first date that she had herpes ... they'd really have to have a lot of good qualities that outweigh other qualities. I wouldn't be mean about it or anything though.
Guy seemed like an asshole.
But no I wouldn't and honestly the attitude alot of people have about STDs is disgusting. We shouldn't grow numb to infectious disease. STDs reach a new record high in America almost every year.
I don't even want to start on the minefield that is the dating scene in Atlanta. Alot of fucking people know they have certain shit and try to keep it a secret because they're "sure nothing will happen".
I don't want to have outkast's or anything like that but people need to get serious about STDs or the government needs to step in.
But no I wouldn't and honestly the attitude alot of people have about STDs is disgusting. We shouldn't grow numb to infectious disease. STDs reach a new record high in America almost every year.
I don't even want to start on the minefield that is the dating scene in Atlanta. Alot of fucking people know they have certain shit and try to keep it a secret because they're "sure nothing will happen".
I don't want to have outkast's or anything like that but people need to get serious about STDs or the government needs to step in.
I wouldn't be surprised if less than half do actually...less chance of exposure. Not trying to be super snarky, but based on the threads I've seen, some of y'all don't get out much.
I did recently. Met a cool girl a little while ago, and we really hit it off really fast. By the second or third date she told me about having genital herpes. I was pretty devastated but did my reasearch and decided to proceed forward.
It wasn't until until a few weeks after we got intimate that I found out she was incredibly ignorant on a lot of subjects (including HSV) and that really pushed me away. She didn't really take her medication and was pushing to switch to birth control from condoms, so I noped outta there.
I probably won't go that route again. The anxiety and fear of catching it, coupled with giving Oral Sex is nonexistent is really hard.
It wasn't until until a few weeks after we got intimate that I found out she was incredibly ignorant on a lot of subjects (including HSV) and that really pushed me away. She didn't really take her medication and was pushing to switch to birth control from condoms, so I noped outta there.
I probably won't go that route again. The anxiety and fear of catching it, coupled with giving Oral Sex is nonexistent is really hard.
How I learned to stop worrying and love the H Bomb.
Lol. For real I guess hsv ii is a bit more scary as less people have it, but hsv i rates are extemely high. Like some research is as high as 80+%.
And if hsv ii tranfers to the genitals, y'all better just not have any oral sex if you're that afraid of it. Functionally they are pretty much the exact same virus.
Lol. For real I guess hsv ii is a bit more scary as less people have it, but hsv i rates are extemely high. Like some research is as high as 80+%.
And if hsv ii tranfers to the genitals, y'all better just not have any oral sex if you're that afraid of it. Functionally they are pretty much the exact same virus.
Aren't you safe if you use protection?
What's horrible imo is the guy ending the date that way, he could have at least continued the date even if he wasn't going to have sex with her. The fuck is wrong with some people...
What's horrible imo is the guy ending the date that way, he could have at least continued the date even if he wasn't going to have sex with her. The fuck is wrong with some people...
Yea I mean, this.
Pretty sure the majority of Americans have HPV.
Nope. Was told after the first date and I said I can't do this and then ghosted. Sucks cause we lived in the same apartment building.
You can have the outbreak on your thighs, groin or other parts of the region that a condom doesn't protect you from...and it is transferred skin to skin.
So, no.
literally everyone has genital herpes. it's the same as canker soars that occasionally show up in your mouth. literally the only people without it are people who don't have sex. I don't even know if I have it but I'm going to assume I do and I get tested for aids which is negative.
Wouldn't really have a problem with that and would almost certainly keep things going.
To me, herpes is kinda like diamonds and DeBeers. Y'know, how diamonds aren't actually that rare at all and are really only so freakin' expensive because of an artificial monopoly and a brilliantly evil marketing campaign just told people that's the way it should be and if someone ain't coughing up the big bucks they just don't love you enough?
Similar deal with herpes. For the longest time, most people usually didn't care, which kinda makes sense since it's usually asymptomatic. It wasn't until a pharmaceutical company got involved and started to see potential big $$$ regarding stigmatizing even HSV-1 that all that started to change and that's where we're at now.
But anyway, even regardless of that, it's just do peculiar how people behave when the subject of heroes gets involved. Like for me personally it's not really a big enough deal for me to really care one way or the other whether I get it or not.
But for those that do care, for those that do put in the effort to avoid it, I find that effort fascinating. Because I'm just going to go ahead and guess that even among those that take particular effort to avoid herpes and would definitively answer the thread's question with a "no," that even among that group most people would probably not be GETTING THEIR YEARLY FLU VACCINATION!
'Cause y'know, with the flu being much, more serious than herpes would be for most people you would think that would mean that most people would be even more serious about doing whatever it takes to avoid any strain of influenza and if that just means getting one shot each year, so he it. But yet, instead, most people are so much more aloof and just kinda shrug their shoulders about it, especially, from my understanding, outside of the United States because from what I've heard flu vaccines have much less of a push in places like Europe?
Basically, what I'm getting at is the world would be a much, much better place if people put the effort they put into avoiding herpes into protecting themselves (and more importantly others via herd immunity) from the flu instead but alas. Human behavior is just baffling and bewildering that kinda way I guess. And clever bits of marketing don't really help with that.
To me, herpes is kinda like diamonds and DeBeers. Y'know, how diamonds aren't actually that rare at all and are really only so freakin' expensive because of an artificial monopoly and a brilliantly evil marketing campaign just told people that's the way it should be and if someone ain't coughing up the big bucks they just don't love you enough?
Similar deal with herpes. For the longest time, most people usually didn't care, which kinda makes sense since it's usually asymptomatic. It wasn't until a pharmaceutical company got involved and started to see potential big $$$ regarding stigmatizing even HSV-1 that all that started to change and that's where we're at now.
But anyway, even regardless of that, it's just do peculiar how people behave when the subject of heroes gets involved. Like for me personally it's not really a big enough deal for me to really care one way or the other whether I get it or not.
But for those that do care, for those that do put in the effort to avoid it, I find that effort fascinating. Because I'm just going to go ahead and guess that even among those that take particular effort to avoid herpes and would definitively answer the thread's question with a "no," that even among that group most people would probably not be GETTING THEIR YEARLY FLU VACCINATION!
'Cause y'know, with the flu being much, more serious than herpes would be for most people you would think that would mean that most people would be even more serious about doing whatever it takes to avoid any strain of influenza and if that just means getting one shot each year, so he it. But yet, instead, most people are so much more aloof and just kinda shrug their shoulders about it, especially, from my understanding, outside of the United States because from what I've heard flu vaccines have much less of a push in places like Europe?
Basically, what I'm getting at is the world would be a much, much better place if people put the effort they put into avoiding herpes into protecting themselves (and more importantly others via herd immunity) from the flu instead but alas. Human behavior is just baffling and bewildering that kinda way I guess. And clever bits of marketing don't really help with that.
If I was on a date with a girl, and they told me that story, I would absolutely not end the date because of it. Honestly that is horrifying, she's basically being revictimized every time this happens to her.
Even if she had contracted herpes through consensual sex it wouldn't matter to me, but given the context that is just so much worse.
Even if she had contracted herpes through consensual sex it wouldn't matter to me, but given the context that is just so much worse.
