WritersEra |OT| Publish before you die, writing writer writes

[Randomly Generated]

"Said" is one of those words that's pretty much invisible to a lot of readers, which is why you're told to use it instead of shout, whisper, etc., but if you're worried about a bunch of them in a row Dary's advice is good. Drop the odd one and add in the odd action to break it up.

 

[Nappuccino]

I need a more natural way for delivering dialogue dammit, I think I am too rigid with it. I'll just write things like:
"lalal," he said.
"LOLOLOL," she said.

For two pages straight. I need a better way to decor it... or would that work? Argh, I am not sure :(

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Don't forget to let us know what the characters are thinking/experiencing. I find my characters are more interesting when what they think is different from what they say.

I also tend to use dialogue minimally. Often I keep exchanges to 3 or four lines max, so the dialogue has real weight. Sometimes I think of it like punctuation after a longer idea/paragraph.

 

[Dary]

Aside from consulting the obvious sources (other authors' prose, real life), you can also draw inspiration from film. Study how shots are framed and scenes paced. Conversation rarely happens in a vacuum.

 

[ODD]

Well if it was me this is what I would have done to celebrate;

Congrats on winning!

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Congrats!

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Very cool!

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Thanks, guys! :D

 

[Relix]

Thanks for the tips guys :). I usually lean dialogue heavy on my stuff...to me it feels ... natural? I'll see how I can spruce things up.

 

[Relix]

In other news I finally took the courage of sending a manuscript I finished back in 2015 to a beta reader. Will be the first time someone reads it outside myself. This is tense as fuck.

 

[ODD]

Thanks for the tips guys :). I usually lean dialogue heavy on my stuff...to me it feels ... natural? I'll see how I can spruce things up.

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I usually do the same as it seems easier for me to let the words of the characters to do the hard work rather than my own words (as weird as it sounds). But "the right way" doesn't exist. For example, Chuck Palahniuk says that it is best to avoid exposing what a character is thinking, he recommends that you should not dwell inside a character's mind, to avoid the "he thought", but Nappuccino, for example, likes to know what the characters are thinking. Is he wrong because Chuck Palahniuk says that you shouldn't do that? I don't think so. I mean, there are many ways of telling a story, and some might work for you while others will not. For example, Isaac Asimov is regarded as the greatest sci-fi writer, but I really dislike his writing style, while I enjoy Arthur C. Clarke a lot, or Frank Herbert. But if I could emulate one or two writers, the ones with the "flow" that pleases me the most, I'd try to emulate JK Rowling, Stephen King and Joe Hill. My God, the other day I read "The Fireman", by Joe Hill, and it blew my mind how well written it is (for my taste).

 

[Deleted member 3815]

Today progress on chapter 13 started slow but went smoothly towards later in the evening, to the point that I actually felt happy the process as I usually tend to feel iffy when I start it.
I haven't finished it but my biggest challenge is to try and make sure that chapter 13 word count doesn't go to high but I also don't want to split the chapter up as I feel that I only need 2-3 chapters to finish act one of my novel.

Using character actions is an option - for example:
She nodded. "Yes, but -"
He started to get up, then thought better of it. "No, because -"

If you intersperse this with he/she/they said it breaks the flow of dialogue up quite effectively.

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I will need to remember this when I come to the editing process.

I usually lean dialogue heavy on my stuff...to me it feels ... natural?

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I am the same, though when I redid the first chapter I heavily cut down the dialogue. It wasn't something that I was actively planned to do but I felt it fitted for that chapter.

 

[FlowersisBritish]

Has anyone else had similar experiences with picking up old plans and seeing them in a new light?

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My first completed novel was an old Nano I abandoned, picked up again, abandoned again, picked up again and I was only really able to finish it thanks to having a plot outline all the way to its ending. Then, I got to a really crucial point, the moment where it entered its third act, and I had a lot of trouble getting to where I needed characters to get to emotionally for it to work. So I looked over the plot points I had for the last act, realized they were fucking EDGY, and then ended up having my MC in that scene, make fun of what would have been the original ending scene and I ended up writing a very different last act. In large part because the tone of the novel had shifted from very dark to a much lighter tone (You could say the same about me).

Personal growth is a thing that happens to you, embrace it, lean in on it.

I need a more natural way for delivering dialogue dammit, I think I am too rigid with it. I'll just write things like:
"lalal," he said.
"LOLOLOL," she said.

For two pages straight. I need a better way to decor it... or would that work? Argh, I am not sure :(

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Couple little things I've learned about dialogue over the years:

• Once you establish a consistent flow of He Said, she said, He Said, yada yada. You don't really need Dialogue tags unless the conversation goes on from one end of the page to the other, in which case, a reminder on the other side might be good.
• Sometimes He mumbled, she hissed works, but in extreme moderation. Too many of them and it makes your dialgoue look silly, and honestly, I wouldn't even use over 'said' unless it was really important and I can't quite get across their tone of voice in another way.
• Actions are great ways to spruce up conversations. Have your characters do small thing like "He drank his coffee." or "She tapped her fingers along the table" They work the same as dialogue tags and break up the monotony very well.
• Try to keep all your dialogue on one said as in "Blah Blah" to the left and "she said" to the right. It looks jarring if you reverse that (Disclaimer: I'm currently experimenting with reversing that, so remember there are no rules technically.)
• Saying conversations aloud always helps. Be sure to pay attention to your annunciations as people don't usually talk like the narration.

I'm not like an expert on dialogue, these are just things that have really helped me in the past.

Guys, I'm freaking out. My book is one of the five sci-fi finalists (in Portuguese) of the SweekStars contest. I don't know how to react to this.

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Dude congrats! Being a finalist for anything is fucking amazing!

 

[ODD]

Dude congrats! Being a finalist for anything is fucking amazing!

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Thanks, bro! :D

 

[zulux21]

My random question for the day.

I am planning on splitting the cast, and while split each of the main cast are going to have significant solo events at the same time (to be precise they are going through some sort of trial).

As a reader do you prefer

A. Each of the events to be completed in full before moving onto the next.
or
B. At logical stopping points jump from one event to the next.

the first has the benefit of allowing the reader to stay with the story from start to finish, but the downside that time spent with the other characters will be spaced out quite a bit.

the second has the benefit of telling the story at around the same time giving you a bit of each as they head towards resolution. but can leave the reader waiting for resolution on a story they care about for a while.

I have already implemented the second choice once already, and I felt like it turned out fairly decently, but part of my reason for doing that was because some events from one character triggered other things for the other characters so I wanted to get all the scene set up done for each scene before the resolutions so those major triggers could carry over more closely between each story to help it flow.

in this case the stories are more independent so I am leaning towards the first style of just telling it all (the group can't move on until everyone finishes). That being said for the trail each story could be broken into 3 parts easily (set up, main trial, resolution ideally with each part around 5k words) and giving more time to breathe between the parts might help the reader feel what the characters are going through so I have reasons to break it up as well.

As a reader myself I am not sure what I prefer. I mean using one piece as an example, it's great to stick with characters for a long time, but when you get to parts you don't enjoy it's all the longer until you get to something you care more about. Meanwhile when they are jumping around more then you don't have that issue but you often have a ton of teases that take forever to resolve @_@.

 

[ODD]

My random question for the day.

I am planning on splitting the cast, and while split each of the main cast are going to have significant solo events at the same time (to be precise they are going through some sort of trial).

As a reader do you prefer

A. Each of the events to be completed in full before moving onto the next.
or
B. At logical stopping points jump from one event to the next.

the first has the benefit of allowing the reader to stay with the story from start to finish, but the downside that time spent with the other characters will be spaced out quite a bit.

the second has the benefit of telling the story at around the same time giving you a bit of each as they head towards resolution. but can leave the reader waiting for resolution on a story they care about for a while.

I have already implemented the second choice once already, and I felt like it turned out fairly decently, but part of my reason for doing that was because some events from one character triggered other things for the other characters so I wanted to get all the scene set up done for each scene before the resolutions so those major triggers could carry over more closely between each story to help it flow.

in this case the stories are more independent so I am leaning towards the first style of just telling it all (the group can't move on until everyone finishes). That being said for the trail each story could be broken into 3 parts easily (set up, main trial, resolution ideally with each part around 5k words) and giving more time to breathe between the parts might help the reader feel what the characters are going through so I have reasons to break it up as well.

As a reader myself I am not sure what I prefer. I mean using one piece as an example, it's great to stick with characters for a long time, but when you get to parts you don't enjoy it's all the longer until you get to something you care more about. Meanwhile when they are jumping around more then you don't have that issue but you often have a ton of teases that take forever to resolve @_@.

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Why not a middle ground between the two? The problem with the first option is that if you spend a lot of pages without mentioning certain characters, the reader might forget who exactly they are and what they were doing before. The problem with the second option is that if you throw too many characters at once it might get confusing, like "wait, who is this guy again?"

EDIT: actually, the problem with the second approach that I mentioned might not happen because the characters will be on different scenes/locations, right?

 

[Fable]

I prefer the second option as a reader and it's what I do when I write as well. As a reader what inevitably happens is the character I like the most is in the second story, but by the time we get to them I've spent so much time with the first batch that I know them better, like them more, and just don't care about the second batch anymore.

 

[Dedication Through Light]

B. At logical stopping points jump from one event to the next.

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I would prefer one of them take over 75-90% of the attention while the rest is occasionally focused on the other group. Then in a future volume, give them occasional flashbacks to what happened.

 

[Butt-shot Katana]

My random question for the day.

I am planning on splitting the cast, and while split each of the main cast are going to have significant solo events at the same time (to be precise they are going through some sort of trial).

As a reader do you prefer

A. Each of the events to be completed in full before moving onto the next.
or
B. At logical stopping points jump from one event to the next.

the first has the benefit of allowing the reader to stay with the story from start to finish, but the downside that time spent with the other characters will be spaced out quite a bit.

the second has the benefit of telling the story at around the same time giving you a bit of each as they head towards resolution. but can leave the reader waiting for resolution on a story they care about for a while.

I have already implemented the second choice once already, and I felt like it turned out fairly decently, but part of my reason for doing that was because some events from one character triggered other things for the other characters so I wanted to get all the scene set up done for each scene before the resolutions so those major triggers could carry over more closely between each story to help it flow.

in this case the stories are more independent so I am leaning towards the first style of just telling it all (the group can't move on until everyone finishes). That being said for the trail each story could be broken into 3 parts easily (set up, main trial, resolution ideally with each part around 5k words) and giving more time to breathe between the parts might help the reader feel what the characters are going through so I have reasons to break it up as well.

As a reader myself I am not sure what I prefer. I mean using one piece as an example, it's great to stick with characters for a long time, but when you get to parts you don't enjoy it's all the longer until you get to something you care more about. Meanwhile when they are jumping around more then you don't have that issue but you often have a ton of teases that take forever to resolve @_@.

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I go with B. I jump because the cliffhangers can bounce off one another. However, every time I switch a POV, I now title the switch with the POV character's name beneath the chapter or scene title. I even have one character that is really someone else and when the change is revealed, I have *character name*? Then next time I go to them, I have the old name in strikethrough and the real character name in a slightly larger font.

 

[Dary]

I usually focus on one thing at a time, because I hate ADD stories that pinball all over the place. It's also easier to maintain a level of...emotional consistency, thematic consistency when you're not jumping track between two (or more) conflicting tones (although, at the same time, you can use this to your advantage if the two sides juxtapose or inform one another).

 

[Hampig]

My random question for the day.

I am planning on splitting the cast, and while split each of the main cast are going to have significant solo events at the same time (to be precise they are going through some sort of trial).

As a reader do you prefer

A. Each of the events to be completed in full before moving onto the next.
or
B. At logical stopping points jump from one event to the next.

the first has the benefit of allowing the reader to stay with the story from start to finish, but the downside that time spent with the other characters will be spaced out quite a bit.

the second has the benefit of telling the story at around the same time giving you a bit of each as they head towards resolution. but can leave the reader waiting for resolution on a story they care about for a while.

I have already implemented the second choice once already, and I felt like it turned out fairly decently, but part of my reason for doing that was because some events from one character triggered other things for the other characters so I wanted to get all the scene set up done for each scene before the resolutions so those major triggers could carry over more closely between each story to help it flow.

in this case the stories are more independent so I am leaning towards the first style of just telling it all (the group can't move on until everyone finishes). That being said for the trail each story could be broken into 3 parts easily (set up, main trial, resolution ideally with each part around 5k words) and giving more time to breathe between the parts might help the reader feel what the characters are going through so I have reasons to break it up as well.

As a reader myself I am not sure what I prefer. I mean using one piece as an example, it's great to stick with characters for a long time, but when you get to parts you don't enjoy it's all the longer until you get to something you care more about. Meanwhile when they are jumping around more then you don't have that issue but you often have a ton of teases that take forever to resolve @_@.

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The thing about jumping between two stories, is that it puts a lot more pressure on each chapter. If there's one storyline that's at a climax and leaves off at a small cliffhanger so the other storyline can pick up, unless that second storyline is also already at an interesting part, it sucks. It changes that wild ride up and down you'd get with one story into a stop and go that can really easily kill the momentum imo. I think it's possible to do this well, but more often I feel it's done poorly.

 

[Seeya]

The thing about jumping between two stories, is that it puts a lot more pressure on each chapter. If there's one storyline that's at a climax and leaves off at a small cliffhanger so the other storyline can pick up, unless that second storyline is also already at an interesting part, it sucks. It changes that wild ride up and down you'd get with one story into a stop and go that can really easily kill the momentum imo. I think it's possible to do this well, but more often I feel it's done poorly.

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You could always do maybe a 60/40 or 70/30 split to start while giving one plot lines characters the more emotional beats and the other the more situation beats (or alternating them). You could then end the 'side' plot-line on a cliff hanger as it were before having the groups join up again. That way it gives the reader a tension when they aren't cutting back as well as a mini mystery that can be filled in selectively or over time when the two groups rejoin.

 

[FlowersisBritish]

For me, I guess it depends on how long each trial is/where you plan on stopping. I'd usually prefer the first, but if they're long trails (specifically with like multiple stages to completion or something) switching off when it feels like a big achievement happened within the trial would be best.

 

[zulux21]

Thank you for all the responses, it has given me plenty to think about as I head into planning for this next arc.
I do realize I forgot to mention that this is a long running series and all the characters involved are well established main characters thus for something like DD Power's response I am not to worried about people forgetting the characters.

again though, thanks for the responses. I read them all, am now sitting here processing them, and thinking about them.

 

[ODD]

Top 10 Fantasy Writing Tips From 'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin

 

[zulux21]

Top 10 Fantasy Writing Tips From 'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin

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I don't like game of thrones the TV show, but I am starting to think I really should sit down and read them.
his mindset in that is almost exactly what my mindset is as I approach my story @_@

thanks for posting that, was a good read... especially since a some advice for normal story writing doesn't apply well with the more epic writing I do.

 

[Flow]

If anyone is interested in writing for a Film site that does spotlights, articles, and reviews on Film/Tv let me know. We just started this week. It is a non profit site, but it was designed in mind for anyone to get something published on it as long as they met the criteria.

 

[AngmarsKing701]

Top 10 Fantasy Writing Tips From 'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin

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Tip 1: Stop writing list articles and, you know, write.

We're looking at you, GRRM.

 

[Nappuccino]

Tip 1: Stop writing list articles and, you know, write.

We're looking at you, GRRM.

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If that was one of George's tips, he'd have another book by now.

 

[zulux21]

Tip 1: Stop writing list articles and, you know, write.

We're looking at you, GRRM.

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This is part of the reason I want to finish my story before I even look into publishing it.
That way there is no long hiatus between books lol.
Though ideally a 5 book buffer will be enough to make sure I stay ahead.

 

[Dary]

Top 10 Fantasy Writing Tips From 'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin

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One of the most important things, which GRRM touches on a few times in that list, is to find inspiration outside of the genre. All too often, people want to write a story derived from one they enjoy, but only ever mimic the surface details - writing a medieval fantasy about a vengeance-driven queen of dragons, for example, rather than a fantastical take on the War of the Roses.

 

[Randomly Generated]

I'm curious, does anyone here write plays?

 

[EdibleKnife]

Anyone worked on any interactive fiction/text games before? I'm completely new to Twine and still on the look out for the best resources for using it and inserting unique elements into your game by code.

I'm curious, does anyone here write plays?

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I'm actually really interested in this too. Looking back on my life, one thing I wish I went into at a young age was theater instead of choir to learn play-writing fundamentals

 

[zulux21]

Anyone worked on any interactive fiction/text games before? I'm completely new to Twine and still on the look out for the best resources for using it and inserting unique elements into your game by code.



I'm actually really interested in this too. Looking back on my life, one thing I wish I went into at a young age was theater instead of choir to learn play-writing fundamentals

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I mean I have worked on a Visual Novel idea for a bit with multiple routes, but I haven't used Twine before.
I also didn't get super far, it only took a few days of work and like 10k words for me to realize that the freedom I wanted to give ballooned the scope of the project well beyond what I wanted to do lol.

Even with just three main routes, the branching paths going there was a huge head ache to write it all.

when I was doing this I was messing around with Ren'Py https://www.renpy.org/why.html
I was also messing around with TyranoBiulder http://store.steampowered.com/app/345370/TyranoBuilder_Visual_Novel_Studio/

both of which would let me do the story without to much needed coding, would just need to insert the text, and direct where the pages go and eventually add art.

Don't know if any of that helps at all though ^^;

 

[Randomly Generated]

Anyone worked on any interactive fiction/text games before? I'm completely new to Twine and still on the look out for the best resources for using it and inserting unique elements into your game by code.



I'm actually really interested in this too. Looking back on my life, one thing I wish I went into at a young age was theater instead of choir to learn play-writing fundamentals

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Heh, Twine was the other thing I wanted to ask about here. Great minds.

I've been trying on and off to make a video game for a while but I'm wondering if something like Twine is better for me.

 

[EdibleKnife]

I mean I have worked on a Visual Novel idea for a bit with multiple routes, but I haven't used Twine before.
I also didn't get super far, it only took a few days of work and like 10k words for me to realize that the freedom I wanted to give ballooned the scope of the project well beyond what I wanted to do lol.

Even with just three main routes, the branching paths going there was a huge head ache to write it all.

when I was doing this I was messing around with Ren'Py https://www.renpy.org/why.html
I was also messing around with TyranoBiulder http://store.steampowered.com/app/345370/TyranoBuilder_Visual_Novel_Studio/

both of which would let me do the story without to much needed coding, would just need to insert the text, and direct where the pages go and eventually add art.

Don't know if any of that helps at all though ^^;

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It actually does help haha
Knew about Ren'Py but not Tyrano. Those might be good engines to experiment on. And I understand how you feel. Even shorter visual novels like Doki Doki Literature Club, I have to step back and realize that it was probably a lot shorter than something like DanganRonpa because of the metric tonne of work that goes into just a few basic story elements.

Heh, Twine was the other thing I wanted to ask about here. Great minds.

I've been trying on and off to make a video game for a while but I'm wondering if something like Twine is better for me.

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LOL Yeah I felt the same way about using it as a way to get my gaming ideas satisfied. Experiencing 80 Days and Sunless Sea just solidified that text can be just as engaging as a game that can melt your PC

 

[zulux21]

It actually does help haha
Knew about Ren'Py but not Tyrano. Those might be good engines to experiment on. And I understand how you feel. Even shorter visual novels like Doki Doki Literature Club, I have to step back and realize that it was probably a lot shorter than something like DanganRonpa because of the metric tonne of work that goes into just a few basic story elements.



LOL Yeah I felt the same way about using it as a way to get my gaming ideas satisfied. Experiencing 80 Days and Sunless Sea just solidified that text can be just as engaging as a game that can melt your PC

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there is also visual novel maker, (from the rpg maker people) but it is more expensive and I don't have experience with it http://store.steampowered.com/app/495480/Visual_Novel_Maker/

but yeah... branching story lines scale up in tasks quickly. Any major choice, unless you have it leading back to the main route is effectively another story you have to write.

so if you say have a 1 hour game from start to finish if there are no choices that becomes just a 1 hour story.
if 5 minutes in you have a single branch that leads to different paths, that becomes 1 hour and 55 minutes of story.
if 5 minutes later each of those branches have choices it then becomes a 3 hour and 35min story ect.

it goes crazy quickly @_@ if you loop choices back obviously it doesn't add quite as much but for the idea I was working on there were three main routes and then with in each of those routes good and bad endings @_@

 

[Xagarath]

Anyone worked on any interactive fiction/text games before? I'm completely new to Twine and still on the look out for the best resources for using it and inserting unique elements into your game by code.

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I'm doing some work on this at present, but not in Twine or Renpy - it's another dedicated script

 

[Deleted member 3815]

So I spent last week writing chapter 13, I then quickly realised that it might become too long and debated if I should end it early and continue it onto the next chapter and by Wednesday evening I was stumped.

I then woke up on Thursday with my brain clogged with new ideas for a future novels and it was distracting me from my current project, since chapter 13 was stumping me I spent Thursday and Friday jotting down the notes and just added the final touch today.

With my brain clear I decided to finish chapter 13, I only added a few more lines and I felt that it was right to end it there and begin a new chapter, so I made layout plans for chapter 14, which I will tackle on Monday as I taking the rest of the day and Sunday off from writing and relax as I am still on target.

Top 10 Fantasy Writing Tips From 'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin

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Really useful tips there.

 

[zulux21]

So I spent last week writing chapter 13, I then quickly realised that it might become too long and debated if I should end it early and continue it onto the next chapter and by Wednesday evening I was stumped.

I then woke up on Thursday with my brain clogged with new ideas for a future novels and it was distracting me from my current project, since chapter 13 was stumping me I spent Thursday and Friday jotting down the notes and just added the final touch today.

With my brain clear I decided to finish chapter 13, I only added a few more lines and I felt that it was right to end it there and begin a new chapter, so I made layout plans for chapter 14, which I will tackle on Monday as I taking the rest of the day and Sunday off from writing and relax as I am still on target.



Really useful tips there.

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my current plan of action is just to include everything I want to cover in every scene and when I get to editing I will trim things down :P

 

[Deleted member 7430]

2028 Cover 2 — because my last cover looked like it was drawn by a 5 year old.

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[Deleted member 3815]

my current plan of action is just to include everything I want to cover in every scene and when I get to editing I will trim things down :P

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That's actually what caused the internal conflict as one side of my brain was "screw it write it and we will edit it later bitches" while my other side was "I dunno man it feels like a full compete chapter" and my brain was like "you two idiots are wasting time so I am out of here planning on a future novel so I was like this;

 

[Deleted member 7430]

So I spent last week writing chapter 13, I then quickly realised that it might become too long and debated if I should end it early and continue it onto the next chapter and by Wednesday evening I was stumped.

I then woke up on Thursday with my brain clogged with new ideas for a future novels and it was distracting me from my current project, since chapter 13 was stumping me I spent Thursday and Friday jotting down the notes and just added the final touch today.

With my brain clear I decided to finish chapter 13, I only added a few more lines and I felt that it was right to end it there and begin a new chapter, so I made layout plans for chapter 14, which I will tackle on Monday as I taking the rest of the day and Sunday off from writing and relax as I am still on target.



Really useful tips there.

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Rest is good.

 

[AngmarsKing701]

I published The Knight's Journal IV on Kindle today. This is the final collection. The King Arthur origins story with a Princess Bride sense of humor is now complete. My final task will be getting the paperback of the collection finished off.

Gotta figure out what to write next. Haven't really settled on that yet.

 

[Deleted member 7430]

I published The Knight's Journal IV on Kindle today. This is the final collection. The King Arthur origins story with a Princess Bride sense of humor is now complete. My final task will be getting the paperback of the collection finished off.

Gotta figure out what to write next. Haven't really settled on that yet.

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Congratulations!

 

[zulux21]

That's actually what caused the internal conflict as one side of my brain was "screw it write it and we will edit it later bitches" while my other side was "I dunno man it feels like a full compete chapter" and my brain was like "you two idiots are wasting time so I am out of here planning on a future novel so I was like this;

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it's the benefit of writing 1k words a night, even if it is a wasted chapter it's only a few days wasted :P

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

2028 Cover 2 — because my last cover looked like it was drawn by a 5 year old.

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I'll be honest, I like the other cover more. It's not great, but it feels like it's not great for a reason. This one is just unattractive.

 

[Deleted member 7430]

I'll be honest, I like the other cover more. It's not great, but it feels like it's not great for a reason. This one is just unattractive.

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Is it the poo?

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Is it the poo?

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It's a bit of everything. The font looks like Word art, the dog is poorly cropped, I'm guessing "from" should be "for."

I think there was some whimsy to the other cover.

I mean, if you have a third option I'd like to see it.

What your big problem--in my eyes--is, is the summary. It's a ton of names and no hook. Your second paragraph has this passage about how hte police NEED crime families to help maintain order, which is pretty interesting. I think that info should be in your summary somewhere. Help paint the dystopia.

 

[Deleted member 7430]

It's a bit of everything. The font looks like Word art, the dog is poorly cropped, I'm guessing "from" should be "for."

I think there was some whimsy to the other cover.

I mean, if you have a third option I'd like to see it.

What your big problem--in my eyes--is, is the summary. It's a ton of names and no hook. Your second paragraph has this passage about how hte police NEED crime families to help maintain order, which is pretty interesting. I think that info should be in your summary somewhere. Help paint the dystopia.

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How did I, and four other people, miss the word "from"

Wow. Thank you. There is a third cover in the works, but will take a little more time.

 

[Fable]

I have no idea what genre this is supposed to be based on your cover. Is it comedy? Have you tried looking at the covers in your genre and going from there?

 

[Dary]

Yeah, the blurb and the cover are complete opposition: the former sounds like a 1980's dystopian action film along the lines of Mad Max or Escape from New York, whilst the cover, eh...yeah.

To be blunt, my first impressions based on the cover are along the lines of "this looks like something a twelve year old put together in Microsoft Paint". If you don't have the design skills - or the money to afford someone else's - you're probably better off going for something simple.

Also, you're not going to sell much when you're charging $8.99 for an ebook (let along the $11.99 RRP...).

 

[ODD]

I decided to start writing a little kids comedy book yesterday. Spent the whole day to write the first two paragraphs. The clock ticks 11 pm and suddenly I have 4 entire pages before midnight. Do you guys have this same problem, being able to write only at a certain time, even though you have the whole day for that? For me the it is the most silent and calm moment of the day, plus I see midnight as some kind of deadline.

 

[Dary]

I decided to start writing a little kids comedy book yesterday. Spent the whole day to write the first two paragraphs. The clock ticks 11 pm and suddenly I have 4 entire pages before midnight. Do you guys have this same problem, being able to write only at a certain time, even though you have the whole day for that? For me the it is the most silent and calm moment of the day, plus I see midnight as some kind of deadline.

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It's completely normal - I have a book somewhere about the time-keeping habits of various artists across the ages, and a fair few are night owls. Hunter S Thompson always comes to mind, as he wouldn't wake up until 3pm in the afternoon...