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You've been kidnapped by a group of international terrorists, which government agent do you choose to rescue you?

Choose your rescuer


  • Total voters
    373

BossAttack

Member
Oct 27, 2017
17,752
Background:

  • You are the primary target for rescue. So, you don't have to worry about being left to die because it'll allow the agent to track the terrorists to their home base or nuclear weapon or whatever. However, this also means that collateral damage is not an issue. If you are taken with any family members, you are the sole target for rescue so they may be sacrificed for your rescue.
  • Any and all damage is authorized for your rescue including destroying entire nations to secure your release.
  • Agent comes with their support team, if they have any.
  • Terrorists cannot be reasoned with to hand you over.
  • Terrorists will kill you in 48 hours if you are not rescued.
  • Terrorists are at least a dozen led by an intelligent, multi-lingual antagonist with at least one PhD.
  • Batman is not a government agent. So, he cannot be relied upon.

Reminders:
  • Jack Bauer failed to stop the POTUS from being killed in a stealth bomber attack, failed to rescue the President of Iran, and generally fails to save his love interests.
  • James Bond may be too distracted by boobies to help you.
  • Jack Ryan is totally just an analyst.
  • John McClane is just an NYPD cop, and no one really ever believes him or helps him until it's too late.
  • Harry Tasker got his own family targeted.
 
Oct 25, 2017
13,612
Austria
I'm not a sexy lady so James Bond wouldn't give a fuck about me
I'm not a bottle of vodka so Bruce Willis wouldn't care either
I have been critical of america in the past so Jack Bauer would probably waterboard me
I don't know who Archer is
I guess I'm going with Harry Tasker?
 

Nameless

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,579
Jack Bauer with Chloe, Bill, and Tony providing support from CTU. Good as rescued as long as I don't do something boneheaded.

Hell with rogue Jack I'm as good as rescued.
 
Oct 28, 2017
12,290
California
Reminders:
  • Jack Bauer failed to stop the POTUS from being killed in a stealth bomber attack, failed to rescue the President of Iran, and generally fails to save his love interests.
  • James Bond may be too distracted by boobies to help you.
  • Jack Ryan is totally just an analyst.
  • John McClane is just an NYPD cop, and no one really ever believes him or helps him until it's too late.
 

HStallion

Member
Oct 25, 2017
30,672
Get me John Matrix. Not only will he rescue me, he'll demolish the entire country in the process making sure they don't kidnap anyone ever again. All this while dropping one liners.
 
Oct 29, 2017
4,944
As the hostage there is always a 50-50 chance to get shot in these action films. You make it alive but you still have to endure the pain.

Honestly just bring the goddamn dolphin.