Well, yeah, of course you wouldn't know that right away. But, on finding out that she didn't like you - would you still want a relationship with her knowing that?
I guess I just think of things differently, I don't know.
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Well, yeah, of course you wouldn't know that right away. But, on finding out that she didn't like you - would you still want a relationship with her knowing that?
I guess I just think of things differently, I don't know.
Sometimes people grow to like other people. Lots of girls hate me right off the bat but I grow on them. The oppsite is also true.
But in the dating game you usually look for more instant gratification so it's hard to grow on anyone when you can't get a second date.
But in the dating game you usually look for more instant gratification so it's hard to grow on anyone when you can't get a second date.
Yeah I'm pretty sure he just found out that she wasn't interested in him. Hence why your comment comes off as callous and rude. Also pretty sure he doesn't want a relationship with her anymore, he's lamenting on the fact that she has a lot of attractive qualities and would have liked a relationship if she reciprocated interest.
Just because a girl doesn't like you doesn't mean you automatically don't like her anymore. You can still be attracted to her, you can still like her personality, etc. How do you explain crushes? Obviously if you find out she doesn't like you you move on but they can still be your type. Maybe what you really mean is that if someone doesn't like you, then it wasn't meant to be. That's different.
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This right here. That's exactly how I feel.
Plenty of people will be your type of being hot and intelligent and just into the same stuff as you. There's bound to be thousands who are just your type. People aren't unicorns. Sucks now that the liking wasn't reciprocated but it happens. It's surprising but an amazing realisation so you don't have to be heartbroken that one of them didn't work out. No such thing as "the one" in the whole world. That's the beauty of the human race!
Just to comment on the 2 weeks thing I would say that I agree 2 weeks is a killer but if the other person likes you they'll keep up communication. I had a similar thing going on where girl bailed on our first date cause shit "came up" (I know) and she wanted to reschedyle so I was like w/e and didnt engage. Thanksgiving was the week after so we didn't talk (Canadian, our turkey day is in Oct) but she messaged me after to get the convo rolling ago.
It didn't work out with her in the end but if the person likes you they'll hit you up is the main point. As a guy you can toss up a feeler mid week just to gauge (have something somewhat interesting to talk about though) but otherwise you have to let the girl engage you. If you push too much you just scare people off.
I know err one wants it to work out but you have to let shit simmer. Too much talking can get you in trouble when your standing woulda been fine if you just chilled.
It didn't work out with her in the end but if the person likes you they'll hit you up is the main point. As a guy you can toss up a feeler mid week just to gauge (have something somewhat interesting to talk about though) but otherwise you have to let the girl engage you. If you push too much you just scare people off.
I know err one wants it to work out but you have to let shit simmer. Too much talking can get you in trouble when your standing woulda been fine if you just chilled.
Your type can also change, if your limiting youself to a certain look or a checklist of must haves then your artificially shrinking your dating pool. It would be crazy if you selected your friends through a checklist so why subject the women you are looking to date to fit one.
Thanks guys. My types are actually very varied lol. But she was the first that was into certain stuff I liked. She was also the first fit girl I've dated in so goddamn long. I'm kinda shallow when it comes to that. But anyway, yeah. I won't text her at all until the week after thanksgiving to ask her how it went and if she still wants to do anything. If she texts me before then, that's great but I won't hold my breath.
So I realized something today, well not really today it's something I've known about my whole life. I am incredibly insecure, lack self confidence, and in general don't feel "good enough" for almost anyone. Now logically that's probably not true, I mean I'm a cancer survivor, own my own business, wouldn't call myself ugly, and just in general think I'm smarter than your average bear. My problem is I don't have any appreciation for ...... well anything that involves social settings. I don't like to drink, I do own my own business that kind of keeps me at home, and I hate the part of conversations where you find just the boring "chitter chatter".
My ideal world is me finding someone that actually pushes my boundaries. However my interactions with women of the opposite sex mainly involve me looking at their profile online, maybe sending 1 or 2 messages out in a week, and then really just pining over girls that are all too pretty, too sophisticated, to outgoing and fun to be interested in me (obviously this is all perceived). So in the off chance that almost any girl throws attention my way I tend to latch onto and make it work. Which obviously hasn't really done me well in the past. Surviving cancer doesn't really help my situation either. I too often want to move somebody on to being the "one", because I really don't want to waste the rest of my life searching for that person. I know that time flows very quickly and you never know if your promised tomorrow; so I just want to "get it over with" and find the person to move on with in life. Most of my conversations with people I know are about just how shitty the world is, science fiction/fantasy type movies and shows, or about space and the universe. All stuff that I know is not really conversation, that well really anybody I know want's to have!
It's not like I'm completely inept at conversation, I've done it before and part of my business is literally making small talk, its just that if you sit me down for a half hour, I don't want to talk about the weather, and most girls aren't interested in Football. I'm one of those people that just know's too many random useless facts and I guess it gets grating. To make it even worse I've never really been the "gorgeous guy" and that bothers me greatly, and makes me incredibly self doubtful. I mean I've had what i would call cute girlfriends, and a crazy ex or 2 (one of them might end up reading this, she googled my username and found me on gaf a month or 2 ago) have told me, but I don't feel it; ever. I'm insecure about my weight, insecure about the things in my life, and just in general lack what I would call confidence.
I've tried doing the research, I've tried going to the gym, but it always seem's like something comes up. This last time about 2 weeks ago I was at the gym doing my workout routine and got incredibly dizzy, to the point where I almost couldn't walk out the gym; I don't think its anything serious, but it scared me from going back for a few days. Which is always the default answer on any dating website anyway. Go to the gym, you'll feel better; well I've gone continuously for 2 or 3 months and didn't feel any more confident. I'm still the same guy. On top of everything I have the whole story of cancer I have to deal with, my voice is permanently fucked up in that it sounds like as one girl put it "A high pitched almost raspy voice", I also think that being in a hospital for 4 years just kind of broke me socially. I am awkard, when I'm awkward I point it out, I think its natural during dating for people to actually be awkward but somehow I'm the only one that is.
I just kind of keep sitting at home waiting for the socially awkward cute girl from the movies to just show up, and off we can go, but I know its not going to happen, and I'm too socially awkward to say "I'm going to go out and do THIS alone", to top it all off I really don't have any friends, I always say I'm going to volunteer or go to this "group" thing where other people are, but I always feel like I'm the one left out no matter what the group is. It's weird to say, but I go to places where nerds are, and they all are kind of into their nerdy thing, and I dont really go to the places where other people are.
I just wish there were some class or some book I can read on all this, to learn you know to just become normal. I know that my life isn't following a traditional trajectory, and I dont want to make it sound like I'm completely helpless or never had any relations with anyone. I've had girlfriends, and more sex than some guys will in their lifetime, mainly because I am willing to just take whatever attention is thrown my way. I don't really know what I'm looking for, maybe for someone to say that they did this to help them stop being lazy and push themselves out of the house, or maybe some lifeline of an idea i haven't thought of to just meet new people, I'm just not good at this and would prefer to just sit on my couch Sunday's watching football but I know that won't lead to where I want to go.
My ideal world is me finding someone that actually pushes my boundaries. However my interactions with women of the opposite sex mainly involve me looking at their profile online, maybe sending 1 or 2 messages out in a week, and then really just pining over girls that are all too pretty, too sophisticated, to outgoing and fun to be interested in me (obviously this is all perceived). So in the off chance that almost any girl throws attention my way I tend to latch onto and make it work. Which obviously hasn't really done me well in the past. Surviving cancer doesn't really help my situation either. I too often want to move somebody on to being the "one", because I really don't want to waste the rest of my life searching for that person. I know that time flows very quickly and you never know if your promised tomorrow; so I just want to "get it over with" and find the person to move on with in life. Most of my conversations with people I know are about just how shitty the world is, science fiction/fantasy type movies and shows, or about space and the universe. All stuff that I know is not really conversation, that well really anybody I know want's to have!
It's not like I'm completely inept at conversation, I've done it before and part of my business is literally making small talk, its just that if you sit me down for a half hour, I don't want to talk about the weather, and most girls aren't interested in Football. I'm one of those people that just know's too many random useless facts and I guess it gets grating. To make it even worse I've never really been the "gorgeous guy" and that bothers me greatly, and makes me incredibly self doubtful. I mean I've had what i would call cute girlfriends, and a crazy ex or 2 (one of them might end up reading this, she googled my username and found me on gaf a month or 2 ago) have told me, but I don't feel it; ever. I'm insecure about my weight, insecure about the things in my life, and just in general lack what I would call confidence.
I've tried doing the research, I've tried going to the gym, but it always seem's like something comes up. This last time about 2 weeks ago I was at the gym doing my workout routine and got incredibly dizzy, to the point where I almost couldn't walk out the gym; I don't think its anything serious, but it scared me from going back for a few days. Which is always the default answer on any dating website anyway. Go to the gym, you'll feel better; well I've gone continuously for 2 or 3 months and didn't feel any more confident. I'm still the same guy. On top of everything I have the whole story of cancer I have to deal with, my voice is permanently fucked up in that it sounds like as one girl put it "A high pitched almost raspy voice", I also think that being in a hospital for 4 years just kind of broke me socially. I am awkard, when I'm awkward I point it out, I think its natural during dating for people to actually be awkward but somehow I'm the only one that is.
I just kind of keep sitting at home waiting for the socially awkward cute girl from the movies to just show up, and off we can go, but I know its not going to happen, and I'm too socially awkward to say "I'm going to go out and do THIS alone", to top it all off I really don't have any friends, I always say I'm going to volunteer or go to this "group" thing where other people are, but I always feel like I'm the one left out no matter what the group is. It's weird to say, but I go to places where nerds are, and they all are kind of into their nerdy thing, and I dont really go to the places where other people are.
I just wish there were some class or some book I can read on all this, to learn you know to just become normal. I know that my life isn't following a traditional trajectory, and I dont want to make it sound like I'm completely helpless or never had any relations with anyone. I've had girlfriends, and more sex than some guys will in their lifetime, mainly because I am willing to just take whatever attention is thrown my way. I don't really know what I'm looking for, maybe for someone to say that they did this to help them stop being lazy and push themselves out of the house, or maybe some lifeline of an idea i haven't thought of to just meet new people, I'm just not good at this and would prefer to just sit on my couch Sunday's watching football but I know that won't lead to where I want to go.
I mean, that could just mean she hasn't deleted the app, and leaves it open. She could just be busy and not really read the text or replied yet. Obviously it isn't looking good but personally it's not uncommon that I will make a girl wait for a day or more before I reply to them, and I've had girls do the same to me.
In the past few months I noticed that I had feelings for a co-worker, who is married... So because of that I decided not to do anything with those feelings, but I did flirt with her a lot during work to which she usually replied positive, giving me compliments back and such, and it felt like we both felt better because of our mutual flirting. Then about 7 weeks ago she tpld me and another co-worker that she and her husband decided to separate.... That made me flirt even more to a point where I started noticing she didn't like that anymore. Understandable I guess, as a divorce is complicated enough already without a co-worker constantly flirting. Anyway, I never actually thought that me and her would get together in the future, but she did make me feel really good when I was with her. Last night we had the usual Friday drinks at work and we were talking about all kinds of stuff when she suddenly said that she does not want to be 'the woman of my dreams' and right after turned around and walked to another group of co-workers to have a chat with them. I felt pretty bad and left for home straight away, then was down for the rest of the evening.
Feelings, I wish I could decide for who I get them and for who I don't... :(
Feelings, I wish I could decide for who I get them and for who I don't... :(
"normal", "traditional", etc... no one is these things. Some might seem so on the outside, but no one actually feels that way.
Regardless, you gotta feel good about what/who you actually are, and then be the best version of that you can. I'd recommend seeing a therapist, if you haven't already. Good luck man.
You did this to yourself, you're not a victim of your "feelings". You only liked her becuse she gave you attention, it was fed by regular daily contact at work where you felt safe as did she. I'm going with a high probability that theres no other girl in your life. Your "flirting" must have way way crossed a line as soon as she told you she was seperating. That WAS NOT your green light to persue her and she could tell that the "flirting" actually had intent behind it. When she iced you with "I don't want to be the woman of your dreams" again I'll put good money down that you told her she was your dream girl at some point. You know, only "flirting" and not being a creepy co-worker with an obession.
Get out of your comfort zone stop becoming infatuated with married co-workers and start looking for girls you dont work with. Plenty of dating apps for that now.
Do it but be aware she gets asked out all tbe time by customers, just like bar staff. Competition is high, chance of sucess low. Just get it over with so you can move on.
"Hi, I'd like to take you on a date to do xxx at xxx.day/time. What do you say?"
Done, easy, direct clear intentions.
Done, easy, direct clear intentions.
So much truth in this one little sentence.
Also this.
Her saying that specific phrase doesn't just come out of nowhere.
Worth it just for the pun! Your now free, she's out of your head so you can look for other opertunites. Good work for just going for it!
I haven't said it at all, but believe what you want. Also pretty baffled by the earlier response, you don't know a thing about her or me...
So she just came up with "she does not want to be 'the woman of my dreams'" out of nowhere?
Did you tell her that you never said that she was "the woman of [your] dreams"?
Because if you never said it, that would seem to be the clear rejoinder.
I'm currently in a relationship that is nearly 5 years old.
I think its ending soon.
Help me prepare for the possibility.
I think its ending soon.
Help me prepare for the possibility.
This really made me laugh. Good on you for taking it well.
So then about the 2nd part of my post?
You're showing us nothing, but your telling us everything. We were young once too.
I replied that 'the woman of my dreams' would not be married.
Wish I was young lol.
Maybe "I don't want to be the woman of your dreams" is code for "let's fuck, no strings"
Don't quote me on that tho
Don't quote me on that tho
We know what you've told us, and your actions weren't a good look at all. But this is a good thing: now you can focus on single girls who don't rebuff you.
You don't know her. You just have her social media profile connected to yours. I'm baffled by those that want to slide into IG PMs, but sure, just don't be like Drake. IG isn't a dating app, and if she's relatively attractive (or hey, even if she's not), she probably receives lots of messages that border on harassment!
So yeah: comment on something interesting and be like, "Hey, you're Jim's friend, right? Cool shot with you doing something super interesting. Where'd you take it?"
Hey everyone. I havent posted here before but was interested for a while.
My partner of 2.5years just broke up with me and said that she's grown and no longer feels romantic love for me. We were planning for me to go visit her for the past year and everything is pretty much paid and non-refundable. She insisted that I still go and visit her seeing as I already paid but I admited it sounds like a terrible idea since I'll most likely still have lingering feelings of romantic love for her.
She said that I should then just treat this as a break and that we can see where the relationship goes once I'm there. This relieved me somewhat but she immediately said that to her we were just friends.
The trip is a whole calendar month and as nice as New York might be it simply wasnt the reason why I wanted to go.
Should I go and see what happens? Try to talk to her again beforehand to get a clearer idea? Or write the money off?
The fact that she said she feels zero romantic love for me bothers me deeply.
Thanks
Edit: The plan was and still is to have me stay at her place during my visit.
My partner of 2.5years just broke up with me and said that she's grown and no longer feels romantic love for me. We were planning for me to go visit her for the past year and everything is pretty much paid and non-refundable. She insisted that I still go and visit her seeing as I already paid but I admited it sounds like a terrible idea since I'll most likely still have lingering feelings of romantic love for her.
She said that I should then just treat this as a break and that we can see where the relationship goes once I'm there. This relieved me somewhat but she immediately said that to her we were just friends.
The trip is a whole calendar month and as nice as New York might be it simply wasnt the reason why I wanted to go.
Should I go and see what happens? Try to talk to her again beforehand to get a clearer idea? Or write the money off?
The fact that she said she feels zero romantic love for me bothers me deeply.
Thanks
Edit: The plan was and still is to have me stay at her place during my visit.
A 2 year relationship without even meeting each other? Shit as someone who loves physical affection more than anything this just sounds like a friendship to me.
Well, I guess you found out your answer.
I apologize for being blunt, but: you were never together, and while you had feelings for her (and probably she felt things for you), nothing you ever had approached "romantic love." How could it? You don't even know each other, not really; you've never been intimate; you've never even touched.
Further, a relationship where you see each other once or twice a year is a pretty shitty relationship, even in an ideal world. See, I had a time where I couldn't see my partner for 8 months, but I was in Afghanistan, so I had an excuse.
Respect her wishes. You're friends. Or rather, you're Internet friends.
Don't cancel the trip, but use it to see New York. I suggest meeting her, maybe seeing how you vibe in person (you could really hit it off! or you could hate each other! you don't know, because you've never met) -- and absolutely do not stay with her.
Look into an AirBnb, or maybe even couchsurfing. Or friends.
Thanks. I'll decide further but will look for an AirBnb if I decide to go. We live very far apart, basically the other side of the world. When she first mentioned wanting a relationship I was hesitant for exactly the reasons you all mentioned. I guess in a way actually looking at it as merely a very close online friendship makes this easier for me to process tho.
Thanks everyone
1) Girl-who-has-never-been-with-girls-before:
Life drawing and ice cream date still set for Monday. We've been texting, not too much, but daily at least. One day I didn't text her all day and at 2330 she said, "Hey! I hadn't messaged all day so I thought I'd say hi! :)" so she seems keen.
I'm keen too, but I barely know her. I'm not used to dating extroverts (I'm moderately extroverted myself and prefer introverts) but it might be good to finally have someone who I don't have to beg to leave the house and do XYZ activity with me. We shall see.
2) First date tonight with accountant chick. She comes on pretty strong in texts lol even though I've never met her, which I find slightly strange.
Us: (comparing heights via text)
Me: oh we're the same height!
Her: then it'll feel just right when you put your arms around me...
3) texting a law student who, while pretty, doesn't exactly look like my type. But we will get coffee on Tuesday for the hell of it.
4) A law-school dropout turned graphic design student who id been texting (who looked cute) just admitted she had ECT for suicidal attempts earlier this year. Good on her for having the courage to admit that directly to someone via text. But unfortunately that's a dealbreaker 20 times over for me. :/ So I'm trying to wriggle out of a date and will gently ghost...
Life drawing and ice cream date still set for Monday. We've been texting, not too much, but daily at least. One day I didn't text her all day and at 2330 she said, "Hey! I hadn't messaged all day so I thought I'd say hi! :)" so she seems keen.
I'm keen too, but I barely know her. I'm not used to dating extroverts (I'm moderately extroverted myself and prefer introverts) but it might be good to finally have someone who I don't have to beg to leave the house and do XYZ activity with me. We shall see.
2) First date tonight with accountant chick. She comes on pretty strong in texts lol even though I've never met her, which I find slightly strange.
Us: (comparing heights via text)
Me: oh we're the same height!
Her: then it'll feel just right when you put your arms around me...
3) texting a law student who, while pretty, doesn't exactly look like my type. But we will get coffee on Tuesday for the hell of it.
4) A law-school dropout turned graphic design student who id been texting (who looked cute) just admitted she had ECT for suicidal attempts earlier this year. Good on her for having the courage to admit that directly to someone via text. But unfortunately that's a dealbreaker 20 times over for me. :/ So I'm trying to wriggle out of a date and will gently ghost...
Well yesterday we were texting more, so that seems like a good sign. My friends also gave me some good advice and told me it's probably just stuff with her work and all of that and it probably doesn't have anything to do with her feelings about me.
About to go on a hike with her and then spend the evening together, so we'll see what happens.
About to go on a hike with her and then spend the evening together, so we'll see what happens.