Yeah, I have the same concern. I've been very discreet and she seems that way too but you never know. I haven't actively pursued it for the past few weeks but there's still a bit of a crush left.
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Yeah, I have the same concern. I've been very discreet and she seems that way too but you never know. I haven't actively pursued it for the past few weeks but there's still a bit of a crush left.
Its the oldest woman's trick in the book. To see if you can take it. To see if you can be your own strong dude with his world still spinning around despise the interest, because that's the person a woman need
You said "sure, let me know when you change your mind" and it couldn't have been more perfect. You basically don't give a shit from now on because the ball is in her court, instead ... go date some more. Don't contact her. Let her live by her word, don't be pushy / needy.
If she contact you back, you ll know. If she doesn't, her initial text simply meant that she isn't honest ... so you don't want her to begin with.
At the beginning, one date per week is plentiful
I uploaded another photo and my trustworthiness is over 9000(81%) but at least my attractiveness is 54% now.
Damn this shit is addictive.
Damn this shit is addictive.
Awe damn apparently i look dumb but attractive.
46% smart
78% attractive
What's interesting is how I found that with different photos, as my "attractiveness" went up, my "intelligence" went down, and vice versa. These two qualities seemed to affect each other inversely. Like, you can't be both smart and attractive.
("trustworthiness", whatever the hell that even implies, seemed to stay the same either way)
Update: Couple of years later, I wanted to remove this post. I've overcome the depression from this event and have moved on :)
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To be honest, you fucked up by flirting, and I think there's a pretty decent chance your girlfriend will find out. Also, that was a dick move: no pun intended. But you realize that, so I won't dwell on it.
Also, I don't mean to minimize your situation -- at all -- but you can make it 4 weeks until graduation. It may not seem like it, but this horror show you've described is nearly over. Take time to enjoy the Thanksgiving break with your family (seriously) and see if there's something you can do.
Finally, your roommate can't unilaterally kick you out. Presumably you both signed a lease. Presumably you both pay rent to a landlord. I'd just preemptively bring a bunch of shit home with you so that he can't wreck it, live sparsely for the next month, and make yourself as scarce as possible to reduce conflict.
Basically, you really can call his bluff.
(Of course, he'll send the dick pics to your girlfriend, so you might want to warn her about that.)
Either that, or find a series of friends' couches to sleep on.
Also, I don't mean to minimize your situation -- at all -- but you can make it 4 weeks until graduation. It may not seem like it, but this horror show you've described is nearly over. Take time to enjoy the Thanksgiving break with your family (seriously) and see if there's something you can do.
Finally, your roommate can't unilaterally kick you out. Presumably you both signed a lease. Presumably you both pay rent to a landlord. I'd just preemptively bring a bunch of shit home with you so that he can't wreck it, live sparsely for the next month, and make yourself as scarce as possible to reduce conflict.
Basically, you really can call his bluff.
(Of course, he'll send the dick pics to your girlfriend, so you might want to warn her about that.)
Either that, or find a series of friends' couches to sleep on.
Stop being such a doormat and call his shit out. Also tell that you ll call the landlord straight, aswell as contacting his other friends / ex girlfriend / whatever shit you know that will put a leverage on the situation. He's using his girlfriend, you ll use everything else.
This dude is using you and you re letting him walk all over you. Its time to end it, if anything ever happens to you in terms of physical injury / whatever, you call the cops and he ll be expelled. Beat some sense into him man. The fucker already is responsible for your degrading health AND YOU RE BRUSHING IT OFF.
You might want to tell your girlfriend about it. So you take away the last of his power because he can't kick you out and it seems like he's mostly banking on blackmailing you as a way to get you out of the apartment.
yeah that, priority numero uno. then all the rest mentionned in my post because hot damn dude, how can you not respect yourself that much is beyond my understanding. Go get some therapy or something too, because its never a bad move
Lol you are not moving anywhere. The dude doesn't own the house. He can't kick you out. In fact you tell him he can fuck off to the moon for even implying he has any say in kicking you out.
With that out of the way, tell your gf everything. You did and extremely stupid thing but this isn't blackmail worthy. She may dump you she may noy but you can't hide this especially on the whim of an asshole.
There is a month of school left. Just tread lightly around home, study and move on with your life. Don't play middle man in other people's breakups. Especially if you dont even like the dude. Don't be the shoulder for girls who are barely your friends to cry on. And finally, dont be weak, don't be petty. You dont flirt because your mad at someone. You don't indulge in that stupidity (especially when you alreadybhave a gf) just because you're unhappy. You have to separate your actions from your emotion or you end up in situations like the one you're in.
These things said, it's not as bad as you think. And you seriously need to tell this dude to fuck off with his threats of kicking you out. In plain words tell him no. You told your gf, whatever happens with her happens but he cant blackmail you.
Feeling super stressed today and wishing I could see my gf. But Instead im in fucking inglewood.
Toler, that guy can choke on shit. He can't just kick you out, and the fact that he's keeping a pet against the rules (and your health) plus he doesn't clean makes him a piece of shit.
Tell him to back off, tell your girlfriend early so that he doesn't have that leverage, and get through the last month of your course. You can do this.
Yet another somewhat famous YouTuber who turns out to be a fuck.
Tell him to back off, tell your girlfriend early so that he doesn't have that leverage, and get through the last month of your course. You can do this.
Yet another somewhat famous YouTuber who turns out to be a fuck.
I never posted on neogaf back in the day, i only ever lurked. So I was unsure how this would go when i posted here but it's been very encouraging to talk to you all about this. All of my roommates left for our thanksgiving break today except myself. My roommate told me to find a new place to live by the time he is back. Tomorrow morning im going to tell my girlfriend aboit everything and than im going to call my roommate and let him know that i wont allow him to blackmail me.
Hope it goes well for you. But you should do it today, not tomorrow.
OP
OP
Wait. I thought it was just two people in an apartment.
Now there are multiple roommates?
I'm so curious about the living situation in general now.
OP
OP
The OP had an apartment already, four other guys moved in, and now the jerkass roommate is trying to kick him out of his own apartment. There's plenty of questions to be asked here...namely, is Toler and/or Jerkass on the lease, what do the other three guys think of this all, who would the landlord come down on if they found a cat, who is responsible for any damages to the apartment....
So I've been talking more with the ladyfriend I'd talked about in the last post.
It seems she's interested in me as well, but wants to take it slowly. I'm completely fine with that, I really need a break after the last relationship with a BPD person going completely racecar into everything.
Problem is, since it's slightly long distance (About a 4 hour drive - Not too big a deal) I've been thinking ahead (perhaps a stupid habit of mine) about any sort of endgame. I know for sure that I'd hate it in her corner of the country. However, I would also feel awful about asking her to move anywhere towards me, because she has a child and I wouldn't want to tear that child's life apart over something as a relationship.
I know this is thinking too far this early on, but is there even a point in pursuing something this seemingly hopeless? We click amazingly well, better than I've ever clicked with anyone else before, that's what makes this such a mindbender.
It seems she's interested in me as well, but wants to take it slowly. I'm completely fine with that, I really need a break after the last relationship with a BPD person going completely racecar into everything.
Problem is, since it's slightly long distance (About a 4 hour drive - Not too big a deal) I've been thinking ahead (perhaps a stupid habit of mine) about any sort of endgame. I know for sure that I'd hate it in her corner of the country. However, I would also feel awful about asking her to move anywhere towards me, because she has a child and I wouldn't want to tear that child's life apart over something as a relationship.
I know this is thinking too far this early on, but is there even a point in pursuing something this seemingly hopeless? We click amazingly well, better than I've ever clicked with anyone else before, that's what makes this such a mindbender.
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You answered your own questions by simply talking about it man. Read your own words
None of the directions available are making you feel at ease about the relationship, pretty straightforward imho. There's no need to think about end game or anything as of now, if I were you I'd ask myself what would it mean to maybe be a father with that lady, and see where your train of thought goes
Hm, yeah, to myself, these questions seem answered. But I feel like some outside perspective, especially in terms of maturity, and from people who've had to deal with similar things would be helpful.
I don't think I need to put myself into a "father role" here, or even down the road, because the kid's old enough for me to not even need to be a surrogate father.
I don't think I need to put myself into a "father role" here, or even down the road, because the kid's old enough for me to not even need to be a surrogate father.
Right, cheers for the advice man. I appreciate it.
I kind of fucked up on your advice (did this before I read it). Since we ended up texting each other, about random shit. Random questions like what's your favourite super power, etc. Just goofy, flirty questions. Reckon I should drop that and avoid talking to her via text?
yeah, if shes not bringing up a date via texts when contacting you, you do that. keep the texting at the bare minimum, ideally you want to bring up a date proposal after like 2 - 3 minutes. if she keep saying "im busy", then you get back at the "ok well, let me know when you change your mind, I gotta go now"
Basically you want dates, not chit chat on the phone / messenger / skype / whatever. You don't chase, instead you get chased / offer dates and if the person isn't interested, on to the next one / on with your life etc
A girl need to wonder about what you re up to for her interest to rise. When you do everything right on a date, she ll look forward for more because you make her feel good, and that's what she'll associate your name to
A dude should do 20% of the chasing / talking. You offer dates, make her feel real good, make her talk a lot by being interested in what she has to say - asking questions. You don't answer to stuff straightforwardly too much so she has to work a little bit, and then you create an opportunity for sex to happen when you feel like its right. Rinse & repeat, with time she ll want to see you more. Like, you literally don't have to do anything else, and you don't have to overthink either since you always wanna have other date opportunities aslong as you re not explicitely in an exclusive relationship
Effortless dating, and I'm insisting on the effortless bit, will make you feel more confident since you don't have to deal with your mind plagued by questions. You just take what's on the plate, give her space to grow more attached to you and if you feel the same, she WILL want to take it further, which you just have to agree to
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An hour and a half is like the complete max I would be willing to try and that's if the person was unbelievable from every perspective. 4 hours though? And none of yall would consider moving?
Have fun with it for now but if no one will move it is not going anywhere. Long distance has to have an end goal of moving in close range or it's just not going to work the vast majority of the time.
It's still a bit too early to entertain the thought of moving. But you're right, as long as nothing comes along, we might as well have fun with it.
I'm not really saying you should talk about moving. I'm just saying that long distance relationships that don't set reasonable goals of relocating to closer distance generally don't last. So have fun with it for now. But yeah, don't expect anything serious if you know you don't want to move and you know she probably wont either.
In traffic on a weekday, it takes me 2.5 hours to get to my girls house from work. If I leave from my house, with traffic it's another 40 minutes.
It only takes me 20 minutes from my house with no traffic
I tolerated a 2.5 hr drive for a relationship for almost 2 years but I wouldn't do it again. I think 4 hours is a bit too much.
Hmm, I disagree with the one hour drive. You could easily spend every weekend with your partner with an hour drive after work. Heck, some of my colleagues partners commute for 1 hour, just to get into work, and then drive back to their partners in the evenings.
That said, I would never deliberately seek out a relationship like that. It's just a pain, and it does put strain on the relationship.
Again, read my other posts. That's fine for a short fling, but what are your plans for the long term? Do you have any? You can't be that far apart if you plan on staying together for the long term.
Talk to them, figure something out. The girl I was out with the other day lives 10 miles away, not a huge distance, but she wants to move to the town I live in. So it becomes a non-issue.
Obviously, it depends where it is. If it's 1 hour away and neither of you can ever see yourselves moving in each others direction, then I agree it won't work, but that's often not the case.
I just wouldn't dismiss it generally. You can usually figure out if someone would be willing to move for a relationship pretty early on in conversation, and go from there. If they're really career minded and came to x place for that, then they're unlikely to move, etc.
The drive depends simply on how easy or hard it is for both parties to travel. An hour drive can be easy for some, and hard for others. One person might not have a car, so an hour drive only being done by one side in the relationship can be draining. Or, for some, an hour commute can still be in the same city or area, and doesn't mean anything. For me, an hour drive can place me in a different state--for others, that's just an average subway ride.
Also, an hour work commute (which would be required to keep your job) is different than an hour drive to visit someone, in a relationship context or otherwise.
Also, an hour work commute (which would be required to keep your job) is different than an hour drive to visit someone, in a relationship context or otherwise.
I mean I think you can. Like if you're still early enough into the relationship that living together isn't an option, then you're probably at the stage where you aren't going to need to see each other everyday. Just keep constant contact and after work on Friday ends go spend the whole weekend with them to make up for any lost time, have dates etc. And an hour away is still close enough that if you really need to see each other you can. Obviously this isn't how you spend your whole relationship, but for a time I can definitely seeing it being manageable.
It is, but I've often found the reason people often hesitate to move is because they're career focused, and want to keep their job. But at the same time, they're often willing to travel to work for an hour, so that's often one way in which a lot of couples compromise, by moving in together, narrowing the distance to each other, but increasing the distance to work.
Should I move on indefinitely?
A woman I've known for a few years moved away from the US a few months ago and the feelings I had towards her come back whenever I speak to her. I find myself missing her more and more.
Our conversations have shifted in tone ever since she moved away. She's depressed and even admitted I was the only to notice. She's scared of whether or not she'll be able to compete if she goes to school at home and family and friends keep suggesting that she won't be able to make a living in the art field, as if they don't support her. I'm in the art and design field and my mom's an artist and I'm constantly trying to encourage her, to do what she's passionate about, which led her to tell me that I'm a big inspiration for her.
I'm going to be in Europe in February and I told her. She asked me when, where and why and the idea of visiting her came up in my mind, but I don't know if it's wise because I feel it will freshen some of the wounds I have from missing her.
When she was in the US we had a thing, but never wanted to make anything more of it because we both knew she'd be leaving in the next years. We've only grown closer since shes been gone.
What should I do? I have no issues moving on with rejections and little rounds of infatuation, but this is something that has been gripping me for quite a while.
A woman I've known for a few years moved away from the US a few months ago and the feelings I had towards her come back whenever I speak to her. I find myself missing her more and more.
Our conversations have shifted in tone ever since she moved away. She's depressed and even admitted I was the only to notice. She's scared of whether or not she'll be able to compete if she goes to school at home and family and friends keep suggesting that she won't be able to make a living in the art field, as if they don't support her. I'm in the art and design field and my mom's an artist and I'm constantly trying to encourage her, to do what she's passionate about, which led her to tell me that I'm a big inspiration for her.
I'm going to be in Europe in February and I told her. She asked me when, where and why and the idea of visiting her came up in my mind, but I don't know if it's wise because I feel it will freshen some of the wounds I have from missing her.
When she was in the US we had a thing, but never wanted to make anything more of it because we both knew she'd be leaving in the next years. We've only grown closer since shes been gone.
What should I do? I have no issues moving on with rejections and little rounds of infatuation, but this is something that has been gripping me for quite a while.
I think it's worth a shot to stop in and visit her and just see what happens. Seeing each other in person again will help you gauge if the vibes feel right. If it doesn't feel right go ahead and enjoy your trip to Europe, who knows maybe Misses right will be at a small cafè in Venice :P
I was looking through some messages today to see what worked for me and what didn't and actually the most successful message I've ever sent was:
"hey I am so drunk right now but I want you to know that your profile makes you look like you are the shit and i think we should get Thai food in ___ somewhere because I am pretty sure you'd like me and if I am wrong then I will pay for your meal so bam"
don't overthink it, and if she ghosts you after one text don't be afraid to send another if you're really into that person
"hey I am so drunk right now but I want you to know that your profile makes you look like you are the shit and i think we should get Thai food in ___ somewhere because I am pretty sure you'd like me and if I am wrong then I will pay for your meal so bam"
don't overthink it, and if she ghosts you after one text don't be afraid to send another if you're really into that person
An hour distance is relative to where you live, what traffic looks like in your location, both parties ability to travel, how far work/school is for you among other things.
You can make an hour work long term until both parties are ready to close the gap. I just would ask people why you want to pursue that length of distance. If you live in the middle of no where then perhaps its simply a reality that you have to drive. Or maybe you live in a major city and traffic and public transit just makes longer commute a reality for everyone.
It really is dependent on the situation. An hour isn't that bad. That said, I wouldn't do it if there are options within a close range. 4 hours is bonkers though.