Did you have a particular question in regards to this stuff? What are your thoughts on the situation?
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Did you have a particular question in regards to this stuff? What are your thoughts on the situation?
Try a less boring date next time.
Coffee dates are just fine.
Why does it seem so difficult for you to just respect someone's wishes and delete the damn things...?
Okay and...? We're not going to condone you cheating if that's what you're looking for.
Long-term relationships require effort to keep exciting. It's up to you and your partner if you want to put forth that effort.
She's not quite an Internet girlfriend. It's not quite comparable to EB64's situation. The story can be followed by my posts in this thread over the last couple of months if anyone is interested.
In summary, I met her at a friend's party at the end of October. After that she spent three nights in a row at my place with pretty much non-stop sex/making out/cuddling before she went back to where she works. Since then we have kept in touch daily by text and a few times per week by Skype. I'm going to go visit her for five days in January.
Still, I probably shouldn't call her my girl. Most of the time I call her "the girl I'm sort of seeing" on her. I'm keeping my expectations in check and making sure not to overinvest emotionally. It would make me sad if it doesn't work out, but I would be able to move on and be happy about the times we did spend together.
Well interest is sexual tbh. My gf and I just have a boring sexlife and she isnt willing to do more. So yeah i might have to end the relationship.
Thanks! Getting advice and just reading the different experiences here has definitely helped me out a lot.
Are you accepting the pics? From what I understand, she's sending you nudes or at least sexy pics of herself based on your phrasing. If you're enjoying them and not telling her to stop, then, yeah, you should break up with your girlfriend. That's really unfair to her, which is an understatement tbh.
From you saying your GF is unwilling to do more in bed, I assume you two have already had an open and honest discussion about this. If your sexual needs don't match and neither of you are willing to compromise, breaking up is the right thing to do, imo.
Well breakup then, make sure the other girl really is interested though. She might just be flirting because youre in a relationship (danger flirt).
Good point. Women like men already in relationships.
Let's not overgeneralize here, not all women enjoy that sort of homewrecker drama. Actually, most don't.
Just seems like this lady does :p
Have you talked to your girlfriend about possibly finding ways to improve the relationship? It sounds like there's nothing particularly wrong with what you currently have.
I guess I'M wrong, I will consider deleting on being asked from now on, but I've never been asked I usually just naturally lose them over time.
I guess this is my first post since migrating from the other place? I took a bit of a dating break around when I took a month and a half off of dating (starting with verbally cutting things off) and am only now getting back into dating, albeit at a slower rate than I was going over the summer.
Some notably bad dates in the second half of the year:
1) Met a woman for gelato near where we live. And then it went downhill. Her name was different than what was on her profile (why?), she revealed she doesn't eat gelato... because she's on a detox diet (why not mention it and we do something else?) and then she tried to have me guess what nationality she was (correct answer: I don't care, and there is no correct answer to this question, ever.)
2) Lots of difficulty trying to hammer down a coffee date with a woman. First time she had to cancel (after trying to upgrade the date to a dinner at a nice restaurant), then pushed back our second date 30 minute shortly before I left my place, and then was still almost 20 minutes late beyond that, then reveals that she has a kid that she never mentioned in her profile or our texting, and then tries to extend the date to dinner at a nice restaurant nearby. Red flag, red flag, red flag.
Still, despite those bad dates, I saw several women a few times each throughout the year. I'm more relaxed on dates than I used to be, by a lot, but I still need to be more flirty and less guarded, and also less willing to drop things when my interest slightly wanes.
Some notably bad dates in the second half of the year:
1) Met a woman for gelato near where we live. And then it went downhill. Her name was different than what was on her profile (why?), she revealed she doesn't eat gelato... because she's on a detox diet (why not mention it and we do something else?) and then she tried to have me guess what nationality she was (correct answer: I don't care, and there is no correct answer to this question, ever.)
2) Lots of difficulty trying to hammer down a coffee date with a woman. First time she had to cancel (after trying to upgrade the date to a dinner at a nice restaurant), then pushed back our second date 30 minute shortly before I left my place, and then was still almost 20 minutes late beyond that, then reveals that she has a kid that she never mentioned in her profile or our texting, and then tries to extend the date to dinner at a nice restaurant nearby. Red flag, red flag, red flag.
Still, despite those bad dates, I saw several women a few times each throughout the year. I'm more relaxed on dates than I used to be, by a lot, but I still need to be more flirty and less guarded, and also less willing to drop things when my interest slightly wanes.
Yeah man you should really think about what you have to lose and what you have to gain here. Realistically, you might gain a couple of hot hookups with sexy-flirt lady, but you're almost definitely going to lose the companionship and boring sex (which might be fixable) with your current SO.
I've been out here for 3 months. Went on two. Long story short, first date the girl was being super difficult and kinda bitchy. Accused me of being late when she wasn't even at the bar yet? I killed two drinks before she got there. I just kept drinking while we chatted and the less I cared the more she was into it. She got pretty tipsy as well and we ended up making out at the bar. She hit me up to hang out again and I never called her back. Then this 2nd one was the speed dating story.
I think I am completely done with bumble and tinder. Maybe now that I'm older in my 30s, I am not really into meeting up with girls for potential hookups. The apps are either that or its just a ego boost it seems.
I am really hoping the Meetup app can lead to something more meaningful down the road.
Thoughts on the new OKC messaging system (for anyone who uses OKCupid)? For anyone who doesn't know what they did, basically they made it so that women have to like your profile to even see messages (though once you send a message they'll promote your profile to them). I get why they implemented it but I feel like it's going to lead to me getting replies virtually none of the time (vs. getting them about 1/15th of the time). I like to think that the messages I send are generally pretty good and well-constructed, but my profile kinda sucks (idk how to talk about myself in a way that doesn't make me sound like a generic geek with no distinguishable traits from others, which isn't really true but I don't know how to really put my good attributes into words, also my pics suck because I don't use social media so I never take pics when I'm somewhere interesting nor do I have access to group photos). Also it makes the whole site more like Tinder which just makes OKC feel more redundant. But I totally see the upside of women not having to deal with spam.
This is a totally fixable issue. Get a friend to help you take pictures and make an effort to take pictures when you are out doing something just for use on your profile.
Does your profile suck? Do you know what's wrong with it? You can ask here for honest unbiased feedback.
To be honest, even before I made an account on OKCupid I knew my profile would suck, for all of the reasons mentioned in my post, plus I have pretty low self-esteem. Part of the reason I made an account there was because I was interesting in seeing how much success someone like me could have (the answer seems to be more than I expected, but not enough to lead to an actual relationship, at least within a year of using it on and off).
I'd be pretty embarrassed to have a friend help me take photos. Most of my "friends" are family members and talking to them about online dating is really awkward. Also I'm worried they'd look at my profile which I really don't want because it mentions I'm bi-ish and I'm not out of the closet about that yet (and I'm also pretty vocal about my political opinions at a couple points which I don't want to talk about).
I don't really want feedback but thanks. I'm pretty sure it would be brutal, lol, there's a decent amount wrong with my profile. One time I got a response from someone saying she wasn't interested but then proceeded to give me a bunch of unsolicited advice on making a better profile and it was a little harsh.
So you just want to complain, put all these mental roadblocks in the way and do nothing to fix them? "Online dating is hard guyz" *grouphug*
I'm not complaining about my online dating experience, the reason I made that post was because I'm curious how other people feel about the change made to OKC because it seems pretty drastic to me. It seems like something that'll make my specific situation worse, and that's admittedly my fault (I probably should have mentioned that in my post), and I wanted to express that, but I'm also curious how it'll affect the experience for everyone else.
I see it as a general negative but with okc I can see the rationalization. The ratio at any given time is like 5 to 1 in my area. The sheer number of message the hottest ones receive is astronomical.
It definitely feels too tinderish at this point so there's that.
Been on okc for years and it's delivered countless times
It definitely feels too tinderish at this point so there's that.
Been on okc for years and it's delivered countless times
How does one get women to like one's profile, though? It certainly couldn't be all these solutions I've already thought about but couldn't be bothered to make any effort to implement throughout this entire year, could it?
Don't you think there's more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
What.
What kind of nonsense is this. There's nothing more important in life.
Seems like this OKC change would make things a little tougher, but at least it motivates more follow-through than before, as it makes women more engaged in the process. So unlike before, where they'd get drowned in a deluge of messages they won't ever read, they can now actually get to the messages and respond as the static has been toned down some. Also, it cuts down on the inappropriate messages from creeps that women can be bombarded with. You may not get as many messages than before, the when you do, there's now a greater chance that they'll be interested.
You don't want feedback on how to improve your pics or profile even though we've done that for other people here and they appreciate it? Are there no pictures of you in existence where it's not a selfie? Ok, then why complain about it? This is mainly an advice thread.
Just got back with both kidneys intact. Turns out English is her second language so her messaging reads a bit odd, but she's pretty regular, though slightly ditzy, in person. Got good burgers, then went back to her place for apple cider and Hulu and chill.
6 weeks ago I matched with a girl on tinder who was moving to my city. We got on well and we were chatting every day. 2 weeks ago she moved here and we went out for dinner and drinks on friday. It was great and we ended with a kiss. She messaged me on the way home saying how nice it was and she'd love seeing me again. I felt the same way. We got pretty flirty over text talking about sex and even her saying she wishes I was in her bed right now. Eventually we decided we wanted to meet again sooner than later. We were both tired as hell from work but decided to meet after work on Monday. We went for a small walk along a river and sat in a park overlooking the city and made out a bit between chatting.
Afterwards I sent a text saying it was worth being tired to see her again and that I had a nice time chilling with her but the reply seemed very blunt. I sent another today and she didn't reply at all. I dunno what I did? :( I thought the date went quite well. I wondered if I was kissing her too much but she said she wanted to kiss me a lot on the next date so surely not that. I wasn't grabby or anything. I just softly stroked her back and neck a bit cause she said it was sore. We went from really crazy about each other to her not even replying to me. I fucked up sonehow. :(
Afterwards I sent a text saying it was worth being tired to see her again and that I had a nice time chilling with her but the reply seemed very blunt. I sent another today and she didn't reply at all. I dunno what I did? :( I thought the date went quite well. I wondered if I was kissing her too much but she said she wanted to kiss me a lot on the next date so surely not that. I wasn't grabby or anything. I just softly stroked her back and neck a bit cause she said it was sore. We went from really crazy about each other to her not even replying to me. I fucked up sonehow. :(
Chances are there's something external to what you did thats making her not reply. A broken phone, a guy she liked more showing interest. Something like that, just move on and dont let self doubt creep in and affect other girls you will date.
I don't really get this article. It seems to equate being a 'nice guy' as lacking confidence and being disillusioned by relationships in movies/television. You can be a nice guy without being afraid of rejection, lacking confidence, or only wanting to get into her pants.
I guess I don't really like the term nice guys here.
Just seems like a really long way of telling guys to take control and be open with how you feel. I don't really see how that marries up with being a nice guy, or not, and I general I think a lot of this self help stuff is really long winded common sense.
There's a guy that is nice and a "nice guy" as it's understood on the internet to describe certain behaviour and expectations that behaviour should pay off. Not everybody has common sense and the risk of rejection aversion is what these "nice guys" lean into.
Hello DatingERA! I'm in a pickle here. Need your advice.
I met this girl on a dating site, and we have been exchanging e-mails for a couple of days. Then I asked her out. She said she couldn't go this coming weekend or the next, but she'll get back to me and make the next weekend work.
So I said fine and we talked a bit more with 4 e-mails inbetween...then she stopped responding on Friday 1st Dec. The following Wednesday I asked "I haven't heard from you in a while, is everything alright?" Still nothing. So I assumed, she lost interest in me.
To my surprise yesterday, she e-mailed me with "Sorry, I was busy all week - how are you?"
Now...I don't know if I'm overthinking this but "Sorry, I'm busy!" doesn't cut it with me. You can't even spare 10 minutes of your time for 9 days sending me an update. You just vanished, and now your excuse was "I'm busy?" With no explanation? I know I'm not entitled to find out what she's been doing, but she's pretending as if nothing really happened.
On top of that, she still haven't got back to me on a date, and expect me to talk more with her. Am I being stringed along here or is this normal?
I met this girl on a dating site, and we have been exchanging e-mails for a couple of days. Then I asked her out. She said she couldn't go this coming weekend or the next, but she'll get back to me and make the next weekend work.
So I said fine and we talked a bit more with 4 e-mails inbetween...then she stopped responding on Friday 1st Dec. The following Wednesday I asked "I haven't heard from you in a while, is everything alright?" Still nothing. So I assumed, she lost interest in me.
To my surprise yesterday, she e-mailed me with "Sorry, I was busy all week - how are you?"
Now...I don't know if I'm overthinking this but "Sorry, I'm busy!" doesn't cut it with me. You can't even spare 10 minutes of your time for 9 days sending me an update. You just vanished, and now your excuse was "I'm busy?" With no explanation? I know I'm not entitled to find out what she's been doing, but she's pretending as if nothing really happened.
On top of that, she still haven't got back to me on a date, and expect me to talk more with her. Am I being stringed along here or is this normal?
Move on to someone else because this type of person will continue putting you last in their priority list. Find someone that actually replies fast and actually wants to talk to you, believe me it's so much better for your mental health.
She dated someone else in the time she went radio silent on you. It didnt work out so she's picking things up with you again. Give her one chance to arrange a date with you and if she bails on that block/delete and move onto the next girl.
^The most probable explanation. I do want to say though that I really have become busy in the past and forgotten to message someone. When dating is a mid level priority for you it just happens. Also, it is finals week in some places.
Regardless don't be crabby about her not messaging you.
Regardless don't be crabby about her not messaging you.
Don't be crabby about any rejection or communication break. It will work the complete opposite to how you think it will work and is the number one reason why ghosting is so prevailent.
Yeah. Feeling really put off by ghosting is an ego problem and getting over yourself enough to stop being bothered by it solves a bunch of other problems you might have dating. It's like killing ten birds with one stone.
Yeah, this is near enough the exact thing I've sent to girls when I've been busy dating someone else.
There's a super well guarded secret : its called showing a great personality
There are some not specially hot dudes hanging out with beautiful ladies because they have confidence, great sense of humor and a purpose in their lives. They re comfortable at being themselves and speaking their mind. Which is very, very attractive
Confidence is the number one quality of people looking for more than hooking up, most of the times
It's a simple question of boundaries.
Same thing about girls liking bad guys, they re craving these reactions, that burning desire so much that being with guys not treating them well at all is giving the "needed" kick for them to feel desire .. because they re the center of it all. Makes them feel alive
Unfortunately it's much more complicated. In essence, "nice guys" using deception are doing nothing more than witchcraft with their persona. The bad dudes are real assholes. But getting to know how to balance one's craving between desires and self respect is the hardest part, for everyone
https://markmanson.net/boundaries#.cf7hor:LENj
(his book is very good btw)
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If the conversation goes dead. Don't begin it again with a question about her absence. How was your day, what did you do this weekend are all terrible conversation starters. Talk about something you did that was interesting. Like OMG did you see lady bird that movie was fantastic.
So the date for today has been moved to sometime next week, unfortunately. She casually told me yesterday while texting "you"re welcome to talk to me on the phone as well" and I didn't really know how to respond haha. I guess I'm not used to having a phone conversation these days, been a few years since my last relationship.
You respond in the affirmative and call her on the damn phone in the next day or two, brother!
Am I weird for finding it a little bit awkward talking on the phone with someone I haven't even met?