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I was thinking that. I don't want to be dragged along.
That could happen, but I don't believe the same happened to her. Why? Because I did say that days later I asked if everything is alright as I haven't heard from her...and she continued to ghost. You can't just suddenly stop checking your e-mail for 9 days. She didn't forget. She ghosted.
Don't worry, I'm used to being ghosted. This isn't the first time I've been ghosted. After all, after that Wednesday e-mail I sent I conceded to move on because I thought she dropped all interest on me. However this is the first time, that someone ghosted me for a while, and came back. New territory. If she didn't respond yesterday I wouldn't have come and post this.
Again, I'm not bothered with the ghosting. It's that she came back to me after ghosting and saying "I was busy." You can't be busy for 9 days and not spend at least 5-10 minutes responding to me IF you have any interest. She's dishonest there.
I haven't said anything back to her yet, because until now I didn't know what to say. It's just the dishonesty that gets me. Because this can happen again with her and I'll be wasting my time. But you're right, I'm going to give her one more chance. Problem is, I can't do this weekend. I have Christmas parties to go to on Friday and Saturday nights.
Well I asked her if she watched JL and my thoughts of it (it was okay) ...that was the e-mail that made her go radio silent! lol
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Not weird, but I'm almost universally in favor of embracing whatever a connection brings. Can be an interesting way of feeling someone out.
Yes, this is weird. Don't try to pretend talking on the phone is something out of the ordinary. Think about it, what's the difference between texting someone you've never met and talking on the phone with them? In fact, talking is even better. While not as good as talking in person, over the phone you can still pick up on a lot of verbal cues that are absent when speaking through messaging.
All of this, one foot on the right path and one foot on the wrong path. I'll pick one, JL. Girls dont give a fuxk about a low rated comic book movie. Your opener should have been about HER, how she is, what she's been doing, how your happy to hear from her again. Dishonesty? You're butthurt. She owes you nothing.
You are generalising girls. That's terrible of you. You can't say girls don't give a crap about comic book movies, especially ones that have Wonder Woman and Batman in it. I know many women and seen women who watch comic book films anyway, so this is wrong.
And my opener wasn't about JL. My comment on JL was on like my 7th e-mail BEFORE she ghosted me. I haven't responded to her yet after she sent me the surprise mail yesterday.
WTF is with you? She was dishonest! Why are you defending her? She owes me nothing, you're correct and that's why I won't ask her what she's been doing that week but you can't expect me NOT to raise an eyebrow on this.
Well carry on then without a girlfriend because your shooting yourself on the foot here.
So DatingERA, general query. Met a girl today, we and another guy in our office were chatting about uni shit. As they were leaving for lunch, she mentioned she was leaving on Sunday, and if I wanted to hang out with her some time this week. I told her I was busy.
Of course a few moments after they went I was immediately thinking WHY DID I SAY THAT
I mean in the moment I didn't pick up anything romantic, but I can be super oblivious to that kind of thing. At the very least hanging out with someone new is just something normal people do right, expand their circle? So totally something I should've said yes to in any rate.
Anyway I've noticed I do that kind of thing a lot, feel super apprehensive in the moment and turn down those kinds of opportunities. It feels like a kind of anxiety, and I'm just wondering if anyone here knows that kind of feeling, and how you deal with it. I know I should just suck it up and take shots even when I feel absolutely horrified to but y'know, easier said than done.
Of course a few moments after they went I was immediately thinking WHY DID I SAY THAT
I mean in the moment I didn't pick up anything romantic, but I can be super oblivious to that kind of thing. At the very least hanging out with someone new is just something normal people do right, expand their circle? So totally something I should've said yes to in any rate.
Anyway I've noticed I do that kind of thing a lot, feel super apprehensive in the moment and turn down those kinds of opportunities. It feels like a kind of anxiety, and I'm just wondering if anyone here knows that kind of feeling, and how you deal with it. I know I should just suck it up and take shots even when I feel absolutely horrified to but y'know, easier said than done.
...how am I shooting myself on the foot. Because I have Christmas parties to go instead of asking her out? And I already said me talking about JL wasn't the opening e-mail I sent to her.
Talk on the phone with her. What the fuck is wrong with all of you. Its just a phone conversation. it can only help your chances.
If you cant talk on the phone, you cant talk in person, at least you saved yourself some traveling time and money on drinks if your phone conversation is boring as death.
If you cant talk on the phone, you cant talk in person, at least you saved yourself some traveling time and money on drinks if your phone conversation is boring as death.
I usually keep dating stuff in a separate email, which I often forget to check for weeks on end.
Whether it was dishonest or not, you didn't hear from her for 9 days and that bothered you, so yeah, move onto someone that communicates with you in a way that doesn't make you feel like that.
Whether it was dishonest or not, you didn't hear from her for 9 days and that bothered you, so yeah, move onto someone that communicates with you in a way that doesn't make you feel like that.
Unrelated but why on earth are you guys sending emails to your dates?
I also think some people have some pent up aggression in this thread. Everyone here is trying to help others, offer advice, etc. There's no sense in using language like 'wtf is with you' and calling each other terrible people. You can also disagree with each other without being condescending.
This.
Why reply to a girl that doesn't reply to you in 9 days? You could arrange dates with 9 other girls in 9 days. She seems barely interested, it's a waste of time.
I also think some people have some pent up aggression in this thread. Everyone here is trying to help others, offer advice, etc. There's no sense in using language like 'wtf is with you' and calling each other terrible people. You can also disagree with each other without being condescending.
This.
Why reply to a girl that doesn't reply to you in 9 days? You could arrange dates with 9 other girls in 9 days. She seems barely interested, it's a waste of time.
:/
It's not that girls don't care about LOW RATED comic book movies... no one cares about LOW RATED comic book movies. Market's saturated with too many good movies to give a fuck.
Notice how you removed the key words to give yourself an excuse to attack another poster?
Yeah, you guys go ahead and ignore the fact he called me a butthurt guy (and that kind of ticked me off). I get that he's offering advice, but that was unneeded.
But this is Justice League, not Suicide Squad or Captain Underpants. Neutrals are going to see it regardless. And in the UK, JL's only competition is Paddington 2. Then again, I don't know why we are talking about this, this isn't the reason why she ghosted me.
Because I was on paid subscription, and she was not. In other words, she couldn't respond to me on the dating site unless she pays up. So I offered her my number or e-mail. She chose e-mail as she sent a hi e-mail message.
You seem to have a fragile ego and are very defensive. I wonder if she also picked up on this?
4th and 3rd dates are set up for late this week/weekend respectively for the two girls I'm dating at the moment. I admit, it's feels a little weird. I'm still adjusting since I'm only used to dating one person at a time. I'm definitely enjoying both of their company though to be honest, I don't want to do this for too long. Should I bring up expectations that we have between each other in these next two dates? I already briefly talked with the first girl who said she enjoyed being single and I said I wasn't looking for anything serious right away but was open to it. Neither of us really said we'd be dating other people flat out though. Haven't spoke with the second girl about that yet though as it hasn't even been a full week since our first date but I'm thinking next date I should. Thoughts from people more experienced with dating more than one person at a time would be appreciated.
At that moment when you catch yourself, just don't do your usual thing. Go for it and seize the opportunity. I know it's easier said than done but you have to think about the fact that in most social situations like this, there really is nothing to lose. Like you said, at the very least you would be hanging out with someone new and expand your social circle. Maybe she was interested in you, maybe she just wanted to be friends, maybe you'd never talk again after meeting or you'd never meet at all. But nothing really bad is going to happen, so you just have to convince yourself that you stand to gain more than lose in that situation.
I have/had that problem myself. I stupidly passed up a lot of opportunities in the past, both romantic and social, only realizing what I did moments later. Usually because I'm overthinking something or not thinking at all or just nervous to speak up and take the opportunity. I think the first step is what you're doing right now. Acknowledging that it's a thing you do. The more you're aware of it, the more you'll be able to catch yourself when you're about to do it.
At that moment when you catch yourself, just don't do your usual thing. Go for it and seize the opportunity. I know it's easier said than done but you have to think about the fact that in most social situations like this, there really is nothing to lose. Like you said, at the very least you would be hanging out with someone new and expand your social circle. Maybe she was interested in you, maybe she just wanted to be friends, maybe you'd never talk again after meeting or you'd never meet at all. But nothing really bad is going to happen, so you just have to convince yourself that you stand to gain more than lose in that situation.
Thanks for the words man, I'll definitely try to be more aware of myself. Catching this as a recurring theme is a start!
Nah, I'm just frustrated and tired of this stringing.
It's impossible for her to pick up my frustrations since I kept it all in my head, and released them in my mini rant here. She came back to me after ghosting me for 9 days. But if she somehow did pick it up, maybe she likes my "fragile ego?" lol
Fell flat on my face attempting to get a date for Star Wars Thursday, but at least we're trying.
We told you why she (likely) resurfaced.
The correct approach is to treat it like nothing happened and, if you're still interested, schedule an actual date. Or if this bothers you, and it seems like it does, move on to the next.
(Obviously everyone's dating multiple people, and it's just unavoidable that the early stages of dating, including meeting people, is messy and chaotic.)
There is nothing inherently wrong with lapses in communication. There is nothing wrong with what you call "ghosting." You've never met. You functionally don't exist to each other.
Things naturally lose the excitement after a while when you have seen the person for a long time. A strong relationship will push past that a weak one will split, up to you and the other person how it ends up although if you are getting all this stuff from another person I assume you aren't commited to the person anyways
Keep trying. I found one. With my luck she will ghost me and I'l have to scalp the ticket but so far she's coming.
Has anyone had a partner that left their relationship at the time to be with you?
Asking for a friend
Asking for a friend
There's a guy who's nice and a "Nice Guy". They're different things.
That's the spirit dude, keep trying and good luck!
WorldofMiku Say it's no biggie (because it's really not and you shouldn't be invested in the slightest) and schedule a date. If you get anything other than a yes or a detailed reschedule, delete her and move on.
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Happy Holidays update for ERA:
Been living with my girlfriend for almost three months and we're even more in love. I'm so damn happy to be with her every day. Sure we squabble, sure we bicker, but every day we learn a little more about each other and become stronger as a unit. We are such teammates, such equals, such friends; I feel so indebted to her kindness, grace and character every day.
I am so, so lucky.
Been living with my girlfriend for almost three months and we're even more in love. I'm so damn happy to be with her every day. Sure we squabble, sure we bicker, but every day we learn a little more about each other and become stronger as a unit. We are such teammates, such equals, such friends; I feel so indebted to her kindness, grace and character every day.
I am so, so lucky.
I've noticed any time someone mentions Justice League in this thread, it doesn't work out. Shitty movie leads to shitty result lol.
Literally my current relationship. We were both in toxic relationships and one thing led to another. It was tough at first but luckily everyone we know supported us and now things are pretty great. Wouldn't really recommend other people go down this path unless they're 100% committed (lol) to the plan.
While yesterday I decided to ghost her in the end, this morning she sent another e-mail noticing my birthday past last week.
One last chance it is then...
But now I'm stuck. This weekend is Christmas parties weekend. One from work, one from church. Can't miss these, so I can't ask her out this weekend. If I ask her out and tell her I can't go this weekend, she'll mostly think it's because I have a date. :/
One last chance it is then...
But now I'm stuck. This weekend is Christmas parties weekend. One from work, one from church. Can't miss these, so I can't ask her out this weekend. If I ask her out and tell her I can't go this weekend, she'll mostly think it's because I have a date. :/
Sounds like a cop out. Have you considered telling her as much? Like saying you've got prior obligations?
If she really is that busy, planning in advance seems practical. If she's into you and she's busy as well there should be some counter offer.
Best of luck but your posts so far seem a bit misguided.
Not much of a story atm. Its always been a fantasy of mine though lol
How did it work out for you?
I'll have to tell her. Actually I'm free from Sunday afternoon, but I can see her saying "Sunday no good for me as I have church" like several others I asked in the past. I go to church myself, but I don't stay there all day. But whatever. I'll try again asking her if she's free on Sunday. If she does not provide any real alternate date if she can't make it, I'm done.
I get that we can be all busy and all, but the woman should at least advice on what day she is free so we can set up a date instead of me asking "what about this day or this day or this day" and saying no on all because she's busy on all those days. :/
10am dates are real?
OP
OP
They're as real as you want them to be. You're busy, she's busy, if you really want to date each other you'll find two consecutive hours during which you can meet up.
I typically specify two days when I ask someone out. That lets them pick the less busy date. Women can and will counter with dates that work better for them. If they don't, no harm in asking them directly when they'd be free for drinks.
Personally I'd respond with something along the lines of "That's cool, I'm free most of next week so let me know when you're about" if she were to say that.
It puts the ball in her court and if she wants to reach out she will.
In any case speak with others and don't grow too attached to a person you've yet to meet.
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There's no rule you have to date in the evening. If its going well you can extend the date. Women feel safer meeting men 1st time from the internet during the day too.
Maybe she's too neutral.
My current girlfriend. Kind of. Her relationship was already dying when we met.
My current girlfriend. Kind of. Her relationship was already dying when we met.
You've written a novella so far about a girl you've never met. Just ask her to meet up for coffee in the afternoon before your party. Then you can at least meet in person so you know if it's worth all this mental effort you're putting into it. Why are you complicating this so much?
Both sides over the years, including a recent franchise in the confessions thread. Or something.
In unrelated news (lol), owning a house with the existing/former partner doesn't make for the smoothest transition but sometimes things just are what they are.
What I wouldn't do though is call it a fantasy. There's really no fantasy to it—it's work and you'll both have a lot to work through. Just make sure it's worth it.