I don't go on tinder with a plan anymore. I've realized such mindset is silly. I just use it to have fun and see who I can meet and whatever happens happens. You think most women have explicitly thought out such rules about the app only being for dates or any such confines for what it's for or where such interactions will go?
It's a dating app. Unless otherwise stated the assumption is people are using it to date. I dont think that's really controversial. If you've reached the point where you see someone regularly its going to be under the assumption that there is something there.
Such conversation would be bizarre to have about her being in the friend zone... literally no one brings this topic up if they are on the receiving end and only such times a conversation would be had is if the person with the crush was so bold to ask.
It would be weird if you didn't meet on Tinder. The way you framed this is you met on Tinder, she integrated you into her friend group and now you are seeing signs she likes you. Which is not odd because why would she integrate you into her friend group if there wasn't anything there?
I'm not extending myself like that nor do I feel any obligation to... it would be absolutely strange my guy.
You aint gotta do anything. I never said "you should do this" in any of my post. I absolutely am uninterested in how you handle this in the end. I'm just saying, you come off as an asshole when you toss aside her feelings to get with her friend without even addressing the elephant in the room.
And I disagree about being an asshole and no I'm not asking because I'm afraid of being categorized as one. I realize there is a risk to being myself and going after what I want and I was asking for advice to get some insight into how to weigh this risk or how my situation could potentially play out.
Fam. Long story short, its irrelevant whether you think you are an asshole or not. No one cares. How you view yourself here literally doesn't matter. Everyone else in the situation is going to see you as a dick. That's why we are telling you to consider her feelings in this
One person put it straight forward in here (in a negative light) that it could cause some drama in the group depending on her reaction and that's a risk I'd have to take sine you never know how petty some people can be but that's part of life and I'm not going to filter myself because someone can't take a hint that I'm not into them.
Like I said, you read this in the context of what you have shared with us, you sound like a jerk. This isn't me shitting on you. This is what you will be perceived as if you attack every situation from "logic dictates that. . ." As opposed to acknowledging feeling exist even if they are dumb.
People don't own people and I don't owe anyone jack shit for the emotions THEY are experiencing THEMSELVES.
Like I said. Sound like an asshole
This is really needy logic you're writing my guy.
Like I said. There is no honor in this game as far as I'm concerned. When I give people advice it isn't bounded by morals or a code of ethics. Its about whether shit will work or not. So understand that I aint saying this with the overarching point of be a good person. I genuinely don't care. I say it because how these people perceive you is going to be everything.
Still though, this philosophy doesn't imply that your actions in getting what you want aren't poor or rude. You just have to weigh them. But frankly naw you are wrong about the idea this is needy. Its not needy to imply you should be straight up with a girl before you immediately pursue her friend. Like keeping it real is needy?
I can easily extend this logic over to any number of situations where women lose interest in a guy where she was kinda dating him but someone else came along and she ghosted him etc.
Not when you are:
1) claiming this is your friend (lol)
2) going hit on her friend while ignoring her
3) claiming this is now your friend group
Friend dynamics require you to not be selfish all the time and think me me me.
Any number of scenarios, they are endless. That is 100% her right and it is usually his own shortcomings if this becomes a problem for him. This can further be extended to friendships, groups, and people in general. Not just in dating. I'm not "inserting myself deep in her friend group." I'm being a social creature. What dynamics of her group? This is really limiting speech. I'm not saying that it can't be more nuanced than this and some factors should be considered when making decisions in these situations but I don't see any sort of courteous action that should be extended or "rules" that should be followed with someone I have never dated.
Keeping it real. If some nigga of 2 months came in my group and did the shit you are saying is fine, said nigga would not be in my group any longer. Talking bout "you don't own me" and "I'm a social creature and there are no rules". Fuck outta here. Rule 1 is don't stir shit son. Some dude of 2 months is a nobody. They'll get dropped in an instant if there presense is a headache.
I've told you before and I'll tell you again... I've never dated this girl, I've never given her a single sign I am interested in her romantically in any way, our relationship is completely hollow with regards to this aspect. It is 0% me 100% her flirting with me. I've never led her on in any way, shape or form.
So you cant just use your words and tell her this?
I like her as a friend but I'm not about to pander to the lower conscious needy qualities of someone because I'm interested in someone else.
No one talks about there friends like this.
Not meaning to throw shade specifically on her only but as a rule of thumb for my own life in general. Doesn't matter how we met. We are friends, that's it. I respect your willingness to engage in this discussion with me but I gotta disagree with you on this, except where you said how there is no honor here.
No issues my man. We disagree but it aint a thing :)
