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A boss hates me and I don't know what I did.

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Redowl

Redowl

Member
Oct 30, 2017
591
New York City
So this coworker and I were friendly at first and then some gossip happened that I knew nothing of and she blamed me for it. After a long time of awkwardness I addressed the issue with her and I thought we were cool. Now she's at it again with the awkwardness, coldness, and rudeness. I tried to address it again and sent her a text (big mistake) asking her to speak. I was going to ask her what was up and she totally ignored the text over the weekend. Now we are acting more awkward than ever and my friend told me to leave it alone before she starts some kind of harassment case against me. He said she's the type that would do that. So I kinda regret sending her that text because it made things worse (but things were already bad so who gives a shit) . and guess what. she was just assigned as my direct supervisor. So we have to interact every once in a while. What do I do? Do I still greet her even though she totally ignores me?
 
Kamek

Kamek

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,985
Just say hey when you see her and keep it moving. She doesn't want to be friends or here your side. Since it's at work just protect yourself and be professional. All you can do
 

Deleted member 10384

User-requested account closure
Banned
Oct 7, 2021
273
Best thing to do is keep it 100% business and nothing more, treat her like you would the checkout person at Target, do what you need to do, don't show emotion, and it'll work itself out.
 
Poppy

Poppy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,350
richmond, va
that's life, i suggest you stop bothering her and if it's really a problem bring it up with HR, because texting your coworker asking her why she is mad at you is probably gonna just make everything worse. you work together, that's it. leave it alone
 
OP
OP
Redowl

Redowl

Member
Oct 30, 2017
591
New York City
Poppy said:
that's life, i suggest you stop bothering her and if it's really a problem bring it up with HR, because texting your coworker asking her why she is mad at you is probably gonna just make everything worse. you work together, that's it. leave it alone
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Yeah, I don't plan on texting her EVER again. I'm actually trying to leave that job because it's become near unbearable. This is just another thorn in my side.
 
xxracerxx

xxracerxx

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
31,222
Leave her alone and do the job. I assume the awkwardness if only from you, she sounds over it and wants to move on.
 
Khezu

Khezu

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,953
That's annoying.
Pretty much what everyone else said is correct.
Nothing you can do.

Her being your direct supervisor though, that sucks.
 
Annihilo

Annihilo

Member
Sep 14, 2019
514
just keep yourself professional

but yeah the fact they are your boss is troubling ngl, doesnt bode well
 
Empty Your Head

Empty Your Head

Alt Account
Banned
Feb 1, 2022
1,579
Maintain professionalism. Don't speak or contact each-other outside of work again. Talk to your HR or HR-adjacent person about the situation and ask if you can CC them on work communications going forward.

I had to do this once when my manager abruptly quit and their replacement made it clear to others that they wanted to replace me with someone they used to work with at an outside company. Tried to work it out personally, made the situation worse.

CCing HR when we exchanged work emails kept it professional and polite. That's all I needed.

I was eventually let go anyways and replaced with that person but it worked for a time!
 
faint

faint

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,196
These things happen and can get messy. Just do your best to ignore it. Don't feel compelled to fix it. Go directly to HR if things get worse with her as your direct supervisor.
 
Musubi

Musubi

Unshakable Resolve - Prophet of Truth
Member
Oct 25, 2017
24,117
This may sound cold but honestly who cares?

Some people you will just not be able to please no matter what you do. Its why I keep a very defined line between work and personal life. Keep it all business and just ignore her.
 
Ashes of Dreams

Ashes of Dreams

Fallen Guardian of Unshakable Resolve
Member
May 22, 2020
15,393
I don't know how to say this without sounding a bit rude but to me it seems like you're just pestering her?

None of us can judge whatever the ambiguous "gossip" was but putting that aside and just looking at the series of events as you describe them:
- You confront her for being "awkward" and "cold".
- You text her asking her to speak to you.
- She ignores it.

If a co-worker kept confronting me over something like this it would certainly make me uncomfortable and I'd be more awkward.
It's time to let it go.
 
Tater

Tater

Member
Oct 30, 2017
2,616
Maybe you did something you didn't realize, maybe she misread a situation and you've done nothing wrong. You may never know.

Like others have said, be 100% business with her at this point, nothing else you can do. It's also your best defense against any other gossip that might happen in the future.

If she's now your direct supervisor,
I would try to get transfered, or look for a new job. I've had a boss that hated me for no good reason before, it leads to lots of extra stress and issues at work.
 
OP
OP
Redowl

Redowl

Member
Oct 30, 2017
591
New York City
Empty Your Head said:
Maintain professionalism. Don't speak or contact each-other outside of work again. Talk to your HR or HR-adjacent person about the situation and ask if you can CC them on work communications going forward.

I had to do this once when my manager abruptly quit and their replacement made it clear to others that they wanted to replace me with someone they used to work with at an outside company. Tried to work it out personally, made the situation worse.

CCing HR when we exchanged work emails kept it professional and polite. That's all I needed.

I was eventually let go anyways and replaced with that person but it worked for a time!
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I don't think I need HR to step in at this point. As long as she's not making it a point to make my life a living hell for no reason. It sucks that we can't all be rational and talk things out . Sometimes you just have to leave things alone, I guess. It sucks that you were fired.
 
OP
OP
Redowl

Redowl

Member
Oct 30, 2017
591
New York City
Tater said:
Maybe you did something you didn't realize, maybe she misread a situation and you've done nothing wrong. You may never know.

Like others have said, be 100% business with her at this point, nothing else you can do. It's also your best defense against any other gossip that might happen in the future.

If she's now your direct supervisor,
I would try to get transfered, or look for a new job. I've had a boss that hated me for no good reason before, it leads to lots of extra stress and issues at work.
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Besides this bullshit, I really am hating that job. I've been fervently looking to no avail.
 
OP
OP
Redowl

Redowl

Member
Oct 30, 2017
591
New York City
Ashes of Dreams said:
I don't know how to say this without sounding a bit rude but to me it seems like you're just pestering her?

None of us can judge whatever the ambiguous "gossip" was but putting that aside and just looking at the series of events as you describe them:
- You confront her for being "awkward" and "cold".
- You text her asking her to speak to you.
- She ignores it.

If a co-worker kept confronting me over something like this it would certainly make me uncomfortable and I'd be more awkward.
It's time to let it go.
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Indeed. I don't wanna be a pest to anyone.
 
Lunchbox-

Lunchbox-

Banned
Nov 2, 2017
12,229
bEast Coast
keep interactions with work friends to hi hello nice weather have a nice weekend with a fake smile

don't shit where you eat

real friends are outside of work
 
Tokyo_Funk

Tokyo_Funk

Banned
Dec 10, 2018
10,053
Never ever gone to a workplace or school situation where there wasn't someone like this. It's like a cliche or a role that just has to be filled for drama sake. A walking stereotype of banal tribalism who think that targetting a person and making a show of it. They're often bored with their lives, so they take their shit to work and put on a show. I've learned to just ignore it and let them parade their snooty behaviour.
 
Glimlocker

Glimlocker

Member
Mar 7, 2019
3,685
Empire of the Inland Realm, USA
This happens to me at least once per job.

It's typically always the gossip/drama-type personalities that tend to do this.
As far as I can tell, they'll misread some of your behavior (i.e. not wanting to hang out and chat with them all the time or something like that) and then start a rumor, which leads to them and their clique becoming paranoid about you.

Either that or special treatment, perceived or otherwise, from managers, supervisors, etc. will land you on the bad side of some of these people.

It's not fun, but I've found you just keep treating them as kindly as possible.

Tokyo_Funk said:
Never ever gone to a workplace or school situation where there wasn't someone like this. It's like a cliche or a role that just has to be filled for drama sake. A walking stereotype of banal tribalism who think that targetting a person and making a show of it. They're often bored with their lives, so they take their shit to work and put on a show. I've learned to just ignore it and let them parade their snooty behaviour.
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Whoa. Should've loaded the new messages when I was writing this.
Good to see some other confirmation on this.

Artificial drama is everywhere, it seems.
 
JaseC64

JaseC64

Enlightened
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
11,008
Strong Island NY
Bring your Deck to work, play Elden Ring in front of her and be like "yo check this -ish out! How far have we come from Super Mario 3! Isn't this blowing your mind?" while staring at her to see her response.
 
MrBS

MrBS

"This guy are sick"
Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,309
Tokyo_Funk said:
Never ever gone to a workplace or school situation where there wasn't someone like this. It's like a cliche or a role that just has to be filled for drama sake. A walking stereotype of banal tribalism who think that targetting a person and making a show of it. They're often bored with their lives, so they take their shit to work and put on a show. I've learned to just ignore it and let them parade their snooty behaviour.
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Thanks for typing this up so I don't have to, there is always one.
 
Cygnus X-1

Cygnus X-1

Member
Oct 28, 2017
972
You already tried to address it and things went worse. Make a step back now. Reduce intractions to a minimum.

Speak with positive people and push away negative people. Negativity is contagious and is going to affect your performance and the performance of the people around you.

Since she is your direct supervisor: be professional, get stuff done, ignore any provocation.

And in the meantime: look for a different job. Don't waste your time with people that make you miserable.

P.S. title is misleading. She is not your coworker. She is your boss.
 
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vinnygambini

vinnygambini

Member
Dec 11, 2018
1,338
AuthenticM said:
You might want to notify HR of the situation considering that she now has authority over you.
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DO NOT DO THIS! I REPEAT DO NOT DO THIS.

The OP has confronted said individual and wrote to the coworker outside of working hours. This does not put the OP in a positive light.

Until the coworker (or now supervisor) has materially done something to harm the OP's career or instigated the gossip, it is best to do nothing and move on. Kill em with kindness and excel in your work.
 
Midramble

Midramble

Force of Habit
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
10,518
San Francisco
I've only experienced this from the other side. Had a coworker I was friendly with, but over time they became overly friendly with jokes that were pretty close to flirting and then went on to actual flirting which I would be friendly with in order to not create conflict in the office, but they wouldn't get the hint even as I disengaged more and more. Other people in the office started noticing this which developed into rumors which I very much didn't like especially since I'm married and eventually culminated in an instant where they came up and rubbed my shoulders while I was working at my desk, again in front of coworkers, which was a line to far. They weren't a bad person, and I'm not sure I would call them creepy, but they weren't able to catch any of my signs of not wanting this kind of engagement until they escalated to a point of being uncomfortable. I think some people aren't aware of their actions and their visibility at times and some people don't have the social "intelligence" to notice when their, seemingly innocuous, actions have social consequences.
 
AIan

AIan

Member
Oct 20, 2019
4,990
Yeah, I would just kill any relationship with that coworker and act professionally. It's only awkward if you think it is! This kinda happened with my coworker once, our relationship mended when we just left each other alone for a while.
 
KtotheRoc

KtotheRoc

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 27, 2017
56,991
Not everyone is going to like you, OP. As others have said, just keep it professional.
 
geardo

geardo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,361
I'd start looking for a new job since she's apparently your boss, not your coworker.
 
travisbickle

travisbickle

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,953
Take this from someone who was shouted at by a "colleague" during my commute home. I put it in commas because I don't work directly and hardly talked to the guy but we took a similar route home on public transport. One day he decided I was the root of all his problems and just tore into me. He literally followed me down the street shouting at me, It was like one of those "crazy guy" YouTube videos but it was happening directly to me. Honestly was triggered for months afterwards by anyone who looked similar to him. The point is I rarely talked to the guy but there was obviously something I said. At one point he was shouting "do you think I'm crazy? do you think I made all this up?" And honestly I thought he was crazy and he was making it all up but in his mind I was very cruel and every small interaction with him had been me bullying him. I don't remember even getting beyond just light chat with him, maybe 10 times in total we spoke?

if you have more contact with your coworker there's likely a list of things you've done but haven't even noticed. Stay away from them.
 
Soap

Soap

Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,836
There will always be coworkers who dislike you. My advise is to put it to one side for any work you have to do together and just try to avoid them at any other time.
 
Dice

Dice

Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,175
Canada
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If it's hard to work with them that's another thing, Let a supe know and just... don't try? :S
 
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