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Anyone else get extremely annoyed when strangers suggest you do inconsequential things?

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DrScruffleton

DrScruffleton

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Oct 26, 2017
12,655
I am in line at UPS, holding two very light boxes that I need a receipt for. I am holding them with one hand while on my phone with the other. Im not paying attention to anything around me, then randomly I hear the guy in front of me in line say "you can put those down while you wait". Like, ok. Does it look like I am struggling while holding them with one hand and not even paying attention? Why would he tell me this. I just ignore him.

Another one was at a restaurant. I am standing there waiting for my order at the counter. On my phone again. And some random guy, not even an employee, says "You should sit down while you wait." I am standing here for a reason. I don't want to sit on their chairs that probably haven't been cleaned all day from others sitting there. This one I actually responded back to and said "No, I will keep standing here"

What possesses these people to be like this. Are they that controlling in their life that they have to tell strangers what to do? Why cant they mind their own business. Maybe its an irrational annoyance, but I cannot stand this.
 
Cipherr

Cipherr

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Oct 26, 2017
13,503
matrixman92 said:
Why can't they mind their own business.
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I'm convinced that being able to manage this is just a straight up superpower that some of us are born with at this point. It's odd man. I agree that it comes off more controlling that 'kind'. It's not like an adult isn't going to notice that they can 'sit these down' if they wanted to. Super captain obvious stuff there.
 
loco

loco

Member
Jan 6, 2021
5,584
I was in a hotel lobby reading my phone email while waiting for my coworker to come down so we can go to a conference together and this guy sits down right next to me and says "you know there's a whole world out there to explore if you just put your phone down for a minute". I just grabbed his hat and threw it across the room.
 
sirap

sirap

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,232
South East Asia
Not really, they were just being kind.

I get it though, but I wouldn't be able to function if I get extremely annoyed at something as innocuous as that.
 
duckroll

duckroll

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Oct 25, 2017
11,636
Singapore
You sound extremely high strung and easily triggered by very minor interactions. I don't think it's their problem here lol.
 
AIan

AIan

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Oct 20, 2019
4,939
I surprisingly get the first line a lot especially from people I know, I usually reply with "it's a good workout"
 
RoninChaos

RoninChaos

Member
Oct 26, 2017
8,351
matrixman92 said:
I am in line at UPS, holding two very light boxes that I need a receipt for. I am holding them with one hand while on my phone with the other. Im not paying attention to anything around me, then randomly I hear the guy in front of me in line say "you can put those down while you wait". Like, ok. Does it look like I am struggling while holding them with one hand and not even paying attention? Why would he tell me this. I just ignore him.

Another one was at a restaurant. I am standing there waiting for my order at the counter. On my phone again. And some random guy, not even an employee, says "You should sit down while you wait." I am standing here for a reason. I don't want to sit on their chairs that probably haven't been cleaned all day from others sitting there. This one I actually responded back to and said "No, I will keep standing here"

What possesses these people to be like this. Are they that controlling in their life that they have to tell strangers what to do? Why cant they mind their own business. Maybe its an irrational annoyance, but I cannot stand this.
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They're trying to be nice, you fucking doofus. Lol

Seriously, if this kind of stuff bothers you And you think people trying to be kind of empathetic is controlling, you need to calm the fuck down.
 
Carbon

Carbon

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Oct 27, 2017
10,986
OP, if they were in your shoes, they'd probably want to put the boxes down, or sit for a spell while they wait. It's likely not about control, it's about showing empathy.
 
SinnyIndonesian

SinnyIndonesian

Member
Feb 16, 2022
15,015
They were just being kind. You just probably happen to be more conscious about what you're doing than some others are. There are people out there who aren't sitting down or putting down their boxes, so to speak, without actually registering what they're doing, so when someone told them "You can sit down while you wait", they actually get reminded that yes, they can actually sit down while they wait. It happens.

If it doesn't apply to you, usually I'd just go for "No, I'm okay" or "No, it's fine".
 
TaySan

TaySan

SayTan
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Dec 10, 2018
31,747
Tulsa, Oklahoma
They were probably trying to be nice, but I get where you are coming from with unsolicited help. I would just ignore it and go about my day or say no thank you.
 
supernormal

supernormal

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
3,164
I don't know what to think of the OP if he truly believes that those strangers are the "villains" in these stories.
 
OP
OP
DrScruffleton

DrScruffleton

Member
Oct 26, 2017
12,655
loco said:
I was in a hotel lobby reading my phone email while waiting for my coworker to come down so we can go to a conference together and this guy sits down right next to me and says "you know there's a whole world out there to explore if you just put your phone down for a minute". I just grabbed his hat and threw it across the room.
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thats by far worse than any of mine haha
 
PeakPointMatrix

PeakPointMatrix

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Oct 25, 2017
19,364
matrixman92 said:
comes off way more weird and controlling than kind to me.
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This… might be more of a you problem. I get if their tone was "uhh duh you can sit here you know", but otherwise why let this get you riled up? No one out there is getting a psychological high off "controlling" someone by suggesting they can sit if they want or there's space on a counter to put something down. It's out of legitimate consideration for others, something really lacking in lot of people. A quick, "oh no, I'm good thanks" is all you need to respond with.
 
echoshifting

echoshifting

very salt heavy
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
15,040
The Negative Zone
This reads as being projected from your history honestly. Were your parents controlling, maybe?

I know in the situations you describe, I don't think I'd experience much of an emotional response, but I would absolutely not be able to do what the strangers suggest - even if I had been about to do it on my own! - because I experience oppositional defiance thanks to my history with insanely controlling parents.

Could be me that's projecting, but just curious if this intense reaction could be related to your life experiences in some way...if not your parents maybe something else?
 

Deleted member 81119

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Sep 19, 2020
8,308
Honestly OP is right. Those people aren't being nice. Offering unsolicited advice is a personal ego boost. It's also incredibly patronising if it's super obvious stuff.
 
F34R

F34R

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Oct 27, 2017
12,035
Them - "you can put those down while you wait"
Me - "you can mind your own business while you wait"

I have a problem with what I want to say, and what I should say. The want to say usually gets blurted out w/o filter.
 
Hokey

Hokey

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Oct 29, 2017
2,164
Something similar happened to me yesterday but they were kinda asking for advice vs giving it - Was at flower shop buying some stuff with my wife and two guys came up to me:

Lazy mf: "Hey do you know where the exit is?"
Me: "Exit?!"
Lazy mf:"Yea, this is the entrance and I want to know where the exit is?"
Me: "Nah, have a look around, I'm sure you'll find it".

Like we're both masked up, trying our best not to interact with anyone cuz erryone coughing etc and this mofo and his dopey mate need a map to find their way out of a store?!
 

Deleted member 8257

Oct 26, 2017
24,586
OP. Would you listen if they prefaced their suggestions with "would you kindly..."
 
AstronaughtE

AstronaughtE

Member
Nov 26, 2017
10,377
I get you. It's probably coming from a good place but it's like they're injecting themselves into your bubble.

I think these days i mostly hear "you don't have to wear a mask anymore."

I don't think I get "extremely annoyed" about stuff like that because it's so brief, for me I get extremely annoyed by small talk.
 

Deleted member 8257

Oct 26, 2017
24,586
Hokey said:
This happened to me yesterday - Was at flower shop buying some stuff with my wife and two guys came up to me:

Lazy mf: "Hey do you know where the exit is?"
Me: "Exit?!"
Lazy mf:"Yea, this is the entrance and I want to know where the exit is?"
Me: "Nah, have a look around, I'm sure you'll find it".

Like we're both masked up, trying our best not to interact with anyone cuz erryone coughing etc and this mofo and his dopey mate need a map to find their way out of a store?!
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Being masked is not an excuse to be rude.
 
wenis

wenis

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Oct 25, 2017
16,161
I was beating up this guy with my fists and this other guy comes up from behind and points out I could've been using a loose pipe instead of damaging my hands. Really put a damper on the whole thing. No one was having a good time.
 
thisismadness

thisismadness

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,492
Honestly, it sounds like you have some serious "resting bitch face" and people get the impression that you are annoyed/angry while you are waiting, so they offer some advice that might help you relax.
 

Deleted member 81119

User-requested account closure
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Sep 19, 2020
8,308
Hokey said:
Something similar happened to me yesterday but they were kinda asking for advice vs giving it - Was at flower shop buying some stuff with my wife and two guys came up to me:

Lazy mf: "Hey do you know where the exit is?"
Me: "Exit?!"
Lazy mf:"Yea, this is the entrance and I want to know where the exit is?"
Me: "Nah, have a look around, I'm sure you'll find it".

Like we're both masked up, trying our best not to interact with anyone cuz erryone coughing etc and this mofo and his dopey mate need a map to find their way out of a store?!
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Yeah no this isn't okay. You acted like a jerk.
 
bananab

bananab

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,888
"Kind" comments are funny. Tbh I am with op. These are absurdly obvious suggestions that border on smartassery.
 
Deimos

Deimos

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,815
Hokey said:
Something similar happened to me yesterday but they were kinda asking for advice vs giving it - Was at flower shop buying some stuff with my wife and two guys came up to me:

Lazy mf: "Hey do you know where the exit is?"
Me: "Exit?!"
Lazy mf:"Yea, this is the entrance and I want to know where the exit is?"
Me: "Nah, have a look around, I'm sure you'll find it".

Like we're both masked up, trying our best not to interact with anyone cuz erryone coughing etc and this mofo and his dopey mate need a map to find their way out of a store?!
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I'm with OP but this is just next level. I'm think it might just be trolling.
 
ChrisD

ChrisD

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Oct 25, 2017
4,635
"It's fine," or, "I'm good," is all you need. I don't think anyone's trying to be controlling or condescending from the examples presented. Seeing someone standing and noticing an empty seat they could use isn't telling them to sit down. Boxes thing is weird, but they don't actually know how lightweight they are. Sure, you're holding with one hand, but they probably noticed moreso that you had two stacked boxes in one hand. Second is odd but in both cases just sounds like someone trying to be considerate.
 
Wil Grieve

Wil Grieve

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,258
1. Do you find that you often struggle with social interaction?

2. When they say "You can sit down," you should respond, "No, sitting is quietly murdering you."
 
Melpomene

Melpomene

One Winged Slayer
Member
Jun 9, 2019
18,476
Jesus, I'm glad I don't have to interact with some of you in person. This sort of hair-trigger response to innocuous social behaviors is the exact kind of thing that reinforces my social anxiety. Better not accidentally say the wrong well-meaning thing or you're suddenly the subject of someone's snarling rant later in the day for being trash, I guess.
 
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