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Oct 25, 2017
12,034
Just to be clear because I kinda goofed in the title by including alligators and crocodiles, can an *alligator* do all of this?
IDK, you tell me:

In mature males, most specimens grow up to about 3.4 m (11 ft 2 in) in length, and weigh up to 360 kg (790 lb),[7] while in females, the mature size is normally around 2.6 m (8 ft 6 in), with a body weight up to 91 kg (201 lb).
 

Ryuhza

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
11,448
San Diego County
Alligator-Florida.jpg


If this approaches you, it feels like it could hardly do any damage. Just manage to stay away from its mouth, jump on top of it or something and problem solved?

latest
 

kmfdmpig

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
19,390
I always laugh at the "x% of Americans think they could beat a tiger/elephant/gorilla/bear while unarmed" polls. Now I see it in thread form.
 

Kraid

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,300
Cuck Zone
Were you the Redditor who was posting that they were sure that if they were in the OceanGate Titan they are positive they would have survived because they're just built different?
 

L Thammy

Spacenoid
Member
Oct 25, 2017
50,133
I think you're party right in that crocodiles have certain weaknesses that make them kind of harmless in specific positions. Like, they don't have strong muscles for opening their mouths, so a human can just hold its mouth closed.

That said, it's also armoured to the point that some have been rumoured to have shrugged of grenades, they don't really seem that bothered by attempts to hurt them either way, if they bite you whatever body part they catch is coming clean off, there might be more than one of them at a time, so on ad so forth. There are so many attributes that make it dangerous that you probably don't want to play around with the aspects that aren't.
 
OP
OP
Lant_War

Lant_War

Classic Anus Game
Banned
Jul 14, 2018
23,601
Ok ok I stand corrected. That video where it gets the cheetah is very impressive from the croc, I didn't even notice it was coming.
 

ArchedThunder

Uncle Beerus
Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,109
"I don't get how guns are dangerous. You can just rush the shooter and worst case you get shot once"
 

bossmonkey

Avenger
Nov 9, 2017
2,506
This reminds me of the people who were confused how a cargo ship could take down the bridge in Baltimore. Sometimes if you haven't seen something you can't draw true context on it. Gators and crocodiles are incredibly dangerous apex predators full stop.
 

fracas

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,664
idk how to tell you that yes, you probably should be wary of literal apex predators
 

Ashes of Dreams

Fallen Guardian of Unshakable Resolve
Member
May 22, 2020
14,584
I am baffled at the "I mean it's just one bite on my leg". Like... yeah you just lose your leg and are now bleeding to death, you think you're gonna have to strength and mental awareness to keep its mouth shut for the second bite?
 

deimosmasque

Ugly, Queer, Gender-Fluid, Drive-In Mutant, yes?
Moderator
Apr 22, 2018
14,277
Tampa, Fl
When you think about dangerous animals, usual ones come up. Bears, Tigers, Lions, Hippos, Sharks, Snakes - but if I've learnt something from interacting with floridian-made content is that most people in florida are absolutely terrified of alligators.

This is the thing, I don't get it at all. Look at this little dude:

Alligator-Florida.jpg


If this approaches you, it feels like it could hardly do any damage. Just manage to stay away from its mouth, jump on top of it or something and problem solved? I promise I'm not trying to sound like a "I could kill a bear" dumbass but I don't understand how these can be threatful to humans. Am I missing something?
I actually wanted to say I love your Jammer Lammy avatar
 

Aero

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,796
I am baffled at the "I mean it's just one bite on my leg". Like... yeah you just lose your leg and are now bleeding to death, you think you're gonna have to strength and mental awareness to keep its mouth shut for the second bite?
I would simply look disappointed at the crocodile then carry on with my day like in this video:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLy-Iiy_Zp4
Your leg and or limb would be gone in less than a second. Bite, roll, bye.
 
OP
OP
Lant_War

Lant_War

Classic Anus Game
Banned
Jul 14, 2018
23,601
I am baffled at the "I mean it's just one bite on my leg". Like... yeah you just lose your leg and are now bleeding to death, you think you're gonna have to strength and mental awareness to keep its mouth shut for the second bite?
It would obviously be risky regardless, but my "plan" in such a scenario if you can call it that would have been for the adrenaline to allow me to subsist long enough to drag myself into land again.
 

L Thammy

Spacenoid
Member
Oct 25, 2017
50,133
I think that if your plan involves you getting your leg bitten off by an alligator you may not be the world's greatest planner.
 

DenverCo

Member
Feb 21, 2019
540
Denver
You should have made the thread about Geese and why people are afraid of them, rather than a freaking tiny Godzila.
 

Nepenthe

When the music hits, you feel no pain.
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
20,773
I feel like it should be mandatory for humans to spend like a week in the wilderness with minimal guidance just to understand how much it is that Mother Nature is not playing with our asses.
 

crazy_man185

Member
Dec 12, 2023
29
It's only the largest of the species that are dangerous. And the smaller species only become aggressive during breeding season or if people start feeding them in the wild.
 

Jimnymebob

Member
Oct 26, 2017
19,668
Depends on what they bite no? If it gets my leg or something it'd hurt like hell but not kill me. If it gets my neck or something sure but I meant more so a limb.
I mean that relies on either:
  1. The croc deciding 'you know what, I don't fancy attacking them actually'.
  2. You being able to limp/crawl/handstand walk faster than 20mph on the off chance it lets you go.
 

pioneer

Member
May 31, 2022
4,185
The saltwater crocodile (Crocodylus porosus) is often heralded as the animal with the strongest bite on Earth. In a 2012 study, the bite of one individual was recorded at 16,414 Newtons or 3,689 pounds of force—making it the strongest recorded bite of any individual animal.
You would break into little pieces
 

Barbarossa

Member
Oct 30, 2017
1,278
I have an 9 foot alligator in my backyard but it's a giant coward. Runs into the water whenever someone gets near. Unless you're a toddler walking by the water you'd probably be okay.

15 footer, yeah that might be an issue.

Maybe the OP is this bird

9vak5ng8s5k61.jpg
Every morning I wake up and have my coffee and see birds with absolute disrespect for that gator. Ducks just walking by with no repercussions.
 

Tbm24

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,347
Media plays up the whole just jump on its back and holds its mouth closed, but it's not nearly as easy as it looks.
 

Rhaknar

Member
Oct 26, 2017
42,693
OP is one of those people that thinks he could beat a german shepard in a fight or something
 

tim1138

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,176
It would obviously be risky regardless, but my "plan" in such a scenario if you can call it that would have been for the adrenaline to allow me to subsist long enough to drag myself into land again.

But how do you think you're getting away from it?.It ain't letting go.
 

PAFenix

Unshakable Resolve
Member
Nov 21, 2019
14,788
I feel like it should be mandatory for humans to spend like a week in the wilderness with minimal guidance just to understand how much it is that Mother Nature is not playing with our asses.

Only reason we are where we are is we invented tools.

Without them, we're rather fucking mid.
 

Bede-x

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,513
Take a look at the strength of their bites and the size of them, crocodiles especially:


Maybe you've been bitten by a human, strenght of which is mentioned at the end of the article, so you have a way to compare. If they get a hold of you, anywhere, it's very difficult dislodging from their bite and then they either drag you underwater or start rolling, literally tearing what ever they have in their mouth, from your body. They are not to be trifled with.
 

Sai

Prophet of Truth
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
5,652
Chicago
i'm ctfu at "drag myself onto land again"

yeah babe, and then it grabs you again and drags you back and fucking ends you fjslkfsjjkfls
 

Jobiensis

Member
Oct 28, 2017
449
I mean it isn't going to bite you and then walk away.

It is an ambush predator, so you are getting some water from a lake and the next thing you know it has your leg. That ain't so bad, hey maybe it doesn't hit any arteries. But then it drags you into the water, pulls you underwater and spins you around. It can holds its breath a lot longer than you. You drown, the end.