I'm gonna go way way back to my childhood. We're talking about preschool here. I was a massive fan of Thomas the Tank engine. Specifically, the classic TV episodes narrated by George Carlin and RIngo Star, that were regularly aired on PBS in the 90s. (Though I preferred the VHS collections, cause they axed the Shining Time Station shit at the beginning and end, which I never was a fan of.) So when it was announced that they were making a movie, I had to go see it.
What a mistake that was. Even at 6 years old, it was one of the most boring slogs I have ever endured in my entire life. For some reason, they felt the need to not just put Thomas the Tank engine in the same universe as the aformentioned Shining Time Station drivel, but also added all of this heavy melodrama, including Peter Fonda moping around for 90 percent of the run-time. Oh, and and they also gave all the trains unique voice actors instead of going with the pleasant narration, so of course my little autistic ass hated it. (Cause the last thing kids on the autism spectrum want is changing up a formula that is already perfect in our eyes.)
My poor dad had to suffer through it all too, of course. I"m sure it was several times as painful for him as it was for me. Truly one of the most bizarre misfires in the history of theatrical movies aimed at children. And I'm shocked this garbage has a 90 percent approval rating from google users. Boy, the nostalgia goggles must be on real damn tight.
