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Creative Writing Challenge #76: "The Unexpected"

FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
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Theme: The Unexpected
Word Limit: 2400

Submission Deadline: Saturday, May 8th by 11:59 PM Pacific.


Voting begins Sunday, May 9th and goes until Tuesday, May 11th at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Optional Secondary Objective: Videogame Inspired: This is a gaming forum after all. Take some aspect of a video game and try and put your own spin on it. This is purposefully vague, so you can go in whatever direction you like. Maybe you just want to write Mass Effect fanfiction? Or you really like the Elder Scrolls magic system and want to make a suspiciously similar one yourself? Or maybe you just really dig the gritty tone of Max Payne? You can be as direct or indirect in your inspiration as you like.

On the Sunday during the challenge period, we have a regular writing hangout in the Discord server. Pretend to work on your alleged entry with a whole group!
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If you're new to the group and haven't found the general Writing OT yet, here it is:
https://www.resetera.com/threads/writersera-ot-publish-before-you-die.369/

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- Collaborations between two posters are welcome for all challenges, but they cannot also write a second submission individually. Collabs get 1.5X the stated word count maximum, rounded down to the nearest divisible-by-5 integer. Special collaborative challenges may have different rules.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!
- See image, ask for help if you have trouble viewing.


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Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes. You may add an honorable mention (HM).
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge using the thread creation Template

What if I win but I am too shy to make the new challenge?
You can pass on the new challenge honors to the second place winner.

Miscellaneous:

I missed this until too late. When's the next challenge?
They generally run every two weeks. The writing period goes for eleven days (Wednesday to Saturday), then voting goes for three days (Sunday to Tuesday). If you've missed one challenge, you only have to wait a few days for the next one.
Previous challenges can be found in the Thread Archive
Thanks to C.B. For the lovely banners, and ashes for the entry finding script, and all the users who have contributed to the rules and methods of the regular contests.
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
I'm gonna put my cards on the table and say Demon's Souls is going to be a big inspiration for my story. I'm a huge Souls nerd and have been getting back into the youtube lore video hole.
 
zulux21

zulux21

Member
Oct 25, 2017
20,390
let's see video game, and unexpected.... gotta go with something that unexpectedly works very well

 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
Freaking Limit

Freaking Limit

Member
Oct 25, 2017
682
I need to get back into these. I've found myself procrastinating a lot lately, so pushing myself to do some things seems to be the right answer. Plus, I do want to get better at writing and putting ideas together, since I can feel the rust developing. Just need to come up with an idea... Given my Etrian Odyssey itch, maybe I can use my party for some inspiration. The unexpected happens all the time in that game.
 
zulux21

zulux21

Member
Oct 25, 2017
20,390
Freaking Limit said:
I need to get back into these. I've found myself procrastinating a lot lately, so pushing myself to do some things seems to be the right answer. Plus, I do want to get better at writing and putting ideas together, since I can feel the rust developing. Just need to come up with an idea... Given my Etrian Odyssey itch, maybe I can use my party for some inspiration. The unexpected happens all the time in that game.
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you're brain doesn't contain enough metals that can rust to actually rust... so what you are feeling isn't rust. It's cobwebs... cobwebs from the millions of brain spiders you have in your head >.>

(I'm being serious with this spoiler)
brain-spiders-facebook-pic.jpg

bwa ha ha you didn't expect brain spiders did you?
 
Rivenblade

Rivenblade

Member
Nov 1, 2017
37,132
I've done a lot of brain dump writing over the past 24 hours, but nothing usable for this challenge yet. More so journal entries or mini essays than short stories. I hope they do lead to something for this, but I'm not going to force it.
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
Freaking Limit said:
I need to get back into these. I've found myself procrastinating a lot lately, so pushing myself to do some things seems to be the right answer. Plus, I do want to get better at writing and putting ideas together, since I can feel the rust developing. Just need to come up with an idea... Given my Etrian Odyssey itch, maybe I can use my party for some inspiration. The unexpected happens all the time in that game.
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I am unfamiliar with EO so you could totes pass it off as your own work and I'd be none the wiser.

Rivenblade said:
I've done a lot of brain dump writing over the past 24 hours, but nothing usable for this challenge yet. More so journal entries or mini essays than short stories. I hope they do lead to something for this, but I'm not going to force it.
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Awww I feel that about brain dumping ideas yet still being unable to come up with anything usuable. Maybe try dropping in an inkling of an idea and we could try brainstorming some neat angles you could take with it?

Pickman said:
latest
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Oh god.... did I accidentally just make another sonic fanfiction challenge?
 
Rivenblade

Rivenblade

Member
Nov 1, 2017
37,132
FlowersisBritish said:
I am unfamiliar with EO so you could totes pass it off as your own work and I'd be none the wiser.



Awww I feel that about brain dumping ideas yet still being unable to come up with anything usuable. Maybe try dropping in an inkling of an idea and we could try brainstorming some neat angles you could take with it?



Oh god.... did I accidentally just make another sonic fanfiction challenge?
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Maybe?

Wrote two pages about the paradox of choice and the paralysis felt when staring at a list of all the books you could read, shows you could watch, music you could listen to. Living in a society of quantity but feeling paralyzed, and often feeling like things are overly disposable with very little actually sticking with us or providing meaning. And how the shattering of the monoculture has severed some broader connections as people have retreated into their sub-communities.

Another about people coming with weight when we meet them...carrying around "the aftermaths of hurt, hope, joy, and a litany of disappointments." Could go surreal with people carrying around literal baskets or backpacks of their histories that come alive...or that are stored in objects/crystals/etc. and people are hesitant to share themselves ie show their objects/pasts to others. Could happen on a spiritual plane or something. Maybe after death in a purgatory where the unknown goal is to unburden yourself or come to terms with the things you carry.

The final one is just a sentence: "The phone is a vampire, leeching brain matter and spirit." Could do something on a phone gaining spiritual sentience and actually leeching a person's soul. Maybe the MC is on a museum trip or a ghost walk and there's a creepy fountain or something that is said to curse an object if it's dipped into it...or "It all started with the Fountain of Youth." Like someone says there's a fountain believed to bring youth (maybe one of many in the world claiming to be "the real fountain of youth,") and they accidentally drop their (probably waterproof) phone into it then when they go home they start noticing wrinkles/signs of aging, and maybe their phone gets "younger" by downloading older iOSs? LOL

That's kind of what I'm working with, but writing this crap down has already helped the ideas to percolate a bit.
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
Rivenblade said:
Maybe?

Wrote two pages about the paradox of choice and the paralysis felt when staring at a list of all the books you could read, shows you could watch, music you could listen to. Living in a society of quantity but feeling paralyzed, and often feeling like things are overly disposable with very little actually sticking with us or providing meaning. And how the shattering of the monoculture has severed some broader connections as people have retreated into their sub-communities.

Another about people coming with weight when we meet them...carrying around "the aftermaths of hurt, hope, joy, and a litany of disappointments." Could go surreal with people carrying around literal baskets or backpacks of their histories that come alive...or that are stored in objects/crystals/etc. and people are hesitant to share themselves ie show their objects/pasts to others. Could happen on a spiritual plane or something. Maybe after death in a purgatory where the unknown goal is to unburden yourself or come to terms with the things you carry.

The final one is just a sentence: "The phone is a vampire, leeching brain matter and spirit." Could do something on a phone gaining spiritual sentience and actually leeching a person's soul. Maybe the MC is on a museum trip or a ghost walk and there's a creepy fountain or something that is said to curse an object if it's dipped into it...or "It all started with the Fountain of Youth." Like someone says there's a fountain believed to bring youth (maybe one of many in the world claiming to be "the real fountain of youth,") and they accidentally drop their (probably waterproof) phone into it then when they go home they start noticing wrinkles/signs of aging, and maybe their phone gets "younger" by downloading older iOSs? LOL

That's kind of what I'm working with, but writing this crap down has already helped the ideas to percolate a bit.
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I figured I'd give some thoughts on each idea and see if my rambling can't help you think of directions to go.

The first idea: I like the themes, and I definitely think the quantity creating paralysis is really relatable, but that feels like more an essay than a story. You could go a literary route with it and just be direct, but I dunno, you could get a lot of mileage from "I have too many options I don't know what to do!" in a fantasy setting. You could do something with a library's worth of knowledge, or a spellcaster who has learned waaaay too many spells (A big reason why I personally am bad at playing spellcasters in DnD), or any other neat directions. I like the end message, but in my experience with literary stuff, when you come to the thematic end before writing the story, that end tends to bog the writing process down. It then becomes too focused on themes and characters/plot can't breathe.

Second idea: I do really like the and I think a surreal aspect would be great. I don't think putting it in a spiritual plane would be good though. I think you could easily pull off the idea with a surreal setting that's basically our world except with heavy people whether it be backpacks or what. A spiritual plane feels like a way to make sure your metaphor doesn't become messy against the logic of our real world, but I think surrealism works best when it embraces that messiness personally.

Third: That is a hell of a sentence. Like a really really really good sentence. Its super evocative. I think the concept you went with it is a bit convoluted with a fountain of youth, but honestly, a Portrait of Dorean Gray-type situation with a phone downloading old apps is a hell of a concept you could definitely get a lot of mileage out of.

Anyway, I just wanted to think out loud with some of your ideas and see if that helped you at all. All three would make for good stories, I'm sure.
 
Rivenblade

Rivenblade

Member
Nov 1, 2017
37,132
FlowersisBritish said:
I figured I'd give some thoughts on each idea and see if my rambling can't help you think of directions to go.

The first idea: I like the themes, and I definitely think the quantity creating paralysis is really relatable, but that feels like more an essay than a story. You could go a literary route with it and just be direct, but I dunno, you could get a lot of mileage from "I have too many options I don't know what to do!" in a fantasy setting. You could do something with a library's worth of knowledge, or a spellcaster who has learned waaaay too many spells (A big reason why I personally am bad at playing spellcasters in DnD), or any other neat directions. I like the end message, but in my experience with literary stuff, when you come to the thematic end before writing the story, that end tends to bog the writing process down. It then becomes too focused on themes and characters/plot can't breathe.

Second idea: I do really like the and I think a surreal aspect would be great. I don't think putting it in a spiritual plane would be good though. I think you could easily pull off the idea with a surreal setting that's basically our world except with heavy people whether it be backpacks or what. A spiritual plane feels like a way to make sure your metaphor doesn't become messy against the logic of our real world, but I think surrealism works best when it embraces that messiness personally.

Third: That is a hell of a sentence. Like a really really really good sentence. Its super evocative. I think the concept you went with it is a bit convoluted with a fountain of youth, but honestly, a Portrait of Dorean Gray-type situation with a phone downloading old apps is a hell of a concept you could definitely get a lot of mileage out of.

Anyway, I just wanted to think out loud with some of your ideas and see if that helped you at all. All three would make for good stories, I'm sure.
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Yeah, definitely got too convoluted with the last one and was just dumping whatever ideas were in my head as I tapped away on my phone.

Semi-started the second idea but instantly hated my prose. We'll see.

Thanks for the feedback either way!
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

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Oct 25, 2017
6,396
xir said:
FlowersisBritish what does "the unexpected" mean to you ooc
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To me, it means an early change in expectations. For example, the story I'm working on is about a woman giving birth, but an early story turn means her imaginings of how it will go are all basically gone. When I choose themes, I like to try and keep them broad so people can go in a lot of directions with them.

Rivenblade said:
Yeah, definitely got too convoluted with the last one and was just dumping whatever ideas were in my head as I tapped away on my phone.

Semi-started the second idea but instantly hated my prose. We'll see.

Thanks for the feedback either way!
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Tbh I always thought your prose was usually pretty strong. You might just be being hard on yourself, but either way, I'm glad you're getting some writing done!
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

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Oct 25, 2017
6,396
Whelp I've got my first scene done. I'm doing a thing where if you glimpse at a cosmic horror, you get to use some of their magic on a smaller scale. Trying very hard to make sure this is a clean first draft.... whatever that really means, so I'm thinking a bit more about my word choices as opposed to doing that when I edit.
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
A big source of inspiration for me recently is Vaatividya, and he recently showed the winners of his Bloodborne II art competition and..... they're all really good but first place is so god damn clear. Anyway its making me wish I went in a different direction but oh well. I like my story.

 
Freaking Limit

Freaking Limit

Member
Oct 25, 2017
682
Well, I've gotten my draft rewritten, so now just to edit and submit. Feels good to write something after such a long time. Feeling pretty alright about this one too, which is nice. Once again, having some proper source to work off of made this one so much easier than the others. I've found I'm pretty lazy when it comes to the background stuff, which causes my ideas to end up sloppy as I try to over explain things to myself. Not having to deal with any of that helps a lot with the thinking of things at least.
 
Rivenblade

Rivenblade

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Nov 1, 2017
37,132
I've written a paragraph and a half so far. Going to see if I can hammer something out this evening.
 
Freaking Limit

Freaking Limit

Member
Oct 25, 2017
682
First submission in what feels like forever. I based this on an experimental party I was trying for Etrian Odyssey Nexus. Sadly, I wasn't too fond of the overall team make up, but I was surprised at how effective they could be, which is what inspired this story. If anyone is familiar with the series or game, the party is:

Hero - Cordelia / War Magus - Ophilia
Survivalist - Societte / Ninja - Lystia / Ronin - Erika
~ level 7 on Heroic when I fought this boss.

Technically, minor spoilers for a boss name and one of it's attacks, but it's the first boss you encounter, and it opens with this attack, or at least always has for me.

#title Behind the Veil of Trees
wc: 1430
#entry
 
Rivenblade

Rivenblade

Member
Nov 1, 2017
37,132
At 1200 words and think I can be done in 500-800, but I'm worried about it being too boring and drawn-out already. Just gonna write it anyway and see what happens. Just not tonight. :-/ Will finish up tomorrow afternoon, I think.
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
Rivenblade said:
At 1200 words and think I can be done in 500-800, but I'm worried about it being too boring and drawn-out already. Just gonna write it anyway and see what happens. Just not tonight. :-/ Will finish up tomorrow afternoon, I think.
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No worries. This isn't a Mike challenge. I'm not gonna close the door if you're close to finishing it.
 
Rivenblade

Rivenblade

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Nov 1, 2017
37,132
Feedback and votes (if more stories come in, I will edit both sections accordingly!)

xir - This was compact and entertaining. It was absurd, but the way you straddled the line between satire and legitimate horror was fun. Of course, it only works for those familiar with Tetris and Columns, which is to say, it worked for me. Good work.

FlowersisBritish - I feel like my feedback is usually useless when it comes to your stuff. I liked it. I'm so impressed by how easy your descriptions seem to come these days, and it's clear you're deep into the craft at this point. The "poop and piss" line took me out of the story a bit, though. Just seemed juvenile and jarring given what had come before. Thought that "urine and stool samples" would have kept with the tone. The ending also went off the rails a bit and got a bit messy/hard to follow for me in terms of the action, but overall, this was an enjoyable read.

Freaking Limit - While I liked some of the core action in this, and I thought your decision to keep in the present did add to the urgency of everything, I found this hard to follow straight out of the gate. All of the names ending in "A" with no discernible differences between the characters made it hard to invest in what was going on. You could have swapped the names at various points throughout, and I still would have just gone with it. I've also never played Etrian Odyssey, so that probably added to my lack of true engagement with it. While I didn't feel it really led up to anything, it still came across that this was something you were passionate about. I'd probably suggest channeling that passion and giving it a bit better direction next time around, including making your characters feel distinct from one another.

Me - This was an expansion of a bunch of ideas I'd dumped out of my brain in an essay-like fashion, which I then tried to turn into some semblance of a narrative. It's probably too on-the-nose and comes across as a blunt parable by the end, but I had a pretty good time writing it nonetheless. I also don't love the prose at times and feel it could be tightened up, but hey, that's what I get for waiting until the last minute to write most of it. Just felt good to actually write something and finish it for the first time in probably well over a year at this point.

Votes
1. xir
2. FlowersisBritish
3. Freaking Limit

Nice work, ya'll. Some fun ideas here.
 
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xir

xir

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,612
Los Angeles, CA
Rivenblade said:
@xir - This was compact and entertaining. It was absurd, but the way you straddled the line between satire and legitimate horror was fun. Of course, it only works for those familiar with Tetris and Columns, which is to say, it worked for me. Good work.
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ha thanks, ive though about tetris as a narrative a lot throughout my life, and I slightly ripped off a short story in an old issue of mcsweeneys called the ceiling (I think) which was more of a metaphor for a failed marriage with a splash of chicken little
 
Freaking Limit

Freaking Limit

Member
Oct 25, 2017
682
1) Blocks in the sky -- Xir
I feel like I've read more than a few movie pitches like this. Certainly had me going in the first bit. Honestly thought it was Tetris, but I was once again baited. I feel this perfectly captures unexpected for me for that alone. I have to give it to you from how succinctly you hit the point and the fact that you did it well for me.

2) Child of the Other -- FlowersisBritish
I liked this, though I have to admit I was thinking of Bloodborne while reading this for some reason. Probably the combination of theme and Bloodborne being my only real exposure to these kind of ideas. Still, I'm surprised at how into the lovecraftian(?) thing I can be, given I generally refuse to seek it out. The pacing was solid and kept me invested, and I really liked the soap bubble bit (it sticks in my mind far too well). A bit hard to follow at the end though. It sounds like
The child possessed Yurt after the mother was stabbed?
. Not sure what videogame this is touches on though, but it does hit unexpected in an... unexpected way. *ba-dum chsh*

3) The Weight of Being -- Rivenblade
Not really sure what I think of this one. I like the idea that people physically carry their secrets - the things they want to hide. At the same time, I feel it's something that would benefit from a deeper dive. It's hard to seriously consider the MC's problems without any real diving into their character. I also feel like this is my constant battle when I'm trying to write, so maybe I'm projecting a bit.

1 and 2 were hard this time around, as I really liked both.
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
Thoughts!
Xir: Glad you clarified your inspiration because I thought this was tetris. I had a whole paragraph of thoughts about this, but it only worked with tetris because I know tetris! Anyway, this is short but fun and you could easily turn it into something longer and sillier. Though it would have been more fun if it was tetris but that might just be me.

Flowersisme: Big inspiration is Demon's Souls actually. I really like how the magic system is tied to the demons, and to get rid of the scourge of demons would be to get rid of magic and miracles. Always thought that was neat, so i started fucking around with a world where that was a core dilemma. I should probably have given it another editing pass, but there's cool stuff here so I'm not unhappy with it. I do feel like it read a bit stiff and awkward with all those "births" I keep using. I felt verrrrrrry male writer with this one.

Freaking Limit: Hey welcome back! I'm glad you were able to get a story in. I enjoyed a lot of stuff about the fight scene. One, it really went well with the FF7R music i was listening to as i read it. Two, I think using a jrpg boss battle as inspiration was an interesting move. All the unusual skills offered a lot more flavor than your standard fantasy fight scene with magic. I do kind of wish I had more context as to why they were there? Or what the monster looked like as a whole? All i would have really needed was a paragraph or two in the beginning to set the scene up a little. Anyways, good to see you again! HOpe to see you in the next challenge.

Rivenblade: I liked a lot about this. Sure it's definitely rough, but honestly I think the scene where your MC sees the couple sharing their regrets with one another and the MC whispering "fools" under her breath is a great moment. It really tied the metaphor together for me and brought the right amount of physicality to the world that I think it needed. I agree with Freaking Limit in that it could really benefit from more exploration of the MC. For a story about regrets as gems, there's little mentioned memories. It's very in the moment. Anyway I am happy to see you get a complete story in.


Votes
  1. Rivenblade
  2. Xir
  3. Freaking Limit
 
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FlowersisBritish

FlowersisBritish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,396
It was pretty close this time around, but congrats xir !!! Excited to see what you come up with for a thread considering your last one.

Tally
1st Blocks in the Sky by Xir (8pts)
2nd The Weight of Being by Rivenblade (7pts)
3rd Child of the Other by FlowersisBritish (6pts)
 
zulux21

zulux21

Member
Oct 25, 2017
20,390
huh. it was unexpected to see the thread called already. Granted all the people who entered stories already voted so it's unlikely to change but still :P
Bring on the new thread that I won't participate in I suppose :P
 
xir

xir

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,612
Los Angeles, CA
new thread
www.resetera.com

Creative Writing Challenge #77: "Antediluvian" with organic fruits and vegetables

THEME: an·te·di·lu·vi·an /ˌan(t)ēdəˈlo͞ovēən/ adjective of or belonging to the time before the biblical Flood. "gigantic bones of antediluvian animals" 2. (HUMOROUS) ridiculously old-fashioned. "they maintain antediluvian sex-role stereotypes" Submission Deadline: Saturday, May 22nd by 11:59...
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Also, yeah it was tetris, just at the end the columns also decided to get involved. i dunno. i wrote it in 17 minutes ha
 
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