Do you ghost people? Why?

[nogoodnamesleft]

I've always wondered the mentality behind why people do this. Do they do it to avoid awkwardness or confrontation? Avoid being open and honest about not really wanting to communicate? I'm not talking about being too busy to reply at some points I mean people who go out of their way to not reply to you

I try to reply to every message I get and if I don't want to speak to someone I'll usually be pretty upfront but polite about it. But I'm also older, is this a generation thing? Hmmm

 

[adj_noun]

Gotta do something real quick, but I'll answer you in a bit, OP.

 

[TheLastCandle]

I'm notorious about not responding to to texts (especially group texts) or phone calls. I just like to be left alone, and most of my friends know I'm not one for small talk, so they accept it and know I'll get back to them if it's important. Still doesn't make it right, but it is what it is.

 

[Small Red Boy]

I ghost the goverment but they keep sending me letters, for some reason. But I don't tend to ghost people, I usually give an explanation because it is less rude.

 

[Raxus]

A lot more than I care to admit. Most are general forgetfulness or my own social awkwardness not knowing how to cap a conversation.

 

[Deleted member 24079]

I struggle with this a lot. I always end up replying last to everything. It kind of becomes a check list so everyone knows I read their message. No response even if there's something else that could have been said. My partner said it best, people don't like it if you're too available.

/s Be mysterious op. Don't reply to everything, leave messages unread. That's how you make friends in this era I guess, shrug. I'm not really happy about it

 

[Isilia]

I did that once when I was younger. I've done better and never have done it again.

 

[TaySan]

I'm really bad and hate small talk so I have a bad habit of not responding to messages. If it's something important I will respond though.

 

[UltimateHigh]

I'm very capable of doing this (even to family), because I can get deep into not wanting to be particularly social, but thankfully people always reach out.

 

[Deleted member 19868]

Yes, because I'm afraid everyone hates me everywhere I go. It's a result of having been abused for decades. Doesn't make my behavior right but that's why I'm in therapy.

I even struggle with alerts on forums. by the time I feel ready to respond, and 20 pages have gone by, I'm too embarrassed/ashamed to rejoin the convo. it really sucks.

 

[the globglobgadgalab]

Yea I been ghosting ppl for many many years, maybe because I am a misanthrope, maybe because I think I am better than people, maybe because Im afraid that people are trying to use me like I tend to use others, who really knows. One thing is for sure, I hate people because I hate myself, and that's why I ignore them. But unfortunately they keep trying. No, I don't want to go to your dumb wedding where you dress up like a clown and make terrible financial decisions, or watch you drink with your insufferably shallow friends who rarely have anything interesting to say and piss poor social skills. Unless you want to go on a 20km hike or go rock climbing don't text me or call me, ever. Cheers

 

[shnurgleton]

some people just aren't worth the time or attention. i have no problem ghosting assholes

 

[HeartlessNobody2134]

Nah, my phone is almost always on me and my mindset is, if someone took the time to message me, it doesn't take much for me to respond.

 

[LOLDSFAN]

Do they do it to avoid awkwardness or confrontation?

Click to shrink...

Purposely ghosting, yes, this is why.

Inadvertent ghosting (for me) is because I'm usually not "mentally" ready to commit to a conversation, so I hold off until I am.

 

[Trevelyon]

Life ghosted me.

 

[FinFunnels]

All the time.

Usually it's because I don't feel like responding right away, so I'm like "I'll respond later"... and then I don't.

 

[Reym]

I'm notorious about not responding to to texts (especially group texts) or phone calls. I just like to be left alone, and most of my friends know I'm not one for small talk, so they accept it and know I'll get back to them if it's important. Still doesn't make it right, but it is what it is.

Click to shrink...

This is literally me. Likely said better than I could have.

...but I know it's not right, so I always intend to reply. ...but if it's email or text, I always think "it'll just take a sec. I can do it later" and then suddenly a week has gone by and I feel too awkward/embarrassed to respond at that point.

 

[super etrian odyssey]

i ghost a lot. it's a crime and i'm guilty and i'm SORRY GODDAMNIT.

 

[Aurica]

I don't think I've ever done it. I'm fine with confrontation, so if I wanted to stop talking to someone, I'd tell them. If I just didn't feel like talking to them as much, I'd still respond but not initiate conversations. The closest thing I can think of was a friend of like 6 years who had been super toxic, gaslighted me, verbally abused me, and generally gotten mad over the smallest things told me last year that we shouldn't be friends anymore. I was so relieved. I didn't reply because I didn't see the point. She made some wild accusations, but my friends and I knew the truth, so I felt there was no reason to defend myself. Haven't heard from her since, and my life has been relatively drama free.

I've been ghosted a few times, but I usually get it. One was a gal in college that I was totally head over heels for. We talked every day and hung out a lot. She didn't feel the same about me, though, and I'm sure I was overbearing. I don't hold it against her that she just disappeared.

Nowadays, I only really talk to my established groups of friends and haven't made new friends during the pandemic, so I have nobody to ghost and nobody that would ghost me. It's pretty nice.

 

[infinitebento]

sometimes people just aren't worth the energy + effort of a conversation

 

[Kernel]

Yes, because I'm afraid everyone hates me everywhere I go. It's a result of having been abused for decades. Doesn't make my behavior right but that's why I'm in therapy.

Click to shrink...

Yeah I am the same way, I've repressed a lot of abuse from my childhood. I used to tell myself I'm over the past but ghosting on people and withdrawing are something I do a lot and I didn't really notice I do it, much less why I do it.

I've only relatively recently became aware of how deep the rabbit hole goes so to speak, so I'm doing therapy and group sessions from people in similar situations. I think it's helping.

 

[geomon]

sometimes people just aren't worth the energy + effort of a conversation

Click to shrink...

This, sadly.

 

[Akalance]

Missed Text: I'll get back to them soon
Another text: Ok, just a second I gotta finish this
Missed call: If it's important they'll text, right?

It's at this point I assume they are mad at me and I don't touch my phone for a few hours.

I have literally ruined friendships with this and I don't know how/why the spiral starts but it always does.

 

[Emergency & I]

Back in my online dating days, I got ghosted a couple of times and it didn't matter. Pretty sure I never ghosted.


The craziest ghosting was this one woman who I had a great first date with and she actually came home with me. She left the next morning, came back in the evening, we had this super fun date and she slept over again (sex was seriously great) and we both took Monday off and basically fucked all day on a Monday, got dinner and she had to go. The goodbye wasn't epic, just kind of an okay 'text you later'.

She literally ghosted me that night and I never heard from her again. I couldn't even find her on social media. To this day I have no idea.

 

[shaneo632]

It's more effort to explain things and communicate. If someone is on the periphery of my social group I don't always feel like I *need* to reply. Depends what it is obviously.

 

[Oinone]

Not exactly, but I'm trying hard to avoide a certain neighbor.
She's a very old lady, pretty nice, I respect her in a way and how fit and resolute she still is. Her cellar is right next to mine, so that's how we started to meet.
Everytime she engaged me in a conversation, going longer/deeper every time. She showed me the layout of her apartment and showed me her personal stuff standing around. She gave me her number, to meet up and sit down for tea. (I never called.) I thought, the pandemic would kinda "save me", but she still wanted to do a bicycling tour with me.
As I said, she's nice, but I really don't want to be her friend. But I can't say really say "no" either, it makes me feel mean. So I end up going through all sorts of contortions, when talking to her.
And I have really bad luck running into her. Whenever I have a day off and leave my apartment for whatever reason, I tend to bump into her. I've become so paranoid, I avoid going down into the cellar (my bike is there) and try to look down the stairwell, if there is anyone, before I hurry out.
One time, I was coming back, and I saw her from afar outside the house. I didn't know, how long she would be near the entrance, so I ended up just walking on past the house and down the street, taking the little sandy footpath leading around the house. Since the weather was bad before, the way was sooo damn muddy, and I cried inside a little, wearing my new sneakers I had to clean afterwards.
It's so fucking ridiculous. 🙈

 

[latex]

I was someone that would always just go ghost but I learned how to start saying "no" without feeling bad about it and now I'm fine.

 

[badboy78660]

It's done to avoid confrontation and awkwardness. Few like being rejected, and when you tell them you're not interested, instead of people taking a hint, it leads to more questioning. i.e., "But why..."

 

[AlexBasch]

I don't need a reason to cease all contact with someone I find unpleasant, let alone explain my reasons.

 

[cwmartin]

People are not owed my time or attention.

 

[Incite]

Most people don't take no for an answer. Being honest with them gets many angry and retaliatory.
I've had people jump directly into bargaining, attempts at personal insults, demands for explanations etc.
Fuck that.

There's no surefire way to tell how a person will react though in my life experience it is much better not to respond in most cases.

If I feel that the other person is of sufficient maturity and philosophical bent (hasn't gone full in on the idea that "it's always best to be direct no matter what") then I'm certainly honest with them.


When someone ghosts me, I understand.
Also in many cases I'd rather they ghost, at my age I don't need to hear the opinion of every person who has one🤣
They're usually very particular to that individuals life experience and my day continues🤷🏾‍♂️

 

[Common Knowledge]

Eh, people come and go in life. And most aren't worth some big goodbye explanation. The people I have "ghosted" I'm sure are likely somewhat aware of why I did it, anyway.

 

[Pikachu]

i got introduced to a person by a friend over video games and this person subsequently became obsessed with talking to me and like, i don't even talk to my real friends this much, so eventually i just muted their notifications and never answered again *shrug*

 

[Zombine]

In the dating world I only ghosted 2 people. One was after an absolutely horrendous first date where they came shitfaced and got really pushy about wanting more after the date, and another was a girl that was pretty rude and I genuinely didn't enjoy speaking to her. She asked me out and I told her I was sick and would need to reschedule and I just vanished.

On the flip side, I thought my girlfriend was going to ghost me on our first date because she came late and then went to the bathroom for a while. I was sure she was going to up and leave. 😂

 

[Stranger Things]

I only ghost people who I find genuinely unpleasant, disrespectful and/or sketchy. Unfortunately, I've met a few people who fell into those categories after befriending them. You think someone is your friend, but then they go and hurt your feelings and make you feel dumb and worthless. Those are the kinds of people you should feel no remorse about "ghosting" and cutting out of your life.

I've had friends who were less malicious and not very mean-spirited, but they were definitely on the sketchy side of things. The kinds of people who only hit you up so you can help them solve their problems. Always weirds me out. Likewise, friends who are only interested in hanging out with you if you have weed, alcohol or drugs. They aren't interested in educating themselves, they aren't focused on their careers/jobs, and they don't have fulfilling hobbies. They're just trying to suck your energy like vampires. Ghost them all.

I guess clingy/obsessive people fall into the "energy vampire" category, but I think it's worth keeping in contact with friends who at least put in the effort and give back the same energy you give them, because they aren't bad people, just a little lonely. People who text me more than once a week are definitely exhausting, though. I don't like talking on the phone much either. I like being alone for the most part, and I find "hanging out" with some people to be a waste of time and completely draining, both mentally and physically.

 

[kurahador]

Yeah me. Usually due to my self confidence severely lacking. Now I really just don't care anymore to interact with people I hardly know and not really close to, and these people are always the one who try to interact more than necessary.

 

[julia crawford]

I'm dead, what else am I gonna do

 

[ParanormalFupa]

I just don't think everything needs to be responded to.

 

[Lobster Roll]

Sometimes I see a response and decide to get to it later, and when I get to it later, it is no longer topical and there's nothing more to add to the conversation. Or maybe I decide I'll get to it later and just straight-up forget and then when I go to text that person four days later I realize my mistake. Usually it's a quick, "my bad forgot to respond the other day, that's crazy, hey are you gonna be doing xyz later with abc?"

Other times, you get a text and that's it. Somebody texts you "I'll be there in 5", you don't have to reply "ok". You can just be ready in five minutes. Not everything requires a response.

Edit: Misread your post OP. As for actual ghosting, sometimes it's a necessary evil and the only way to cut ties in a conversation or interaction that is just too much to handle for a variety of reasons.

 

[Maxpower45]

Really only ghosted one person, this girl was moving too fast already talking about moving in together and the things she do to me . It really weirded me out and on that top, she had crazy baby fever and telling me she wants to get pregnant and was "joking" about me doing it to her. I said fuck that and ghosted I don't regret it she really had some problems and I don't know how you can say all that at 21 to a 20 year old?

 

[Lari]

The only people I ghosted were unhealthy situations where the only thing I could do was to distance myself and cut off each and every possible interaction with them.
Because giving them an open communication line would undoubtedly lead back to more unhealthy situations.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

Because I didn't want to deal with them to begin with.

 

[MIMIC]

People don't like confrontation/hurting people's feelings.

I don't do it because I don't like it being done to me. But if the person was being a douchebag/asshole/etc, ghosting is recommended and I'll do it in a heartbeat.

EDIT: I never reply to every message though.

 

[Creed Bratton]

Generally due to apathy driven by depression or ADHD.

 

[Vex]

Op I'll brb. I promise.

 

[MIMIC]

I texted this guy that I didn't want to see/txt with him anymore, and it turns out he changed his number and never got the last message. He texted me all, "OMG it's so good to hear from you I got a new number" and blah blah.

Take 2 is gonna be awkward lol

EDIT: The message said it was "read" in WhatsApp *thinking emoji*

 

[PAFenix]

When I asked my brother if he was getting the vaccine, he sent me a shrug emote.

He then in the next sentence told me to tell him when I downloaded Heroes of the Storm so we could play together.

I sent back a thumbs up emote and have no plans on installing Battle.net, nor do I have any intention of speaking to him until he quits his passive aggressive shit over something as trivial as trusting science.

 

[kirby_fox]

Nah. I don't get people who are so eager to talk to me that I don't want to talk to and have to just block them and disappear.

I instead do the gradual fade. Getting too busy to do stuff. Don't have the cash to go do something. Letting conversations die early because I get distracted or have no response to something. Not inviting them to something because someone else will be there and it would be awkward bc they don't get along. And eventually they stop inviting me to do stuff and the hole gets filled.

 

[Min]

Yeah, I think it's less to do with "not wanting to hurt feelings" and more to do with "I don't care."

 

[I am a Bird]

I ghosted a friend of mine in high school. He had a bunch of issues and it had gotten to the point that he was going to start pulling me under with him and I had to just cut everything off otherwise I would have stayed with him. I do regret what I did. But I'm goad to hear he's doing much better which is the best news.