Do you think having/being a secret admirer as an adult is weird?

[Deleted member 15240]

Being interested in someone and keeping it to yourself is fine. I have to assume most people experience that throughout their life. Leaving anonymous letters and stuff is weird though. If you want your secret admiration to no longer be secret you should just tell the person. If you can't, keep it to yourself.

 

[Lulu]

Yes

 

[Sumio Mondo]

Kind of figured the thread would go the way it went. He's a pretty socially awkward guy, so it's hard for him to just talk to people sometimes.

Guess I'll try to talk him out of it.

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Yeah, a lot of people are going way overboard with this on here (especially if your friend is really young, for example) but leaving a note isn't the advisable route, it's always to talk in person, as awkward as that sounds. And best to do it when they're leaving the company, if it's a place they're expecting to stay long term it's not advisable to ask them out especially if on the same team. Like I said earlier I know loads of people who met each other at work or place they used to work together at. It's just life.

 

[Deleted member 48897]

Romanticized School like behaviour influenced by movies in an adult work place is 100% weird. At best he comes off as inexperienced, childish and odd at worst he's a legit stalker

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Yep. Communication is key for a meaningful relationship, and not being able to admit his feelings openly for this lady is a giant fucking red flag, especially as an adult. I would argue that this being part of how kids relate to each other is one of the reasons that most childhood crushes won't turn into meaningful relationships, but at the same time we don't blame kids for being ignorant per se and accept this as part of the process of maturing anyway.

Like, just fucking tell her you like her it's not that hard unless you're so bad at keeping your emotions in check that you can't handle that rejection. In which case don't even do the secret admirer stuff and also definitely seek therapy.

 

[Deleted member 13496]

As far as Era is concerned approaching anyone from the opposite sex in any way outside of a carefully structured dating app immediately makes you a creep/incel/stalker/potential mass shooter. The origami thread was mindblowing.

Having said that, no, your friend shouldn't do this, a note is very middle-school and won't end well for him.

He should talk to her and let her know face to face. But again, even doing that is apparently a huge no-no according to many posters on this board.

 

[Beren]

Doing it if you're 12 and under is fine. Doing it as an adult is not okay.

Tell your friend to get over their anxiety. If they can't muster up the courage to talk with her, then they have bigger fish to fry than dating someone.

 

[PunchyMalone]

I assume everyone I meet is a secret admirer. They're just really committed to the bit and only pretend to hate me to keep the facade.

 

[labx]

Tell your "friend" not to do that. Instead talk to her. Just like you would, right op?

 

[Jasup]

Kind of figured the thread would go the way it went. He's a pretty socially awkward guy, so it's hard for him to just talk to people sometimes.

Guess I'll try to talk him out of it.

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Please explain to him that even though he might the loveliest guy, might not be a stalker, might not be an asshole, might have good intentions etc. - she does not know that, she does not know any of that. Especially if it's an anonymous note left to her.

She does not know who left it, what the person's intentions are, is the person a stalker, is she in threat of sexual assault, is it a joke, nothing. It is completely irrelevant what your friend thinks he's trying to achieve, it's not up to him to decide what happens if he goes through this folly.

 

[Barrel Cannon]

LOL, this is gonna backfire on him so much

 

[DragonSJG]

Not a good idea at all

 

[finalflame]

As an adult this is seen as stalking.

 

[Odrion]

Tell your "friend" not to do that. Instead talk to her. Just like you would, right op?

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Actually he shouldn't do that either.

 

[hitme]

Kind of figured the thread would go the way it went. He's a pretty socially awkward guy, so it's hard for him to just talk to people sometimes.

Guess I'll try to talk him out of it.

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Oof.

Not sure how close of a friend you are to him, but if you can help him ease his way into being a more social person in the future then he'll definitely learn how to deal with situations like these.

But definitely talk him out of it and how the repercussions will negatively impact the people around him.

 

[SugarNoodles]

Tell him he should talk to women exclusively as friends until he understands why this is a terrible idea

 

[Deleted member 33533]

Yes, as everyone else has said it's one of those things that is cute when kids do it but absolutely creepy as an adult.

As far as Era is concerned approaching anyone from the opposite sex in any way outside of a carefully structured dating app immediately makes you a creep/incel/stalker/potential mass shooter. The origami thread was mindblowing.

Having said that, no, your friend shouldn't do this, a note is very middle-school and won't end well for him.

He should talk to her and let her know face to face. But again, even doing that is apparently a huge no-no according to many posters on this board.

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What was this origami thread?

 

[Emergency & I]

Doing it if you're 12 and under is fine. Doing it as an adult is not okay.

Tell your friend to get over their anxiety. If they can't muster up the courage to talk with her, then they have bigger fish to fry than dating someone.

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Basically this. An adult sending secret admirer cards needs a reality check.

 

[Wood Man]

Having a crush is normal

But what your friend wants to do is somethig out of one of my Japanese anime.

 

[Catdaddy]

If this happens, please report the results..

 

[NinjaScooter]

Having a crush on someone is fine.

What you're friend wants to do seems incredibly immature.

 

[labx]

Actually he shouldn't do that either.

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Talking to another human being instead of the creep approach is always preferred. Why his "friend" can't talk to the gal?

 

[healbite-maritima]

This is a person who can't handle rejection. Also don't date coworkers

 

[Deleted member 13496]

Yes, as everyone else has said it's one of those things that is cute when kids do it but absolutely creepy as an adult.


What was this origami thread?

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Poster wanted to make an origami swan or something and put his number in it for some cashier he was crushing on. Not sure if the thread got locked or just buried. Long story short, a lot of posters went crazy extreme with "don't do it" advice, ranging everywhere from "it's a little weird" to "you're what's wrong with society and why women feel unsafe blah blah". It was fucking nuts.

 

[Siggy-P]

Poster wanted to make an origami swan or something and put his number in it for some cashier he was crushing on. Not sure if the thread got locked or just buried. Long story short, a lot of posters went crazy extreme with "don't do it" advice, ranging everywhere from "it's a little weird" to "you're what's wrong with society and why women feel unsafe blah blah". It was fucking nuts.

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What, like just a cashier he didn't know?

 

[Meows]

This is cute in elementary and middle school but it is full on creepy as an adult. Don't let him do this to himself!

 

[Deleted member 48897]

What, like just a cashier he didn't know?

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IIRC that's correct, like someone at Whole Foods, and he only interacted with her in that professional capacity while she was on the clock. That's the operative issue here, to me, that she was at work and he was a customer.

My general rules for this sort of stuff are pretty straightforward. Admittedly I've been out of the game a while, but on the other hand, well, I've also not had to be in the game.

- Be direct and honest in your feelings.
- If you're the boss (or teacher, etc.) don't do it at all.
- If you're a customer (i.e., the target of your affections is a bartender or checkout clerk) don't do it at all

 

[Siggy-P]

IIRC that's correct, like someone at Whole Foods, and he only interacted with her in that professional capacity while she was on the clock. That's the operative issue here, to me, that she was at work and he was a customer.

My general rules for this sort of stuff are pretty straightforward. Admittedly I've been out of the game a while, but on the other hand, well, I've also not had to be in the game.

- Be direct and honest in your feelings.
- If you're the boss (or teacher, etc.) don't do it at all.
- If you're a customer (i.e., the target of your affections is a bartender or checkout clerk) don't do it at all

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Oof, yeah no, those posters were right. That's a bad idea.

 

[Deleted member 13496]

What, like just a cashier he didn't know?

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Just go read the thread haha. It's long and goes places I'm not equipped or willing to speak on.

 

[Doukou]

They should cut letters from some romantic magazines/pictures or ones from their interest to make the card.

 

[Siggy-P]

Just go read the thread haha. It's long and goes places I'm not equipped or willing to speak on.

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Someone on the job in a service industry is always gonna be much nicer to you than most people normally would be.

How they feel about you asking them our will vary from person to person, but generally it's worth being aware that these people can't not be friendly with you, nor can they escape talking to you.

I've worked in close proximity to cashier's, and I currently work alongside receptionists now and let's just say I've seen many rejections and not a single one time it worked out. Just speaking annecdotally there though.


Edit: It's certainly not outside the realm of possibility they'll say yes but that's usually with people they know well. My friend asked a girl at the coffee shop we go to out and she said yes, but he'd also been talking to her at that shop for like a year and they were on friendly terms rather than just customer and server.

 

[Seirith]

A friend of mine said he was planning on leaving a card on the locker of a gal he is crushing on at his work.

Do you guys thinks its weird/creepy? Or do you find it sweet?

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If I was single, I'd think it was cute/sweet. People are really harsh in here.

 

[NickatNite]

Nothing wrong with having a crush.

But what you're friend is doing is straight weird.

 

[night814]

Best to be upfront and honest, "hey do you wanna grab lunch/dinner/drinks(all three for best results!!)" is going to get you way more results then leaving a note or card or anything. It shows that you are not confident in a positive answer or are too scared to face a negative one.

 

[Khaos Prime]

If I was single, I'd think it was cute/sweet. People are really harsh in here.

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I think you're the only woman to respond in this thread and the only post with a positive view on it. Interesting.

I'd like to see more of LadyERA's thoughts on this.

 

[NinjaScooter]

Some women or people might think this kind of attention is fine or cute or endearing. Others might find it strange or creepy. There is no consensus answer here. The fact that you can have this sort of split is exactly why you shouldn't do this shit at work.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

I think you're the only woman to respond in this thread and the only post with a positive view on it. Interesting.

I'd like to see more of LadyERA's thoughts on this.

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Ah, that ONE person in any relationship topic that says what the OP wants to hear. Calling it now OP is the "friend".

 

[Mulciber]

I think it's pretty cute, but: 1) At the workplace seems out of line. 2) I'm smart enough to realize that I'm in the like 0.01% of people that would find it cute, so I wouldn't do it.

 

[Sordid Plebeian]

 

[EmptyWarren]

Best tell your friend to pull back before he ends up with a talking to with HR followed by a security escort out of the building permanently. A person's source of fiscal stability is not the fuckin place to be making them uncomfortable with that crap. Or really anywhere for that matter. Just say hi! How about that!?

Also the whole 'my friend is asking for advice so I am asking others for them for advice' smoke screen doesn't really work anymore. Don't get yourself fired, OP.

 

[williamthegoat]

A guy at my wife's work wrote her a note declaring his love to her like...8 years ago. We still make fun of him.

stop him

 

[sph3re]

Friend of mine made a big grand gesture during high school prom asking a girl out, who turned him down, after which he made an anonymous account on an anime website she frequented and pretended to be some random guy and gave her relationship advice, then convinced her to give him another chance

And she did

And she didn't end up dating him

This girl also told me she liked looking at pics of dead animals at some point

So really, there's no winners in this story

 

[///PATRIOT]

Secret admirers as adults are called "stalkers".

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Listen to him OP. Your friend is going to get that gal a little scared.

 

[Khaos Prime]

Friend of mine made a big grand gesture during high school prom asking a girl out, who turned him down, after which he made an anonymous account on an anime website she frequented and pretended to be some random guy and gave her relationship advice, then convinced her to give him another chance

And she did

And she didn't end up dating him

This girl also told me she liked looking at pics of dead animals at some point

So really, there's no winners in this story

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Yikes

 

[GamerJM]

Expressing it in that way is yeah. When I think of "secret admirer" I think of having a crush on someone which is normal.

Actually come to think of it we probably shouldn't teach kids to do the secret admirer shit where they leave secret love letters for other kids. That just seems like it makes things more anxiety inducing for everyone, and at worst comes off like stalking.

 

[Kaban]

Does your friend know origami? This is crucial.

 

[x3sphere]

I'm not against asking someone out at work as long as you aren't putting them on the spot. The note thing is weird though and will likely backfire, I wouldn't have thought that's a good thing to do even back in high school.

 

[dark_prinny]

Just remind him to put a condom and some flowers next to the note.

 

[Laughing Banana]

As far as Era is concerned approaching anyone from the opposite sex in any way outside of a carefully structured dating app immediately makes you a creep/incel/stalker/potential mass shooter. The origami thread was mindblowing.

Having said that, no, your friend shouldn't do this, a note is very middle-school and won't end well for him.

He should talk to her and let her know face to face. But again, even doing that is apparently a huge no-no according to many posters on this board.

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Haha sorry, I haven't been in many dating threads in here but is what you are saying really true? I doubt so many people are grimacing by others trying to get closer to someone at work through normal means... I mean, that's... normal, right? Lol.

What origami thread btw? Do you have the link?

Edit: Never mind, found it. Kinda funny to see that in the end the OP was all just fine but the people in there were like murdering each other, lol.

 

[Deleted member 11113]

For the love of god tell him not to do it.

 

[ItsTheLittleThings]

There is still time to stop the key from turning, OP.

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...but first it must be found.

(The key to her locker, that is. Ahem)