ERA, how do you confront your own loneliness?

[DoctorBat]

The last few weeks have been rough. The depressing weight of the UK election results had me calling up a foodbank to help out and relieve the powerlessness however I could, then a day or two later I get dumped over the phone, and my brother is hospitalised a few days after that while my 60-year-old mum nearly faints in the waiting room from the stress of it all. I'm on the other end of the phone as this happens.

They're OK now and my brother's home, but the grip of it still feels quite tight and recent. Amplified by everything else.

Christmas shopping that isn't done, regrets over the last year coming to the fore, the catastrophising over my now-ended relationship and what went wrong...I deleted social media from my phone and cut myself off from everything but iMessage, Whatsapp and lurking here, which has only intensified the isolation, since no one who knows has reached out in my absence. I feel alone in this.

In the most British way possible, I'm quite stressed and sad and, yeah, lonely. New Years' coming up and Christmas just gone, it feels like the worst time for it.

How do you confront your own loneliness, ERA? What do you do to get out your own head and work through it all? I'm stumped.

 

[Magic-Man]

Truth is, I don't confront it. I'm just used to it at this point.

 

[Van Bur3n]

Talk to yourself. To even speak my thoughts out loud is refreshing over endless silence.

 

[thesoapster]

My nature is to retreat, but the fact is after a while it's not helping at all. So I find ways to socialize - doesn't have to be with friends.

 

[Izzard]

I've been alone so long it's just normal nowadays. Used to feel lonely, but now there's...nothing there. It's hard to describe, but whereas once I'd long for someone to at least talk to, now I'm just resigned to the situation.

It's not something I'd recommend, so even if it goes against what you feel like doing, go out, see family and friends, and after you get over your previous relationship actively seek another. Hope it gets better for you.

 

[molnizzle]

Never felt it, honestly. I see most social interaction as a burden.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

I'm just used to being alone now.

 

[Roxas]

Quite poorly I'm afraid, I find myself more and more alone the more I work, so really I just listen to music to have an outlet for my feelings. It's nice to know that I'm not alone though

 

[fireflame]

I don't. I let the clock tick and hope it won't tick for too long.I also now that legally a person has the right to refuse medical care so if I am ever confronted with choices I can refuse some medical cares.

 

[Aldi]

You did the right thing by avoiding social media. It's the worse thing for social anxiety and loneliness.

Work on bettering yourself. That's the only advice I can really give. I've been in some really fucking low times in my life and I had no-one ; I got through them by working on being a better person, both physically and mentally.

 

[Deleted member 48434]

I tell myself I'm happier like this.
I don't know if that's actually true or not.

 

[Rhomega]

I don't get lonely. Isolation is great.

 

[Strike]

Escapism. I try to keep myself busy, rather than give into negative thoughts. It's not always successful.

 

[kickz]

The last few weeks have been rough. The depressing weight of the UK election results had me calling up a foodbank to help out and relieve the powerlessness however I could, then a day or two later I get dumped over the phone, and my brother is hospitalised a few days after that while my 60-year-old mum nearly faints in the waiting room from the stress of it all. I'm on the other end of the phone as this happens.

They're OK now and my brother's home, but the grip of it still feels quite tight and recent. Amplified by everything else.

Christmas shopping that isn't done, regrets over the last year coming to the fore, the catastrophising over my now-ended relationship and what went wrong...I deleted social media from my phone and cut myself off from everything but iMessage, Whatsapp and lurking here, which has only intensified the isolation, since no one who knows has reached out in my absence. I feel alone in this.

In the most British way possible, I'm quite stressed and sad and, yeah, lonely. New Years' coming up and Christmas just gone, it feels like the worst time for it.

How do you confront your own loneliness, ERA? What do you do to get out your own head and work through it all? I'm stumped.

Click to shrink...

Get out in nature and walk alot when stressed or goin through something, thats how I handle things.

Also stay over with family or friends to not be left alone.

 

[Loxley]

I listen to podcasts. It genuinely helps combat my loneliness. Especially if it's a comedy podcast with a group of people. Weird as it sounds, it's sort of like tricking my brain into thinking I'm sitting with a group of friends and just not saying anything.

 

[Nayishiki]

I don't, I kinda got used to it.

 

[yogurt]

Sit with the feelings and let them through. Put away your phone, find a quiet, private place to sit, and consciously turn yourself toward feeling whatever it is you're feeling. It's uncomfortable in the short term but provides relief.

You can fight your feelings your entire life and you'll never win. There's no way around them, only through them.

Other things that can help: journaling, meditation, going for walks

 

[TheAbsolution]

I didn't lol
I just try to push forward and meet new people and hang onto the few friends I got for as long as I can. Idk what else to do.

 

[TaySan]

I post on here. :) This is my social fix and I'm just fine for it!

 

[Nazgûl]

Music and videogames

 

[ChristopherDX]

Honestly I feel like theirs too much going on in this house and I truly treasure my alone time now, it's a blessing and a curse to be lonely.

 

[Chuck]

I highly recommend this Kurzgesagt video on loneliness.

 

[ProstatePuncher]

I can't even remember if I've ever felt those kinds of feelings but I've come to terms with the fact I'll mostly want to be solitary all my life, and keep my personal communications to online forms, such as text and voice chats. Just sort of become one with it and keep on cruising. I've got friends who really worry for me, thinking I've become a shut-in and somehow I'm damaging my health with my behaviour but really, I don't think I need the physical contact and personal presence of others.

Just ask yourself if you want that companionship or if you're maybe feeling pressured into it by society. Once you know what you want, just go for it. Volunteer more, organise with friends, or cut comms, go dark and sit in your pants all day and play games.

 

[Doggg]

Got to turn that loneliness into solitude -- into time to explore one's interests and keep active.

 

[OhSatan]

Got to turn that loneliness into solitude

Click to shrink...

This, this, this.

turn it into solitude.

 

[Anomander]

I've been living the past two years as alone as it gets but frankly it just doesn't bother me. Either I'm used to it or I don't care. I also have my cats to keep me company. Video games and other hobbies to keep me occupied also helps I guess.

 

[Username1198]

Never felt it, honestly. I see most social interaction as a burden.

Click to shrink...

I don't get lonely. Isolation is great.

Click to shrink...

I don't, I kinda got used to it.

Click to shrink...

me toooooo!
We should hang out!

also, weed really helps.

 

[Hydrus]

Listen to Mr. Brightside.

 

[Ryu]

I don't. I embrace it.

me toooooo!
We should hang out!

also, weed really helps.

Click to shrink...

B-... but then we're not lonely anymore!

 

[GalacticToast]

Alchohol, mostly.

 

[Username1198]

I don't. I embrace it.



B-... but then we're not lonely anymore!

Click to shrink...

we can sit in different corners and post here for communication. Split the bill of course.

 

[hateradio]

I highly recommend this Kurzgesagt video on loneliness.

Click to shrink...

That was nice. It kinda reminds me of some people I know.

me toooooo!
We should hang out!

also, weed really helps.

Click to shrink...

Helps with what?

I really do think it depends on a person's chemistry, because it doesn't really do anything (besides like the "happy" feeling) when I've used it. However, that feeling alone doesn't change anything in my POV.

 

[deftones r cool]

I stay busy.

Cleaning, reading, fixing up the house, exercising, practicing guitar, meditation, Era, Xbox, etc.

There's so much to do alone that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I'd love to start dating again, but am not really in the position to atm.

 

[Tuck]

Less effective in the winter, but I found hiking very effective. No matter how shitty I felt, a walk through the woods would cheer me up.

Hiking got me through some very bad times.

 

[Ultimate Bear Cub]

I only feel lonely when I let my paranoia and self destructive thoughts fool me into thinking that they are all there is. I remind myself that I'm surrounded by energy, movement, or what I experienced. Then I feel ok again.

 

[Username1198]

That was nice. It kinda reminds me of some people I know.


Helps with what?

I really do think it depends on a person's chemistry, because it doesn't really do anything (besides like the "happy" feeling) when I've used it. However, that feeling alone doesn't change anything in my POV.

Click to shrink...

helps pass the time, makes me feel normal, and not just super depressed about everything. I guess it just distracts me. But you are right, it is different for each person.

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

I shitpost in resetera instead. You're halfway there.

I think doing some arts stuff like drawing and music may help out though.

 

[Unaha-Closp]

I've lived alone for 20 years or so. I don't feel loneliness. Never even occurs to me - even when horny - I can knock one out and the internet has so much porn on it that it's done easily. Not to say I never spend time with others - I do - some of us just like our solitude. Others crave company and go crazy without it. I chill like a motherfucker and any sniff of company and I say no thank you most of the time.

 

[Rahvar]

Tbh with you, I havn't felt lonely in many years. But in your case it seems like a whole lot of shitty things happening at the same time over simple loneliness.

Breaking up over the phone is cheap, I hope your brother and mother feels better and your friends could simply be busy and unsure of what to say about the whole situation.

The Christmas period can get stressful even in "the best" of times.

I recommend to just take some time to tackle things, deal with one thing at the time.

 

[Deleted member 13645]

I don't think I get lonely all that often. The times I feel like I need to connect with someone, i'll just text a friend, or grab a group of buddies to play video games with in person or over the internet, or even just go to a local event where I can socialize and meet new people.

Why not hit up some friends and go grab drinks or look up a local event you can go to? Hell if no events are going on, i've gone to random classes for things that I have a faint interest in. I've ended up going to things like knitting classes and painting classes for the sake of the experience and socialization.

 

[alstrike]

Sometimes I just want to jump off a bridge, some other times I dream about the choices I didn't make in life and made me end up where I am now. I'm quite good at socializing and making new acquaintances but at the end of the day I'm always alone and have been for quite some time. I put on this mask everyday and it helps me keep going, but I'm getting tired of wearing it and the individual underneath it is pretty much unbearable.

There a Blind Melon song that in the first few verses describes perfectly the way I feel pretty much everyday, it's "Walk".

Find myself singing the same songs everyday
Ones that make me feel good
When things behind the smiles ain't okay

Click to shrink...

 

[AstronaughtE]

I typically engage myself with a task. Whether it's a game, organizing computer files, cleaning the house or working through some form of entertainment. Might be hard though, it sounds to me like you're battling more than loneliness and you're probably finding yourself distracted by your thoughts.

Also you should know that I do treasure my alone time though, and I know not everyone is like that.

 

[Doober]

I've been battling loneliness ever since my divorce, when I lost my partner, my home, and a shot at a daughter and my own family.

It hasn't been easy. I was never a very good bachelor, and it seems harder than ever to date for all but the most attractive and charismatic among us.

So I've been growing. Diving back into old hobbies like miniature painting and guitar and starting new ones like Arduino, landscaping, and even math. Going to the gym, going for walks with my dog or runs through the neighborhood, meeting up with fellow singles via a Facebook group, having meals with family, working overtime... just doing everything I can to avoid spending too much time home alone.

 

[BringBackSonics]

I do what you did, OP. I give back to those that need help.

 

[Faenix1]

I enjoy being by myself but gaming, and having dogs, helps when the urge for something hits.

 

[Deleted member 8752]

I've had entire years where I was lonely, but I decided to start joining things in my local city to meet people and it made a world of difference.

I do what you did, OP. I give back to those that need help.

Click to shrink...

This is also a great way to make use of your time.

 

[Leunamus]

Sorry you're going through all that OP. Good on you for volunteering at the food bank, it speaks highly of your character.
In regards to your question, well I'm just so used to it now, I've come to terms with it and embraced it.
The Internet does help though.

 

[olag]

I look first and foremost to my family and talk to them if I can.

But if I don't have that option then it's slightly more difficult.I enjoy being an introvert most of the time, I like when my head space is mostly quiet. However in truth , there are times when being an introvert can lead such crippling loneliness that a few times I have contemplated just ending it all.
What kept me going when shit got down, don't know. Whatever emotion I could latch onto at the time. Ambition, greed,happiness, lust, spite , anger and a whole lot of distractions. These got me through a lot of the bad times. I know it's not much and truth be told my motivations aren't all that healthy either but you gotta find your own motivation to wake up in the morning otherwise everything will seem hopeless.

 

[Brinbe]

Gotta try to make an effort to get out there when you can. Otherwise, ya learn to enjoy your own company

 

[Deleted member 20892]

Drugs