Era, I'm having trouble stopping bad habits. Please share with me some words.

[Taco_Human]

So ERA let me get right to it. I'm in a good spot in life and I'm aware of it, but I'm still very much depressed and having a hard time coping right now. I figured I'd just share what my last year has been. I lost my last job and girlfriend right before summer. So losing the job at the time, I lost my friends who were mostly coworkers at the time. My best childhood friend stopped hanging out with me because what I assume was I recently before the breakup, I had removed her from my flight benefits and added my ex. (that didn't last long)

Well fast forward now, I got a better job in August, I'm saving up money and I'm still slowly getting through school....but I'm still not hanging out with too many people to take my mind off things. I mostly cut off contact with my ex, it was mutual, it faded away....and now she's moving back to NYC in a few weeks.

I just haven't had a big social circle lately to share anything with. The breakup still hurts, not cause I miss her specifically, I just miss having a best friend. I've made a somewhat new group of people lately who seem to be super accepting of me, but I've always been a loner and it feels weird being in a new circle.

So things are technically going well for me, but my depression just can't leave me alone. I'm 26 and still bite my nails to this day and have been since I could remember (at least 8 or 9 yrs old) I have a hard time dating, and meeting people. I don't wanna push these people away but I don't wanna let my anxiety and quick to judginess to hold myself back from getting close to others.

I don't know how to make my mind stop. I need medical help but I haven't made an appointment to the docs lately. I just feel so fucking weird how things are "good" in my life and here I am a fuckign sad sack of a mess who can't sleep. I'm gonna be tired for work tomorrow and I am longing for some catharsis or something with someone or a group of people special to me and its tough to go on mentally.

Edit: The bad habits are drugs and alcohol. I'm also having hard time sleeping because I'm trying to ween myself off Marijuana. I consume too much THC, and its tough to sleep with out it now. I already made less drinking a goal and that's not as much of a problem as the getting high is.

 

[weemadarthur]

Lots of the symptoms you mention are common to depression. If you're in the northern hemisphere, seasonal depression may be worsening the effects. Do you know anything about how much Vitamin D you get on an average day?

It also sounds to me, a non expert, like you've been self medicating. That could be because you need treatment. Do you have the insurance coverage to go to a doctor for an evaluation on the depression? Were you previously diagnosed? Did you ever learn any non chemical coping skills?

There are people on the site who will listen if you want to talk some more. Not doctors or therapists, but may have good insight. Sometimes I have trouble getting my mind to stop going in circles, I use various techniques to manage that, especially at night.

 

[Ushiromiya]

There are clear coat nail polishes that are formulated with an extra strong aroma to try and condition you to stop biting your nails,.

 

[SABO.]

I have exactly the same bad habits as you (except nail biting). Weed being my worst one...smoked daily for a 4 years (from 21-25). Had a bit of an ecstasy habit during those years too. 26 now and pretty good but still slip up with weed on occasion.

The worst thing about bad habits is dropping them, picking them up again and knowing you have to drop them again :(

Last week I smoked a week straight and hated myself for doing so because I knew this week was going to be filled with lack of sleep and mood swings.

Goodluck OP. I suggest going to a psychologist for the social anxiety stuff. I had severe social anxiety and barely knew how to talk to people in social settings. Seeing a psychologist kind of kicked off a bit of momentum for me. At 26, I'm still not fully there yet but it gets better every year. :)

 

[Taco_Human]

Thanks for the replies guys. Yeah I've been consuming THC more efficiently over the years. I'm at the point where I'm consuming peak THC with vape carts but I'm just so tolerent at this point I hardly get high unless I eat edibles or something.

I managed to sleep last night. Not much but I at least went to sleep without smoking. That's one night down. 😅

 

[Gonzalez]

Edit: wrong thread