• Light/Dark

Explaining the experience of classism and poverty to a rich person

VISION

VISION

Member
Oct 25, 2017
988
Is this possible? I've been seeing this girl who I have a lot in common with, but she is stuck in a rich people bubble that is at times infuriating. Today she said working class people have more freedom because other rich people have expectations for how she should behave and who she should be friends with or date. And I was like "yeah my grandpa had a black friend and it always sucked for my grandpa that his friend couldn't hang in the whites only section with him (but maybe it sucked more for his friend)". She's got a friend that called me "trash" because I come from a working class family.

Anyway other than when that shit comes up, we get along great. She's just in such a bubble that she doesn't understand what it's like for people who live with poverty and classism every day. Short of taking her to my hometown and showing her where I grew up and introducing her to my friends from home, I don't know how to convey the experience of being poor to her.

Are there any good documentaries I could show her on poverty in america, what it's like to be poor, how classism is harmful, etc?
 
hydrophilic attack

hydrophilic attack

Corrupted by Vengeance
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,677
Sweden
VISION said:
Anyway other than when that shit comes up, we get along great. She's just in such a bubble that she doesn't understand what it's like for people who live with poverty and classism every day. Short of taking her to my hometown and showing her where I grew up and introducing her to my friends from home, I don't know how to convey the experience of being poor to her.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
why not do this
 
Masoyama

Masoyama

Attempted to circumvent a ban with an alt account
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
5,648
Just do what you said. Take her home and hang out with your friends.
 
DigitalOp

DigitalOp

Member
Nov 16, 2017
9,369
Just know she might get uncomfortable and know when to abort.

But yeah take her down to the ole hard knock one time
 
Shauni

Shauni

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,728
If they were born into money, honestly probably not. Even if you show her your town she can't process it until she lives it or has a direct connection to it in some form or fashion
 
Masoyama

Masoyama

Attempted to circumvent a ban with an alt account
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
5,648
VISION said:
I plan on doing this at some point but I want to at least get enough background knowledge to her that she doesn't piss them off. She's said things that have gotten me heated sometimes.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Op, i was born into money and my partner was not. I will never "get" how she grew up but I've never said anything like type of things she has. It wont be the end of the world if she puts a foot in her mouth
 
Skelepuzzle

Skelepuzzle

Member
Apr 17, 2018
6,119
Take their wealth, then they can learn first hand.

This is not practical advice for you and your friend, it's just the only way you will get the super wealthy to understand poverty
 
TelluricTokoro

TelluricTokoro

Banned
Apr 16, 2018
1,760
As someone from a low middle class working family who managed to date a few wealthier ladies an who's even in a relationship with one now:

Unless she has a very deep love for you past her love of her wealth, it will never work. Especially if you're black.

My girl made a very real effort to understand where I was coming from, but that's because she feels like her family's money comes at the detriment of their actual... love for the family.

Her folks hate my guts though. They call me "Malcolm X" in a very derogatory way, because my girlfriend had very little understanding of concepts like systemic racism, colorism and all the shit that comes with it and they think I'm brainwashing her.
 
Kuro

Kuro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,317
If I were you I wouldn't even bother but hey you might get lucky and the spoiled rich girl might grow a heart. I've been in that situation before and realized that kind of person is generally selfish in every way possible so I bailed. My favorite are the girls that are upper middle class but because their parents aren't millionaires they think they had a normal working class life growing up.
 
Radiophonic

Radiophonic

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,612
She's been living in her uptown world, OP. It sounds like she's never had a backstreet guy. I bet her mama never told her why.
 
Rmagnus

Rmagnus

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,923
Honestly sounds like a Disney movie lol. You have a patience of a saint I am not sure I could have taken what her friend said.
 
Septimus Prime

Septimus Prime

EA
Verified
Oct 25, 2017
8,500
How rich are we talking here? I've heard that people can only really see and empathize with others about one social class above and below themselves, so if she's like Gossip Girl debutante style, it's probably going to be extremely hard to get her to see through the eyes of lower middle class.
 
Pandaman

Pandaman

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
1,710
I feel like there's a point where you and your family are so rich that you're no longer able to fundamentally connect how money correlates with living conditions or stress or access to food. See also: Literally anyone who has ever attempted to comfort a recently unemployed person with the phrase 'Now you can follow your dream!'
 
KillLaCam

KillLaCam

Prophet of Truth
Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,427
Seoul
Depends on what counts as rich in this situation .

If it's just like 300,000 a year or something then you could show her stuff (in person) to help her understand it a little. When I was growing up we fluctuated throughout social classes, one time we had to search around for pennies so my mom could pay for gas in order to make it to work. But we're definitely wealthy now. But I still had some difficulty understanding poorer people's situations when I got older becuase I was only like 6 when we though that. I didn't understand until I spent a year at a college in a super low income conservative area. I think you have to be there to actually understand it. I definitely wasn't condescending to people becuase of the conditions they lived in. I was just always thinking "why don't they go to school or get a better job". Because I didn't realize how difficult that actually is for many people until I went to that college. However that year opened my eyes to alot. I was already pretty liberal but seeing what they went through made me an advocate of some form of socialism.



If it's a couple million then you'd have to convince them to live in a lower income area for a little while on a budget or something. I don't think you can change those types of people by just showing them things. They have to be with people going though whatever caused by being poor.

Sounds like it's the latter from that working class comment. If they only make 6 figures then she's just insanely out of touch.
 
Last edited:
Don Fluffles

Don Fluffles

Member
Oct 28, 2017
7,151
If she's open to the facts, go for it. Worst case scenario, you might deal with delusions so severe that facts won't work. If you can't fight with facts, use empathy to get on their good side.

She claims that working class people have more freedom. For instance, ask about how she feels and what she wants. "Are you envious and want more agency with your family?" If she corrects you, just keep at it.

Also deconstruct your feelings and needs from what she's saying. For instance, maybe tell her in a calm, rational manner, that when you hear things that label working class people, you feel hurt because you want your working class friends and family to be treated fairly by society so you all can live comfortably.

Here's the process:
the-four-components-of-nonviolent-communication-1-728.jpg
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
 
Last edited:

Deleted member 2779

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,045
I'm taking a management class this semester almost designed to do this especially because it's in the school of Commerce where students tend to be more affluent and right-leaning. We get assigned a few videos and short documentaries each week and last week included debtor's prisons in the states. It's all good and well to watch these but I think there's a number of premises you have to accept first before even beginning to understand poverty and its nuances. Get to the underlying assumptions first. She probably believes in stuff like the deserving and undeserving poor for example.
 
tommy7154

tommy7154

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,370
First off, her "friend" can go fuck herself and you both should have told her as much.

As for your girlfriend...maybe? It probably depends a lot on if she was born into wealth. If she was, she's just never experienced what being poor means, or what it's like. She doesn't understand that it can be a struggle to fit in, a struggle to eat a decent meal, a struggle for your own self worth, the "poor tax"...if you've never actually been poor it's hard to understand what exactly it all really means.

Hopefully she's open to you telling and/or showing her, just as you are hopefully open to hearing about her problems on the other side of the tracks.
 
ishan

ishan

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,192
VISION said:
Is this possible? I've been seeing this girl who I have a lot in common with, but she is stuck in a rich people bubble that is at times infuriating. Today she said working class people have more freedom because other rich people have expectations for how she should behave and who she should be friends with or date. And I was like "yeah my grandpa had a black friend and it always sucked for my grandpa that his friend couldn't hang in the whites only section with him (but maybe it sucked more for his friend)". She's got a friend that called me "trash" because I come from a working class family.

Anyway other than when that shit comes up, we get along great. She's just in such a bubble that she doesn't understand what it's like for people who live with poverty and classism every day. Short of taking her to my hometown and showing her where I grew up and introducing her to my friends from home, I don't know how to convey the experience of being poor to her.

Are there any good documentaries I could show her on poverty in america, what it's like to be poor, how classism is harmful, etc?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
shes pointing out something completely different. Shes pointing out when youre rich / from a certain segment of society its not all "hunky dory fun and games" as ppl assume there are some other issues you have to deal with. Its like how if youre kings and queens you dont get to marry someone you like you do your job and do political alliances etc.

Now is she wrong in not noticing your perspective yes sure. But are you also wrong in assuming her life is ideal and her concerns are non issues. Yes you are too.

EDIT: essentially you havent lived her life she hasnt yours either shes more blessed yes ... but dont assume you know a rich persons life just cause theyre rich.
 
Amalthea

Amalthea

Member
Dec 22, 2017
5,770
It also kinda sucks when a lot of your extended family are upper middle class and you're poor. It's like your own kin doesn't understand the world you live in.
 
Lord Thrappleper the 49th

Lord Thrappleper the 49th

Banned
Dec 28, 2017
169
Rich people are worth little more than marrying and getting entitled to their shit. As people they are lacking in both humanity and life experience.
If I had the choice I would exclude rich people from anythin I did. Purely because they do the same to the rest of us on a daily basis.

But I dont blame them personally. I blame the system of capitalism that created them. It's all well and fun to ruin a rich persons life to feel better, but we should focus on destroying the system that enables their exclusionary and entitled lifestyle.

No its not hypocritical because anything a non-rich person does to a rich person is reactionary. Rich people started it.
 
TarNaru33

TarNaru33

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,045
ishan said:
shes pointing out something completely different. Shes pointing out when youre rich / from a certain segment of society its not all "hunky dory fun and games" as ppl assume there are some other issues you have to deal with. Its like how if youre kings and queens you dont get to marry someone you like you do your job and do political alliances etc.

Now is she wrong in not noticing your perspective yes sure. But are you also wrong in assuming her life is ideal and her concerns are non issues. Yes you are too.

EDIT: essentially you havent lived her life she hasnt yours either shes more blessed yes ... but dont assume you know a rich persons life just cause theyre rich.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

oh please. Lol.

Middle and lower class people also have expectations of who they should be, how they should act, and be with, this isn't exclusive to the rich. Many of these things are negative and we are as society trying to progress from.
 
Zeno

Zeno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,150
Today she said working class people have more freedom because other rich people have expectations for how she should behave and who she should be friends with or date.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Does she not think peer groups for working-class people don't do the same thing?

TarNaru33 said:
oh please. Lol.

Middle and lower class people also have expectations of who they should be, how they should act, and be with, this isn't exclusive to the rich. Many of these things are negative and we are as society trying to progress from.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Yeah. Sounds like she watched some stereotypical movie about how the poor are free, but the rich are all locked up to some kind of expectations.
 
Last edited:
Puroresu_kid

Puroresu_kid

Member
Oct 28, 2017
9,478
No disrespect but a rich person claiming to have less freedom than a poor person doesn't sit right with me at all.

Yes you may have expectations put on you but try having dreams and hopes with no money in your pocket and see how that freedom feels.

Also are rich people in such a bubble that don't see poverty. Surely they know its real, they know its there. They may choose to ignore it but they can't claim to be oblivious to it.
 
shaneo632

shaneo632

Weekend Planner
Member
Oct 29, 2017
29,387
Wrexham, Wales
Empathy in general is a trait a lot of people could do more of, being humble about what you have and helping others where you can.
 
Smitington

Smitington

Member
Oct 27, 2017
647
Denver
Not an ton of empathy in here. I don't fault someone for being ignorant of another lifestyle, but once you get exposed then you don't have an alibi.

There is no replacement for experience.
 

Deleted member 8861

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
10,564
As the child of rich parents what opened my eyes as to how privileged I was was working as a part time waiter when I was 15. I was working in a place very close to home and I had colleagues my age who were working 10-12 hour shifts 6 days a week (when I worked 6 hours, 5 days) not to save up to buy a playstation, but to assist their family or to afford cram school for the university entrance exams.
 
alzabo

alzabo

Member
Dec 31, 2017
180
VISION said:
Today she said working class people have more freedom because other rich people have expectations for how she should behave and who she should be friends with or date.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

As if this isn't something experienced by the children of the poorest single mom. Boy howdy, remind her to take her head out of her ass every once in a while because it makes everything she assumes sound like shit.

How old is she? She's trying but struggling because she has no idea what she's talking about.
 
It’s Time To Go

It’s Time To Go

Member
Dec 2, 2017
20,778
You probably can't explain it, cos rich people are generally selfish and don't give a fuck, and even if they claim to, they're really just being condescending.
 
thewienke

thewienke

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,299
Reminds me of that episode of 30 Rock where Tina Fey is hanging around Jon Hamm and trying to explain to him that he's in a "beautiful people" bubble and gets treated way differently. I think you'd have just as hard of a time since she's probably been like that since birth.
 
LegendofJoe

LegendofJoe

Member
Oct 28, 2017
12,141
Arkansas, USA
I've interacted with the upper class enough to know that A LOT of them look down on the working class with disdain and scorn. I know because I tried my best to fit in with them and join the club but it never worked. I've seen too much of the real world and I'm too empathetic to ever be one of them.

They live in a different world with completely different concerns. One of which is discussing whose accountant is best at shielding their wealth from taxation. What social events they're going to attend to score points with other wealthy people to gain an advantage for themselves or their kids. The renovations they're doing for one of their vacation homes and how frustrated they are with the process. And so on and so on. They're so vapid it's difficult for anyone that didn't grow up in that world to not eventually become disgusted with them.
 
Mobius 1

Mobius 1

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,279
North Point, Osean Federation
That relationship has no future. She won't come around to genuinely understand your point of view, and even if she does what is the end game here? If you end up wanting marriage, her family is likely a number of pompous dicks that will try to dissuade her, or disdain you.
 
Antrax

Antrax

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,484
You can't.

You know that feeling in your gut when you're poor? Every time you crank the car just wondering if it'll break down. Every time you feel under the weather and might need a hospital. Every time you budget for groceries wondering which items from last month went up.

Being poor is a constant anxiety that is, at best, subdued. Rich people can empathize (and I appreciate it when they try), but they'll always have that knowledge in their minds that their bank accounts are full.
 
Hoo-doo

Hoo-doo

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,292
The Netherlands
This is hard. I've tried.

I am close friends with a girl who is an only child in an extremely wealthy household.
She was once asked what she thought the average price for a house was in the Netherlands and she thought it was about 600.000 EUR. Now this is a very intelligent girl in every other way. But damn.

I had to sit my ass down after hearing that shit. Some people honestly just remain ignorant about these things solely because of where they were born. They can't really help it either.
I've since tried to make her a bit more aware of her incredibly privileged upbringing and frame of reference, but that shit is deeply engrained. It's almost impossible to erase.
Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that unless they are willing to reframe their ideas and beliefs big time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.