Friends with benefits - How did it end up for you?

[gozu]

Fellow resetters. How did your experiences pan out? Did they have happy ending? Did someone end up catching feelings?

I'm asking because of a personal situation I'm in.

I've ever only had 2 FWB. One was an EX after our break up in her early 30s. We remained friends. We were horny. We had sex a few times then we gradually decreased the frequency and eventually stopped doing it because it felt weird to me at that point. So that lasted about a year I think. We're best of friends and we're both dating other people. It worked out perfectly!

The other is a 23 year old that I met on tinder on a vacation. She called loving relationships bullshit and just wanted sex. I was more than happy to oblige and before I left, she told me that she'll gladly bang me anytime we're in the same country as long as I don't tell her I'm engaged* (AKA: don't ask, don't tell) This has been going on for 15 months and the sex is wonderful but...

Half of me I can't help but think maybe she's deluding herself because she's young and will end up catching feelings for me and the other half of me thinks I'm being laughably arrogant and that I should take her at her word and respect her choices as an adult. That's the half I have been listening to. I'm here to seek confirmation that it's correct.

* I'm not engaged nor have a girlfriend so there is no infidelity going on here. Just clarifying.

 

[Yoshichan]

She started developing feelings... bad idea.

 

[D65]

I don't know yet.

 

[wenis]

Ended fine both times. One went on to be happily married long after we finished our tryst and the other is happily single and we're still friends.

Enjoy what you got. It's not super difficult. If something feels wrong at any point just bail gradually and don't be dramatic about it.

 

[Rangerx]

It was great fun.

 

[Ronin]

Usually ended fine for me. Only one time did someone catch feelings and it actually ended up a thing for a bit.

As long as you make it clear what the arrangement is and you both act like adults, it should be fine.

 

[Deleted member 35011]

We were friends with benefits for a grand total of six hours, then we started dating, four years later we're engaged.

 

[Medalion]

Don't be afraid to catch feels...

 

[BlackFyre]

Lots and Lots of Anal. Apparently, it means you're still a virgin. Sure....

 

[B33]

You'll both eventually be at a bifurcation.

Either end the casual fling and part ways or commit and make it a serious relationship.

 

[Seesaw15]

I got bored because we had nothing in common.

 

[SNES Jr]

It was fine until Gobias started getting clingy.

 

[tjac]

It was fine until Gobias started getting clingy.

Click to shrink...

Why do you only hit me up when you're drunk or high

 

[SNES Jr]

Why do you only hit me up when you're drunk or high

Click to shrink...

You knew what this was.

 

[Tuck]

Poorly, but with a different person it could work.

I met a guy, really liked him. We went on a date which went really well but he said after that he didn't want a relationship, but we could still be friends. I took him up on the offer. Eventually we started sleeping together occasionally, but those original feelings I had for him were still there. That was an issue. Ultimately I cut things off cause I wanted a relationship and it seemed like he wanted to only be aquitances, not even really friends.

Theres someone in mind I fwb situation could have worked, as he was good looking and good in bed but our personalities were too different for me to even want a relationship. But he lives far away.

 

[Deleted member 28461]

We fell in love and have happily lived together for 5 years.

 

[Sowrong]

Found out I wasn't the only one, too many Eskimo brothers I knew. Felt dirty.

 

[Royalan]

Going strong for 7+ years now.

The secret? You kinda have to borderline hate the person outside of the sexual chemistry.

 

[Dicer]

Last one we both caught feels, but circumstances weren't ideal for that. It sucked but that's part of the game...

 

[HotHamBoy]

It turned into a shitty 2 year relationship.

 

[Rocketz]

We got back together for another 2.5 years and I ended up going back to college in the process.

It didn't work out and I started dating another girl in her sorority that I'm married to now.

 

[gozu]

She started developing feelings... bad idea.

Click to shrink...

:(

We were friends with benefits for a grand total of six hours, then we started dating, four years later we're engaged.

Click to shrink...

How...but..6 hours? So you were friends before that, then you did the naughty (why? alcohol?) . and immediately started dating? Every friend-zoned guy's dream! You're keeping the flame of hope burning. God bless!

Don't be afraid to catch feels...

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I wish i would catch feels. I've been ready to get married for a while now.

I got bored because we had nothing in common.

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So the sex was good, but the time before and after you had to spend with shklee was too boring?

We fell in love and have happily lived together for 5 years.

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Congrats you lucky dog!

Going strong for 7+ years now.

The secret? You kinda have to borderline hate the person outside of the sexual chemistry.

Click to shrink...

Hmm, Can't say I borderline hate her. I actually respect her and her integrity/honesty. However we don't have much in common and our levels of maturity are significantly different. She sees plenty of flaws in me and thinks I'm kinda ugly so that's good news.

It was fine until Gobias started getting clingy.

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Why do you only hit me up when you're drunk or high

Click to shrink...

You knew what this was.

Click to shrink...

 

[kamakazi5]

.

 

[Forearm_Star]

Ruined my life for a good 3 years.

We had a good run but fuck doing that again

 

[sph3re]

Lots and Lots of Anal. Apparently, it means you're still a virgin. Sure....

Click to shrink...

you still got her number or

 

[Marjorine]

As far as one off things or short term? They have been fine.

However...

I had a woman ten years my senior who I struck up that kind of relationship with. For starters, she already had kids and wasn't able to have any more. Also, we got along ok but didn't really have a ton in common otherwise.

I was 100% clear every step of the way what it was and she agreed. But then when I wanted to end it she said I was leading her on and it got super crappy. She said that people don't continually have sex with people if they weren't actually interested in something. That's what a FWB is! I thought her being older she'd be cool. But she was NOT cool.

I probably wouldn't do a long term fwb again.

 

[gozu]

Lots and Lots of Anal. Apparently, it means you're still a virgin. Sure....

Click to shrink...

This is typical in more religious society with expectation of virginity upon marriage. Girls end up doing oral and anal. The irony would be delicious if it didn't suck for all the young people involved.

 

[siddx]

Someone always catches feelings. Always. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was the girl. But it always happened eventually leading to someone getting hurt.
I don't regret any of them but you just need to be realistic that most friends with benefits end with the friendship ruined or diminished.

 

[Deleted member 35011]

How...but..6 hours? So you were friends before that, then you did the naughty (why? alcohol?) . and immediately started dating? Every friend-zoned guy's dream! You're keeping the flame of hope burning. God bless!

Click to shrink...

We had been attracted to each other for a while. Had one night where I had won a tournament, she was torn between congratulating me and making fun of me for getting injured so much, one thing led to another and we slept together while shit talking each other. Was kinda hilarious to be honest.

After it, we went like "this was super fun let's do it again...but like we don't have feelings for each other or anything right yeah" because we didn't want to be the first to admit we liked each other. Agreed to be friends with benefits.

Some 6 hours later one girl was being sorta flirty with me, girlfriend sorta pulled me aside and we both mutually agreed to stop the game of chicken. Been a loving relationship ever since, games of monopoly aside haha.

 

[Deleted member 11976]

After a bad breakup, I somehow ended up in a FWB situation (the woman was not my ex, to be clear) and even though we both agreed that the moment someone developed real feelings for the other it would be over, she slowly developed feelings after 6 months and confessed it.

She was really fun to be around but I ended up calling the whole thing off because I was still pretty cut up over my breakup. I was honestly too afraid to expose myself to the slightest chance of that kind of pain (a break up) again and I also didn't want to deceive or use her, so I figured that calling it off was the best for both of us.

I swore off doing FWBs and committed relationships for a year after that to work on myself and career stuff. Fast forward to today and I've been in the most fantastic relationship with someone else and probably going to propose this year seeing as how we're coming up on 7 years together.

 

[Verelios]

Not well.

I don't know if she caught feelings or I caught feelings, or if I was allowed to be somewhat jealous or annoyed that she wanted to control facets of my life, or if I was out of line for calling her late at night to talk. It was a mess of boundaries and immaturity.

 

[navii]

I did with an ex for a while, but I was really just trying to get back with her while she wanted FWB, in the end I stopped it cos I didn't want to hear one day that that she found someone else and my services are no longer required. I've seen her around town and she did not even look at me when we passed each other.

 

[Violence Jack]

Last time when we agreed to it, she caught feelings and didn't say anything about it until I met my future wife and called it off. It definitely affected our friendship, and we had only reconnected after 5 years apart before we started it.

 

[EMT0]

Poorly. We don't talk anymore for a reason.

 

[Couchdweller]

Mine started off really cozy in the roller coaster of the summer of 2016. At first this gal and I were thinking "Yeah this is all just for fun! :D". Then a year passed and we were still having nonstop consistent sex and we both looked at each other like: ">_> Damnit, feeeeeelings, though".

Its a trap, it always ends up as a relationship.

 

[Yourfawthaaa]

Ended fine for the most part. We are still friends and she's cool to talk to about shit.

 

[LeroyOctopus]

I had one successfully for a while. We were both starting to get some feelings, but there were some issues with location and money that ended up making things not work out. I haven't kept in touch with her as much as I would like to because I'm kind of worried it would stir up old feelings and that would suck since I've had a girlfriend for almost 3 years now.

 

[Kapus]

It's fine and is still going fine.

We're very casual and relaxed about it so it's all good. Helps that we're actually good friends with relatable interests aside from all of that.

 

[earthsucks]

i've done it twice.

one was very fun for about two months, although it ended because she moved back to taiwan.

the second was a bit more complex as we knew each other casually for years, and were also mutually grieving over our respective ex partners (think high fidelity). in hindsight we treated each other as rebounds, which obviously fizzled out pretty quick once the initial excitement of it all had passed.

i'd have a one-night stand again or whatever, but wouldn't be interested in a 'casual' ongoing scenario anymore.

 

[TheBaldEmperor]

Went pretty well while it lasted. This girl and I were friends and both single. She says "hey, we both are single and like messing around why don't we?" Ended earlier than I would have liked. We were both mega horny so in that regard it was a perfect match. I was in my teens and my parents caught wind of it and put a stop to it. After that I was in a few relationships over the years before I got married but no more fwb.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Mine have almost all ended in someone catching feelings but they were fun while they lasted. A few I'm still friends with and dont hook up anymore but the other ones hate me with a firey passion.

 

[TheBeardedOne]

I've had two friends with benefits situations, but never been in an actual relationship. I know how odd that sounds.

Both were recent, within the last few years.

1) I ended up deleting her from social media and stopped talking to her. She was leading me on, would say that we should hang out and go see a movie or do something else, but then would always have an excuse as to why she couldn't when that day came up.

2) She started telling me how to live my life and getting mad at me for something out of my control. I told her I needed to stop talking to her, but didn't call her a bitch or anything like that. I ended it nicely. Maybe I would've talked to her again, but she became really childish and was texting me ridiculous things that were designed to get under my skin.

 

[Opto]

Not bad since neither of us were catching major feelings. Still friends because we enjoyed each other's company. Friendship probably lasted because she moved to a different city so there wasn't that awkward feeling being in the same place and having to directly acknowledge sex happened.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

One of my now oldest good friends started out that way. We ended up randomly hooking up, fucked for a while both knowing it was just for the fun of it, and then she had to end it when her ex wanted to get back together.

By the time they split up again, I'd met my wife, so we just stayed friends, and have been fairly close since.

My only other real experience with it has been since my wife and I opened up our relationship. I've had a few friendships turn into something more, and the one of those that ended just went right back to being friendship. Hell, if anything, we're closer now.

The woman I'm still seeing has become an important part of my life too, so even when we inevitably stop sleeping together down the road, I expect we'll be a part of each other's lives.

 

[GamingEnthusiast]

I thought this was a thread about friends with benefits like having a car.....

 

[Darksol]

We had a lot of good sex for a summer where we were both single. Still friends to this day. No regrets.

 

[wisdom0wl]

Great! Got out before either of us caught feels. Anything longer than 4 months is pushing it. shout out cuffing szn

 

[MopDog]

Never could do the FWB thing. Sex isn't a big deal to me, so if I'm not attracted enough to a person to develop a more meaningful relationship with, I physically am not attracted enough to have sex with them. So I don't continue the relationship on that level. Platonic friends? Sure, no problem.

 

[Deleted member 4359]

Got intimate, it was fine but we left it at friendship level because of personal reasons and generational gap. To be fair we never fucked, it was more of suiting eachothers needs.

 

[Jon Carter]

She's now my wife and we have a baby on the way due in a month. Just enjoy it. For us, it seemed like a misguided idea at the time, but you never know what can happen if you just follow where life takes you.