How do I deal with my truscum Trans friend who claims that Republicans aren't transphobic?

[Slash]

Hey all-

I'm currently talking to my trans friend who's said some pretty nasty stuff about other LGBT people, like how pansexuality "doesn't exist", there are only two genders etc. As someone who is heterosexual and cis, it was surprising to hear one of my closest LGBT friends saying this stuff. She also said that she would rather vote for Trump over Biden even after I pointed out that he was taking protections away for millions of trans people. I've also said that nearly every elected Republican wants to strictly outlaw trans protections, but she claims that most Republicans she knows aren't transphobic. Is there any way I can convince her strictly that yes, most Republicans are anti-LGBT and they will take her protections away?

Here are some recent quotes:
"slash you are kinda making it seem like I need to be a Democrat just because I'm trans" - well yes?
"I'm sorry but where the fuck are you getting half the senate from, being a republican doesn't mean you're transphobic"
"bisexuality is the same thing as pansexuality"
...and a lot more.

She's said that non-binary people all don't have genders as well which is just not true. It's just surprising to me that someone in the LGBT community would have these views. I really like having her as a friend, but some of the stuff she says really raises my eye. She didn't always talk this way either, but recently she's been so specific about what exactly makes up a trans person or what sexualities exist. She claims that all of the things I'm sending are "left biased", so some very definitive evidence would be helpful. Thank you!

 

[Slash]

Oops, I posted this in the wrong forum. Hope mods can move it to etcetera as soon as possible

Edit: Thank you mods!

 

[Handicapped Duck]

You already know what you need to do, cut her out of your life. You tried, but it isn't worth anymore of your energy to try and get her to amend her shit views.

 

[Platy]

Bisexuality CAN be the same as pansexuality.
The bisexual manifesto published in the 90's already mentioned that bisexuality is not binary.

for us to continue... we need to know

how rich is her ?

 

[RoaminRonin]

Is this friend worth keeping?

 

[IMCaprica]

Do what I did in this same situation: cut them out and never speak of nor to them again. One less problem to deal with.

 

[Slash]

Is this friend worth keeping?

Click to shrink...

You already know what you need to do, cut her out of your life. You tried, but it isn't worth anymore of your energy to try and get her to amend her shit views.

Click to shrink...

Honestly, I was one of the people who helped her come out to her parents in the first place and it's not like she's always held these views. She literally thought differently just over half a year ago. I don't think this is who she is, and I just feel like she's been misled lately. I don't think it's worth giving our friendship up for.

Bisexuality CAN be the same as pansexuality.
The bisexual manifesto published in the 90's already mentioned that bisexuality is not binary.

for us to continue... we need to know

how rich is her ?

Click to shrink...

I get that, but she specifically said that pansexuality doesn't exist at all. Also, can you clarify what you meant by "how rich is her?"

 

[Platy]

Also, can you clarify what you meant by "how rich is her?"

Click to shrink...

There are lots of reasons why minorities can become conservative.
The easiest to understand is because they have lots of money first and are a minority second

 

[RoaminRonin]

Honestly, I was one of the people who helped her come out to her parents in the first place and it's not like she's always held these views. She literally thought differently just over half a year ago. I don't think this is who she is, and I just feel like she's been misled lately. I don't think it's worth giving our friendship up for.



I get that, but she specifically said that pansexuality doesn't exist at all. Also, can you clarify what you meant by "how rich is her?"

Click to shrink...

Has she started spouting Qanon theories yet? Like are facts getting through to her or is she denying evidence?

 

[Slash]

There are lots of reasons why minorities can become conservative.
The easiest to understand is because they have lots of money first and are a minority second

Click to shrink...

I don't think she's rich at all. Maybe it's from specific communities she's been in online? She's mentioned Blaire White as someone she watches which I think has similar views to what she's said.

 

[Platy]

I don't think she's rich at all. Maybe it's from specific communities she's been in online? She's mentioned Blaire White as someone she watches which I think has similar views to what she's said.

Click to shrink...

Yeah that is Blaire White to a T

;D

 

[Slash]

Has she started spouting Qanon theories yet? Like are facts getting through to her or is she denying evidence?

Click to shrink...

I sent two articles to her and she showed me a chart that said it had a "left-wing bias" or something, but no conspiracy theories. She's just being really selective with what to believe from I send, even when it's clear. She said that most congressional republicans probably had a reason to vote against the Equality Act that wasn't transphobia, which obviously isn't the case.

 

[Small Red Boy]

If you care about her you should absolutely not cut her of your life. Try to stay by her side, counterargument the bullshit she will say, and when the conservative community treats her like shit be there for her. There isn't much you can do on the short run, but you might have an impact in the long run if you do stay with her.

 

[Slash]

If you care about her you should absolutely not cut her of your life. Try to stay by her side, counterargument the bullshit she will say, and when the conservative community treats her like shit be there for her. There isn't much you can do on the short run, but you might have an impact in the long run if you do stay with her.

Click to shrink...

Thank you; I really don't want to leave her behind if I don't have to. I do think that she'll learn the truth eventually, be it from conservatives themselves or just by realizing it based on what they're actually doing.

 

[Nekro]

"slash you are kinda making it seem like I need to be a Democrat just because I'm trans" - well yes?

Click to shrink...

People dont have to define their political views exclusively by their place in society, Its not black and white as many people think it is, she might have her reasons. Talk it out but dont let your friendship be defined by that as some people mentioned. You dont have to be friends with only people that have the same political views as you, i bet you share a lot of common views, possibly a lot more than different ones.

Now if you really dont have many commons it will show and you might grow apart, but people saying to cut ties because some differences in views is absolutely horrible. Friends dont grow on trees.

Honestly this duality in american politics is really dumb, its not that simple as left and right. It might be in political parties (or they make it seem like it) but people are complex and they are usually a mix of views.

 

[RoaminRonin]

I sent two articles to her and she showed me a chart that said it had a "left-wing bias" or something, but no conspiracy theories. She's just being really selective with what to believe from I send, even when it's clear. She said that most congressional republicans probably had a reason to vote against the Equality Act that wasn't transphobia.

Click to shrink...

Ask her how she feels about republicans not wanting her to use women's restrooms because they'll rape children. Ask how she feels that republicans are the ones that want to pass laws not recognizing her as a human being. Ask her how she feels about republican laws about jobs discriminating against trans people.

 

[ArrogantBastard]

Unless this individual means a great deal to you, bye Felicia.

Honestly, not worth your time. You cannot reason with irrational bullshit, it really is that simple.

 

[UltimateHigh]

prob went down some YouTube rabbithole.

what lead to that is probably some "hurt feelings, leftist mob are trying to cancel something/someone i like" bullshit, if you say she thought differently not too long ago.

it doesn't take much to lead someone down a wrong path.

good luck with the deprogramming.

 

[Tya]

Good luck deprogramming someone that has bought into right-wing propaganda.

 

[Sonicfan1373]

If she looks at someone like Trump and especially Pence who prevented transgender individuals from serving in the military and still believes most Republicans are not homophobic and transphobic despite most of them not voting for things like the Equality Act and drumming up bathroom bills and pandering to radical churches then there is nothing you can do to convince her.

Also based on some of the views you mentioned, she seems like the type of person who dislikes other LGBTQ individuals that do not fit her very narrow views (I shudder to think of her thoughts towards other minorities, given her strong Republican leanings). Sadly this is a combination of self-hatred along with hatred towards others. In a way she is not that different than many of the Republican electorate who vote against their own self-interests just to see other groups they don't like get punished/oppressed.

 

[Slash]

People dont have to define their political views exclusively by their place in society, Its not black and white as many people think it is, she might have her reasons. Talk it out but dont let your friendship be defined by that as some people mentioned. You dont have to be friends with only people that have the same political views as you, i bet you share a lot of common views, possibly a lot more than different ones.

Now if you really dont have many commons it will show and you might grow apart, but people saying to cut ties because some differences in views is absolutely horrible. Friends dont grow on trees.

Honestly this duality in american politics is really dumb, its not that simple as left and right. It might be in political parties (or they make it seem like it) but people are complex and they are usually a mix of views.

Click to shrink...

I do see what you're saying. But when one political party is trying to explicitly take her rights away and the other is at least attempting to fight for them, the choice seems obvious. It isn't really about about "lower taxes and less government" anymore, and in my eyes, the choice should be obvious.

Ask her how she feels about republicans not wanting her to use women's restrooms because they'll rape children. Ask how she feels that republicans are the ones that want to pass laws not recognizing her as a human being. Ask her how she feels about republican laws about jobs discriminating against trans people.

Click to shrink...

I've mentioned some of that stuff and she's claimed that it was just a minority of Republicans even when most of them in Congress say the exact same. It's just frustrating hearing all the same excuses about it.

 

[Deleted member 22750]

u dont

 

[Inugami]

Tell her to look at how many republicans agreed to the equality bill in the house... If she doesn't get it by then, she's a lost cause.

 

[Richietto]

That poor soul. Just cut them out. There is only so much energy you can put into someone.

 

[Slash]

Tell her to look at how many republicans agreed to the equality bill in the house... If she doesn't get it by then, she's a lost cause.

Click to shrink...

I did, and she said "there could be more reasons why they voted against it lol" and "it doesn't automatically make Republicans transphobic"...

 

[Slash]

I really don't believe that cutting her out will solve the problem considering how recent she's gained these views. I mentioned it once in here, but she's only been thinking this stuff for less than a year in the first place. She's been a great friend in the past, and I still don't know exactly what rabbit hole she went in to think all of this.

 

[Baji Boxer]

If you figure it out, let us know. Not sure how to persuade someone that far removed from reality.

 

[RoaminRonin]

Ask her to find you at least 5 republicans in the House or Senate that has come out for trans rights. Did she grow up in a republican household? Might be the reason why she's so hard-headed and refuse to believe that the republicans aren't as bad as they are.

 

[Slash]

Ask her to find you at least 5 republicans in the House or Senate that has come out for trans rights. Did she grow up in a republican household? Might be the reason why she's so hard-headed and refuse to believe that the republicans aren't as bad as they are.

Click to shrink...

That's definitely a good idea. I haven't asked her about the latter, but it certainly seems the case. On January 6th she said that she just muted political topics in general and was just talking about other things right as we were all freaking out as the Capitol was being invaded. I just feel like she's being really selective about her beliefs and won't be open to the fact that they aren't what she thinks they are. I've tried to convince her otherwise in the past. She's also said that talking about her political leanings gives her a "headache".

 

[meowdi gras]

Is this friend of yours, by any chance, a person of faith?

 

[Steel]

Is this friend of yours, by any chance, a person of faith?

Click to shrink...

My experience is that this is a more reliable indicator of these types of views from trans individuals than wealth.

 

[Deleted member 1570]

Anyone who doesn't see that Republicans are transphobic at this point are dense as fuck.

-They keep introducing bathroom bills, and bills to prevent trans women from participating in women's sports.
-They constantly make a mockery of the idea of there being more than two genders.
-The last Republican president banned trans people from the military.
-Hell, just look at what Rand Paul and Marjorie Greene have been up to this week.

And not a tran issue per se, but look at who was bitching the loudest when Obergefell v. Hodges was decided. It was Republicans.

 

[Slash]

Is this friend of yours, by any chance, a person of faith?

Click to shrink...

I'm honestly not sure; I've only talked to her about this a few years ago when she was first coming out (before the Republican/truscum stuff) and wondering if people wouldn't accept her because of their religion. She's never mentioned religion as something she practices, but she might.

 

[bionic77]

I think it's a waste of time to try and make stupid assholes into something else that is not a stupid asshole.

Especially with the internet. So many idiots read some garbage online and thinks it makes them a genius.

 

[Stellares]

Sounds like she is full of self -hate. I can't imagine being republican and trans.

 

[Angelus Errare]

Let them fuck around and find out

 

[Quad Lasers]

I'm currently talking to my trans friend who's said some pretty nasty stuff about other LGBT people, like how pansexuality "doesn't exist", there are only two genders etc.

Click to shrink...

Lol, I didn't even have to read past the first sentence.

Why are you even amusing this jackass? Why are they your friend. They sound like a total piece of shit. Move on and find better friends.

 

[Deleted member 21709]

Why do you like having deplorable people as a friend? You won't be able to change her mind. There are plenty of nice people around to befriend.

 

[Steel]

If you're gonna try to go into this, just lay out your views on their views. Be blunt that you view people who stick to her scummy views in the same light as people who would misgender her, make it a blunt ultimatum and don't coddle her. Make it clear that if she doesn't wise up you'll part ways.

That's my only suggestion.

 

[The Mango Sentinel]

That's rough OP. If she means a lot to you, then I wouldn't give up on the friendship, but I'd adjust how I go about the friendship. Maybe some distance or less political talk.

Not sure if you can change her mind though, but you might be able understand her better if you dig a little bit more into her background.
I have a gay friend that I've known since middle school and he is very aggressive and ruthless toward other gay people. Often using homophobic slurs and just being all around negative. I constantly scold him in public because I'm not trying to get my ass kicked for his idiocy....however I do understand why he is the way he is since I know his history. It helps, even if it doesn't really solve anything.
Don't give up though, you may be able to help her.

 

[Slash]

That's rough OP. If she means a lot to you, then I wouldn't give up on the friendship, but I'd adjust how I go about the friendship. Maybe some distance or less political talk.

Not sure if you can change her mind though, but you might be able understand her better if you dig a little bit more into her background.
I have a gay friend that I've known since middle school and he is very aggressive and ruthless toward other gay people. Often using homophobic slurs and just being all around negative. I constantly scold him in public because I'm not trying to get my ass kicked for his idiocy....however I do understand why he is the way he is since I know his history. It helps, even if it doesn't really solve anything.
Don't give up though, you may be able to help her.

Click to shrink...

Honestly, we don't do a lot of political talk in general, but I was saying how Republicans were going to filibuster the Equality Act and she was acting like they must have had some other reason to oppose it.

Another thing she does often is call herself a "tranny" including in her Twitter nickname and frequently when she mentions herself, which is similar to what you're saying about your friend. She says it's trying to "reclaim" the slur, but I find it uncomfortable.

 

[Froyo Love]

As the saying goes, you aren't going to reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. Something about her right-wing views is emotionally gratifying to her, and so she's constructing ridiculous hedges like "well the Republicans I know aren't transphobic" to deflect criticism rather than arguments you can engage with.

The best advice is to dump them as a friend, because reforming this kind of bullshit requires a huge amount of effort and patience that will probably just be squandered on an asshole. However, if you want to try, you need to make the change come from her and her reflections on her own beliefs. Trying to attack her positions will just make her defend them more strongly. You're better off asking questions that force her to set the standard. For example, "What would you consider persuasive evidence that the majority of Republicans are transphobic?" She'll probably set an extremely high bar. You can then ask if she applies the same standard of evidence to other things she believes and has been saying (such as, negative traits of Democrats).

 

[meowdi gras]

I'm honestly not sure; I've only talked to her about this a few years ago when she was first coming out (before the Republican/truscum stuff) and wondering if people wouldn't accept her because of their religion. She's never mentioned religion as something she practices, but she might.

Click to shrink...

In my experience as a trans person whom has known literally hundreds of other trans people, the overwhelming majority of them who hold Conservative beliefs and spout their talking points were either:

1. Raised in Conservative households and/or spent many years prior to transition identifying as a Conservative; or
2. People of faith (i.e., Christians)

In these two circumstances, the culture a person was raised/matured within--be it family political affiliation, or, especially, faith--tends to overrule all other ways they define their own identity. If you're able to determine your friend's political or religious background, it may determine the likely culprit for her "about face".

Sad to say, I haven't experienced much luck in encountering many of them who were very open-minded; unless they were vocal about foreswearing such convictions. I happen to have been raised in an extremely zealous Christian cult by parents who were ostensibly apolitical (they never voted), yet consistently espoused textbook Conservative views. But no one ever "converted" me from these beliefs, I had to kind of arrive at them on my own after years of struggling with my gender identity and belatedly developing a politically conscience.

I'm not sure what to advise you about your friend. Do you know if she has other trans friends or is in touch with the community in any way? Ideally, she is, and isn't intentionally separating herself from it because she feels that she is "one of the good ones". 🙄 If she is, it may be an indication that she's already too far gone.

 

[The Mango Sentinel]

Honestly, we don't do a lot of political talk in general, but I was saying how Republicans were going to filibuster the Equality Act and she was acting like they must have had some other reason to oppose it.

Another thing she does often is call herself a "tranny" including in her Twitter nickname and frequently when she mentions herself, which is similar to what you're saying about your friend. She says it's trying to "reclaim" the slur, but I find it uncomfortable.

Click to shrink...

Yeah distance might be the answer if you're feeling uncomfortable about anything, especially if you don't want to dump her as a friend. You can just keep her at a distance but still be friendly and if the world happens to come crashing down on her, then be there for support....just don't rub it in her face, even if you may want to lol.

 

[Slash]

I'm not sure what to advise you about your friend. Do you know if she has other trans friends or is in touch with the community in any way? Ideally, she is, and isn't intentionally separating herself from it because she feels that she is "one of the good ones". 🙄 If she is, it may be an indication that she's already too far gone.

Click to shrink...

She does, but I have a feeling that the people she's around might have similar beliefs. She cut a whole lot of people out of her life last year when she criticized non-binary genders on her Twitter account. It's just a whole mess.

 

[Deleted member 8750]

She does, but I have a feeling that the people she's around might have similar beliefs. She cut a whole lot of people out of her life last year when she criticized non-binary genders on her Twitter account. It's just a whole mess.

Click to shrink...

If she were cis and was saying this stuff, would you still be friends with her?

 

[meowdi gras]

She does, but I have a feeling that the people she's around might have similar beliefs. She cut a whole lot of people out of her life last year when she criticized non-binary genders on her Twitter account. It's just a whole mess.

Click to shrink...

There are relatively small pockets of the trans community who are Conservative (more so among white trans women). If she's surrounded herself with a crowd like this, it may be damn hard to penetrate inside that bubble. Not sure you can hold out much hope for them in this circumstance, tbh. I've had to cut other trans friends out of my life for their reprehensible, intractable views. (A few of them have actively tried to harm me.)

Best of luck to you. Just remember that no one can change her mind except herself.

 

[Squarehard]

If she continues to argue in bad faith and use disingenuous points, then you should just cut ties.

 

[Poltergust]

There's a lot of recent things related to trans people that clearly show that Republicans are not on the same side as them.

1. The Equality Act and how barely any Republicans voted for it.
2. The transgender military ban Trump put into effect that has since been revoked by Biden.
3. The transphobic questioning by Rand Paul over the confirmation hearing of Rachel Levine.

It's a pattern. Notice how Democrats are never on the wrong side of the issue in any of these kinds of occurrences.

Heck, a better thing to ask would be "what have Republicans done that has actually helped trans people?". And don't accept generic things like "they lowered taxes of everyone, including trans people"; ask for specific protections Republicans have enacted for trans people.

 

[Slash]

There are relatively small pockets of the trans community who are Conservative (more so among white trans women). If she's surrounded herself with a crowd like this, it may be damn hard to penetrate inside that bubble. Not sure you can hold out much hope for them in this circumstance, tbh. I've had to cut other trans friends out of my life for their reprehensible, intractable views. (A few of them have actively tried to harm me.)

Best of luck to you. Just remember that no one can change her mind except herself.

Click to shrink...

Thank you. I'll take that into consideration.

If she were cis and was saying this stuff, would you still be friends with her?

Click to shrink...

Honestly, no, but I keep reminding myself that these beliefs of hers are still very new and they can change. We don't talk about politics a whole lot anyway, and it just peeks its way into our conversations every once in a while.