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How would you react if you found out your roommate's SO has been staying over 2-3 nights per week, and they hid it from you?

Roommate's SO staying over 2-3 nights/week, and they hid it from you. Reaction?

  • I would be livid and would move out immediately.

    Votes: 27 1.9%

  • I wouldn't be super angry, but would definitely be looking for a new roommate.

    Votes: 258 18.1%

  • Wouldn't bother me at all.

    Votes: 1,144 80.1%
  • Total voters
    1,429
Maple

Maple

Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,875
This is situation I have now found myself in. I'm not sure what to think here, and don't want to overreact.

My main concerns are the fact that:

A) They actively tried to hide this from me, and
B) This amounts to ~10 days a month this person has been staying over, and they could probably end up helping with the bills at that point.

Thoughts?
 
Solo

Solo

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
15,855
Welcome to having a roommate. You do nothing. Unless the SO is like eating all your food/jacking up your bills. Otherwise, you do nothing.
 
ToddBonzalez

ToddBonzalez

The Pyramids? That's nothing compared to RDR2
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
15,530
I wouldn't care if their SO is staying over. Why are they hiding it though?
 
Tagg

Tagg

Attempted to circumvent ban with an alt-account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,717
Are they eating all your food? Hogging shared spaces? Based on the fact you didn't even know they were staying over, I assume the answer to all of these is a no.

So I don't really understand what your problem is with the arrangement? I do agree it's weird that they were hiding it from you, though.
 
Lozjam

Lozjam

One Winged Slayer
Avenger
Nov 1, 2017
1,969
Just let them be.

As long as the bills aren't being hiked up. It literally doesn't affect you one bit.
 
Dan-o

Dan-o

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,941
I wouldn't be mad, but I'd straight-up ask why they were hiding it. Like... what was the point?

And yeah, they should be paying at least part of the bills, though I wouldn't expect much in that department.
 
Burt

Burt

Fight Sephiroth or end video games
Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,224
What are you some old timey boarding house nanny

If they're so unintrusive you didn't even know they were there, I don't see the issue.
 
pechorin

pechorin

Banned
Apr 13, 2020
2,572
I would very uncomfortable knowing someone was in my house without me knowing, i know it's your roommate's SO but like how well do you know this person?
 
Euphoria

Euphoria

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,644
Earth
If this person isn't raising costs then I don't see the issue.

However this person is there 1/3rd of the months which means they use electricity, gas, water, eat the food, etc...

They should be paying towards rent or at the least your roommate needs to pay up to cover their SO. I just hope your costs haven't increased.
 
Euphoria

Euphoria

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,644
Earth
You know what I would be more concerned about? Maybe causing a stir and then eventually having your roommate kick you out so they can stay with their SO.

So basically just pick your battles carefully.
 
Meg Cherry

Meg Cherry

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,345
Seattle, WA
Maple said:
I know, to be honest that's what bothers me.
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That's what I'd lead with, then. I think expecting rent/utilities from somebody spending ten days a month at the apartment could be seen as a bit excessive (especially since the other person clearly wasn't interfering with your use of the place in any noticable manner). But if they're actively hiding it, that's just odd behavior.

But considering present circumstances - I can see why somebody would feel compelled to do it. Sit them down, tackle the problem by focusing on why it had to be a secret - and work it out from there.
 
Huey

Huey

Member
Oct 27, 2017
13,397
I don't understand why this is an issue. You're both adults. Doesn't seem like that amount of time justifies charging them rent either. There's nothing about COVID in the OP so assuming that's not the issue.
 
Ernest

Ernest

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,616
So.Cal.
Unless they're getting in your way, keeping you up, making a mess, eating your food, and running up your water/electric bills, shouldn't really matter.
 
OP
OP
Maple

Maple

Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,875
Doc Kelso said:
Did they hide it or did they just not tell you?
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They hid it and lie to me about it when I ask.

For example. I casually asked my roommate if their SO stayed over one night (I knew 100% for a fact they did), but he lied to me about it and told me they just came over early to make breakfast.
 
wrowa

wrowa

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,395
That sounds perfectly normal to me. Well, except for the hiding part - why did they feel the need to hide her from you?
 
UltraMav

UltraMav

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,796
I would be mad, especially if they were using up utilities without paying. I own the property though so that's basically me missing out on free rent if I were to let it continue.

It also kind of depends on how "present" they were in the household. If I never saw them, I probably wouldn't be that upset.
 
Sho_Nuff82

Sho_Nuff82

Member
Nov 14, 2017
18,592
Unless this is your first apartment ever, I can't imagine ever being surprised that your roommate has their regular gf/bf over several days a week if they live in the same town. If they're drinking the last of the milk with their breakfast cereal or using an inordinate amount of TP ya'll probably will need a discussion about chipping in and boundaries, but otherwise what goes on in his/her bed when the door is closed is their business.

Young people have sex a lot, it's not cohabitation unless they physically move in or have their shit lying all over your common areas. Weird that they felt the need to hide it from you, but based on your reaction they may have felt that you would be weird about it.
 
HiLife

HiLife

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
40,084
I'd mind my business. It's not a big deal unless the SO was over there eating MY shit out the fridge and using up all the bathroom commodities. Or something like that.
 
24thFrame

24thFrame

Alt-Account
Banned
Jun 16, 2020
912
Considering your concerns don't seem to be with regards to COVID, I'd say it's a non-issue and comes with the territory of having roommates who are single.

I'm not sure what to make of the fact that they're hiding it from you. Are they particularly religious or otherwise conservative with regards to sexuality? Or, is it just that they're afraid of you overreacting?
 
Euphoria

Euphoria

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,644
Earth
Huey said:
I don't understand why this is an issue. You're both adults. Doesn't seem like that amount of time justifies charging them rent either.
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10 days out of 30. Eating food, burning electric, water, oil, etc...

I assume this person works all day? If not then they are burning even more. I then assume OP and their roommate split costs 50/50.

If someone is spending 33% of the months somewhere and using resources you 100% bet they owe money because without it OP is now paying.
 
Kyrios

Kyrios

Member
Oct 27, 2017
14,979
I'd be pissed just because of COVID, but also would be concerned as to why the whole thing was hidden from me.
 
GK86

GK86

Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,946
Depends on the "rules" of the house and/or lease are. And how the SO is acting in the house (i.e eating your food, being messy, hogging the bathroom, etc). And of course, COVID concerns.

But I haven't cared in the past about SO staying over 2-3 nights a week.
 
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