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Is flirting with a 19 year old at 28 creepy?

Is such a big age gap creepy?

  • Yes, you're a creepy.

    Votes: 1,883 42.4%

  • I'm not sure.

    Votes: 836 18.8%

  • No, you're fine.

    Votes: 1,727 38.8%
  • Total voters
    4,446
  • Poll closed .
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SmackDaddy

SmackDaddy

Member
Nov 25, 2017
3,192
Los Angeles
We're gonna have our opinions but who the fuck are we to judge?

As long as you are being truthful with her and yourself, and I mean REALLY truthful with yourself, go for it.

Ask around to your friends and bounce some interactions with this girl off of them. They won't be thinking with their penis like you are (no judgement, we all do without knowing it.)

DSN2K said:
No. You're both adults
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Fixed
 
seroun

seroun

Banned
Oct 25, 2018
4,519
The problem ain't the age gap the problem is that she's 19.

PD: Also not a man (the ones who say that.. yeah, I'm remember your usernames lmao). Also not afraid of seeing other women dating older people.
 
King Kingo

King Kingo

Banned
Dec 3, 2019
7,656
Wazzy said:
Where did anyone in this thread say you had to be the exact same age as your partner? or were you meaning to write age group?

The discussion is about large age gaps that involve someone in the 18-23 age range.
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Most undergraduate university degrees finish by the time a person reaches the age of 21 which is why young adulthood is classified as 18-21. I just wanted to bring that up because not only are 22-23 year olds far more cognitively mature but they're no longer seen as young adults by most people.

I still completely agree with the points that you've raised regarding the dangers associated with large age gap relationships especially between a young adult and an adult.
 
OP
OP
Bee.Cups

Bee.Cups

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,357
The cosmic boundary of time and space.
SmackDaddy said:
We're gonna have our opinions but who the fuck are we to judge?

As long as you are being truthful with her and yourself, and I mean REALLY truthful with yourself, go for it.

Ask around to your friends and bounce some interactions with this girl off of them. They won't be thinking with their penis like you are (no judgement, we all do without knowing it.)



Fixed
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I'm an asexual woman. Not saying that asexual women can't have penises too but that's a different topic.


I do want hugs though ... So I guess that's still physical attraction...


Edit: I have a brutal honesty policy, I'll be honest the whole time whether I pursue her or not.
 
Freezasaurus

Freezasaurus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
57,181
Generally speaking, there are plenty of couples where there's a ten year or so difference. But in cases with people that young, you're in different stages of life. A person who just graduated high school in the last few years is not on the same level as you are, OP. And a lot of times people that age aren't even completely sure of who they are or what they want. I sure didn't for most of my 20s. Obviously, you're going to do what you want regardless. But if you move forward, I just wouldn't expect it to last. But hey, I could be wrong. This is just my perspective.
 
Gunny T Highway

Gunny T Highway

Unshakable Resolve - One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 27, 2017
17,157
Canada
Bee.Cups said:
I'm an asexual woman. Not saying that asexual women can't have penises too but that's a different topic.


I do want hugs though ... So I guess that's still physical attraction...


Edit: I have a brutal honesty policy, I'll be honest the whole time whether I pursue her or not.
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Hugs are physical as well as just general emotional attraction. Human beings are wired to crave physical touch from other human beings. That is why babies like being cradled and hugged.

Anyways at the end of the day you are both adults and none of us here have truly any say in how you should pursue your relationships.
 
healbite-maritima

healbite-maritima

Member
Nov 26, 2018
826
I think the situation is fine, legally. However I don't know how long the relationship will last, the late teens, early 20s is such a volatile time in one's life.
 
Drensch

Drensch

Member
Oct 27, 2017
742
I think resetera is out of step with the general public on this. If you're in your sixties that's a bit different. This is fine.
 
Wazzy

Wazzy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,070
King Kingo said:
Most undergraduate university degrees finish by the time a person reaches the age of 21 which is why young adulthood is classified as 18-21. I just wanted to bring that up because not only are 22-23 year olds far more cognitively mature but they're no longer seen as young adults by most people.

I still completely agree with the points that you've raised regarding the dangers associated with large age gap relationships especially between a young adult and an adult.
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Fair enough though I don't personally(based off my experience and people I knew)agree with the idea of a 21 year old and 23 year old having a vast difference maturity wise but I realize context matters for that. Either way, the reason I wrote 18-23 is because that was being discussed with a couple posters who were saying it's totally cool for people in their mid 50s to pursue someone in their young 20s which I obviously do not agree with.
 
Budi

Budi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,899
Finland
Replicant said:
That's fine. I don't really care what a person I don't know thinks of me. The girl I dated didn't seem to agree.
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Well she was still a teenager, a lot to learn and needs time to mature.

Danny_Helmi_2.jpg

She's 19 too and doesn't see anything wrong with her relationship with the 78 year old singer, who she worked for as an assistant and now shares a home with.
 
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DemyxC

DemyxC

Member
Dec 3, 2020
701
Like 23 and 55 is a big gap but it's whatever. I could buy it. I mean you might still look like parent and child but it is what it is. 50 and 18 however that just don't seem right. It could work but damn.
 
BriGuy

BriGuy

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,275
It's not the age gap so much as it the current timeline. No one would blink an eye if it was 25 and 34, but a 19 year-old... like, the younger person is just starting to figure their life out. I'm not sure what you would bring to the equation other than make their friends uncomfortable and give them something to gossip about when you're out buying them beer.
 
Budi

Budi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,899
Finland
Drensch said:
I think resetera is out of step with the general public on this. If you're in your sixties that's a bit different. This is fine.
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It's not so much about the age gap, it's about the development stage of the younger participant. Though of course age gap matters too, 19 and 22 aren't that far apart mentally compared to 19 and 28. But 30 and 39, there's nothing creepy about it.

People thinking about 18 as full grown adult ignore science and just go on by a law. Law doesn't really dictate what is actually appropriate either, as can be seen from age of consent laws that vary from 12 to 18.
 
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King Kingo

King Kingo

Banned
Dec 3, 2019
7,656
Wazzy said:
Fair enough though I don't personally(based off my experience and people I knew)agree with the idea of a 21 year old and 23 year old having a vast difference maturity wise but I realize context matters for that. Either way, the reason I wrote 18-23 is because that was being discussed with a couple posters who were saying it's totally cool for people in their mid 50s to pursue someone in their young 20s which I obviously do not agree with.
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Don't worry, I understood your points and they were completely valid. I think the issue is that some people don't really take into consideration the long term consequences of going through with a large age gap relationship such as affecting the development of the much younger person or the inherent power imbalance that are not inherently obvious until you look at the behavioural dynamics of the large age gap relationship in a more analytical lens.

Like yeah, they're an adult and they can make the choice to engage in a large age gap relationship but is it really worth it when the life experience of a young adult and a regular adult is different in terms of both social circles, cognitive development and overall life experience.
 
captive

captive

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,091
Houston
Feel like the responses in this thread would be vastly different of OP said they were a male.


Your both consenting adults, but it's a bit weird. I mean, you can't even take her to a bar for a drink.
 

highlevelnovice

Banned
Jun 26, 2021
151
Nah, you're set. How mature are you, really, at 28 anyways? Anyone nearing their 40s can attest to that fact that you're still figuring out who you are at that age. At 19, you're normally still kind of going wherever the wind takes you. At 28, you've been mapping out your journey at sea, but still haven't yet set your sights on a destination. Maybe you can help guide the younger one and find your destination together.
 
hordak

hordak

Member
Oct 31, 2017
2,573
Anaheim, CA
deejay8595 said:
She's of legal age, you're good! If you both find each other attractive, go for it!
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BobbyB said:
That's not that big of an age gap imo
Plus you are both adults so who cares what other people think
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Everyone tells people to mind their own fucking business yet they judge you like they're a fucking Karen. Just do whatever makes you happy unless you infringe on the happiness of others.

In other words don't be a dick. Flirt away.
 
RPGam3r

RPGam3r

Member
Oct 27, 2017
13,711
F34R said:
Kinda reminds of me of a girl that went to school with my kids. She graduates high school last year, and now she is in a relationship with her middle school teacher. Pretty much same age range.
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I don't think this is the same though. There's a power dynamic there at the very least, and at the worst is a potential of grooming.
 
tiebreaker

tiebreaker

"This guy are sick"
Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,243
Not creepy. Usually the problem is you don't have much in common, which doesn't seem to be the case here.
 
HammerOfThor

HammerOfThor

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,865
Your both adults. Go for it. Y

Personally, I think there's way too much life experience missing at 19 vs 28, so me being 33, I don't think I could date someone under 25ish, but that's for my personal preference.
 
LGHT_TRSN

LGHT_TRSN

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,266
If legal age of consent was 14 would it be creepy for a 20-something to date a 15 year old if they're 'mature for their age?'

Legality has nothing to do with whether it's creepy. Just because we set the age of "adulthood" at 18 doesn't make it appropriate for anyone significantly older to date them.

Can't help but give side-eye to anyone that says "it's legal so it's fine" as if legality is the sole indicator of socially acceptable behavior.

OP can do whatever she wants. Nobody is saying otherwise...but the question of whether some will judge has been answered. Clearly some will, and you have to be OK with that.
 
Wally_Wall

Wally_Wall

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,156
Creepy probably isn't the word. It's a personal thing. Age gaps don't matter in terms of raw numbers imo. When you start getting into double digit age gaps when talking about teenagers I find it weird myself. I don't think twice about others however. My situation is probably skewed because I'm 42 with a 18yo daughter so it's very uncomfortable for me. That being said, I'm very much in love with my gf who is 29 so I'm the last person to go around commenting on the issue.
 
Kotto

Kotto

CEO of Traphouse Networks
Member
Nov 3, 2017
4,466
DSN2K said:
No. Your both adults
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Bastos said:
Both are adults: Check

I see no problems here
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Nature said:
yea a lot of these posts come across like they're just afraid to see women dating older men of their own will for whatever reason
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Replicant said:
I think the dudes who have a huge issue with it are the ones who have the issues.
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This ain't got nothing to do with it. Let's not look at these things in such a binary manner. At 19, you're barely out of the parents' house most times, fresh out of high school, and don't really have much experience in adulthood.

You are in separate parts of your life when you are talking to someone that young.

And yes, you're creepy as hell if you trying to date/flirt with someone that young.
 
Ambient

Ambient

Member
Dec 23, 2017
7,311
I'm 29 and would never flirt with someone who is 19. I think it's creepy but that's just me.
 
mentok15

mentok15

Member
Dec 20, 2017
7,523
Australia
You're nearly 30 and she's just out of high school, so yea quite a bit weird. If I knew something like this was going on irl I'd give you the side eye.

When I was 31 I had a 23 yo pursue me. I was/am immature as fuck and she was very smart and put together so I tried it for a bit. But even then it became obvious pretty fast that there was a gap in maturity and experience. Now at 33 mid-late 20s are the absolute minimum I'd go.
 
F34R

F34R

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,050
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